Iris' Soapbox

So maybe I'm just a dinosaur. Or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. (My friends would say this is true based on my ex-relationships.) But I still play World of Warcraft - almost daily. Which these days is almost a requirement.

See, I'm not what would be called a "power" player. I don't spend the first three days of a new expansion sitting in my bathroom with a mini fridge and the pizza place on speed-dial trying to frantically level my "toon" (as our characters are called) the space of levels allowed by the expansion. But I know more than one person who have done things like that. Seriously. It's not just a joke from South Park - there's really people like that. Personally, I have a life outside the game. But maybe that's why I'm still playing.

What I am however is someone who feels that my characters are like characters I might play if I were still in theater, or on a long-running soap opera or something. They're me, but they're not *me* - they're larger than life, they have adventures which have real life applications, but aren't something I could do in real life. Might not even be something I would *choose* to do in real life. I've had quest lines I would walk away from in real life for ethical reasons. There have been quest lines I walked away from in game for ethical reasons.

When I first started playing, I'd fought against playing for some time, seeing how "addictive" WoW and other games like EverQuest (which I call "EverCrack") could be. I'd had friends suddenly rush home because they were late for a raid or quest. I thought surely it can't be *that* great, and I avoided it as mental dope. When I lost my apartment due to the negligence of the roommates (or mine in trusting them,) the friend who put me up put the install disc in my computer and wouldn't take no for an answer.

Totally unaware of the game's mechanics, I started a Tauren Druid in the Horde faction. I was quickly told this would NOT do, as my friend and her family and friends played Alliance, and so began my education into faction rivalries. These days I still don't play those particular politics, although I won't play Horde and Alliance on the same server - I feel it's just playing both sides like a mole in cold-war spy movies. Nothing ever good happens to those guys. Just bad juju...

After moving into our own place, some of my toons got transferred to a different server with the rest of my guild, but not my husbands', and so for the first time we were separated in the game, and so began the split between servers and factions. Added to that was the break up of our first guild, and several people we considered friends quit playing due to interpersonal issues. We found ourselves more-or-less alone, but the game had more than enough to keep us busy, and we recruited more friends and family into the game to come play with us.

We met new guilds, and eventually they too broke up. We found one of the fastest ways for a guild to implode is for it to be comprised of a husband and wife team. Even if they're people you've never met, it's almost impossible to be involved in a guild seriously and NOT have some idea what is going on behind the scenes. Sometimes even if you don't know it doesn't mean you're safe. Although I knew some of what was going on, logging in one day and my characters are not guilded, in fact the guild is GONE, just not there any more, was still a bit like walking into your house after a break in. You feel unsettled, confused, cheated.

So I eventually went back to my first toon, my druid, and I created a guild. I found it Ironic that the Tauren race is very "native" in it's design, and the druid class on top of that is very shamanistic (despite a class being called "shaman") and yet for the first ten levels most of what you do as a Tauren Druid is *kill things* (and if you have leather working like mine does, skin them!) Not a very kind depiction of Native Americans or the Druids, I must say. But there have been some nice quest chains, and there's plenty to do along the way.

I'm now nearly alone in the game. Oh, there's still thousands who play the game, but not many people I know. Our original Guild-mistress, one of my best friends, occasionally plays between real life issues and responsibilities. All three of my grown children have quit playing - one never got into it much, one got angry with the changes between Wrath of the Lich King and the current Mists expansion - which I will admit almost made me quit too - and my oldest boy occasionally plays when finances permit and he has a computer in his house, but those are both infrequent.

My husband takes turns playing and not playing in about 3 month spurts. He "officially" quit, stripped his characters to almost nothing, and went charging off to play the Star Wars MMORPG when it came out. That was short lived, and soon he was ruminating "he missed wow." So we bought his monthly access. After a couple of months, he was letting his game time expire while playing Evony (a free to play game.) I refused to buy him the Mists expansion for this reason. Eventually when my middle son quit playing, he took over our son's account and began making his own panda characters.

I have 5 "high level" characters. Of those, only one has hit 90 (currently the level cap) and one should hit 90 later tonight. I'm working on the others, but I'm in no hurry. For me, the game's back-story, the environment, and the professions are worth just getting lost in. For example, in real life, I HATE going fishing. I once had a friend who was obsessed with it. To me fishing is like adventures to a hobbit "wet nasty things that make one late for tea." In the game, it's something I can (and have) done for hours upon hours. In school I was part of a special class that got to do archaeology. Loved it. In the game, I can't stand it, attested to by the fact that of all my toons the *highest* in archaeology is still only at journeyman level.

And this is how WoW keeps me playing. It's not doing end-game raids. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't do them because they've changed all the professions to focus on PvP (player vs. player) gear, and because I don't have a guild full of players anymore, or many friends playing, I can't get a group together. So getting gear to raid is almost impossible, even if I wanted to use the "Looking for Group" or "Looking for Raid" tools they've put in. I've had players quitting wanting to give me their guilds. I can't, I already have one, and Blizzard hasn't put in a "merge guilds" feature. They don't balance their servers - for example, Stormrage is one of the highest population servers out there, and yet the Alliance to Horde ratio makes it a ghost-town on Horde side. And when they open up server transfers, it would be easy for them to allow people to transfer OFF of Alliance but not Horde, and ON to Horde, but not Alliance. But no...

Now they've introduced the Mists of Pandaria expansion - also known as "kung-fu pandas," "panda land," or "The Land of the (Neverending) Daily." LoTD... that kinda works with WotLK, doesn't it? But when my lvl 90 Druid is wearing gear that will let her into "heroic" dungeons (tougher) and still dies out in the world faster than my lvl 89 cloth-wearing Mage who is NOT wearing high-level gear, there's something about the game mechanics that are out-of-balance, and most people are tired of Blizzard jacking around the rules. Even back in grade school, when someone changed the rules to a game lots of people were playing, it ruined the game. The people who didn't like the established rules were told to go play something else, and the vast majority were happy. Why didn't blizzard learn from 7 year olds?

So I fish. I about gave my husband and son heart-attacks the other night when an add-on announced the Ghostly Pandarian Fisherman had appeared, and I had just died and squealed until I was alive and had made it to him to finally achieve my Ancient Fishing Charm. They thought I'd lost my mind. But they don't realize that for me, the fishing charm, and the new fishing hat, is like killing Raid bosses for others. It's hard to get, and since I don't stand a chance of getting into a raid anytime soon, it's what I've got.

Besides, flying lessons in real life are very expensive, but I can fly over Azeroth or Pandaria, watching the sunsets or full moons, the landscape disappearing below me, and be free before I get up and check my email, do my classwork, household chores, and feed my cat. Not everyone can say that. But it sure would be nice if Blizzard made it fair for casual players again.

I'm so frustrated
(and please, this is not directly pointed at anyone in particular) with what my husband calls "Secret Squirrel Politics."
People say they're "talking to a few people," "discussing things," "having conversations with others" and so on. Too much secrecy, not enough being honest.


Secrecy leads people to fill in the blanks (take a basic Sociology 101 course, this is fact) and come to several conclusions:
1) That things are being kept from them because the people talking to them don't trust them
2) That the people are gossiping about stuff they're really not supposed to talk about in the first place, but shroud that fact by withholding parts of the information.
3) That they're bragging and withholding information that later could be used to catch them in their talk.
This list is by NO means exclusive or complete, but used to make my point...


People have said these things to me. And yes, my mind goes in circles hitting those points mentioned above.
Like I said, this is not directed at anyone specifically, not me accusing anyone of anything. A couple of times someone has said "There's more, but I'm not at liberty to say more. I can respect that. Others have come outright and told me there are things/times where I've talked when he believes I shouldn't. And I respect that, and I have admitted my flaws.


I've NEVER claimed to be all wise, all knowing, all perfect. I really, really, really don't understand where people think I've given them that impression. I'm usually the first person to apologize when proven wrong. (And something about that which astounds me - people who think because I "man up" and apologize without fighting it I'm doing so blithely or without being sincere, or not being serious. I NEVER apologize if I don't feel I deserve it. Ask my husband! LOL) I'm usually the FIRST to admit I fucked up, admit I am falling on my face, ask for help. 


But  - NO ONE- emailed me who was a friend and said "Hey, you're fucking up / putting your foot in your mouth / being watched" and offered to help. NO ONE. I ASK for opinions because I realize situations are sometimes getting bigger than they really need to and getting out of rational control. Maybe I grumble to my husband and self at home, but *I asked* for it...


What happened to people being honest?
What happened to people watching out for their friends' backs and giving them a heads up if they see a problem? BEFORE it becomes an issue?
What happened to one's friends believing in them, and not assuming the worst, even in the face of what seems to be (but usually isn't) "evidence?"
What happened to consulting the Aether and the Divine and the Ancestors to find the truth of a matter?
What happened to full disclosure, transparency in dealings, and just good old fashioned HONOR?
What happened to living "in right livelihood with spirit?"


These things are missing in most spirituality I see before me, and it's these things I'm going looking for. As I said... this is a rant, and although it may seem I'm aiming at certain situations, I'm not. I'm doing what my husband calls "venting steam" at something that's been building up my whole life.

• I had the same issues with the "adults" in my childhood who acted more like children than I did, and when questioned said "do as I say, not as I do."


• I had the same issues with teachers in the public schools who let bullies reign the hallways and the victims were told to "walk away" and "don't let it get to you" while paying hospital bills for injuries - and those are just the PHYSICAL scars and injuries...


• It's the same issues I had with my first coven who's Priestess bad-mouthed her students behind their back, had her own aggrandizement ahead of her students' welfare, and was repeatedly rejected by teacher after teacher for her own ethics, morals and behaviors until she found one who "for a price" gave her all three degrees in one weekend.

I see the echos of the good parts in Buddhist teachings. I see the echos of it in Christian teachings. I see the echos of it in the UU teachings. I see the echos of it in Hinduism. I see the echos of it in B'hai. I see the echos of it in Taoism. I see the echos of it in Wiccan and Neo-Wiccan groups. I see the echos of it in Druidry. I see the echos of it in Humanist teachings, New Thought Ministry, New Age teachings, "The Fifth Sacred Thing," "Conversations with God," "Illusions," "Stranger in a Strange Land," and more and more and more...


Where I don't see it is in the ACTIONS of people who CLAIM to be, or want to be, spiritual people. (OK, in all fairness, it's there sometimes, others not, and some more than others....)
Where I don't see it is in the overall RELIGIONS and the people who follow them.


I'm not even saying I see it in ME all the time. But I AM saying it's what I WANT to be, what I TRY to be, and what I'm striving for.
I'm not saying I am perfect - far from it.


What I am saying is that it's very frustrating to be held to a standard others are not willing to hold themselves to.
What I am saying is that to teach anyone to be that way, we need to teach ourselves to be that way, and when we fall on our faces (and TRUST ME, I fall on my face ALL THE TIME) we get up and we tie our shoelaces, or wipe the blood off our stubbed toes, and we reorient ourselves to the ideal we hold before us.
And if we want to make the world better, we have to start with ourselves. To "be the change we want to see in the world." And be willing to admit when we're wrong, be willing to ask for help, and be willing to start over again when we realize that what we're doing isn't working.


Sometimes we have to be willing to risk what we have for what we want. It's supposed to be a process of growth. And sometimes when we take those risks, we don't do so well. But it's not right to kick those people when they're picking themselves up off the floor. It's not right to spit in the face of someone who has clearly learned a lesson, and comes to us to apologize for their behavior. And those who do so, who kick people when they're down, who spit in the face of the humble, who laugh at others' misfortune or use it for their own aggrandizement, are tyrants, and need to be fought at every turn for the benefit of humanity and the gene pool of the future. It's said the meek shall inherit the earth. I think that's because they're the ones who learn from their mistakes - which requires making mistakes in the first place and realizing they WERE mistakes. But there's a difference between "meek" or "humble" and "victim."


To be humble, someone has to have something to BE humble about. They have to have skill, wisdom, and the knowledge between that and people blowing smoke up one's ass. Heinlein's character Valentine Michael Smith in "Stranger in a Strange Land" had skill and knowledge beyond what was being displayed around him, yet he used the phrase "I am but an egg" to express that he knew there was more to know. There is ALWAYS more to know. This didn't stop him from taking ACTION when he saw a "wrongness" at a cusp-moment. He didn't hesitate to do what he believed was right action. He didn't "suck it up" and just roll over and be a victim. He didn't crawl away quietly whimpering. He made a difference. Gandhi was peaceful, but he took ACTION.


I've walked away quietly from many things in the past.
It usually ends up pretty badly, even when I try to be peaceful, there's always some jerk-off who's thinking my attempt at peace is a weakness.
I have tripped on that shoelace, and fallen on my face in that way... it's not something I choose to do anymore. And it IS a choice.


So please know that I respect whatever decision others make for themselves, but I ask that you respect my decisions as well.
And as a friend, maybe even support them.
And maybe be honest with them and say you're not really that good of a friend. Which is OK too.


Because to me, respecting the person is what being a friend is really about.
Loyalty to the PERSON, not their choices, is what friendship is about.
Believing in the person's overall being, spirit, divinity, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't matter.
As a mom I don't always agree with what my kids do, but I always believe in my kids.
Because I just believe that's how humans are supposed to be with each other.
Because I just don't believe the gods give a rat's butt about all the bull-hockey people do to each other.
And because I believe until we respect and love ourselves, we can not respect anyone or love anyone else, neither can they love or respect us.



As the movie character Ferris Buehler puts it "you can't respect someone who kisses your ass."

Well, I generally dislike Valentine's Day (for obvious reasons) but I thought I would give this thing a go.
Maybe this year will be different.


Get your own valentinr

My (revised 3/6/7) wishlist in no particular order:

1) A CD Copy of "Dream Harder" By the Waterboys.
2) A new (to me) car.. (not holding my breath on this one.)
3) A new or "gently" used *Queen size* mattress and box springs.
4) Some fuzzy warm slippers (size 11) that cover the whole foot, not just the toes.
5) A "paint the kitchen" party.
6) An Oil Can Henry's, Safeway, Barnes & Noble, Target, or Tracfone gift card.
7) My Livejournal account paid.
8) More time (!?)
9) A bottle of Barenjager, Bailey's, or good Irish whiskey (ask Doug which kind..)
11) New (matching) kitchen chairs so I can take the yard chairs back outside...
12) A greenhouse and/or raised gardening beds (no, honest, I am not running a fever.)
13) All three of "my" cats "fixed." (note none of them are actually *my* cat.)
14) My sewing room cleaned and organized so I can sew.
15) My own *regular* cell phone. (thanks Bri!)
17) A new china teapot
18) spiffy, sparkly, dangly, mirrored, beaded, draped interior decorating things for my kitchen, bathroom or bedroom.

I'm sure there's more, I'll adjust as needed....

I guess this is good to look back on and remind myself that my life isn't so bad.. Although I know I could have been a bit more honest in a couple of the questions, but their answers didn't have options for me to be really honest the way I wanted to..

YOUR REPORT CARD:
Category	Grade
Love	A
Friends and Family	A+
Body	B
Mind	A+
Finance / Career	C
Your Life's Average Grade: A
'What is your Life Grade?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I'll try to post more soon, honest.. I am trying to get the Group's webpage back up...

**Laughs so hard she can't breathe** Best F-ing $1 I ever spent... I have the cure for clinical depression....

Apartment with Tile Floors = $695.00 a Month
New Paint for Walls = $27.00
Red Light Laser Pointer = $1 @ Dollar Store
Laughing myself out of a depression by watching the cats freakishly run back and forth and fall over dizzy from chasing a little red dot all over the kitchen = PRICELESS

Question: "What does spirit want me to know about my love life?"
Intended was a three card draw, Power of Flower cards....
What I *got* was a one card draw in the Inner Child cards...(hmmmm, who's wanting to talk to me now?)
Perhaps this is a sparkling star in my life... hope.

<td width="10"> </td><td width="400">X Alice in Wonderland
When this card appears in your reading, see your life from a higher perspective. Explore the realm of dreams and keep a notebook of your out-of-body journeys. Good fortune may be just around the corner. Anticipate a turning of the wheel of fortune in your favor. Be the eternal optimist. Know that the power of prosperity consciousness is your ace in the hole. Take advantage of golden opportunities coming your way. Good luck is on your side. Let it ride!

Traditional Archetype: The Wheel of Fortune
Planetary ruler: Jupiter </td>

This was just sent to me...
I think I like "Gonads and Strife" better
(Whhheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!)

http://oceanstide.wordpress.com/2006/12/07/the-bears-fart/

I was actually expecting my usual card, Temperance....
But this is good too....

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Whee, I have DSL again..
The next few days look to be pretty packed, so maybe everyone else will be busy as well, and I can get some things done. (If y'all go looking or me on IM and I am not there, it's cause I don't get work done if I do...) I just took B through the Raven and Wren thing, he catches on quick, but makes everything harder than it needs to be... boy after my own heart... damn it.

Have had some of the most beautiful exchanges with DB though, thank you my lovely, and as T keeps planning his mutual admeriation get-aways with the lapwing, let 'em both go out and get cold and wet and ickily in the winter rain. (Bilbo said "Adventures are wet nasty things that make one late for tea." I am begining to feel that way about fishing.)

I'm tired and it's late and I am grouchy. There's more I'd say, but I'd probibly regret it in the morning, especially posted here rather than private email.

HUGS...