| Anyone out there? |
[19 Mar 2010|02:53pm] |
Friends list! Anyone have facebook/twitter? We should be friends there.. I check that much more often.
facebook.com/littlewords
and little_words for twitter
<3
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| Whatever you do |
[24 Nov 2007|10:35am] |
Don't order from 1800 Mattress. They're dirty, rotten, ASSHOLES who sell faulty merchandise and then fuck you over when you need to have it replaced.
The frustration over this has moved me to tears. Good God.
Yes, hi. I am alive. Remember me?
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| The irony... |
[02 Oct 2007|03:26am] |
...of finally finding someone that I love, without question, and being so filled with anxiety and dread over letting those stupid 3 words slip that I'm moved to tears sometimes. I guess I never envisioned love to be like this. It isn't supposed to be, right? I guess it's good I'm kind of quick on my feet, and when I feel the words starting to come up... I make a snarky remark and push it back down.
On the good side, Gram is out of the hospital! She was bleeding internally because her blood vessels in her colon are really, really weak. Being on two types of BLOOD THINNERS (stupid doctors) didn't mix well with that. They're working on getting her strong again.
And on the bad side again, FUCK you too if you're gonna be like this. Don't expect me to crawl back.
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| Slicing your fingertip open with a scissor is never fun, guys. Never. |
[25 Sep 2007|10:25am] |
Life has been passing me by so damn quickly. I can't believe it's almost October, I really can't. I'm taking two REALLY demanding classes this semester, I'm still settling into my apartment, and I'm working full time (I swear to God, if it happens that they make my library open 9am-9pm on weekdays, I'll kill myself). Oy. I brought my TV to my house with my cousin after work on Wednesday, and I haven't turned it ON since Wednesday night. I'm seriously re-thinking even getting cable at this point, because I don't have the damn time to freakin' watch it.
Got a call on Sunday. My Grandma (Dad's mom) is in the hospital. She had to have two blood transfusions. They're keeping her there for the week to test her, but as of last night.. they weren't going to even START testing until Friday. My aunt was crying to my Dad on the phone, because she's all by herself with Gram and overwhelmed. My uncle is an asshole and God knows where my cousins are. He's going up today, which means I can't travel with him this weekend. If I can swing it, I'll drive up Friday night and stay the weekend. I don't like hearing about people being sick, I need to go there and see how they look myself... because I hate being lied to - - 'Oh, they're fine, don't worry.' BS. I never missed a visit with my Dad last summer, because he would lie about being okay over the phone when he wasn't.
I got really upset when my mother told me, because I feel terribly guilty that I don't talk to Grandma Creech as much as I should. I wanted to visit during the summer with Gram, as Gram and Grandma C haven't seen each other in 12 years...but I never got up there. Crap always came up, and it's such a looong ride, and then staying for like a day so as not to overwhelm her, then leave again. Sigh. But I'll make the trip on Friday night after work, if need be.
My mom kept saying on the phone, "Oh Jessie, she's gonna be fine. She's such a strong woman," but my mother hasn't seen Gram since she was sick 2 years ago. She ISN'T that strong, spunky woman anymore. She doesn't eat enough, she gets tired really easy... she's frail. She's going to be 92, for Christ's sake..and I forget that sometimes. Aggghh.
I have lots of work due on Thursday for my IT class, makeup work for my Museum class since I missed class last week (I went to our union meeting and won a $500 scholarship), and still trying to get the necessities for my apartment. I'm sorry I haven't been updating or commenting lately, I'll get back into the groove eventually.
Now it's time to read about "Art Museum Libraries and Librarianship," oh joy. I just pulled about 6 books from the collection to fill up my back to school display, and I still have an hour left on the desk until lunch time. Gotta read.. sigh. Bye for now, friends.
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[10 Sep 2007|07:50pm] |
I don't think it's hit me yet - -
I'm moving out. I got a studio apartment. It's going to be MINE and I can come and go as I please. Just Chloe and I, taking on the world.
Holy CRAP, Batman!
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| I'm alive! |
[18 Aug 2007|12:22pm] |
Oy vey, time is passing me by, f-list! Work is crazy and sucks up allll my time, and I've been housesitting..so that sucks it up too. In fact, I'll be housesitting for TWO people at once (for two days, at least). Way to take on a lot, huh?
I love being a Children's Librarian. As stressful as it is sometimes, it's so damn rewarding. I have a young patron who just turned 12, so he migrated down to the Teen Room. He still visits me, though, and is so excited that he can work here when he's 14. He even asked me if I'd still be here in 2 years, and was thrilled at the prospect of maybe putting my books away. Sigh!!
Class starts up again next Tuesday and let me tell you how thrilled I am (definitely not). I loved not having to budget my time like a crazy person and well, I dunno, I guess wanting school to end will just push me harder to finish.
Let's see...oh! I got a tattoo! A cute silhouette of a cat on the inside of my right ankle, and I'm planning my second one to probably go in between my shoulder blades. Mad excited, yo!
I just finished my November - June planning memo for work, I'm taking a rest, and then when I'm on desk again from 2-330, I shall make some headway on my Easy Book Replacement List.
I had a headache ALL day yesterday, and then today on my way to work...yes, you guessed it - - nosebleed. It made my head feel weird and pressurized til like..just a little while ago. It's not fair. :(
So, yeah, that's about it. Dad goes for CAT scan on the 28th, and then it gets read and he sees his doctors at the hospital on September 11th. Ick. Keep your fingers crossed for him?
Life's okay otherwise.. it's going by super fast...and I just wanted to check in. I'm hoping y'all are doing swell and dandy and all that mushy crap.
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[02 Aug 2007|01:06am] |
What's done is done. I'm sick of trying to prove that I'm good enough...for someone who didn't even put up a fight. So... I guess that's it.
Jeanine and Jenn said we should move to Australia. American girls are considered beautful and everyone wants them. It would be nice.
No, because you know what? About a year ago I was fine on my own. I desired no one and no one desired me and it was great. No complications. I was resigned to my fate. I'm a loner like my dad and it's fine. Why did stuff have to go and get all fucked up and complicated? I'd like to rewind time.
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| It's been a great day off so far |
[18 Jul 2007|03:13pm] |
My period is due any second. I spent $200 at the vet for Chloe. I cried all the way TO the vet because she's yowling and crying so badly that my heart broke. I'm driving with one hand so that my right hand can be somehow shoved through the wires of the carrying case because I needed Chloe to know that I was still there. I tried to pet her, though it didn't work. I had to call Annie and cry to her because.. well.. she's Annie and I call her to cry to, even if she's at work, apparently. I had a bank fiasco with my grandmother because my sister just couldn't go to the ATM last night like she was asked to. (I went to the ATM for her at the branch closest to us, which closed but still has an ATM. I wasn't told that I had to take the money out of her SAVINGS and not checking, so I wound up overdrawing. So I drove to the branch by the freaking MALL and spoke to the lady there, had to deposit the money back in so Gram wasn't charged, then go to the ATM outside and take the money back out again.)
I got caught in the rain. I'm not going to Lisa's to see if I can actually move out because crap is crazy over there. And Gram, who seemed unfazed the other day when I was talking about moving out, just told me that I can't move out while she's still alive. "It'll make me die," were her exact words.
Okay. So last night I cried out of sadness and frustration, then finally went to bed. This morning I cried out of pity for my cat, I cried out of complete frustration over hauling my ass to two different banks on my day off and now out of, guess what, frustration and guilt.
So, it's fine. I won't move out. I'll stay here and go out of mind. By myself.. because I'm not good enough to commit to. And I'm spilling all of this to a silly electronic journal. I'm going to go to the pet store (a different one) and see if I can find a bigger tank for my little Henry. At least he's okay. Dear God. You know... the vet said that if it isn't a bladder infection for Chloe, then it's a behavioral problem.. in which case he has a different medicine for that. Ahahaha! So Chloe is crazy like her mama. And her grandma. Ahaha..AND HER GRANDPA. Wow. Crazy Creech family..even the animals are fucking nuts.
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[18 Jul 2007|12:13am] |
I kind of wish my phone would ring but it's not going to. So I'm shutting it off and going to bed.
Work was hell today and I just about hated every freaking aspect of it. Good times.
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| Almost every song on her first CD makes me cry |
[17 Jul 2007|06:43pm] |
But maybe that's just my mood as of late. If I ever get to have children, I'm naming my daughter Norah. It's decided.
I'm going to take a cool shower. I'm going to put on a tshirt and NO PANTS, and I'm going to lie on my bed and mope. Because I can.
I've tried so hard my dear to show
That you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid each thing I do
Is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past
Keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart
Another love before my time
Made your heart sad an' blue
And so my heart is paying now
For things I didn't do
In anger unkind words are said
That make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart
There was a time when I believed
That you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled
To a memory
The more I learn to care for you
The more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold cold heart - - Norah Jones
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| Flying into a rage over a cat peeing on a couch |
[14 Jul 2007|02:04am] |
My mother is a fucking crazy person and I will NOT turn into her. And I WILL seriously look at apartments on Craigs List tomorrow. I'm fucking done with this house.
You know, the cat is 7 years old...obviously something's wrong.
"I could CRY I'm so upset!" WELL, GUESS WHAT. DONT BUY A $5000 COUCH THAT YOURE GOING TO COVER UP WITH PET BLANKETS ANYWAY BEAUSE GUESS WHAT. WE HAVE A DOG. AND THREE CATS. I've seen my couch like 3 fucking times since we've had it. Assohle.
God. I really am done.. it's like fate.
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[13 Jul 2007|02:49am] |
It's almost 3 am and I'm still awake. I need to read picture books to kiddies tomorrow and drink wine in the Reference Room for Ma'lis' retirement party. Damnit, I have to be up in 4 hours. I have to stop rubbing my eyes (damn habit), because my War Wound (aka Door Fight) hurts.
Are you reading this, Mr. O? Hi. :)
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[11 Jul 2007|08:25pm] |
"I'm gonna go watch tv." Wow, okay. Bye dad. There goes the bonding. It's amazing that my dad and I only bond over drinking wine. Oh well.
You know, one of these goddamn days, I'm gonna be someone's priority. I'm gonna be the first person they think of to call..maybe this is karma for me not making Declan my priority. I dunno, ugh. One of these days, though, maybe..just maybe.. I'll be important to someone. Fucking a.
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[11 Jul 2007|08:23pm] |
Torrential downpours? Slamming your fucking CAR DOOR INTO YOUR EYESOCKET SO ITS NICE AND SWOLLEN???!
Who fucking cares...when you can eat pistachios and share a bottle of red wine with your dad. Gotta admit.. I'm kinda tipsy. Bottles emtpy..glasses are empty..and we have a growing mountain of pistachio shells in front of us. Fuck the world indeed.
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| Oh!!! |
[05 Jul 2007|10:31pm] |
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You know what today is? Today is Cassie's birthday. Cassie is one of the sweetest, most sincere person ever and never fails to let you know that she cares and is thinking about you. So, my friend, I am thinking about you today and sending you hugs and squeezes and mental pictures of Walmart Boy naked. Hee.
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| Victory at last |
[28 Jun 2007|01:46am] |
TWICE today people commented on my weight! My boss, Kyoko, told me I shouldn't lose any more weight because I'm thin now and I'll be too skinny if I lose anymore. Too bad I'm aiming for 10 more lbs! AND my cousin Neil stops, looks at me, and goes, "Jesus Christ, you're fucking SKINNY!"
I love it! For years now, all I've heard is, "Ohh, remember how skinny Jessie used to be? Look how Jessie's filled out!" Hah, getting back to my normal self, bitches! Size 4 now! I can't wait. I must admit... I kinda love it.
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| Right. So. |
[06 Jun 2007|05:47pm] |
I think it might be just about definite that I'm switching my speciality from adult to children's. i'm just...miserable in adult and i look forward to being upstairs and i've been reassured a lot that i can handle it and i'd be good at it. and damn, it'd make me happy. the kids make me happy.
i've got a lot going on in my head right now. too much. time for class, though. 6-930, damnit. because my days weren't long enough BEFORE SUMMER CLASS. right..anyway.. i just wanted to check in. i'm alive, f-list, and i hope you're all okay and doing well and happy. i hope you're happy. cause..uhh... i'm really not. sigh.
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[31 May 2007|06:36am] |
Nosebleeds at 6am! I love it! Especially when I have to be ready really quick to spend a day with Library Journal and lots of publishers. Ohhh, I love my life.
Doctor should have given me more zoloft, I say.
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[23 May 2007|07:41am] |
I can't tell you the last time I slept through the night. Honestly. I'm 23 years old and I'm HEALTHY and I don't fucking sleep. I woke up at 215 last night and stared at my fucking ceiling until 530. That's fucking great, as I have work 9-430 today and then class 6-930 and I won't be home until 1130. And ambien? Had me so hungover and unrested on Monday, that I almost hit a car on the way to work. Yeah. I clipped SOMETHING and it pushed my passenger side mirror in. I got to work, hardly spoke to Yoli, and rested my head on my desk for the 20 minutes before work started. I never do that.
I'm calling the doctor today and I'm gonna try and make an appointment for Tuesday when I'm off. This is ridiculous.
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