It's Good That You Both Are Planning Ahead For Your Futures as Vagrants

Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It’s never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They’ve got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I’m gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don’t know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you’re gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.

–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: American Goods

Posted on June 18, 2026
California, Compliments, Geography, Girls, Idiots, Meatheads, Stupidity

…What Do You Look for in a Pastor?

Tall blonde: That's fantastic, he seems really great!
Short brunette: You know what I love most about him? He gets me… I mean he really appreciates my sluttiness!

–World Pie, Bridgehampton, New York

Posted on June 9, 2026
Compliments, Girls, New York, Relationships, Sex

Mommy Told Her All about the Postman When She was Seven

Guy #1: Nice tie.
Guy #2: Yeah, I got it from a relative.
Little girl: No, you didn’t, Daddy. You got it from me.

–White Rock Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: Dan-Mission, B.C.

Posted on May 20, 2026
Canadia, Clothes, Comebacks, Compliments, Default, Family, Guys, Kids

What? A Butt's a Butt, Right?

Dude #1, looking at girl’s butt: I’d say about a six.
Dude #2: Yeah… Out of a hundred!
Dude #1: Okay, fine. What about her… Eight?
Dude #2: Nah.
Dude #1: Well, what do you think?
Dude #2: That man’s about an eight.
Dude #1: Dude…

–Gold Coast, Australia

Posted on April 16, 2026
Ass, Australia, Compliments, Default, Friends, Guys, Homosexuality, Physical Appearance

She Thinks the War in Iraq Is Just Darling

Woman #1: Oh my goodness, you should see your daughter! It looks like she’s been stabbed; it’s the cutest thing.
Woman #2: Oh, really?
Woman #1: Yes! She’s been eating cherries, and the juice has run all down her front and all over her hands. It looks like she has blood all over her–it’s adorable!

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: shawshank

Posted on April 8, 2026
Compliments, Crazies, Family, Ladies, Maine, Violence, Weirdness

They Go to Nude Country Clubs

Naked guy: Do you know why I love going to nude beaches?
Naked chick: Why?
Naked guy: No Republicans.

–Field 5, Robert Moses Beach, New York

Overheard by: Stila

Posted on April 8, 2026
Compliments, Guys, New York, Politics

With Really Nice Tits

Guy #1: Dude, dude! Tits.
Guy #2: Where?

Guy #1 motions to a topless sunbather.

Guy #2: Dude. That’s a guy.

–Miami, Florida

Posted on March 27, 2026
Compliments, Default, Florida, Guys, Idiots, Rack, Stupidity

The Interior Class Struggle

Queer #1: That guy in the blue footy shorts is so hot!
Queer #2: Ewww, Matt, he looks lower class.
Queer #1: We suck cock for a living — you really think we’re classy?
Queer #2: Well, I know I am. I dress in nothing but designer.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Hot Chick