Originally posted by _goldilocks. Reposted by phoenix1081 at 2020-08-15 18:30:00.

Hello, all! Well, it's been a long time since we wrote this fan fiction (12 years, to be exact) and thanks to a a sleuthing fan who tracked down my updated email address, asking for access to it, I've spent a long time trying to find any version that might've still been alive. We didn't post this one on the regular boards because of the subject matter, so there's not a lot who can read it. I remember a few sites came to us to ask permission to use it and that was fine with us, but I don't think those sites exist anymore. I have spent time adding those who requested it - many of those requests 5+ years old (I am so sorry about that!). I'd love to say I'll be adding people regularly, but my LJ presence in the last 10 years has been less than zero, so if you or anyone you know would like access to this, feel free to comment here and I'll try to check back periodically. If you stumble upon this post 10 years from this posted date, no promises ;-). Thank you, all of you, for being such loyal fans! I can't believe there's still such interest in a small, taboo fanfic this many years later. It's sure a blast from the past — Alli and I were both so young when we wrote it, I'm almost terrified to read it again, myself :D. Much love to all of you!

~Ashlee

Just doing a touch of advertising for Matt (my other half)

EDA: Removed advert...

Wow, i didn't realise i'd left it so long since i'd last posted...

Sorry all ::is sheepish::

Well, let's see... What's been happening...

Um... I finally got help with my depression, i'm now on tablets... I'm still living in a one bedroom flat with Matt and the girls... Um, i seem to be going out a bit more than i used to, and also losing a bit of weight... I've also gone back in to hairdressing on a more regular basis, last month i done my first home perm, got to do another one soon. Also got to highlight my sisters hair next week! Just wish someone would sort out the mess that is my hair! lol.

Willow starts nursery on Wednesday, she's now 3 years old and growing up so fast!

Jamie's almost a year old, has 6 teeth and is also walking and very into climbing on anything and everything!

Matt's the same as usual, spends his time on his computer playing online games. And if not, then he's at band practise...

I've got a wedding to go to next month... just got to go and buy myself a new outfit due to my wardrobe being practically empty... Saw a lovely long chiffon skirt, just hope i've lost enough weight for it to look alright...

Well i think that's about all for now...

Talk again soon,

Later!

Wishing you a very

Happy Birthday bloodshedbaby

Omg!! I have a new LJ layout that just, to die for!

I can't believe what Matt did! He must have sat up all night trying to work that coding out! ::squees::

I just can't get over how gorgeous it is! I'm very glad, i have a bloke that's good at everything he set's his mind too! God, i'm sooo happy! ::smiles::

Matt, Thankyou so much darlin, it's brilliant! ::squishes you:: lol!

::Squees again::

I've been trying to customise my lj, but i've come across a problem! I've seen two new styles that i like,

1) A Novel Conundrum
2) 3 Column

The problem i'm having is, both of them have features i like, but they also don't have features i want. Ie, 'A Novel' has a fancy font, and i love the way it's layed out... but it doesn't support the Header feature... ::sigh:: Or the Calender, or links list... (that i've found)

And the '3 Column' doesn't support the fancy text in entries... or the repositioning of the links, and i really don't like the buttons it has for the comments and stuff...

So, i tried creating a new layer to combine it all together...only i found that it was too complicated...::sigh::

I just have no idea what i'm doing, and would be truly appreciative if someone would be able to help me!

Thankyou!

::Hugs f'list::

Omg, i've just been struck by the Anonymous LiveJournal Fairy!!

Thankyou sooo much, whoever you are! I love you forever! ;)

I now have a paid account! I can hopefully now sort out this journal properly...lol.

Thanks again LJ Fairy!

::Huggles Anonymous Fairy::

::Squee!::

Wow, 2006!

Jamie Ann is now just over 14 weeks old, and is looking more and more like Willow each and every day! the only differences we can see are: 1) Willow was a bit chubbier, 2) Willow had a slightly different hair line!

What do you think?

Jamie at 3 months (And me and Wills too! lol)

Willow at 3 months

On to other things, i thought my journal needed a change in looks! I got fed up with the blues, and wanted something a bit more sophisticated...(ooOOOoo big word for me!! lol) It's not quite how i wanted it, but that's what i get for not having a paid account! ::sigh:: I wanted the same things that you get on the '3 column' style... but i also wanted to have the font that's on mine... and i couldn't get the font on the 3 column one... So i thought sod it!

It sucks not having the money for a paid account! ::sighs some more::

And to top that off, i can't find my hairdressing comb!! And i'm supposed to cut my mother in laws hair today... ::sighs again::

Hello!

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday! (I know it's not over quite yet!)

bodpod thanks for the e-card hun! it was lovely! Sorry for not sending you one... um...i have no decent excuses...;)


How does the past still have so much power over me? I mean it was almost nine years ago, and it's still painful...

I've just found out that my ex cheated on me, i mean i know that he cheated a couple of times, but i just found out that it happened more times then i knew! Alright, he was 16-17, he obviously needed to play the field more... I can understand that! I needed to try more then one guy when i reached that age... but i don't understand the need for continuous cheating! If he needed his space, why not tell me and end things instead?

There was a point in our relationship where he said that he was hanging out with a friend from his college once a week, and me being the type of person that believes in spending time with friends, didn't think anything of it, now i've just found out that was mostly a lie...

::sighs:: I wanted to cry! It just hurt that he obviously didn't care for me as much as he always said he did! And i was stupid and naive enough to fool for it!

So, my question is, how do i completely let go of it all? How can i get to the point where, if he slips up again i won't feel like i've been betrayed? He's supposed to be a friend, i've known him for 12 years (in a couple of months), I was in a relationship with him for almost four of those years... He was my first in everything... my first love, my first lover, the first person to get me pregnant (i had an abortion, i was 13) I thought he cared for me, maybe even loved me... Now i realise that i never really knew him at all! Oh god! I was really naive! ::hides in shame::

This needs to end! Now! I really need to know how to let go of all this completely! How do i get him out of my heart?

::sighs::

Please, if you can help, i'd really appreciate it!

Thanks! ::Huggles f'list::

As most of you know, i have just had a baby girl! Because of that, i am extremely fertile...

I need help, i need which type of contraception i should use...

My doctor's trying to push me into using the Coil... I'm not to sure about this, as i know of people that have used it and still gotten pregnant!

I can't take the pill, as i forget about them, i'm not to sure about the Depo injection, due to last time i was on it i gain almost three stone. I need something that causes as little weight gain as possible...

::sigh:: I really want to be sterilised...but my doctor said there's no chance of that happening, apparently i'm too young!

So, i would really appreciate it if someone could help out! Please!

Thankyou,