I am so not interested in being at work today. *sigh* I keep checking the clock to see if it's time for a lunch break.

I have been incredibly sloth-like over the last two months. As a result I have gained some weight and my pants are snugger than I'd like. So Monday I dragged myself out of bed in the morning to workout and only managed 16 minutes of a cardio workout before I was wiped out. *headdesk* Not good. Yesterday morning I stayed in bed with cramps, but today I got up again and this time I managed 27 minutes of yoga. I stopped when the video I was doing made the switch to a yoga/pilates ab workout. I just looked at the screen and said, "No. Not today. No fucking way." But I figure I'm doing something, right? I'm trying. My goal on the cardio workout is to get a little bit farther next time. Just a little more each day until I'm able to do the whole thing, because I really should be able to do the whole thing.

The weird thing with the workouts too is that I can hike, I can do long walks with the dogs, whatever. So I'm not totally out of shape. I feel confident going into the field for a SAR mission, but I have always sucked at video/classroom workouts. That said, 16 minutes of cardio is pathetic and I can do better. I WILL do better.

I've been fiddling more with my diet and managing to increase my fruits and vegetables, which is good. And I feel good about that, I just wish the scale would better reflect that. (I know, I know... stick with the healthy eating and get my ass moving and I'll be fine. I'm just in that rut right now.)
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In other news... I don't really have any other news. My life is boring right now. I'm not going to complain about that. Boring means no drama and there's nothing wrong with that.

Hello internets. I've been around, but quiet lately. Work has been overwhelming as we've had some clients with crises and some training and stuff. And my mind has been scattered lately. I've not been sleeping well, including a nightmare last night. WTF? Anyway...

The high points of my last couple of weeks? I went to a yoga class on 5/7, 5/14, and 5/15! I'm so proud of myself. I found out that the owner of the studio down in Winter Park does some satellite classes. One of them is Monday evenings in the county admin building just one block from my office. So I went to that two weeks in a row and the M (the instructor) said she also teaches Tuesday night at the new med center in my town, so this week I blew off trivia and went to that class too. They're hatha classes, with really excellent focus (and correction) on form which has been great. Last week our focus area was on balance and we did extensive alternate nostril breathing and then some warrior and side angle balance work. It was awesome. This week (both classes) the focus was on backbends and was f-ing amazing.

I love that M moves around and will make subtle adjustments when needed or just vocal cues like "shoulders back" and then a "good person X" for whomever needed the cue. She's really gentle of spirit and soft-spoken and her style of teaching is so welcoming. I do, however, want to take a flow class at the studio with one of her other teachers for comparison. M's a little "spiritual" for some tastes, but I can work with that since her instruction is so good. And when she presses on my low back during downward dog? It's like heaven. *g*

Now if I can just get my ass out a bed a couple times a week to do morning yoga at home... With the crappy sleep lately, I have been really sluggish in the mornings. I haven't been on time to work all week (though, I've mostly been no more than 10 minutes late).

I'm continuing to "work the food" of my sugar sensitivity thing. Breakfast has been good and I've officially started step two -- journaling. I left the e-mail list for step one and got this auto e-mail from the list mod asking if I had any comments or if I was leaving for a specific reason. I wrote a lengthy e-mail back letting her know that it was a mix of not needing help on step one (because I've always been a breakfast eater) and having trouble reading messages from people who were counting everything and talking about how hard it is to eat. I got enough of that shit from my mother growing up and I do NOT do well with that because of my mom's disordered eating. She wrote me back that she finds breakfast easy too and understands and wishes me well as I move to step two. It was nice.

I'm also ready to start adjusting my food choices for my dosha after reading through the Yoga Body Diet a couple of times and taking the dosha-type quiz there and a couple others online. I'm a bit terrified though because for kapha they recommend giving up most dairy. Seriously? No dairy? But I LOVE milk. And cheese. And cottage cheese is half my morning protein every day. I'm going to have to start that one slowly. Interestingly though, I've found lately that the more I "do the food" and limit my sugar, the more having milk at dinner bothers my stomach. It's not a problem in the morning, but a glass of milk with dinner leads to terrible bloat. At first I thought maybe it was food, but since I've been journaling the only common denominator seems to be milk so I'm going to cut out dinnertime milk for now and see how I feel.

In my loads (not) of spare time, I've read some hockey fic. Don't ask, I don't know. There's also been continued knitting and (mostly) keeping up with my usual TV shows.

Well... must get back to work now. I've got TWO clients who just lost their Medicaid for unknown reasons and are in crisis mode. *shoot me now*

Today's my first post-vacation day at the office and I'm ready for a nap at only 1:30pm. *sigh*

I was supposed to work yesterday, but do to storms in Chicago, my connecting flight out of there left 2.5 hours after scheduled and I didn't get home until almost 4am on Monday. Chris amazingling got up and went to work. I ... did not.

But I'm here today, plowing through emails and voicemails and stuff left on my desk. Not too overwhelming (amazingly), but enough to keep me busy.

Vacation was grand. turnonmyheels posted about our adventures, so i didn't bother. I will simply say that I drank everyday, I ate a lot, and I have good times with my BFF. We went on an 8-mile hike and I went to four yoga classes with her (one just before she took me to the airport on Sunday) and attended one of her Zumba classes (then politely declined the other one). We saw Bring It On: The Musical and a show about Billie Holliday. I got to see some of B's family and friends. And I finally got my butter keeper (which is now filled and sitting on the kitchen counter, yay!).

This morning I got up early and tried to do some yoga before work. I say tried because it was the WORST yoga workout in the history of the universe. I quit about 2/3 of the way through because I couldn't take it anymore. The instructor was too flat (like there was no emotion there at all and no connection), the flow was not doing it for me, and there were NO modifications offered other than the option to do Cobra instead of Up-Dog. I was so disconnected to the whole thing and just couldn't hang any longer. I will not be doing that workout again.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I'm out of the office all day for "mental health first aid" training. It better be good or I'm going to be annoyed.

And finally, the dogs were all over me when I got home Monday morning. I had missed them so much (esp. my Buddy), and was delighted to be smothered in their love and attention (or their begging for my love and attention as it really was).

I'm writing recaps for HDJM again.

Season premier of The Borgias is here. Don't miss out on the latest antics of my favorite wannabe dirtyrottensisterfucker. This week brought us cross-dressing and a girl-on-girl kiss. What more could an atheist ask for on Zombie Jesus Day?

So I've been on step 1 of Potatoes Not Prozac for two weeks now and I'm doing okay. I'm getting better with my timing of breakfast. Still not perfect every day, but closer to within an hour of waking. I've sort of started step 2 - journaling - to start getting it into my head, but I'm taking my time. The book recommends at least one month per step. That, of course, depends on how each step varies from what you already do. I already eat breakfast every day, so the habit part has been easy. And the protein increase has turned out to be a breeze now that I'm used to it. And a focus on my protein at lunch too (which doesn't officially come until step 3) has meant fewer afternoon snacks. When I do have a snack it's usually cottage cheese and fresh berries -- an improvement over my past cookie needs.

As long as I have the protein, I find that I'm not craving sweets. That's not to say that I've gone straight to step 6 and given them up... I'm not crazy. ;-) I've got an Izze that I'm sipping this afternoon. And I had honey in my tea this morning. But I'm wanting more and more sweets. Even better, I haven't had the experience of sitting at my desk at 2pm and thinking about happy hour because I need a drink. (This program was originally developed with alcoholics in mind because the brain triggers are the same.) Not that I haven't given up drinks... again, I'm not crazy. But where in November I was self-medicating, now I'm back to the social drink one or two times a week because it's what I choose (and sometimes I choose water). I'm not turning to booze but rather sometimes enjoying the deliciousness of an adult beverage. (This is good because I certainly have the family history to predispose me to alcoholism.)

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In happier updates... I get to see my B on Friday!! I cannot wait. *bounces*

I'm trying to take care of a bunch of crap on my desk before I go. The less I have to catch up on when I get back the better.

My asthma flare-up of last week got worse over the weekend. Saturday afternoon I came very close to taking my ass to the ER. I started coughing and couldn't stop at first and was even wheezing (which I usually don't do). I sort of terrified myself. But finally my Ventolin kicked in and opened me up.

So this morning I made an appt with my doc. She put me back on Advair full-time, told me to start taking an OTC allergy med (because 1. pollen in NC next week, and 2. I seem to be reactive to something in my workplace because I sneeze here every day), put me on a 6-day cycle of prednisone (which I love and hate), and said to come back if there's no improvement. She said if my allergy issues (which I haven't had since moving to Colorado until taking this job) continue, she might put me on Singulair. I hate taking meds, but I like to breathe, so...

I waited for the pharmacy to fill my meds so I could start my prednisone today instead of tomorrow. I checked with the pharmacist about taking it "late" since it was already noon, but he said as long as I had it before 3 or 4 I'd probably be okay to sleep tonight. So I took my 6 freakin' pills with lunch and am doing okay. I'm not jittery, but I'm not having my late afternoon desire for a nap either. I just have to remember to watch my sugar intake this week because prednisone ups my blood sugar big time, making me drink lots of water and then pee all the time. Yay?

But I'm feeling a little relief in my chest already. Still a little tight, but worlds away from where I was this morning. (I took a puff off my old Advair at 8am, then 2 hits of Ventolin at 9am, and was still tight at 10:45 at the doctor.) I expect tomorrow will be better.

I love my doc (actually an NP). She is awesome and wonderful and I rec her all the time, especially to women because she is so easy to talk to and so "whole body" in her approach.

I also talked to the administrator at the office today. When I had my depression follow-up at the end of January, I went ahead and paid 30% because I wasn't sure the visit would be covered like a regular preventive visit. Then I got a bill for the balance later and was pissed because my insurance should have at least covered 70% (if not 100%). So I asked today and because the doc and NP there started their own practice, CIGNA had their contract stuff messed up and basically wasn't paying ANY claims. So I do NOT owe 70% and am probably getting a refund for the 30% I paid once it's all straightened out. Yay? And today's visit was covered as were my meds. ($223 regular price for my Advair. For one month. INSANE. My price? $0. I paid $4 for the prednisone. That is why we have insurance. That and for the day that might come when my inhaler didn't help like it did on Saturday and I end up in the ER. *knocks wood*)

Two weeks from today I will be flying across the country to see my B!!!! I cannot wait.

My mother-in-law was here this week. Just put her on the shuttle to the airport this morning. It was a nice visit. Sadly because we're having crazy weather there's really no good snow, so no snowmobiling this year. Instead she and Chris and the dogs had lunch outside yesterday at my beloved pancake place. While I worked, of course. (Bastards.) We did have a couple good meals and took her with us to trivia (we won) and the hot springs. And she spent much time with Buddy and Bear. Most importanly, she got to see her baby boy.

In my life... well, work is work. And I'm doing a lot of it. Had a good meeting with the boss last week that gave me a giant to do list. Which is good, because right now I need that to keep myself focused at the office. (Not that it's entirely successful because I'm still spending lots of time on blogs, but whatever.)

On my "2012 Healthy" goals... I'm stumbling on some, succeeding on others. One thing I'm doing that's (hopefully) going to help across the board though, is a dietary change. I've been reading Potatoes Not Prozac which is about sugar sensitivity and I'm working on step 1 right now -- eating breakfast. This sounds much easier than it is. In fact, it's really hard. You need to consume 1/3 your daily needed protein (so 28.5g a meal for me), include a complex carb, and eat within 1 hour of getting up. Every. Day. Right now I'm focusing on all but the one hour part. I'm used to eating at work. So this week I stuck with eating at work and focused on adding the protein (since I was only getting about half that). My whole grain bagel with cream cheese has gone to whole grain bagel with cream cheese and turkey with a side of cottage cheese. It is So. Much. Food. But I'm not having cravings so much, and I'm full until lunch, and I'm working on the protein at lunch too so I'm not eating cookies mid-afternoon. But it is hard. I cannot even imagine how hard when I get to the steps involving detox from sugar (many months away).

I'm having wild dreams because even this first part is changing my blood sugar cycling and affecting my brain chemistry. I'm so tired at night and then sleep like a log as I'm starting to adjust. But my day time energy is definitely better. Ultimately this will help with weight control, depression (since serotonin is affected by the program), sleep, and energy levels. I just don't know if I will actually make it through the whole program because as much as I love sweets and fruit juice, giving up alcohol is something I don't know if I want to do. I guess we'll see how things go as I progress.

In other health news, my asthma has been kicking my ass this week. I think it might be these cork tiles they put in upstairs last week. Other people have said they can still smell the tile and the adhesive. I don't smell anything, but that doesn't mean it's not irritating my lungs. It's like I'm having an allergy attack and well... given where I live I know it's not the pollen. *g* I had an unopened Advair at home, so I started using it last night and will give it a few days. If no improvement, I'll go to the doctor later next week. I'm not so bad that I need to go to the ER, I'm just using my rescue inhaler a few times a day (which I normally only use once every two or three months).

In terrible news, Chris found out today that they have to take 80 hours off without pay before July 1st. Ugh. It's this crap snow year. Business is hurting. So after the ski area closes (4/22), he has to take a week off, then work some 3-day weeks after. At least they're letting employees kind of spread it out. Thank god March is a 3-check month. We'll need to sock some of that away. *sigh*

I, on the other hand, should be getting a raise in July at my one-year anniversary. So yay me! The stability of this 2-year grant we just got has done a lot for my outlook on life.

* Bucknell beat Arizona in round 1 of the NIT last night. Woo hoo! To say I was delighted would be an understatement. I watched the second half after SAR training at the bar and my teammates were looking at me like I was crazy. I am. Crazy about little Patriot league teams whooping ass on schools expected to dominate.

* Buddy and his new girlfriend Bear are getting along beautifully. Chris and I think maybe we can bring in another dog after all, as long as it's a female who is smaller than Buddy. (Bear's momma is a fine housemate too. But despite being quite cute, not nearly as cute as her doggie.)

* Mother-in-law arrives on Monday. Woo?

* Ski race tomorrow! The annual Tire Biter race at the ski area. Proceeds go to the high school ski team, which definitely needs the money. I'm sure I will not even place in my age group, but it's a good cause and it's fun, and it's a reason to get my skis tuned.

* Gotta go meet with my boss in 2 minutes.

I going to see my B in April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be there for 9 days!!!!!!!!!!!! We're going to see Bring It On: The Musical. I may die from the music, but I'll surely be delighted by the cheer stunts. And B!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot tell you all how excited I am to have paid vacation again. And to have a job that allows me to pay for a plane ticket (not that I couldn't use a raise...). It has been some stressful recent years, but wow, I am just so happy right now.

I have home internet again! New, shiny, smaller modem. Connections. Happiness.

Whee!!!

So I decided on a dress last week for the wedding. I found something absolutely gorgeous online and I ordered it. The shop owner was shipping today (I even had a tracking number) and as she was wrapping it up, she saw a tiny moth hole. *weeps*

She e-mailed me and she's going to send me a photo of it. She says it's just a bit smaller than an eraser and in a place where it could be covered with a brooch (or rewoven by a professional -- which there's no one around me, but I could probably find someone in Denver if I had time... I don't).

Since I already ordered a brooch and earrings specifically with this dress in mind, I'm going crazy. I'm thinking I'll go ahead and take the dress, because I've got my heart set on it and nothing else I had bookmarked will work with the jewelry I ended up decided on (we're talking pretty bold blue rhinestones here). I'm going to do some looking again just in case I can find something else, but I'm so tired of looking at dresses. OMG. How did any of you have actual weddings where you had to plan everything? I would cry every. fucking. day.

Update: IT dude finally came over to the office and fixed my problem (we think). We shall see. At least I seem to have internet again for now.

If my modem arrives on Thursday I'll be fully functioning again.