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June 22nd, 2013
 | 09:48 pm - Diary this 22nd day of June in the year 2013
One does try to render assisstance to all, indeed . Coffee and Kudos to those in need.
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March 4th, 2012
 | 02:59 pm - sunday 4th March, this year of 2012
After a hotly contested game of scrabble the Mistress won with her spelling of phooey, as derived from one of her favourite crime authors, the inimitable Rex Stout.
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August 23rd, 2010
 | 08:52 pm - Monday 23rd August, this year 2010
The return from far flung exotic locales, as determined by the Mistress, was jubilant. Much was seen. Much was done. Much was endured. Nothing was learnt - the same mistake will most assuredly be made again. To which I bow my head in resignation.
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February 7th, 2010
 | 04:23 pm - February 7th, this year of 2010
Disaster has struck m'lady and I find that after much time spent convalescing on the sunny south coast her usual rude health has been restored. Weymouth held much appeal in the ice creams, the promenade and the local inhabitants.
From thence we travelled inland to the genteel place of Cirencester and discovered many wonders of the ancient world, hidden for centuries yet their treasures were revealed.
Now though, her ladyship desires more travel and we are bound for a sojourn in the nethermost reaches of Ramsgate. I fear there will be more seagulls and I shudder in horror at what they will do to her attire.
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February 22nd, 2009
| 03:19 pm - diary 22nd February, this year of 2009
I fear my mistress may no longer wish for my services. I should be distraught yet I remain ambivalent, perhaps it is that I gamble on my status and standing with her northern compatriots.
Meanwhile the weather continues to be unsettled, but I rather miss the excitement of the snow. Thus until hell freezes over I stand ever vigilent...
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July 15th, 2008
| 08:36 pm - Diary 15th July, this year of 2008
The mistress remains in a most foul and black humour, which I can only assume is a direct result of spineless senior management and a besmirching of her good name in professional circles.
Thus although the exterior weather is balmy and delightful; within, there are thunderclouds brewing.
Current Mood:  infuriated
Current Location: chaise-lounge
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June 22nd, 2008
| 09:42 am - Dairy 22nd June this year 2008
The mistress is finite and one finds that the worm can turn.
I revel in the delights of the southern climate where the world is indeed one's bivalved ostrea. There is social acceptance, variety of life, much spice and opportunities a-plenty. Breath of life is restored.
All that one needs to do it warp and wrest The Organisation into a better world view, which accords with one's own and then all will be rosey. It may take eons but they will be better for it - the child doesn't know that it needs the lesson about to be taught.
For all else, revenge is a dish best served cold, and I shall wait til it is icey before I taste it. Nothing goes un-noticed; the good, the bad and the ugly.
Current Mood:  mischievous
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December 31st, 2007
| 10:59 am - diary 31st december this year 2007
Having been disengaged by the mistress for a short while over the festive season, I have enjoyed the delights of rediscovering pastimes and pursuits.
Much joy has abounded at the gifts I received from longstanding friends who appear to always know me better than I know myself. Which is a good thing as someone should know who I am.
I admit that I prefer giving the presents than receiving but would prefer, even more, to be there in person. I hope that though small they will bring laughter or pleasure to all.
With the year drawing to a close one finds, alarmingly, that that with the New Year shall come a new age. Delightfully, part of the time shall be spent gracefully floating accross the ice at the city zoo, a wonderous concept, to glide as lions roar. Some concern must be spared for the mistress who insists on joining my good self... I fear for hip replacements and am preparing by checking through the first aid tomes.
Current Mood:  contemplative
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October 28th, 2007
| 09:15 am - Diary 28th October this year of 2007
The week has passed and life's mistress has been unseasonably kind. The tranquility of so few people's demands to attend to was a refreshing change, a type of bliss rarely enjoyed. The forthcoming week shall be much the same, although one does wish it could be spent in more salubrious circumstances, the tin hut without the basic essentials such as power will be a strain upon my good nature. However it has been determined that I must travel 180 miles to avail myself of potential holes and meanwhile sit and muse over the recordings of numerous chimpanzees. Given enough of them and sufficient time, one hopes to produce the works of Shakespeare, or Flinders-Petrie at least.
I find myself sat quietly listening to the rain drops pattering outside and exploring the world from the contentment of indoors. However, one finds a compulsion to venture forth and get wet, secure in the knowledge that dryness will inevitably follow. So what does the world hold for us today ?
Current Mood: ponderous
Current Music: eels
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October 21st, 2007
| 11:38 am - Diary 21st October this year 2007
I appear to have mislaid the escape button and remain stuck in limbo (sigh).
Current Mood:  indifferent
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September 2nd, 2007
| 01:58 pm - Diary 2nd September, this year 2007
I find myself at the mercy of many mistresses at the moment, all equally demanding, although the aloofness of some is distressing. One endeavours to maintain the high standards in all areas, however, one's shoe buffing may have slipped somewhat.
Recent travels have brought wonderous discoveries; the Grand Tour reaps its own rewards, both in terms of the panoramas, the treasures and the local inhabitants, the climate could have been improved, but all else surpassed expectations.
One is now called forth to complete one's duty at the cost of 4 hours of life on a monday and friday, but with joyous refrains from the music box which my travelling companion Nellie has recently purchased. The weekly views from the lakeside are a delight and one can even partake of local vittles such as fish and chips ! The mistress remains displeased with such frivolities.
Current Mood: jubilant
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June 10th, 2007
| 12:56 pm
Diary, 10th June, this year of 2007
At last, the entire household is ensconced, with all items and sundries present and correct. the southern climes agree with the mistress and I whole heartedly concur with her statement that 'life begins'.
Much has transpired in the brief intermission: visits have been made to the theatre, twice, once to the Spiegletent in the lovely Georgian city of Bath, whereupon one found oneself sat in the exact same seat as that sat in when enjoying the musical delights in Edinburgh ! The picture house has also provided a source of endless amusement, including swashbuckling and serial killers, diversity is the spice of life ?
Evenings have been spent both in and out with friends and relations, lunching dinning, drinking and expounding. Days have been spent exploring scientific wonders including a virginal visit to a planetarium which caused one's breath to be stolen from one's body, and I was eternally glad to be seated so as not to allude to the fact.
The mistress now awaits the casual visitor with anticipational fervour.
Aside from the social delights there is of course the addictive burden of work. Such fun and turmoil all in the space of an 11 hour day, but all is well and fun. This I hope for your good selves too, else life may be interminable.
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April 22nd, 2007
| 05:35 pm - Diary Sunday 23rd April, this year of 2007
A week flies by, spent contentedly by the Mersey, with the sound of ships horns honking, seagulls calling and the repetative drone of mechanical diggers. Also adding to the general cacophony is the voice of disquiet, a member of staff who simply does not breathe !
I am also disheartened by the sight of walls, built for progress, torn asunder in the name of further progress, which appears to me nothing more than utter obliteration.
For the rest of it I continue to pack the mistresses belongings into boxes of varying sizes in readiness for our move to southern climes. The sea of books has been dealt with and now what remains are the trivial everyday items, peculiarly a device called a soda stream with which I am not well acquainted but makes a delightful 'parping' noise when its task is done.
An accomplice in life has recently been viewed on the television. He was spotted sniggering at his present employer on an episode of Gardener's World, which one was forced to what to see this spectacle of sniggering - a true moment of joy as the window of a person's soul was available to view on terrestrial television.... such a lack of discretion. I'd never be caught doing such a thing. Oh except this week I am apparently 'invited' to talk to cameras about work in Liverpool. I have attempted many diversionary tactics, to no avail so far, but laryngitis may be possible to fake ?
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April 14th, 2007
| 05:04 pm - Diary 14th April, this year 2007
Sleep is for the saintly. I have been wicked.
The wedding went off with the required hitch, although I found myself pressed into service as the stand in for an indisposed cousin the evening before the do. For someone such as myself, for whom the concept and actual act of marriage is a complete anathema, I find myself all too involved in such events. I may also have been caught on camera paying far too much attention to the phasing of the beautiful stone fireplaces in the great tudor hall, than to the 'dos'. A heinous crime for which I will obviously pay.
In addition to the wedding, the removal of one's belongings from the north to the south is now half completed. There is now the allegedly simple task of finding a new temporary home, which must have some space for visitors if not an actual room. I have unvovered too many socks and not enough books exisit in my life.
This past week has been spent at the task of preparing a sermon on a necessarily vague topic to then give to a collection of interested souls near Carlisle. The task made a tad bit harder by the prevailment of Liverpool upon my time. But hence, on thursday, the pronouncements were made, tea and biscuits were served, powerpoint and projector performed and everyone was delighted. I feel, however, utterly abashed as despite protestations that there are no fees, a total of £30 in book tokens was forced upon me ! These people are purest evil, since if it had been anything else I should have easily returned the goods. but they know my soul too well - how can I survive such temptation ?
With the good always comes the bad. This time in the form of an errant worker. The worker is not wholely to blame but then neither am I - but the event precipitates the realisation that I cannot be crossed. There are never tantrums nor outrages just pure anoyance at standards below my own limited par. But once crossed I think there is no way back. I am truely unreasonable.
Thus there has been little sleep since I am utterly wicked.
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March 20th, 2007
 | 07:50 pm - Diary tuesday 20th, this year 2007
Hellfire ! The adage may be that it never rains but pours, but in this climate I would wish that to read it never snows but hails (caesar).
I survived the tumult of torment that was the hen weekend, spent in a centre parcs. The event involved the shopping for 5 for a weekend, the driving and locating of the said place in an area I've never perambulated. Then there was the unnerving feeling of having entered The Village... Serene families being cossetted and amused soley by fathers, fresh faced strangers peacefully cycling by, couples dreamily holding hands, all very peculiar ? Where were the women ? The answer to that lay beyond doors of infinite mystery and requiring an item of swim wear as a secret token of admittence (a somewhat dubious tankini in floral had been purchased after the discovery that ones previous bathing attire had perished in the back of a cupboard and retained no elastic quality). The answer to the enigma ? A sauna palace of innumerable rooms of hot steamy, and very unsultry, bodies, all mothers, sisters, girlfriends, friends, daughters, aunts, cousins, step siblings and in-laws. The tirade of bodies and heat was exhausting and the only escape seemed to be a paperback of dubious quality.
Sadly the tortuous episode also entailed badminton, tennis, cycling - bike had no lights, gears, or springs; 'medieval' golf ! and flume rides. The last were particularly arduous since small children appeared to enjoy flailing against the person who was doing her best to avoid drowning, having been assured this was 'fun'. Luckily I found the 'death slides' were much more amenable, less limbs !
I have also managed to get through mother's 60th birthday, mothering sunday, anniversary of deaths, parental holidays in Seville, and the ever lovely Jo staying to help amuse me. And that was truly fun. A joyous time was spent, eating cake, mooching, chatting, staring, laughing, going to see Hot Fuzz - so very me! and the only fly being the required attendance of some folk music event, involving those known to me, at the righteous community centre - thank gods they had a bar which I propped up, again with paperback ! Rude ? possibly but I survived and no-one was mutilated ! except my ears.
Now all that awaits me is the opportunity to get to the letting agents and acquire a new pad as my landlord wishes to make the best of the grand housing market and sell. Delightfully, he offered it to me, once I'd ceased laughing I was able to inform him that unless I inherited Anna Nicole's fortune there was slim chance but thanked him anyway. I have contemplated life in the big cities nearby and have sadly concluded that both the commuting time and money must prevail and I must for the next year anyway, remain here. Maybe I'll get a view ?
There is also the looming wedding on the horizon, which will mean smart attire and good manners, plus a fabulous hair do, then the clothes and shoes may not get as much notice.
Other than this all is well and I revel in being 5m from a scheduled monument, Radcliffe Tower, a truely beautiful monument in an awful accrued environment. Belligerently it holds on.
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March 3rd, 2007
| 03:35 pm - Diary 3rd March, this year 2007
Damn and blast where has the time flown to ? So much time, so little to do. I am perpetually teased by all that surrounds me yet am permitted nothing -such is my station in life.
The mistress remains demanding, to a point beyond my politeness. amongst my current chores I must also contend with a spa weekend at a residence of wild animals in the south. The event appears to require swimming attire and sporting equipment, at which my expression remains aghast. I am also entrusted with the provision of nourishment for a band of between 5 and 8 women ! I foresee sobbing in my near future.
More alarming is my current concerns for my beloved Nellie who, I fear, is not well. And that is aside from the ailments for which she will soon be attended to ! The poor dear thing must travel at least 200 miles in the next 5 days. I fear for my need of the AA, in more ways than one.
As the world around me tips slightly sideways I continue amidst it all and smile sweetly as people announce births, deaths, marriages, divorces, introduce me to new partners, partake in birthdays and other celebrations and yet somehow I continue impervious to it all. I look forward to mid-April when I have no engagements upon my time from any direction and can sink into joyous oblivion.
Current Music: The Good, The Bad and The Queen
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January 20th, 2007
| 07:46 pm - Diary 20th Jan, this year 2007
The week has passed by pleasantly enough. I took a trip to the metropolis of Salford before returning to pressing matters at home. The mistress has had me contending with the slate roof repairs, no one has been decapitated yet, although there are several people one wishes to invite to loiter beneath the aforementioned offending roof.
The wane in social invitations resulted in attending a public house on a saturday evening on one's own, grasping pad and pen to scribe to acquaintances.
The chores remain continuous and one would wish to raise one's station in life and never have to attend to such matters - but then that is the envy to both become, and detest, the mistress. Fortunately respite is at hand with the imminent arrival of The Good, the Bad and The Queen.
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January 13th, 2007
| 07:29 pm - Diary, 13th Jan, this year 2007
Another year, another year older. Mistress infuriates. Inebriation and ennui should not combine !
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December 23rd, 2006
| 06:20 pm - Diary 23rd December, this year 2006
The furore of the festive season is upon the household. I have eschewed the Mistress for the rigours of Mother instead, I cannot discern which may be worse. With all the chores one must endure here, there is never a respite. The relatives joined Mother on thursday and I admit to fleeing the domicile for the nearest hostelry, which was a prudent choice since the visit involved children !
Delightfully though, beautiful parcels have been arriving from varied and disparate locations, all welcomed with utmost respect - for the parcellers and the workforce in the mail institutions. The best part of the 'winterval' is that there are so many bright and shining lights delicately balanced in windows and it gives me such pleasure, heightened by the atmospheric fog. There are also other delights including the large picture house showing all the best films, the theatre where I took Mother to see the Three Muskateers and the joyous fun in seeing and being reacquainted with friends.
May the same be said for one and all!
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December 9th, 2006
| 09:24 pm - Diary 9th December, this year 2006
The battle at the Somme continues and amidst the furore ancient moments of the past reveal themselves. The troops have been highly dis-spirited of late due to the appalling weather but nil desperandum, rainbows have been aplenty. I have only five more days of service to fulfill this year for which I am immensely thankful.
The Noel preparations have gone smoothly - the festive talks which one organised were a riveting success; the social evening which followed was riotous and continued through to the early dawn. The social calendar is now vacant, although things are looking promising for the summer !
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Gorillaz
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