nymphie

I just saw the CrossFit photos of me. Nothing like focusing on a really painful workout to make you look your most photogenic, hah hah:








(I love this last image because I'm really struggling and there's no weight on the bar, hah hah hah. The bar itself weighs I think 35 lbs.?)

http://crossfit-orlando.com

Last Sunday, Jan 31st, was the Southern Sprints at Florida Tech in Melbourne. The scene was a gym of 60 ergs plus older model warm up ergs and hundreds of rowers, mostly high schoolers, talking, cheering, grunting, and throwing up. Dave, Heather, and I were the only ORC rowers competing in an event. Dave drove me up along with our fans, his wife and my husband. It's not that I like the erg. Like any runner confined to a treadmill, I'd rather be rowing. But significant evidence has time after time shown me that the boat that takes their erg supplemental work outs seriously will always prevail. Do weights on the side. Run. Yoga. That will helped, but there's something about the erg work outs, especially when done together as a team, that makes the boat happen. Perhaps it's that whole "misery loves company" theory where you're given an opportunity to "all be in this together". It not only keeps you honest with your splits, but you're also seeing physical proof that everyone else in your boat is pulling. So I decided to do the Southern Sprints. Mostly it was for the month long erg work out program, but also to give myself an opportunity to develop and carry out to finish a course of action.

So why didn't I get the split I wanted?

This of course falls entirely onto my shoulders. I was excellent with getting my work outs done pretty much to a T for the first two weeks. I used the pace function on the erg to make sure I wasn't going to slow or too fast. In mid January I suffered a few hip flexor set backs and the third week of work outs was a compilation. Another hip injury the week before took me off the erg for the rest of the month. I did not taking a pre tests or do any dry runs. Dave later told me he decided to do a trial erg each week so he could develop a race plan and start to feel each stage of the race. While I did have a race plan, it focused more on short term goals through out the 2,000 meters: start, power 10, length 10, ten for Rob, then start taking tens for various areas of technique, ten for the half way point, ten for 500 meters left, and start the sprint at 200 meters left. No where in there did I focus on feeling, which I think would have greatly improved my performance. I also should have chosen my songs early and done my pre tests to the music.

But I think the most important missed aspect was my B vitamins. My nutritionist prescribed me TRI-B-Plex by Anabolic Laboratories. Many people take it for general energy, but specifically it was prescribed to target my quads and hip flexors. These muscles feed off of the B vitamin and when you have a deficiency as I tend to, there's no fuel for them. I ran out and kept forgetting to pick up a new bottle. This would explain the chronic hip injuries and when you consider that, it was really quiet reckless of me to not pick up another bottle, especially as I see my doctor once a week.

That morning Dave and stretched together and then did some warm ups. Mostly I tend to do 30 second off, power 10, 30 sec off, etc. each time increasing my tens. Laura explains that we have the tendency to reserve ourselves on the warm up for feat of burning all our energy. But in contrast, you want to give your muscles a taste of the power you expect to be performing. Failure to properly warm up is why many people (myself included) tend to see their second piece (if they have one) as being a better one. The tens were going well and I stretched a bit more before coming over to my erg on the end (Erg #1) and just experiencing my environment while stretching a bit more. I met the girl next to me who was in the 30- 39 category as well, but open weight. She was really nice and we had the same water bottle. A previous ORC rower named Lisa, had introduced herself to me before and was a few ergs down. We waved to each other. I find these sort of things help, again it's a "we're all in this together" sort of motivation. I put on my headphones to test the volume and get my first song to the place where the music drops in. Jared nudged me because we were all standing for the national anthem. After that I paddled a bit on my erg until the screens told us all to stop and wait for the signal. ATTENTION appeared on my monitor. I sat a three quarter slide. Then ROW and I went.

My start was amazing. I was aware that I was in this gym with people shouting, but with the music and the focus I internalized my piece. Between that and my whole body going absolutely numb, I felt very detached, a no-thing-ness, if you will. I glanced at my split during the first ten and was in the low 1:40s. It was a feeling like I could go forever. At about 1200 meters the story had drastically changed. We call this mistake "fly and die" and I am ashamed to say it is usually made by amateurs. I could dramatically feel the effects of the B deficiency. My heart was going strong. My breathing was working well to oxygenate my blood and muscles. My abs, chest, back, everything was ready to hit that 2:00 split goal. But there was absolutely nothing in my quads. Sit on your leg for a while until it goes to sleep and then try to stand. It's a frustrating moment of paralysis. It's a very similar feeling, being able to pin point your fatigue to one muscle group, only the pins and needle feeling isn't there. Instead it's an exhaustion like you would normally feel in your chest after a run, but it's in your quads. That same stripped, burned out feeling. My splits rose up, up, up. At one point I think I saw 2:12, but mostly I remember 2:10. You can't change your screen settings and this one calculated your average split. I usually avoid that because when that goes up my hope goes down. I tried not to look. I should have taped over it. If anyone else came over to see them I didn't realize. I only heard Jared because he came up to the front of my erg and looked me in the face. I couldn't really hear all of what he's saying, by that point you go through oxygen deprivation and all your supplies go away from brain function. But it was something about "C'mon!" and "Get your split down." But at that point I absolutely positively couldn't. It's the absolute worst and frustrating feeling and i can only explain it like when you have a dream you have fallen and can't get up no matter how much effort you put in. Again there's that numbing. You know you're extorting a lot of effort, you know you can't do anything beyond what you are currently doing, but you also know it's not good enough. Later Jared said he looked at my face and knew I was in trouble, knew I would not be able to get the split down any more.

Nausea had set in, I could taste the almonds I ate an hour before and I started to hate them. I'm not sure what was preventing me from throwing up all over the front of myself and my erg, but I could feel some sort of muscular tension. My music was blasting but I absolutely did not care. It couldn't motivate me at all, even though it felt like it was trying extra hard. I remember Jared being there at 200 meters left. All I could do for my sprint was try to take up the rate. I think I managed to go from a 26 to a 27. Not being able to have that explosive last 20- 25 stroke split is like "blue balls", your race just sort of fizzles out to an end. I remember Jared saying last 5 and me thinking I actually should have closer to ten, but he must have counted out the strokes for me because we arrived at the last one together. Then, I don't know if I did it just because I could, but I doubled over while struggling to unhinge my feet and started coughing. The moment you stop you feel your pores catch up with you and sweat started oozing everywhere, stinging my eyes and fogging my glasses. I grabbed the trash can they put by each erg and start heaving. I wanted to get up those almonds, that tea, that water, that protein shake, everything I had drank that morning and just purge myself of this entirely disappointing piece. But again my efforts brought no bounty when all that I was able to spit up was a few pockets of foamy mucus. The underlying theme being a continuation of a chase at some sort of conclusion, never to reach that final closing line.

Jared's hand must have been on my back, I don't know. You internalize so much. The girl next to me had all her high school rowers (she was a coach) behind her cheering. I knew she had done well. Jared handed me a glass of some neon yellow piss in a cup one of the official had given him. It tasted like sports drink which I try to stay away from because they're usually filled with HFCS, way too much sodium, and sugar. But before your brain has it's blood supply back you do what you're told and I drank it with out tasting it. When I could finally stand I congratulated my neighbor and she told me she had gotten her goal of 7:40 with a 7:39.something. I was happy I made weight and pissed at myself. Dave too got a PR. I was happy for him but it was just another reminder at how poorly prepared I was. Lisa told me she didn't get her goal either and I felt relieved, but I don't think it was schadenfreude, at least I hope not.

In the end I rowed my 2k in 8:14.8, with a split of 2:03.7. I wasn't able to get my goal of 2:00 flat, nor was I able to beat my Rollins split of 2:01.9 from 1998. I did however, PR in terms of my time at ORC. Before that my best time was a split of 2:03.9 back in May of 2009, when we were submitting erg tests to be considered for the national boat going to New Jersey. And that was an erg where I did everything right. So that means things can only get better form here. Today my doctor's office is open and I plan on swinging by after work to get the largest size bottle of Tri- B Plex. The sports masseuse I went to on Friday told me I had torn my hip flexor and it was now repairing itself and we have to stretch the muscle tendons back out. The process is pretty painful, but I can do much of it myself. So I take full responsibility in this bitter sweet gold medal I have and I know have a plan for the 2010 rowing season.

You know what? Tomorrow is going to be a great day.

You know how I know?

Because I have the power to make it a great day with my attitude.

So even though since the last time we talked I managed to screw something up again (doh over draftage!) after spending an hour hiding in the bathtub with my bath bombs and my tea cup (yeah, I was drinking tea while taking a bath) I decided not to play martyr anymore. My husband makes a mess. I knew that before I married him and I still chose to marry him. Since I'm the only one that has a problem with it, I should be the one to deal with it.

Tomorrow I am wearing my new pants. I bought them months ago at Anthropologie for like $20 (oh yeah!) and haven't worn them yet because they're too long. But I said screw it and snipped the ends off the liner (who's gonna see it anyway? I'll hem it one day) and rolled the pant legs up. With a pair of heels nothing drags anymore. And they make my butt looking convincingly small due to the busy plaid pattern confusing one's perception of depth. So double bonus.

I washed my hair tonight, I shaved, tomorrow is pay day and I'm going to get up early and crank out errands until I have to be up in my office at 1 PM. I'm going to get more dog food and I'm going to take George for a long walk, and I'm going to pay my bills. And then I am going to go to work and grade all my DCG projects and discussion points along with all my DPH projects and mark up their photos and get those emailed out and then BAM I'm going to go to the boat house and do my erg. And I'm not going to feel sorry for myself because I feel "aw awone" in doing this Southern Sprint thing. The Rollins boys are in there lifting weights even though Shawn didn't tell them to, and they keep me company with their (mostly) god awful music and Maximum posters. My mom's going to the medfaire instead of my race, who cares, she comes to all my other races, and besides, Crazy Dave and Laura will be there to cheer me on if they're not busy. And hopefully Jared, too if he doesn't have too much homework. And if he does, so what. Who do I ultimately row for? Me. No one else. I'll keep myself company.

Then I'm going to come home and take in that totally awesome Patagonia dress I got on super sale that was too large but looks awesome on Tara when she wears her black version of it (mine's brown so I don't feel like a total copier, just a partial one) so I really wanted to get it and did I mention it was on sale for a great price? Then I will get this darn laundry folded and put away because I'm getting tired of looking at it. And maybe Jared won't know I accidentally washed one of his wool hats because it fell in the pile of laundry that I grabbed off the floor and didn't notice it was in there until I was pulling stuff out of the wash and even though you can't tell I still feel really bad because the tag said "Dry Clean Only" and oh shoot, I shouldn't have said that because I just gave myself away.

Making progress.


Insert inspirational quote here.


Possibly something about mountains.

Jared is a person of consequences. So you tried to bake me cookies. You still burned down my house in the process. I am a person of effort. I'll still be pissed about my house, but not as much so as if you were trying to do burn it down in the first place. It's good for Jared because he gets my A for Effort even if the dinner he makes goes horribly wrong (unlikely to happen) but I don't get the benefit of a courtesy chuckle when I attempt a joke. Anyway, I don't want to live my life thinking no good deed goes unpunished because the I might stop risking my life to do them.

I've had a weird day today. Lots of stuff has gone wrong and I have taken full responsibility on myself. I think a lesser "developed" person, someone farther back on the road of finding their own personal "way" would easily find a reason to discard things as bad luck, or bad timing, or other people's mistakes. But I know things I could have done to change the outcome. So maybe I'm treating myself the way Jared thinks, looking at the consequences. But I believe this is part of my path, my way. I don't think there's a reason why we're here. I think reasons for things is something our human mind's developed a need to have. But here we are. A= A, it is what it is. Some things we can't control. I didn't have a choice to be born, but here I am, making the best of it. A horrible earth quake hit Haiti and we can listen to Pat Robinson's explanation, as foreign as it sounds to me and many others, or we can say, "Well that really sucks, let's send some aid to help them out." And I think that's more important than coming up with a reason why it happened.

I spoke with John today on iChat. John is my, well, for lack of a better term my T.A., though I'd put him on a higher level than that. He was in a bad car accident a few months ago. The other driver (at fault) ended up being released from the hospital with a few scratches where as John has had several surgeries and still suffers from a broken foot that has him confined to a wheelchair for the time being and a broken arm that has caused radial nerve damage so that his right hand is only at 25% use. He says it should go back to almost 100% eventually, but in the meantime he is having to learn to do everything left handed and has had to pass off all his freelance work (he does a lot of photo post production and consultation to photographers before shoots.) Anyway, he told me about 2 seconds after the accident happened as he was laying in his car, glass everywhere, that he decided he was going to face what had happened head on and with a positive attitude and I completely agree and have so much respect for his decision.

Turning 30 has been an interesting time in my life. I feel like up until this point it is like you are walking towards this cliff and lots of people have seen what's it's like to look down at the edge to the bottom miles below. And they tell you about it, "Oh it's beautiful! There's a waterfall and trees and flowers, but very dangerous, too with sharp rocks and thorns and hungry bears." And you try to picture it but really, how can you know? Well, now, at 30 I am looking at the edge of that cliff. And I know see with new eyes and understand much deeper what to means to fall off the edge. I even see people around me fall. But I still don't fully know because I haven't fallen yet. And I still think I'm special. I still think I won't fall no matter how careless I am. Or I think if I do fall, I will sprout wings or someone will catch me. Then other days I think, that's stupid, if I fall I'm going to just fall. I don't know that I necessarily want to reach a point in my life where down below the surface of my skin I no longer think I'm special. What I mean by that is you hear those stories about people having their identity taken or being attacked by hyenas and they say: "I never thought it would happen to me." Or you read those pamphlets about STDs and the testimonies of people that say: "I didn't think I was at risk! Why did this happen to me." But looking over the edge of that cliff, I still feel like I am destined for greatness. I have thankfully never had an STD (had the blood tests to prove it) but there have been times in my life where it could have happened. I wasn't a pious virgin when Jared met me and I didn't have a perfect protection record (they say even wearing a condom you can catch Herpes.) Is that why I feel that I am special? No. But I will do my best to have society and those I care about gain from any greatness I have. I know it won't come if I don't put the effort forth. But I feel like my hard work will pay off in the end. Maybe greatness means an inner greatness, but I suspect it means an outer one as well. So I guess anyone reading this can one day say the cliched: "And I knew her when." But if I loose that feeling that I am special, I think I will loose my drive to even attempt at anything worth while. I still mourn the loss of complete ignorance to how I dressed in 4th grade. I remember fondly being so utterly un- self conscious. So I won't give up this child- like wonder too easily.

Through all of this, I have decided I need to start getting up at 7 AM. It was one of my New Years Resolutions, but I have only done it once. I keep setting my alarm and hitting snooze until 8, or sometimes even 10 if I don't have to get up to go lecture. I'm not quiet sure how getting up at 7 AM will solve all my problems, but I think it will be the right way to start out my day. The responsible thing to do.

So today Albannach came to the school to shoot three music videos in the green screen room and Mac and Tim asked me to come shoot behind the scenes as well as do their promo shots/bio pic shots for their website. Ummm, okay! ;) We spent about 6 hours from start to finish. Interesting guys. Two had heavy accents that made it hard to understand them. The others sounded like Groundskeeper Willie or Fat Bastard. An obvious accent but easy to understand pronunciation. I asked if it was hard to understand me, but they said no, growing up on American movies made them used to the way Americans talk. They say "wee" and "aye" a lot and I made them try to talk like an American.

Albannach is kind of like a boy band in that every fan(girl) you talk to seems to have a different favorite member. Tim's wife, for instance, goes absolute ga ga for pescatarian, Jamesie, the "owner" of the band, with his long hair. I made 80's hair band references at him and he started on about his hero, Nikki Sixx. I myself am an Aya gal with his punkish haircut and elk headed man tattoo. But he's a pain in the ass to photograph :). On stage doing a concert or all to myself in the studio he seems like he wants nothing to do with the camera. He says he's shy and anytime a girl gets within spitting distance from him he retrogrades into himself. It took getting him outside of the studio in the open and Tim assisting with the bounce board before he would work with me. And in the end, when I asked him about his dagger he pulled it out and pretended to mug me, a sudden crack in the stiff facade. Davy was by far the easiest to model. He would go from a full grinned face after Tim had cracked a joke to a stern look the second my lens popped over my eye. Took direction really well. I asked him if he had modeled before and he told me just band shoots. Donnie, I just made fun of :) until he started talking about the kids back in Scotland taking tomato fertilizer as a drug for it's hallucinogenic effects and actually started giving me what I wanted. Colin was easy enough to work with once I got him to stop being so stiff in his body and hold his shoulders the way I wanted :).


Not one of my pictures, but you get the point.

At the end of the day I went by Jared's office to let him know I was taking off. And despite spending all day with shirtless Scotsmen in kilts, when I saw him I realized how happy I was to see him. Tim loves to tease his wife about her infatuation with Jamesie. He talks about getting a big poster made of him to hang up in her office. And I think after today I understand how he can play like this. I love my husband and I'm happy to be with him. It was nice to be given another affirming reminder.

Let's see how I am doing:

Iron Bridge before and after bed.: Have done it every night, forget in the AM. Started with 30 sec first week, now on 40 seconds.

Dishes rinsed and in the washer before bed: I left them for a few days one week but have been fairly consistent.

Small dinners: I need to serve myself then put the rest in a doggie bag before I eat.

Finish my current tech manual by the end of Jan: Done!

Practice a trick a week with George from my new book: I have been practicing the same trick every day. Right now we are learning the names of his toys.

Wear my ankle weights more: Forgot about this one until yesterday! I have had them on all day today.

Save $1,000 by May for "rainy day fund": I'm still at $0.

Reshoot Sundae Bloody Sundae: Not yet.

Get prints from Pinatas made: Not yet.

Drastically decrease sugar and carb intake while increased vegetables: Sweets are limited to the chocolates I already have and the short bread Jared's been making. I've been buying veggie snacks and juice but I need to do more pre made salads.

Donate to Outward Bound: Not yet.

8 minute 2K: Haven't taken a 2K test straight yet. I've been doing all my erg practices with the 2 min goal in mind.

Stabilize at 120 lbs.: I had a really "fat" week where I went up to 128! Doc says I had a lot of fluid retention in my kidneys and gave me a supplements to use for a cycle. I'll weigh myself tonight at the boathouse and see.

Mat and frame my mother's pictures: Not yet :(.

Get that stack of books read on my desk: I read the first chapters of two books.

Work towards a less materialistic lifestyle: See Below.

Agree to go to more Say Yes events: I went to lacrosse!

Go swimming more: It's been too cold for this but can't wait!

Next pay period I want to try an exercise in discipline and consumerism. Each pay period Jared and I normally get $100 each "fun cash", which we can spend on whatever snake oil or crap we want. Next pay period's will go in an envelope and I'm not allowed to spend it or buy myself any "treats" for the entire 2 weeks. This includes:

-Going out to lunch/dinner.
-Chocolate/ice cream/cookies/cheese/beauty products/etc from Whole Foods.
-Movie Theater.
-Buying DVDs.
-Clothes.

At the end of the two weeks/next pay period cycle I have two choices:

1. Use it along with that $100 to buy something more expensive, like the Newton running shoes I have my eyes on.
2. Put it in the rainy day fund and just use my $100 for that new pay period.
3. Try to save them both and keep building up fun cash so I can buy something really big.
4. Donate it to charity (doing Outward Bound this year.)

I was going to start it this week but I spent $50 of it (then cut myself off) and I still have some alpaca gloves and arm warmers coming in the mail so I want to wait until everything I bought has come so I have a true "dry" period.

Tags: introspection, money

Back when I shot this I didn't know as much about lighting. I also shot it on outdoor balanced film since the initial plan was to use natural light, but the day ended up being cloudy and I brought in Tungsten and forgot to put the filter on my camera. So as a result, lots of post was needed.

	Original scan straight from the negative at 1200 ppi, some adjustments done in the scanner.
	Original scan straight from the negative at 1200 ppi from the last frame, where I liked the puddle of the sundae better. Some adjustments done in the scanner.
	Sundae portion after Adobe Camera Raw adjustments.
	Double processing done to all layers in ACR, masks applied and some curves and sharpen/blur applied to different channel in Lab Color mode. Final file size: 123.2 M Current Dimensions: 7.5 x 11, 300 ppi

The piece is going into the Staff art show and I'll be printing it poster size. Since the layers are smart objects, I can still adjust the final dimensions and should be okay to print it at roughly the size print Kuro is modeling:



It still needs some tweaks on the boots and skin, but I have to stop picking at it today.