Let's start with some acronyms...

Yolo = the heck does this even mean? Sick of seeing it all over facebook. Yeah I have facebook- blame my sons.
PC = To me if you need to try to make something 'pc', that means you're being prejudiced. Just treat people like people.
ASAP= especially when people pronounce it 'A sap'. Like my boss.

Then there's:

Like, you know? = No, I don't know. And like doesn't belong, like, in random points in your sentence.
Downsize = You're firing people. You're not 'downsizing the department'.
At this juncture = Try... now.
Bromance = When did hanging out with your buddies become something ladies coo about and try to sexualize?
Metrosexual = You're a guy who grooms too much.

But most of all...

Going Postal = C'mon, it gives us mail carriers a bad name.

Tatja talking about her late husband

He asked me to pass the salt. A simple gesture, our hands crossing the table as they had in so many years of marriage. Comfortable, repetitive.

He had survived the cancer so far. Frail yes, but there was hope- he was in remission, the last of treatments. He shaked the salt onto his steak, little crystals standing out like snow on the gray backdrop of meat.

"I think tomorrow I will walk in the woods," he said, and I smiled. It is good, I thought, that he feels well enough to walk.

We chewed our steak in comfortable silence - this too from years of marriage, no need to fill those moments where we took pleasure in just being together.

He asked for dessert, but I had made none, so he said he would go to lie down a while.

Had I known he would not wake up from that lying down, I would have given him fruit. Cake. Cookies. A multitude of last sweet things.

But our last supper ended there, him wiping his mouth and smiling before standing from the table to head in to our bedroom. Me, smiling back as I gathered the dishes.

I should have said "I love you". I should have gone in to lie with him, when I heard his heavy sigh and the squeak of the mattress.

Should have held his hand as he slipped from this life into the next. But he alone lay there, as I washed each plate and cup. Dried them, stacked them away in the cabinets, unknowing.

Did he say any last words? Did he call for me, and the water overrode the sound? Or did he simply sleep, belly full of steak and heart full of hope at the thought of tomorrow's walk? Perhaps his body gave out while his mind dreamed.

This is what I hope for him. All we can any of us hope for, to slip peacefully from one world to the next, never knowing we have passed between.

1. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Raising two great boys. They're amazing kids -- well, adults now, but they'll still always be my boys. I'm really proud of that.

2. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Nothing's ever perfect, so I think to be happy you have to let go of that idea. But pretty much as good as it gets is spending a relaxing weekend, hanging out with my boys or my friends or Tatja. Not worrying about anything, just being in the moment.

3. What is your current state of mind?
Well, I've got say I'm feeling pretty optimistic. The boys are doing well. Work's work. I'm pursuing hobbies. I've got this... thing going on with Tatja. Yeah, I'm optimistic. Things are good.

4. What is your favorite occupation?
Well when I was a kid, I would've said astronaut here. But I've worked for the US postal service for over 20 years now, so I'm gonna go with that.

5. What is your most treasured possession?
I got a few, so it's hard to pick one here. I guess if we're going with the most sentimental value, it's my dad's baseball glove. He was a real good player. Me-- not so much. But we played some good games, me, him, and my brothers. Then I used it when I played with my kids. So there's a lot of memories in that glove.

6. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My boys. They mean the world to me. Though well... if you mean romantically... I've got this thing going on with Tatja that I'm hoping turns into something like love. I mean... I'm not saying we're going to have whirlwind romance like in those chick novels or anything. But hey, at our age, love as a steady dependable thing can be a lot better.

7. What is your favorite journey?
When I was just out of high school me and my friends took a summer road trip. We were going to go all the way to California, but Jimmy's chevy broke down so we only got about halfway. Still we had a hell of a lot of fun.

8. What is your most marked characteristic?
I'm a nice guy. Sometimes too nice, I guess because I wind up helping to move a lot of furniture and getting friends out of scrapes, and taking on extra work at work. But what can you do? You got to be a good friend.

9. When and where were you the happiest?
I think I'm at my happiest now, to be honest. All that hormonal crap of youth is over. I didn't think I'd be happy after my boys left for collage because I was feeling kind of empty bored with all that free time, but now that I'm taking all these classes I'm having the time of my life. I'm learning all kinds of new things. Meeting great people. It's a good time

10. What is it that you most dislike?
Well. I know we got to change with the times and all that, but I kinda dislike how the post office is going downhill in this age of instant emails. Nobody's sending letters anymore, and even postcards from tourists are less than they used to be. They're closing offices down and letting good folks go because they don't have the work for them and they're in real financial trouble. It's sad.

11. What is your greatest fear?
I guess I'm kind of afraid the boys won't come home one weekend, and one weekend will turn into two, and three, and-- next thing you know we'll be that kind of family who calls on holidays and doesn't ever see each other anymore.

12. What is your greatest extravagance?
All these classes. A lot of them are low cost or even free in some cases, but then you got the supplies for them and all the time you spend practicing and making things and studying. But it's a good extravagance.

13. Which living person do you most despise?
Well I ain't real fond of Mitt Romney and I hope he doesn't get elected our next president, if you know what I mean. But despise is a strong word. Eh. I'll go with him though.

14. What is your greatest regret?
That I didn't end my marriage sooner. We kind of tried to keep things together longer than we should have, especially since she was clearly really unhappy. And a lot of that put unnecessary strain on the kids, and us too. It was just hard to let twelve years go.

15. Which talent would you most like to have?
I'd like to be one of those guys who seems to pick something up really easily. For all that I'm learning a whole lot of new things, it involves a lot of studying and hard work. Some guys just seem to be like oh I've never tried this before -- and now I'm a master six weeks later.

16. Where would you like to live?
I like where I live. It's a quiet little beach town, at least in the off season. It gets a little crazy come tourist time.

17. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
When my back's flaring up and I can't get around so well. The chiropractor helps keep it in line as long as I don't overdo things, but sometimes it still seizes up. I feel like an old man.

18. What is the quality you most like in a man?
A good sense of humor. A lot of my friends are my friends because they don't take themselves or life too seriously. Don't get me wrong, they're not going to laugh at a funeral or anything - but they're fun to be around and they keep a positive, upbeat sort of attitude even when life gets rough.

19. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
I like a woman who isn't afraid to be herself. One that doesn't need to wear the latest trends and gunk herself up with makeup and all that. A woman like Tatja. I admire the courage it takes to go your own way - women can be kinda mean to each other when it comes to that sort of thing.

20. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I don't like that it's sometimes hard for me to take a big step. I have my comfortable job and my comfortable house and all that. Everyone knows me here. It was hard to walk into take classes the first time, in a place were everyone wouldn't know me as Pete the Mailman. It's hard for me to take the next step with Tatja, too.

21. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Cruelty. Some people can just be downright nasty, for no reason other than to hurt people or to further their own agenda. That's just crap to go through life being like that. There's no call for it.

22. What do you most value in your friends?
I like that they're always there when you need them. They're really dependable. We've been friends a long time, me and most of them. Like my friends I met at work - Randy Brown and Jack Goldberg. They call us 'The Colored Boys' (though we're not boys anymore, and two of us are white and it's not pc but yeah, it's stuck. Because get it-- I'm a Greene--).

23. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Ah, I'm gonna take a literature course one of these days. But I guess I'll go with Don Quixote from what I remember from college. Tilting at windmills and all that, but you know he had some heart. He was doing what he loved to do and being the big hero, if only in his own head. I really should read more though.

24. Whose are your heroes in real life?
Well my dad and my grandpa were heroes to me. My grandpa fought in the second world war when he was a young guy- that takes real guts. And he was a hard working man. My dad too, with the hard working. He always had time for his family though. He helped put us through college, even though he hadn't finished himself. He valued education. They're gone now but I still consider them my heroes.

25. Which living person do you most admire?
I'm going to go with Obama here. There's a guy that's got real charisma. And being our first black president and all, that's something. And I think he's doing a hell of a job with the mess he got left with from Bush. If congress wouldn't cockblock him on so may issues, he'd do even more. But he's trying. And that says something.

26. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Uh, I don't know if it's a virtue really but there's that whole thing our culture has about how being skinny or built in a guy's case is so in, but then there's all this good food out there and all this junk food and yet you're supposed to not get fat. I've got a pretty average body-- bit of a paunch now that I'm getting older, ad I'm okay with that. And I like ladies with curves.

27. On what occasions do you lie?
On occasions where telling the truth would be more trouble than it's worth. Just little white lies- I try not to tell any big whoppers. But if you're late getting back to work from your lunch break, say - it's better to tell your boss that you got stuck in summer traffic then that you and Randy were playing Angry Birds on his new smartphone (That damn game is addictive!) and lost track of time.

28. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
'You know' seems to slip its way into my speech more than it should. So does 'Ah' or 'uh' when I can't think of what to say next. But what can you do? Ah, there's another one.

29. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My back would stop being so damn irritating and function again like it did when I was a young guy. And all those little aches and pains would be gone, too.

30. What are your favorite names?
Joshua, James, Tatja - what, I'm biased.

31. How would you like to die?
I want to go in my sleep, preferably while having some really nice dream. Just not wake up from it. When I'm old, provided I still have all my functions. I don't want to be shitting myself and drooling and unable to remember my name - I'd rather die before that point.

32. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
A dog. Ol' Archie's got it pretty good. People feed him, provide him with shelter and toys he doesn't have to work for, pet him and talk to him and praise him. And he can crap and pee wherever he wants to-- and we've got to pick up the end result. Pretty easy life.

33. What is your motto?
Be good to folks, and they'll usually be good to you in return.

There's a picture of Pete and Tatja together. Sitting in their folk art class, sharing a paint pot. It's a shade Tatja told him was teal. They've got aprons on. Hers is frilly (it smelled like baked goods); his reads Kiss the Chef (she didn't). They're both smiling, their shoulders in comfortable proximity.

"You folks look good," the art teacher said when she snapped it. Tatja'd blushed, Pete'd stammered a thank you. She emailed it to them.

Pete printed, framed, and hung it.

When visiting Tatja's house, he discovers she's done the same.

That's when he knows she likes him too.

Pete's boys are home for the weekend, but this time they haven't brought their laundry.

They've got a big box between them - heavy from the way they're carrying it. Archie barks and lets Pete know they're coming up the drive in time for him to open the door. He's a bit bemused as they set it down on the deck with a look of triumph. "What's in that?" he asks, one brow arching.

"It's your gift, dad." Josh says, his eyes bright.

"Happy Father's Day!" James says, beaming.

"Aw boys. You didn't have to bring me anything. I thought we were just going to grab some burgers. Wasn't that the plan?" He knows his boys are college students, just doing some summer work now that the semester's out. They don't have a lot of money. In fact, Pete was going to pick up the check on their burger dinner.

"Sure we're gonna have burgers, dad." Josh smiles. "But you got to open it up first."

Pete's grinning now. He ducks back in to get his X-acto knife to score the tape that's holding the cardboard together. Archie slips out, tail wagging, happy as Pete is to see the boys home.

"Hey Archie. Hey fella." James and Josh pet and play with their old spaniel while Pete sets to work on the box.

Packing peanuts leak out when he opens it up, snowing artificial pink all over the deck. But Pete only has eyes for what's inside. "Aw-- aw really? You got this for me? You shouldn't have--"

It's a new gas grill. All shiny and ready to be assembled.

"Propane's in the car," James says. "And we've got burgers too- in a cooler."

Pete turns away so the boys don't see him tearing up. He's needed a new grill for a while-- the old one has a valve that's hard to turn, and rust on the grill plates. It's temperamental as hell. Every year he threatens to replace it, and never quite gets around to it. But now the boys have. His boys.

"Don't you like it, Dad?" Josh asks, uncertain.

"I love it," Pete manages, through the lump in his throat. "I love you. Love you both. C'mere."

The boys head over and he pulls them into an embrace. Any other day of the year, it might've been awkward-- lots of we're-too-manly and we're-grown-up. But it's Father's Day, and they allow it. Hug him back, while Archie wags his tail and circles them, adding his doggie love to the equation.

"I've got the best sons," Pete says. "And I'm going to make you both some amazing burgers."

"Hello?"

"Hey Dad! How's it going?"

"Hey Josh-- eh, it's going, it's going. How bout you? How's college?"

"Pretty good! Busy though. Finals coming up and all. Professor Adams is sneaking in a last minute paper. I hate when they do that. You think you're done working for the semester, then BAM."

"Hah.. Yeah, I remember that. There was always one bastard had to get his last oomph in."

"Yeah. So... I got a lot going on..."

"... yeah. It sounds like..."



"I mean... it'd probably be best if I stayed on campus this weekend."

"Oh. This weekend? But the game---"

"But you've got season tickets. We can go another time. If I didn't have finals---"


"...is it a girl?"

"Dad!"


"What? You've never been that keen on studying before."

"I am studying..."

"Uh-hmn."

"...okay I've got a study date. But it's for finals!"

"Hah! I knew it. Alright, you have fun then. And be sure to get some actual studying done."

"---I will. I mean. She's a nice girl. We won't be-- I mean, there'll be studying going on. Lots of studying."

"Just don't do anything your old man wouldn't do."

"Daddd-"

"Hah. Just be good, alright? And if you can't be good, be careful."


"I will, I will ...look, anyhow... I'm sorry I won't make the game."

"Yeah... me too. But it's alright. There'll be other games. Girls and finals are much more important than hanging out with your old man. I was young once too, remember. Just do me a favor..."

"Sure Dad, what's that?"

"Ace those finals."

"You got it! Love you."

"Love you too, son."

I pride myself with being on time, but there have been some occasions I've had to tell a little white lie about not getting it done.

1. Stuck in traffic.
This only really works during the tourist season, as the rest of the year our tiny island community has no traffic to speak of. But during the season it's a great all purpose lateness excuse.

2. Had to work extra hours and didn't have time to finish.
This is an excuse I used for not having a project done for one of my classes. The truth was I was a little intimidated getting started. The teacher was nice enough to give me some extra time and I buckled down and got it done.

3. Eight o'clock? I thought you said nine. Sorry bud.
Said to my buddy Andy when I was supposed to meet him for beers and watching the game down at the pub. I'd been talking to Tatja on the phone and lost track of time. I would've told him that, but then he'd be all oooh and ahhh and what did you talk about? Yeah.

4. My alarm clock didn't go off. Must need a new one.
Really, I forgot to set it. I can count the times on one hand I've been super late to work in my twenty some years of working at the post office, but yeah, this happened.

5. I couldn't find the address.
Does not work in town- I know the entire town like the back of the hand from my mail route. But works when you're going to meet someone somewhere and you were screwing around and lost track of the time and left too late to get there promptly.

Pete trudged through the snow, sludged through the mud and rain. He didn't mind the occasional bit of inclement weather that hindered him along his route. What bothered him more than any of that were the dogs. Some dogs were great-- labs and shepherds came running up, tails wagging. Big dogs were no problem.

But there was nothing quite like having to deliver a certified letter to Mrs. Kellerman while her four pound teacup chihuahua tried to chew his ankle off.

"Don't mind my ChiChi, she's a little feisty!"

Give Pete a bout of rain over tiny dogs any day.

One of the classes I'm taking is a computer class, and they were showing us some of the things you can do on the internet - including uploading photos of yourself and making these collage type things. Our teacher suggested for the assignment that we use some photos that illustrate important things in our lives, and play around with the effects and all. Well, I don't know how well I did with the graphics stuff- it's still a bit beyond me. But these are some things that are important to me. Ah, not necessarily in the order they're located -- like my boys aren't any less important than my job, and sports doesn't come before friends. It's just where I thought the pictures looked best.

Deep in the pines, the iced tea colored river flowed and ebbed with the seasons. The unique coloration came from bog ore that lined the bottom, and released a bacteria into the water. In past centuries, men trolled the ore and smelted it in furnaces that made fireplace backs and canon balls. Ruins of the old iron furnaces could still be found among the trees; here a brick, there a rusted metal skeleton.

Tatja's property included three-fourths of an acre that was buildable land - there her house sat, and the brick outbuilding that had been Alexi's workshop. The property itself went three acres deep - most of that zoned for preservation by the Pinelands Commission. Dirt trails--some mostly overgrown, but many intact enough to traverse-- lead to the riverbank.

In a small clearing there, Alexi had built a picnic table out of old planks and fallen trees. Though he'd originally stained it, the elements had long since weathered it gray and bowed the benches. Tatja once thought it looked as if Bolotnyi* rose up from the swampy marsh around the river and sat there whenever her and Alexi weren't present.

Spring usually meant a rise in the river, the groundwater from all the melting snow turning the sluggish winter flow more lively. This year though, winter had been mild. This year Tatja sat alone in the bow of her bench, straining to see the river over the cattail reeds. A little brown trickle struggling through muddy banks made her wonder if the river too, would die. If it would leave the trees as lonely as Alexi had left her.


* Russian, a 'swamp spirit'