This is another version of how incredible women are at reinvention when a relationship ends from divorce, chronic illness, or death. It is a staggering learning curve in traditional marriages where jobs are gender-allotted and suddenly it is all on the last one standing. I had all the online computer-oriented end of things he loved and I avoided to fumble through... putting accounts in my name and having the provider leave all his accounts active and eliminate all of mine - my emails, my email addresses... poof! Paying bills, banking, all online and all now mine. Fixing things. I amazed myself the day I installed a new shower head.. little things, and yes, the snow shovel that was too big for me and the weed-eater & power lawnmower for his 6 ft frame all had to go. This year I purchased a replacement BBQ... another of "his" things he would have researched and hunted for the best deal. They are trivial successes but they are mine. And after three years as a widow, I came to the startling conclusion that for the first time in my life I am really taking care of me, focusing all the energy of nurturing others first without guilt.
I resonate with so much of this. Paying bills and managing our finances was a huge one--formerly Mike's job, suddenly mine. (And then I discovered how long he'd been struggling to handle that job and just pretending to do it . . . but that's a subject for another post.) Every little thing about your life changes when you lose the person who was your partner, regardless of how you lose them.
This is another version of how incredible women are at reinvention when a relationship ends from divorce, chronic illness, or death. It is a staggering learning curve in traditional marriages where jobs are gender-allotted and suddenly it is all on the last one standing. I had all the online computer-oriented end of things he loved and I avoided to fumble through... putting accounts in my name and having the provider leave all his accounts active and eliminate all of mine - my emails, my email addresses... poof! Paying bills, banking, all online and all now mine. Fixing things. I amazed myself the day I installed a new shower head.. little things, and yes, the snow shovel that was too big for me and the weed-eater & power lawnmower for his 6 ft frame all had to go. This year I purchased a replacement BBQ... another of "his" things he would have researched and hunted for the best deal. They are trivial successes but they are mine. And after three years as a widow, I came to the startling conclusion that for the first time in my life I am really taking care of me, focusing all the energy of nurturing others first without guilt.
I resonate with so much of this. Paying bills and managing our finances was a huge one--formerly Mike's job, suddenly mine. (And then I discovered how long he'd been struggling to handle that job and just pretending to do it . . . but that's a subject for another post.) Every little thing about your life changes when you lose the person who was your partner, regardless of how you lose them.