i have preordered assassins creed brotherhood.
and found a copy of No More Heroes for less then 20$
actually, it only cost me 11$.
and considering i'm a cheep ass when it comes to video games that made me incredibly happy! :D
------

now for what i came here to complain about :|

I miss my friends. Not the friends that i have in school or around my house, i'm talking about you guys.
Around here everyone thinks i'm strange and judges me based on who i was in middle school. And i can honestly say that i am NOT the same person i was back then.

I miss the people who don't think i'm weird because i like comic books or video games or even dressing up like a fool when its not halloween. And given, some of you still think i'm freaking weird, but thats okay because you're weird too :P

it makes me sad when i have a chance to see you and then it falls through, leaving me to see pictures and hear stories about how fun it was. How happy everyone was. And it makes me really sad when i don't get to share these times with the people who i actually LIKE being with. The people i don't just PRETEND to get along with so i wont be alone.

given, most of our friendships were founded on appearance. When you think about it, one of the reasons most of us are still friendly with people who might have shitty personalities or whatever is because they look good in costume. And in the convention psyche we value that and envy that, even if the person is mean.
Im not saying all of us do this, but i've been to enough conventions now to see what type of world this is. And it scares me to think that the only reason some of you are friendly with me, let alone speak to me, is because you think i look good in costume.

I dont know if anyone else has been thinking this but i just wanted to say that i'm not like that. I don't care what you look like, in costume or out. I value personality over anything else because its what i want others to do for me, and i hope that people are friends with me because of that and not the latter.

Sorry, this turned out a lot more rant-y then i intended. But hey, i only post like once a month, so just scroll right over it.

comments are being disabled because i just want this to be seen and not discussed. thank you<3

Everybody cares, everybody understands
Yes everybody cares about you
Yeah, and whether or not you want them to
It's a chemical embrace that kicks you in the head
To a pure synthetic sympathy that infuriates you totally
And a quiet lie that makes you want to scream and shout

sometimes i think i might be too nice for my own good-

Day 01: What's your Favorite Song?
warning now, im gonna be an asshole and post the lyrics along with songs.
because some lyrics deserve to be read at least once, if not more.


There are TWO things that make me love a song.
Its drums
and its level of poetic meaning.
This band fits the bill perfectly, and is the most played song on my itunes for good reason <3

the lyrics are perfect.
-----------

There are times when you will not like the sound of my voice
there are days when a warm look from a strange face will make me forget my name
there'll be nights when you wonder where the party's at now
and you wonder why you never split this beat scene when a higher life awaits
there'll be days when you don't know how you picked the wrong life
in a second when it's over in our own minds -- and it's gone without a sound
there are fights that'll hear things that we know we don't mean
and we say 'em 'cos we don't know what we both want and we can't get to the other side
There are years that'll fly like wind across a flood plain
unaware of its own weight, free of friction, and immune to its own speed
there are weeks that'll crawl like slugs across a hot road
only moving 'cos it just don't know how to stop on a search for God knows what
and there are songs that'll make your skull ring like a dropped cup
Resonating with the reasons why you worked through -- and the reasons why you stayed
For the long nights when you found a new resolve that I never knew was there
For the cold eye and the warm embrace now
For the righteous vibe that I need like the air I breathe
There are times when you'll think you've got my funny number figured out
there'll be days when I don't feel like I ever knew you all that well and there are lines, drawn around, behind, above and over everyone
in an effort to figure out the place and time, the right, the wrong, the yours, the mine, and I'll be damned if I feel like I will ever know anything
but if don't keep moving on that last hill,
we'll never know what's on the other side

LJ becomes very addicting,
and seeing as I haven't done a serious rant on a site FOUNDED on the premise of ranting, i think I'll give a try at it, because i just happen to be in that sort of mood...

and as soon as I write that down I loose all courage to actually rant OTL.



...I don't want to say anything on here that I will regret, or find stupid for saying as soon as I write it down. So I'm just going to be as vague as possible. I don't expect anyone to make sense of this, or to even take the time to read it, I just had to get it off my chest somehow.
And livejournal is a super convent way to quietly rant.

I've gone back and deleted two rants that I've completely typed out on here. Just shows how confident i am with what I'm trying to say. OTL


... for some reason lately I've been feeling completely OFF. I can't even describe WHAT I'm feeling, all I know is that I've never felt like it before.
And it's really scaring me, because part of me sort of likes it, but the other half is terrified. And I'm really scared of what might happen next, and if I'll even hear anything about it before its too late...

I find myself anxiously waiting for anything she might send me. Any news at all on how shes doing- even if i know I wont be able to do anything to help it. Or change it.
And sometimes it feels like her only motive in life is to make me feel BAD for her.
And I am just completely through with feeling sorry for her, and myself.
There are so many other things that are more important, and I've really only started to realize that recently with the help of someone really special to me.

But theres this horrible thing about me that
When I get close to someone
I pull away, because I end up being terrified
Of loosing it in the first place.
And I doubt myself excessively because i have such little confidence in myself.
And jkfxxbkjfdhgkjfdhgkjdfhkj I cant believe ill end up posting this,
But i just had to get it off my chest.

Even if someone ends up reading this, don't comment. And don't worry about me.
Some things in life just take more time to settle out.



OTL WHY DO I GET SO FRANTIC WHEN IM NERVOUS.

Realising that this will be the last time I get to the beach before summer ends is really depressing...
It's what now... 2weeks until I have to start my senior year. And the nervousness is only starting to set in. WHAT AM I GONNA DO GRAWW jfskjkshvjksrhugohsdkjggkjs.

Anyways, the beach is wonderfull! And it's cool that I have my dads IPAD down here now to keep in touch with people.

I really want to finish watching angel beats on here but all of the episodes were taken off of YouTube TAT
DEPRESSING.

I am just ranting now.

The live journal curse sets in!!!!!
Bleh. I hate waking up at 11 in the afternoon.
Throws my entire body clock off!


ALSO OCTOBER IS GOING TO BE SOOOO BUSY THIS YEAR IM SO EXCITED FOR THE FALL THIS YEAR!!!!!!


I wonder if anyone will read is :P

I JUST DONT KNOW MAN
WHATS GOING ON
BECAUSE
I
DONT
KNOW

first the mic then a half cigarette
singing cathy's clown
that's the man that she's married to now
that's the girl that he takes around town
she appears composed, so she is, i suppose
who can really tell?
she shows no emotion at all
stares into space like a dead china doll
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
now she's done and they're calling someone
such a familiar name
i'm so glad that my memories remote
'cos i'm doing just fine hour to hour, note to note
here it is the revenge to the tune
"you're no good,
you're no good you're no good you're no good"
can't you tell that it's well understood
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
i'm here today and expected to stay on and on and on
i'm tired
i'm tired
looking out on the substitute scene
still going strong
XO, mom
it's ok, it's alright, nothing's wrong
tell mr. man with impossible plans to just leave me alone
in the place where i make no mistakes
in the place where i have what it takes
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow
i'm never gonna know you now, but i'm gonna love you anyhow

Deal with your problems.
because im not going to judge you
ON WHAT YOU GO THROUGH
i'll judge you on how you
GOT THROUGH IT

---

Going through Livejournal-
i see some of the most angsty stuff posted here DAILY
and it makes me think about  a lot of things in my own life.
that makes me wanna say KJGHKJFDHGKJFDHKJD-
but i never make a huge fuss over them!
[loliguessthatsthepurposeoflivejournalright?]

this isint directed at anyone- im just in this sort of mood lately.
some people have real reason to complain -
but not everyone should.