Author: thespacebetweenus

“Whatever You’re Looking For Can Only Be Found
Inside Of You.”
~Rumi

What started out as a way of focussing my meditation has become and exploration of the Twelve Laws of Karma.  When I meditate my mind tends to wander to the itch on my nose, my “honey do? list, the dust bunnies I forgot to sweep under the couch.  To combat this I started ruminating on one of the Rules of Karma and then figuring out how they apply in my life. I compare them to other spiritual teachings and then find the opportunity to share my ruminations.  I am far from an expert, but I really find I am getting to the bottom of some of my most difficult struggles, those with myself.

One of my biggest struggles is how I set priorities, or don’t.  In Karma the fifth law “The Law of Responsibility” would say what we focus on is what we manifest.   In fact, similar concepts can be found in many spiritual teachings.  Whatever a man reaps, so shall he sow,” (Galatians 7:6).  Some Aboriginal proverbs say that whatever wolf you feed love, kindness, and optimism, or hate, anger and defeat will be the one that prevails in your life.  What I  focus on, is what becomes more powerful in this moment, my day, or my life.

I have always struggled with conflict   I noticed it, I had a love/hate relationship with it, I relished in my ability to prevail in times of conflict.  So I spent much of my life focussed on conflict, even if it was only to say, I was working toward conflict resolution.  I fed the wolf until it nearly consumed me.  I had difficulty forgiving friends for grievances, I focussed on how to solve conflicts instead of focussing on what was working in a relationship.  It was even reflected in my face and body language.    A friend of mine called it my “F-you” face.   I didn’t even know I had one!  I now playfully name it “my resting bitch face.”   My defensiveness was reflected on my face and my body language and that ultimately created more conflict.

As my sons grew up their competiveness became toxic at times.  I would step in,  explaining to each the perspective of the other and both thinking I favoured the other.  Convincing me became the way to win an argument.  My kids grew more and more dependent on me playing referee to their increasingly vitriolic spats.  Super Mom would swoop in and decree who erred,  where, and what was the resolution.  I became the centre of the conflict that was not even involving me and integral to its resolution.   Ultimately, I became the target of both their anger.  SuperMom became SuperMartyr.

So you see how I created what I feared? I wanted the harmony in my house I didn’t feel when I was a child.  I created what I feared.  I noticed the conflict, not the stumbles toward resolution, so the conflict was the focus.  The conflict was reinforced as well as my function in it.  I fed the wolf of conflict.

The Law of Responsibility also says what I notice in other people is also what is in me. If someone really sticks in my craw, I ask myself why?  If someone is selfish I ask myself if something they want is in the way of my getting what I want?  Is my self interest creating a conflict that needn’t be there?  Does focussing on their behaviour, instead of my reaction, improve the situation or make it more complicated?

That is not to say that if other’s self interest may be toxic we need to endorse it.  The Law of Responsibility simply says that mine is not to judge them but to accept it as their journey.  The Bible says, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”  It is easier to accept harm or hurt at the hands of another when I look at it as an opportunity  for self awareness. Did my reaction serve the situation or detract from it? If I am finding people cruel, are they responding to the insensitivity in me?   This is not to say I line myself up for another kick in the teeth, I simply stop wasting my mental energy being angry, or distrustful. It saves me rehashing the conflict in my mind over and over again in my mind until I bore even myself.  I focus on the positives in the relationship and let the wound in the relationship heal into the new reality.

The same goes for my day to day life.  If I focus on the positives in my life I find they tend to multiply.  A friend and I started a challenge a number of months ago where I started a gratitude list of ten items that I enjoyed in the day.  At first the gratitude list was a challenge, now I find I have to pare it down.  There is so much that is worthy of notice.     I even cheat some days and mention two at a time in the list.

I have often heard people say, “the world owes you nothing.”  I would add, “but will give us everything we can dream of.”  We can influence what the world gives us by our perspective and actions. Your life is not a reflection of your trauma or your history.   In any given circumstances, there are people who take a challenge and thrive or those who fail.  The outcome is often dependent on how the individual perceives the same challenge.  Life is simply a reflection of the choices, perception, and energy an individual invests.

So if I want something, I work at it as if the goal is possible and I expect to succeed.  I often told my kids that instead of worrying about possible mistakes they might make, instead envision themselves succeeding in any given situation.  In this way you are practicing a positive result.     Are we spending our time focussed on what we want more of in our life?? Do we commit time to exercise, creative pursuits, or family?  My work reflects my commitment to my goals and daily repetition of my commitments.   Failure, in fact, is not even possible, in this circumstance, if I consider stumbles as an opportunity to learn. “I don’t have time” is another way of saying, “that isn’t a priority.”  My life is created by my perception, my practice, and, ultimately, on my priorities.

In essence, the Law of Responsibility is the law that says we get back what we put out in the world.  What we focus on, manifest, and create becomes what returns to us.  If we are kind and grateful, we find people give it back in return.   If we find opportunities under the rocks we used to find obstacles, we will move towards our goals.  Make our purpose the priority and our life changes based on what we spend our time, energy, and focus on.

“You create what you fear,” is a phrase I try to remember when facing challenges.  It is also a perfect example of the concept of the Law of Humility and the Law of Growth, two of the 12 Laws of Karma.  Karma a concept that many spiritual practices mirror.  It says what a person thinks, feels, and acts on manifests itself in your life.    It is also fodder for a lot of discussion on line.  I was reading a meme which said, “Revenge is sweet, but karma is sweeter… and highly entertaining.”  It is about seeing life as a process in which each step and stumble will either bless you or teach you.  The trick is in the consciousness of those thoughts and patterns.

Now I am not sure how this all transpired because I am not Buddhist, buy I started a meditation practice that has me focusing on different Karmic Laws. All have a kind of simplicity and accountability that I find useful as I develop a new habit of regular meditation.   The first  law, the Great Law, states you manifest what you think, act, and expect. It is a wonderful law which basically says that the situations and challenges you focus on, manifest in your life. Your life reflects your perception and your actions, whether conscious or unconscious.  The second is the Law of Creation which states that in order to create something you want, you have to participate. The Universe does not give you something because you wish it, but rather because you act on the wish and it manifests through your continued participation, growth, and action both positive and negative. “You create promote and allow what manifests in your life” is speaking of this law.

Now I am not what one would call a guru.  I have a love hate relationship with silence.  I love it.  It allows me to relax and at times it creates a vacuum that I have an urge to fill with mundane chatter.  I could drive Buddha himself to loose his cool.  “Sit there and SHUT UP!” However, as I use this time to contemplate patterns and blessings in my life.  My mind has become clearer and I am seeing how the things I say to and about myself are manifesting in very tangible ways in my life.

One of the results of my meditations is my daily gratitude list.   A couple of days ago, in the middle of my daily gratitude list, came the epiphany that the Third and Fourth Laws of Karma: the Law of Humility and the Law of Growth are dependent on each other.    The Law of Humility is a bit of a challenge for me because it asks us to acknowledge our patterns.   Now, I have a list of my faults and underacheivements that I keep a very diligent and precise inventory of.  I am only realizing how much that constant barrage of negativity has cost me.   If I give the successes and mistakes equal gravity then the anger at myself becomes counter productive.   “Acceptance” does not include anger.  Nagging, rage, and belittling didn’t work with our kids and it doesn’t work with us.  However, to accept the mistakes of the past allows us an opportunity to look at them without rancor, then learn  and formulate strategies to move on.  It is when we give ourselves the gift of forgiveness and grace that we allow ourselves to heal from our own abuse.  With that new forgiveness and honesty we can formulate new patterns and move on.  Simple for sure. Possible absolutely.   Easy…not so much.

If it were easy then the Law of Humility would not be needed.  If I accept the things of the past I am not proud of without rancour then the next step also accepts my power to change past patterns. Marrianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”  If we accept our greatness with grace we know we must act on the potential in us. That is a monumental step. It certainly has been for me.  To try, and potentially fail, is frightening.  But I’m finding there is a certain joy in the attempt, and the successes outnumber the failures.  And if you look at “failures” as “opportunities to learn,” then failure is, in fact, an impossibility.

The Fourth Law, the Law of Growth says that when we change, that change affects the balance of everything else in our life.  For example, while I can’t change another’s behavior, I can change my own reactions. If a relationship is toxic because of constant conflict and drama, I can choose to react without drama and set boundaries.  In this way my behavior is not part of the pattern.   I refuse to give someone toxic the power to affect my pleasure for even a moment.  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  In this way we change relationships, by only focusing on the change that is needed in us. In addition, if I change a habit, or my response to a challenge then the patterns of my life changes.  If I create a new pattern in my life with exercise, meditation, incorporating creativity, or being more productive at work, my life changes.  I find more energy, I am happier, I am more fulfilled.   The fabric of my life changes, unravels a bit and reweaves itself in exciting new patterns.

I must say these challenges are making changes in my life.  Patterns and stumbling blocks are dissected in my life like a forensic audit.  I am a bit obsessive but it seems to be helping by increasing my accountability to myself.   In addition, I am learning to enjoy the gifts that always made up my life.  The old in my life has become new with my perception changes.  When working these laws I take responsibility for my anger, my reactions, my hurt and let them go more quickly.  I ask the question, “Does this serve me?”  My life becomes a manifestation of my ability to be honest and conscious of my patterns and habits.   I am a conscious reflection of the patterns I create in my head, in my day, and in my life.

The karmic rule that life requires our participation is one that many people don’t get.  I certainly didn’t.  I would wish for more harmony in my family and despair when it didn’t happen.  I would bemoan that I was broke.  I was a victim of my life and not it’s author.

I can remember a time when I first heard that you create promote or allow the things that occur in your life.  It made me angry. I was a person who gave and never got back.  I was the one everyone turned to when garbage started to happen in their lives.  I took care of friends dying of cancer, I was the person my sons called when their phone got disconnected, and I could fix it from nine hours away.  They didn’t call me when the good stuff happened.  I got them on their bad days.  I needed to be needed and so I fostered the sense of dependence that kept me central in their lives.  I fostered the dependency and fed it like a potted plant sitting in the center of my kitchen table.

I can’t say when that happened or how I got a handle on it but somehow it did in degrees.  I learned if I wanted a different relationship with my children I needed to cut the apron strings and insist on their respect.  It was as hard as hell to hang up the phone when their frustration with the phone company boiled over and burned me who was trying to help.  It was harder still when I learned that if I was to feel an author of my own life I needed to focus on it.  I needed to spend time writing.  I needed to submit the articles and manuscripts to publishers.  I needed to start my own blog.  I was so afraid of failing I was sitting on the sidelines doing nothing.  Pointless wishing.  I had to commit myself to the things I wanted for myself.  I had to spend time and energy on those things.  I had to give up the idea that a guarantee came at the end of them.

I have also given up the idea that the goal at the end of the path is something of my choosing. If I want to be published I have to submit the manuscript. I have to do it over and over.  I can keep talking about being a writer or I can spend time doing it and working on it and hopefully in time receiving money for it.  I can also stop talking about being fit and start doing it.  Every day do it.  That commitment creates opportunity I never saw before.  I am terrified of computers.  I hate technology at times.  I put off blogging because I got tied up in the how tos instead of giving it a whirl and learning it.

Now I have the joy of doing something.  I spend my time doing things that give me joy.  I give up the things that don’t.  It’s like spring cleaning your calendar.  My life requires me to live it and not sit on the sidelines cheering on others.  That’s not to say my friends, my family, and even strangers don’t come to me for help.  I can still kick the crap out of bureaucracies that are in the way of someone’s success.  I still no how to sweet talk things from people when it is needed.  But I also make sure each day has me plodding along building my life.  It has me planning holidays, and special things for friends, it has me giving with a full heart from a place of fullness.  I love giving now because I don’t let people take advantage.  I set boundaries and enforce them.

I don’t have this perfected yet.  Fifty years of living created some habits that are hard to break.  I still love a good pity party.  Sometimes life comes along and gives me a hit and I’m left winded on the ground. But with this vantage point I can gaze at the stars for a while until my wind returns. Sometimes my demons scream at me that I can’t succeed.  But the truth is I can.  Every day I step onto the field I can.  I do succeed.  If I’m on the playing field instead of sitting on the sidelines I’m successful.  My life is meant for my participation.