I rarely look at this anymore. Lots has changed since the last entry.

I went back to school in 2012. I got a job in 2015 while still going to school.

That job went bankrupt/ was bought out about a year and a half later. I spent 6 months unemployed. Then I started working at Amazon.

Things have changed dramatically for the better in my life. I now can afford to live on my own without roommates. I make all my bills. I have money in savings (not as much as I'd like but still enough to make it through an unexpected expense).

I've been promoted technically 3 times since I started that job. The first was going from seasonal to full time so technically not a real promotion. I'm a manager now, about to launch a new building. My 4 year anniversary with the company is the first week of next month. My building launches 2 weeks later. I'm excited and terrified at the same time.

I've also left Texas for Ohio for this promotion. I have been needing, or feeling I needed, a fresh start for a few years now. The only thing that held me back was a relationship that lasted 3 years and then failed last year. I never hid my impending move, but the ex said he felt blindsided by it when it happened. Not my fault he doesn't pay attention. Not my fault he didn't realize my moving away was a real possibility when I got the promotion. And he said he wanted me in his life still, just not in a relationship. Guess it's his loss not mine.

But that's the gist of things. My kitties and I moved 1000 miles to get a fresh start. My job is great and while I'm sad about the people I left behind it's what I needed to do for me.

Hi! I'm still alive and all. Broke as hell, jobless, but hey, look, a fancy new pic from a photoshoot that took place last September. Why didn't I post it then? Because I had to wait on the release of the magazine in which other pictures from this photoshoot were used. It's out now, it's official I am in print! Not only in print, but also a magazine that is syndicated in Europe as well as the US. Right now (well, maybe right now depends on if they got their shipment yet or not cause of last weeks holiday) there are folks in Ireland who are looking at this magazine and seeing me! Okay, okay, I didn't get paid for it, but I did get 2 copies of the magazine for myself and I am in print! I can be excited by that fact alone. Oh, what magazine is it? It's Gearhearts Steampunk Glamor Review, issue 3. I'm smack dab in the middle, literally you flip it open and there I am because my first image....right on the staple line. It's available at various comic shops now! For those in the DFW area, Lone Star Comics and Keith's Comics carry it for sure. You can also get it from the Antarctic Press online store.

Long time no post....I was reading through a few old entries and can't help but wonder where I went wrong with things. Why didn't I pursue opportunities that I had back then. Only thing I can come up with is I was young and stupid. Still feel that I am on the stupid side of things as well.

On another note, I worked for 5 months straight before getting laid off again. The biggest problem with a temp agency is you never know if or when you won't have work again. *sigh*

And still another note, does anyone read this anymore?

And yet again another note, things are crappy with the living situation. I am not going to get into it though. I'm not happy about being almost in the same situation I was in back when I was married. Only difference is I am not lying to myself about why I am unhappy, or to any interested parties. I simply tell them I can't pursue anything other then friendship right now because of my situation. I want out, and the sooner I get out the better honestly.

Again with the other note, I had a friend, who I am not overly close to, and am interested in but can't pursue anything with make me a deal. If I can prove I am serious about getting my certs, he is going to help out by paying for my first cert (you know A+). I should help me get my foot in a door to get a better job, one that isn't a temp position to give me more stability and possibly get me back on my feet for real this time.

Okay, that's enough random babble/typing. I'm ending here before my wrist starts trying to kill me again like it has all week. Wish I had the funds to get it checked out by a doctor and be able to do something about it. I really do bet it's carpel tunnel related but can't prove it without a doctor visit. bleh!

Shocking isn't it? Anyway I am currently sitting in a very lovely house located in Wellesley Mass. How did I get here? A friend and her husband (also a friend) moved here from Dallas back in July. They flew me out to visit, and to see the area, and maybe just maybe find something job wise so I can get the fark out of Texas and it's god awful heat and experience a real winter. I actually got in last night. Spent most of the day yesterday in the airport. Yig! I flew out from Dallas, hit up Chicago for a few hours and then landed in Boston. The plane trip....yea....

warning, take heed when it comes to flying Spirit Air.....the planes looked like they might have been the top of the line all that in the 70's with their all leather blue seats, but they have gone down since then. They were hard and there is hardly any leg space to speak of....while the price is cheap they nickle and dime you anyway they can....1 checked bag cost me 38 bucks alone! Oh, and if you want drinks or food, yep, that's extra. I know most airlines don't serve meals these days unless you happen to hit a major meal time in the air, but at least they give you a free drink of your choice! A TINY cup of coffee was $3, same for a bottle of water, soda, you guessed it midget cans for $2 each. Needless to say I didn't eat anything on the flights even though I was dying of thirst. Oh, and upon landing on time in Chicago....we taxi all the way to the gate....to be told that oh, looks like it's going to be a half hour at least till we get off the plane. Okay, annoying, but not that bad.....that initial half hour turned into a full hour. Why? Because they only have 2 gates and they had 4 planes on the ground that needed to unload and reload. Which caused a backup/delay of most of their flights out for a half hour to 2 hours! Thankfully I had a 4 hour lay over which caused us to only board a half hour late, but we got into Boston on time. Oh, that first flight, flight itself was uneventful but I noticed upon landing the part of the wing that goes in while in flight....when it came back out for landing had bright red splotches on it I hadn't noticed going up. Yep we either killed something or there was hydrolic (sp??) fluid on the wing....oh, and those seats....hurt like a bitch after spending more then 2 hours in them. my poor butt!

Anyway, yea, in Boston. Today I went and saw Salem, we got out there a bit late so couldn't do much, but we did find the Witch Trial Memorial and the old grave yard. Couldn't go into the graveyard as it's against city ordinance to go in after sunset and the sun had already past that dusk mark when we finally found it. We did get to see the 7 Gables House though, and Nathaniel Hawthorn's birth house as well. Couldn't take pictures inside, but I got a couple of shots around the garden area outside and a neat one with my phone of the graveyard entrance.

So yea, that's my trip so far, I'm here till next Tuesday when I fly out at holy fuck it's what time in the morning o'clock hit Chicago again and then back to Dallas. With the weekend comes a Steampunk Convention and an Abney Park concert to attend. The other reason I am out here aside from visiting and the attempt to job hunt some.

I can't believe I am out here still....wheeeeee!

So it's been just over a month since I had no options but to move in with A....and just as I predicted he may still be all sorts of enamored with me, but I'm frustrated as hell and resenting it more then a little. Yep, might not have been to soon to have me live with him for him, but it was for me by far. I seem to have this trend with boys.....it goes okay for a little bit so long as I am not constantly with them and have my own space and time to go do things without them there, but with my car STILL not being functional I don't get the option to go out on my own. I don't get to go anywhere without asking someone to give me a ride, and more often then not he's the ride.

Not to mention when we first started going out, I told him I didn't want a closed relationship, and well, it's ended up that way because of circumstance and I can't help but wonder if he conveniently forgot as well. So here I am in a closed relationship I wasn't ready for and didn't want. Yippie. Oh yea, and there's the whole bdsm part of it....I also told him I did not want to be a 24/7 submissive because I know myself better then to say I can commit to something that would frustrate me. I like having my independence and freedom to do what I want. And yet again, he is expecting me to be that 24/7 submissive. Oh, not to mention with all my stress my sex drive is down...and his is through the freakin roof! He even tries to hump me in his sleep.....which means my sleep is patchy at best and does not help my mood any. Ugh!

On a good side though, a couple of friends of mine, newer ones at that moved to Boston last week....and we have been talking about flying me out for a week in Sept for a convention. And then possibly in a month or so after that trying to move me out there as well. They are willing to help me get back on my feet, not just use me the way it seems the current relationship is going. And yea, Boston....REAL winters! And summers that won't make me want to fall over dead every time I walk outside.

Oh, and going back to school....I've been saying for ages I want to....and damnit I still do! Seems like I always am a tid bit late for fall semester though to get the ball rolling on it....so I say guess it will be next fall....I'm tired of that cycle, I want to go back starting next January damnit, get my school out of the way and freakin graduate, cause that will help immensely in the search for work and better jobs. Not to mention I DO qualify for the Pell Grant, which will help some with financing school....and obviously with how little I have made this year (read barely enough to keep my phone turned on) hopefully will qualify for more financial aid stuff as well.

Overall, I'm frustrated as hell and depressed as fuck with the 7 months now going on 8 of not working. I can't say things are better yet, but there are some glimmers of hope on the horizon....just hope they don't let me down.

its been a long while, thought I would poke this and see if anyone was still out there....

ARGH! So for the last 2 hours I have been trying to figure out my modifications to make my jacket to go with the Toy Scout outfit. After all, I've been asked to be one of the hostesses for the Steampunk ball at A-Kon and a girl needs a coat to wear at things like that! Besides, because a lot of Steampunk has a Victorian element to it with the locals I have seen the room is supposed to be....well, cold for the sake of everyone in multiple layers of clothing, example, I know a few of the local Steampunk women DO have full length Victorian dresses! Ah, but my dilemma, taking a modern pattern and morphing it into something that will work with what I already have put together.

For reference in case those reading do not know, this is my current version of the Toy Scout Uniform (yes, I know, Toy scouts are supposed to be tan not brown, but damnit, I had put together the outfit BEFORE I saw the distinction of the brown for military nurses!I'm stayin a fancy ass steampunked brown scout!) ( pictures tucked back here for sake of the friends listCollapse )

And also for reference the pattern I picked up having never made something so complex as a jacket before The long sleeved version of it mind you, not the short sleeved as the shirt is a 3/4th length sleeve and that just wouldn't look right otherwise.

Now that being said, my idea originally was to use leftover fabric from the bustle skirt to make the jacket with and leftover lace again from the skirt to make it more frilly. I also had the idea to instead of the simpler not so pleated bottom of the jacket make it a longer piece of fabric so it more closely resembles the pleats on the top layer of the skirt, and angle it a little more so it adds to the appearance of the bustle for the skirt, so in other words the back part is shorter to show the skirts bustle more, and longer toward the front to add layer to the hip area. I was also going to add some of the lace, in 2 layers to the cuffs of the jacket. I don't like the collar for the pattern I have though, that is going to have to change somehow....but I haven't yet figured that part out, maybe use some of the lace there as well? But the shape of it makes me, well, wrinkle my nose at it and sniff in disdain.

Another pattern I considered was this one but with it being an out of print pattern...well, I won't be able to get my hands on it. Or at least I doubt I will be able to.

Okay, the other part of my dilemma is now I'm starting to think I should get ANOTHER fabric to make the coat out of because it might be to much to have both the coat and the skirt match. Ugh! Anyone have an opinion or some thoughts on further modifications to the pattern I do have? I'm kinda at a loss, and I know I want it to be finished by next month for another event I'm gong to! Granted knowing my obsessive tendencies once I get it to actually start to come together it will take a week at most to finish, but the starting process is holding me back!

So I happened across an old cd while organizing my own cds after so long of not listening to them. They were in horrible order, and for some reason 4 of them were not on my mp3 player, and so I had to re-rip them. Anyway, back to the story. Waaaay back in the day (circa 2000-2001) dmdm619 made me a cd of rivet stompy music. Now I doubt I could name most of the artists and songs on this cd, but damn, it reminds me of my early club days when I started going to Therapy....You just don't hear the industrial noise out here...well, you did a little when I first started going out, but not much at all, and it is really only the same 5 songs at the end of the night for Industry. Not the same at all.

Man, I miss Therapy and my rivet stomp noise....still can't listen to Skinny Puppy without laughing though...

Gotta figure a way to add this cd and the one ascertain (amzer) burned for me so they don't just dump in the unknown folder....hrm....

(also, ha! user icon from that era of my life as well! wheeeee! damn I need more sleep....)

*edited to add* I also have facebook and twitter now....twitter is Remia42, send me a message for the facebook if you want it...

So the kitties are home. In case anyone missed it, I took em to the vet today to get their spaying. The place I went to deals mostly in strays and ferals and works off donations. SO as result spaying and rabies were cheap, but because I didn't have the $55 they ask per cat as donation for owned kitties they both got their ears clipped as well. Not as much as they do to the ferals, but yea. I didn't do it for free though, I did give them what little cash I had on me, all 30. I feel a bit bad I couldn't give more, but with the brakes going out last week I really didn't have more.I'll probably go back after my next check and donate a little more I think. It's the least I can do right?

But yea, been home since about 745ish. Both kitties are still in the carriers. Ninja puked a little bit ago, so when I offered them food and water just now Ninja only got water. And Pirate was offered a small spoonful of food she only licked at. Though while I type she's horking up herself. Poor kitties. Guess it's good I didn't let them out of the carriers yet huh?

So yea, I stay home tonight and make sure they are both okay. No club for me. I also have tomorrow off so I can keep an eye on them. I requested it off so I would be able to do so.

Both carriers are sitting next to me on the bed, facing so I can look over at them for now. When they stop acting like they will fall over if a feather hit em I'm going to release them into the bathroom with some towels down on the floor to help keep em warm for the night. I have their water bowl available for them, and put a small amount of dry food in the food dish I normally give them their wet food. About 1/2 a cup. Also think I will leave the carriers in the bathroom with the travel food and water trays with a tiny bit of wet in it. No more then a spoonful really.