I don't know who else is catching on my real updates, but this is addressed to you.

I... have changed a lot over the years. 

I have changed so drastically that nothing seems right to me anymore. I finished school, barely managing to pass. I didn't qualify for further studies. My academics were so horrid I couldn't even get into the worst school in my country. I was really upset over that -- actually, upset is an understatement. I hated myself. I told everyone that I was fine, but I wasn't. I was dying on the inside because I realized that, wow, I really am going nowhere with my current situation, am I? 

I worked for more than a year. I had myself set and prepared for the working life -- I mean, I thought I really was prepared... but I guess not. I hated working. Everyone there were immature assholes. It's basically like school, with the backstabbing and all... just much, much, much vicious. 

I took my uncle's advice and went for an interview with an arts school; Lasalle. I was accepted, but they told me I wasn't safe. I can't fail a single module in Lasalle; if I do, I might as well roll myself out of the place. They could see from my previous academic results that I gave up easily. That's true. I gave up extremely easily and it hurts my own dignity. I gave up dieting, gave up reading, gave up learning music, and I even gave up killing myself lol. 

But then I realized that ending my own damn life was stupid. So damn stupid. I'm not going to give up. Arts was something I've had a passion in for the longest time -- but my parents kept shooting me down. My brother is great at arts, and no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I was never going to be half as good as him. 

The thing is, I gave up. I gave up so damn easily. 

If I had a chance to go back in time, I won't change anything. Because that's what moulded me to how I am today. I just have to accept it. One day -- I promise -- I'll be back and I'll proudly say I'm finally better than my brother. I know it's bad competition, but if it's what motivates me, I'll take it. 

However, I realized that unless I made a change in my current lifestyle, I was never going to make any improvements; thus I will be deleting two of my major social networking sites. Twitter and Facebook. I like the pace of livejournal, and I'm not going to delete it. Moreover, I've got quite a lot of fiction stored, so deletion is out of the question. I will steer clear of all my fandom related stuff, though. I am trying to get out of the KPOP addiction now. It's getting out of hand. 

I need to get a hold of myself now. I'm aiming for the best or nothing at all. I don't want to settle for anything but the best. Hoping to get a scholarship after diploma to UK or NYC. Or maybe just get the degree and get a deferment to work in UK/NYC. Hoping hoping hoping!

Bye indefinitely~!
I promise that I will be back. Pinky promise!


Dear Angel (heysayjae lol),
I hope you're reading this and that you still have my number. I've deleted my twitter, facebook and the rest so that I can stay focused on my studies. Just text me :D I love you~

Jar of Hearts {1/6}; Changmin/Onew; DBSK/SHINee; PG-13 [pairing does not and will not in any way stay constant]

( Jar of HeartsCollapse )

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Alright, don't stone me for all the incorrect facts. I do know that it's almost impossible for such a situation to actually take place in reality, but let's just let things slide. Comments and concrits are always appreciated, though not necessary. Anyways, on to annoying a/n, I'm finally back with fics. I've been so busy with preparation on an interview with an Arts school. I really hope I get the school! 

A Beijing Soul 1.
Jonghyun/Onew.
PG-13.

( A Beijing SoulCollapse )

Comments are always appreciated! It's the only thing that keeps me going!

P.S, I'm not giving up on modern wage of love ― I just need to find my muse for that story again.... I fucked things up with that story and I need to rebuild my bond with it.