[

mood

|

depressed

]

So yeah, I am wicked depressed right now. I guess this feeling has been pent up inside me since birth and every now and again little outbursts of either rage or despair seem to erupt out of me until I regain control or someone gets hurt. I wonder which will happen first this time? I guess I am one of those people that cannot self medicate. I usually require the help of others to solve my problems. After all, if I knew how to handle it then I wouldn't be having the problem in the first place. On top of this the number of true friends that I have continues to dwindle. The worst part of it is that I haven't the slightest clue who to trust or who I can rely on. The people who I always blindly put at the forefront of my life keep hurting me and the ones that I alway kept in the back are my rocks. They are the ones who deserve my attention and I am only just now realizing this. The question is where is it that I am supposed to go from here? I have no more answers. I know no other way to show people that I care than by being concerned when something is wrong and by getting involved and trying to help. This, more often than not, gets confused for me being to involved and backfires in my face. I then try to patch things up with the person that I so wronged by offering help and thus starts the vicious cycle all over again. I guess it is safe to say that some people are born to hurt and others are born to be hurt. If there is a god and everything has a purpose and a reason then my purpose is to be tormented by those I love and my reason is that I am just that deserving and gullible.

[

mood

|

excited

]

I so don't feel like reading anymore, but school work's a botch so what are you gonna do. My rents are going to a Yankee Game tomorrow against Boston. They are such losers. They are totally jealous of my amazing camera so they have requested that I let the, borrow it. If they break or lose it I will cry pretty hard. So yeah. While I'm on the subject, my step-mom is paying me to take an online Stats class at Utica College. I never knew that college life would come so early. I can't wait to flirt with college boys and make them think that it's her. She already gets enough male attention at college. I haven't figured a price yet. I will be taking the class until December so anyone got any ideas? I went to the possibly final poker game of the summer tonight. People were acting kinda weird. I totally love how Ben is mysteriously not talking to me again. I guess the people that you hold closest don't always turn out to be as true as they make you think. I guess the picture perfect moments that the two of us have shared, you know the tears, lyrics, hugs/kisses, shared night really never meant much. I am not really letting it get me down though. This surprises me. I will always love the boy and I will alway know that he did love me, but he is def not the friend that I always thought he was. I still have the best friends in the world though. Young and old I kinda have my bases covered. Yes, Mike, I'm referring to you. I love you man. Val, since you are like the only one that has ever cared about my journal I love you too. I always have and I always will. Life is okay right now I guess. I am getting my hair redone tomorrow. It is currently jet black right now so I guess it's new. The red will be put into it tomorrow. I will probably be late to marching band, but whatever. I do so much for that band as it is. They can survive a practice with me late. I am in a better mood than I thought I was. I just burst into dance to an Earth, Wind, and Fire song. Wow, I am a total fag. I am doing a Color(just noticed Kim is in the kitchen)Guard routine to Tiger Lilly by Matchbook Romance for the talent show. I will also be singing with Megan and I may do a light saber battle with Will as well, but that is not final. So yeah, I was on Gaia(online gaming sight) and in a chat room with my soon to be gay lover Josh and this girl. Josh asks her, "do you believe in gay people?" I was quite amused by this question, but she didn't understand. So he rewords the question. He now says, "do you believe in gay pride?" she says "on, NO" so we left her in the chat room and started our own. She was a total bitch, but whatever. I knew I'd have more to say next time I posted lol. School in a week sucks so bad. Mikey, you never took me fishing you dyke. We need to have a end of the summer bon fire. God I love listening to old musical music. Well, Corey still won't talk to me for more than 10 minutes, don't know what's up with that. Well, I guess I am done for tonight. Hope to get some comments on here.
ByeBye friends!!!!!

[

mood

|

calm

]

I am such a dick for not posting in like so long. I am here now. School is starting soon and I hate the idea. I have to finish both English books and do the fucking assignment. I must say that my summer sucked in comparison to others. The reason for my return, well there are two are as thus;
Val has posted a new story that I absolutely love by the way and mike has commanded that i post. So i am posting. I need to get some sleep soon. I am sure Iwill have more to say tomorrow. To all those that have missed me, there arn't that many i am back. Until tomorrow
byebye loves!!!!

[

mood

|

blah

]

I am wicked bored right now. Hopefully Ben and Kaleigh come over soon. I should be doing homework, but it'll get done one way or another. I don't know where we are going or what we're doing. Anything is better than sitting here when I don't have to. I went to Alyssa's B-day party yesterday. She invited people from Westmo and from Rome. The Rome people made a circle and the Westmo people made a circle. I was pretty funny how high school is a universal personality flaw. Guitar Hero brought everyone together though. The party was wicked fun. I'm glad she invited me. Well, that's about it.

[

mood

|

drained

]

Well, my dad almost got killed walking in the door. Kim bought this start or whatever that she was going to hang up and it fell. Well the edges are very sharp. My dad literally moved in the nick of time. The star actually stuck into the door where his shoulder was. Thats my interesting story of the day.
Val I do not know when I will get to the thru-way. Today Kim was sick and wouldn't take me. I promise that I will come, I just don't know when.
Thats about it for now. It's bones time.

[

mood

|

apathetic

]

Holy wow. I just got a 78 in AP world history. I am so surprised it is even that high. Today was fun. The magic show was great. Leon and all his hotness made Kelly levitate it was sooo awesome. We might get him to come to our school. I hope he does. The show was good. RFA put on Little Shop of Horrors. It was really good. They did it without the professional plant but i thought it was great. I am so tired. I think this will be all for now.

[

mood

|

blah

]

Wow I am really bored and I just got done waisting an hour of my life. I decided to use the composer on my phone and type in all of the notes to Bolero. I love the song, but never really knew just how long it would take to put it into a cell phone note by note. I am going to have some fun tomorrow. I am going to a magic show at two and Little Shop Of Horrors at RFA tomorrow night at 7:30. I can't wait. Sunday is still up in the air. I still have to finish my English novel and do the project, but that won't take long at all. Well, bye for now.

[

mood

|

loved

]

I am wicked excited. Next week I am going to get my hair done. I don't know exactly what I want to get done. I am hoping that the people at the hair place will be able to do something with the mess that is my head. I am getting highlights too. Red ones at that. No not like Pete Wentz completely though. On that note I went over to my Pete's house. He has been acting weird lately and last night we got into a fight, but the Pete that I fell in love with is back. I am happy now. I had a good day. The only thing that I wish I had done was run. I will have to tomorrow no doubt, but whatever. I am doing much better than I though I would. I think this is enough for now.

[

mood

|

worried

]

I don't know about you, but to have a week of school off is not a complete vacation. Especially when you have to babysit your six year old sister. I am super sick of it. I want a real vacation. I want a trip to Hawaii right now. The first person to read this with tickets to Hawaii better include me or I will kick your dog. So anyway, I love my Pete. Some of you may not know this, but I have my very own Pete Wentz and he is the absolute love of my life. If you know who this person is then comment me, but if you don't then keep wondering. I love him so much! I am really tired also. I am currently talking to my Peter and Ashly Simpson, and O am now gonna end this and pay attention to them.
BYEBYE! loves (love)

[

mood

|

aggravated

]

Holy shit! Last night after the Musical a bunch of us decided to go to Mojo's. It is a cute little coffee shop in Utica with wicked great coffee. I rode with Kaitlyn, Taylor Miller, and Bethany. All I have to say is WOW. This ride started out fine until we ended up in South Trenton. Kaitlyn had no idea where the hell we were. Vinny Canerelli helped us out a little bit, but it was still wicked hard to Mojo's. Kaitlyn was in tears. We played a retarded ABC game with dirty words. The whole reason why we got lost was because of this dick on the highway. There was a line of cars that we were following to get there. This white car cuts in front of us and we lost the rest of our possy. We kept trying to pass him, but he thought we were trying to race him so he was a royal dick about it. So an hour later we finally arrived at Mojo's. There were a lot of good times at Mojo's. John Munn is like my favorite person ever. He makes me laugh so much. Bethany was being a corner whore. Kelly made a Mike and Laura baby. Mr. Potato Head rocks my black Copacabana socks. This Sarah girl from Oneida is so fucking retarded that I felt my IQ drop just from standing around her, but it's all good.

[

mood

|

contemplative

]

OMG! Today in Global Val showed me that surprise that she promised me and boy was I surprised. It turned out to be Rolling Stone Magazine with Fall Out Boy on the cover. And who was the one with his shirt off?????? Oh none other than Pete Wentz! I let out a huge GASP!!!! and naturally TJ got curious and looked. He saw shirtless Pete and dropped it like it was some Male porno. Oh the nervousness of straight people and their image. They are so creeped out by same sex porn. I know that they don't like it, but you can be mature and just say, "well!" and set it down, but whatever. I guess I had a good day today until 8th period. I am now Emo again, well semi-Emo. I will get over it though, well maybe I won't have to I just hope it works out for the best.

I am sitting here talking to Megan. Not too much going on here. I am just waiting for something exciting to happen. Babysitting is my life. Idk, I am really really bored. Pete Wentz is great, thats about it.
BYEBYE!!!

[

mood

|

blank

]

I love Val. She is the greatest for this wonderful story. Today was boring. I babysat all day and my only hope for salvation is that Mike and Jess might come over. They are the greatest. I wish I had more to write about. I <3 Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III. Thats about it.

[

mood

|

stressed

]

God, a lot has gone on with me since last post. Some stuff I cannot speak of. I definitely have found a new love for Hemingway. He is the cutest doggy I have seen in a long time. And I am not gonna try to say that Pete Wentz is doing the picture any harm either. I don't really know what the last thing that I posted about was. Valarie Toukatly is so my hero. She has been so great to me. I wish I could effect her the way she effects me. Yesterday was a good day. We had a winter guard competition in Johnstown. We did really well. We only got 3rd out of 4, but we beat one of our toughest competitors, Amythest! Not by much, but we still beat them. I was very happy. What really gets me is that we beat them even though we lost like 3 practices and a few people had little mess ups. We could have done better and I know in the future we will. That gives me a great feeling about the rest of the season. We are gonna kick ass. Speaking of which, I kicked my own ass with a flag yesterday. I am wicked surprised my eye didn't bruise. I hit myself so hard that my glasses bent and the lens popped out and landed about 10 feet away. I was in so much pain you don't even know. The best part of yesterday was the ride home.Megan, Corey, and I managed to fit in one seat so that we could talk the whole time without people interrupting us. It was very interesting. I now have to deal with a terrible Emo feeling, but I will be fine. Thats about it.
BYEBYE!

[

mood

|

sore

]

OMG! Winter guard was hilarious today. I called Shelby Shelbsy and Sam thought I said Chelsy. All night me, Beth, Kaleigh, and Sam were saying it randomly. Mariah came to practice to learn Shelby's drill. All in all I wad a boring day though. I got a letter in the mail from the University of Miami and Saint Leo University. They are both in Florida and have majors/minors in medical diagnosis and performance arts. I am sooo excited. I mean, who doesn't want to spend their whole time at college in Florida. I actually think I might apply to them. Anyway, I am still looking and I guess I don't have a choice because the letters will keep coming so...
BYEBYE!

[

mood

|

happy

]

I went to talent show last night. I was wicked late because Kim had to pick up Johnny from work. I was mad, because I missed Megan's acro solo, but I caught Kelly's solo and their duet so all and all it was fine. Bethany sang and she was wicked good. Steve Thompson and his sister are sooo good. Today I went to Wal*mart. I had to get shorts for guard and other stuff too. My Grandmother came up, and thats about it. Now I have the rest of the day to sit here and do nothing. I have homework, but for some reason I won't end up doing it till 10 anyway so there is no use fighting it. I was very surprised to see chapter 8 of the Threshold posted, but I loved it all the same.
Bye Bye

[

mood

|

blank

]

Wow, I finally found a layout worth look at. I don't care if you don't like that movie. It is one of my favorites and I love it sooooo much. Today I had practice from 9 till 12. It wasn't bad. They added me to a new part of the show. I like it, I just don't like the toss that they want us to do. It is kinda hard to toss the flag behind your back and then catch it behind your back with out looking at it. I can't do it very well, but I will get it eventually. I am going to the talent show today to see Megan and Kelly's dance and Beth is singing and so on. I am bored now so this will be all for right now. Maybe after the show I will repost.

Ok well,
Today I was not about to sit around my house and mope like I did yesterday. I was not in the mood for my pitiful meaningless existence to get a hold of me and drag me down into the pit of depression that I have so long become a costumed to. So with all that in mind I turned to Jenna today ninth period. She told me that she probably would be going out to snow ridge with Abby so I was like come on. She told me that she would call me if she didn't go. It turns out that they didn't go. She did call, but I was out shoveling so my dyke of a brother didn't give me the message till about an hour after I came back in. I Called back just as she was about to text me, go figure with our ESPN lol. She told me that she was going tanning and then she would call and pick me up. With the thought pattern that I have I decided to make some mac n'cheese. So while I'm sitting here at my computer talking to peoples and listening to music I hear a dyke like voice come from my stairs. Sure enough it was Jenna, completely unannounced. The worst part of it was that I wasn't done with my mac n'cheese. I made her wait too. With mac n'cheese cups in hand we vacated the premises. To her house we went to play in the snow. Thats right. We went out to shovel more snow onto a huge slope that she is making so that she can snowboard down at her leisure. It was cold and I was tired, but once she decided to climb the ladder to the roof of her garage things got interesting. With a rope in hand she set out to rig up a hoist so that we could bring snow up there to condition the roof so that it doesn't scratch her board. I looked down at the snow for a second and as I look up I realize that there is no longer a Jenna up there. Yes, she almost fell of and died, but the rope caught her. We eventually got cold and went in to drink cocoa. It was good. Then we went to the mall with Sasha and had a blast. That was my eventful day. And in case you were wondering I was not sad once. Then again I never am when I'm with Jenna. Ok, I think I've typed enough.
I <3 The Threshold and its author!
BYEBYE!!!!!!!