Since my last entry about Tactics Ogre was rather lukewarm and I have since allowed it to completely swallow my free time, thoughts, dreams, and life in general it's probably due some extra rambling.

( You'd think such a pock-marked pisswater face would leave a stronger impression.Collapse )

Pressure washing the house has been strangely affirming. We've had the tools to do it for a long time, but I simply assumed that, like most of the other maintenance we've needed done through the years, it would remain unattempted, nevermind unfinished. At first the excuse was how scary it was to use an extension cord for something with such a high power draw on our ancient wiring, how scary to have an electrical device that also processed and moved water, how scary the tag on the cord that warned of lead and carcinogens and recommended hand washing after use, then the heat outside, then the chill, then sun or rain. In the end it is a simple operation, and perhaps the most frustrating thing about it has nothing to do with the pressure washer itself, but rather the tangle of hoses that results from carrying it and the heavy garden hose from one side of the house to the other in between sessions.

I felt certain I would need help-- that I'd be too short to reach the fascia-- but I don't and it is a wonderful solitary activity with immediately appreciable results. Even without detergent the swath of water cuts through the grime on the house like an eraser. Beneath the accumulated black slime on the deck there is warm-toned wood clean as a chlorinated pool; only a few nails need to be hammered back down before I'd happily tread it barefoot. The tiny droplets of water on the window screens shine like gems, blue and red and orange and gold, in the sunlight. I stop to watch butterflies vie for prime position on the zinnias, see their tiny proboscises search for nectar. Viola seedlings are appearing in the dry pots on the steps by the house. In the yard honeybees-- which I haven't seen in such numbers for years-- flit from weed to yellow weed. There are dragonflies. I begin to see the small ways in which I might care for this place, even if I cannot stay here forever. I begin to see that I am a grown woman, capable of caring for things.

When I turn down the pressure and blast the residual dirt from the deck I can suddenly smell the fish Marco would clean and gut here, long ago, before preparing them for us to eat. That happiness is long past and cannot be retrieved, but I think there may be others yet to savor.

WORK WORK WORK.

It is gradually becoming possible for me to pay my bills again. Not medical bills, those are still impossible. But other stuff.

I still want a retail job. I can't deny I feel drained sometimes, drawing and drawing and drawing and drawing and so little of it things I would feel proud to show to people who are used to seeing me make paintings full of my own ideas...

( Gaming stufCollapse )

Life is exhausting enough to live, never mind having to recount all the details of it later. So instead, more game babble.

( YupCollapse )

I've been playing Skyward Sword pretty slowly (as compared to how I normally play games, anyway) for a few reasons.

1. Work.

2. The colors are really bright and text has almost no contrast with the text window, so it hurts my eyes/head after a few hours. This is WITH the TV brightness turned way down. Combined with the motion controls I'm acutely aware of how this is one of the least disabled accessible games I've played. I am also reminded I need glasses.

3. Flailing your arms around is tiring.

4. Zelda is a little too exciting for me sometimes. Trying to stop a boss sixteen times my size from reaching a temple at the top of a hill. Trying to sneak around creepy guardian creatures in the Silent Realm. Trying to survive some REAL AS FUCK INDIANA JONES BULLSHIT in the Earth Temple. I'm fat and I'm not twenty anymore so I get concerned about how high my heart rate is while playing some of these bits, lol.

So about four hours at a time is my absolute limit before I have to walk away rubbing my eyes and/or trying to calm down. Two of the effects of these things are related:

1. I am having time to speculate, which I almost never have DURING game plays, because I usually blow through the whole game on the first go just to find out what happens. This is making for a really rich experience, in that I feel like I am appreciating the character development and worldbuilding a lot more.

2. However, I am worried that I will get to the end and be let down because all of my questions will get glossed over. I mean, per 1., I'm drawing a lot of conclusions that may never be satisfied. This is a Zelda game, not Ivalice, or Suikoden.

But SS has grown a lot on me. Like, I still don't love the motion controls, but Aonuma really went for it. He tried really hard to make them work, and they are better than motion controls have ever been. Swimming is actually not annoying, and swimming in 3D games is always annoying.

Also, like Twilight Princess, SS has a very strong sense of history. You wonder about what the places you've gone to were like before because there are hints that things were different once. In TP there's the abandoned village, the ruins on the plain, the weird little alleyways in Castle Town, the ghosts of the dead soldiers leading you onward. In SS, Skyloft is infuriatingly boring, but tales of the dangerous surface and the dialogue of the creatures below reveals that people used to be earthbound, and you wonder why they stopped. Who was mining timeshift stones in Lanayru, and why? The robots talk about humans like they're inferior creatures, and not their masters-- who, then, are their masters? Who built the crumbling temples? If this Link is the first Link, who sealed the Imprisoned away before his time? etc. It's the kind of stuff I love thinking about, that makes games an interesting "place" to spend time in. And I'm glad that after so many years, Zelda is still an engaging series with games that have something different to offer.

I still don't like Fi. Have a lot of game left though, I think, so perhaps she will surprise me.

Skyward Sword is COOL AS HECK. I may just be feeling Zelda-deprived, I dunno. I really like the puzzles in this series and this one in particular has a level of challenge that feels perfect to me. I hate motion controls, but SS deals with them in a much more mature way than other Wii games I've played, at least. It has a few actions that you simply stumble upon because they make sense. I'm really impressed with (of all things) the bug catching net controls, where you pivot the controller to either side to angle the net so you can scoop bugs up. And the first fight with Ghirahim was one of the most rewarding in the series. Modern Zelda is at its most engaging when it throws you into duels instead of fights against the typical boss monsters, probably because the newer games have such a strong emphasis on blocking and actual swordplay, where your technique matters.

( But you guys know me, I have to be critical.Collapse )

I'm only just about to go into the second temple, so hopefully some of this stuff will change for the better. But I figured I'd make a post with my whines because I miss whining about video games

Quick post.

( LC menu mock-upsCollapse )

ETA for trees

I found this post I wrote like 5 mos ago haha... ha.......

( LC stuffCollapse )

Meanwhile back in the present: I have not been writing at all, either on the script or the novel, for the last month or so, because commissions (and okay, internet pokemon) have been devouring my time and motivation. Also, lots of headaches, possibly because of the horrid weather.