| Chemo Limo |
[Feb. 9th, 2007|07:59 pm]
Music Rotation + Graphics Journal
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Yes, this is early, but I actually have a good reason for it! This is actually a project for my Philosophy class. I have to find a song that talks about death and analyze it. So it'll look a little bit different from my other entries. (Someone please comment. I really don't want to be doing this all for nothing. xD)
Regina Spektor - Chemo Limo
In this song, "Chemo Limo" by Regina Spektor, the singer writes about being a (what I assume to be single) mother of four, who is terminally ill with cancer. While Spektor herself is not in that position in real life, all of the different, conflicting emotions that this song portrays make you feel emotionally attached to the character as she goes through the various stages of death that were mentioned in Elsabeth Kubler-Ross' theory on those five stages of death and grief.
Essentially, the entire song takes place in a world of denial, which Spektor makes very clear in the opening line of the first couple of verses, "I had a dream." She goes on to describe that dream, in which several things happen that are both symbols of things in the real world and indications of the five stages she's going through, although the stages are scattered throughout the song and not in any particular order.
The first verse is slow and very reverent, the piano accompaniment to her voice classical and mournful. She mentions that she had a dream in which "Crispy crispy Benjamin Franklin came over and babysat all four of my kids." Obviously, she's talking about money, because, from what you gather in the rest of the song, she doesn't have a lot, and wants to make sure that her children will be okay once she's dead.
Then, she says "...in my dream, I told the doctor off. He said if you don't want to do it then you don't have to do it...the truth is you'll be okay, anyway." Right there is an example of two of the five major stages. The tone of the song is still the same that it was in the first verse, with the piano still repeating the same rhythm, but she is definitely portraying the first sign of anger. To imply that she told the doctor off is to say that she was sick and tired of these treatments that weren't helping her anymore, but she can't say it to his face, no matter how much she wants to. Again, it's an example of denial, because some part of her keeps thinking that the doctor will tell her that she'll be "okay anyway," even if she doesn't "do it," meaning the chemotherapy.
That theme continues in the next verse, where she says that Benjamin Franklin had a "talk with her boss" about insurance, but she couldn't hear what they were talking about. All she knew is that they came out and told her that she would be okay anyway.
At this point, the song makes a change that seems very awkward for something this heavy. The somber melody turns into a jaunty one, but the cheerfulness seems forced, as Spektor sings "No thank you, I don't have to deal with this shit, I can afford chemo like I can afford a limo and on any given day I'd rather ride a limosine." This is all about the anger stage. You have to listen closely and really think about the words in order to hear the sarcasm in that last part. We've already established that this character doesn't have a lot of money, and obviously can't afford a limo, which further adds to the point that she can't afford the chemotherapy. Naturally, she'd be angry and in denial about the whole thing, because she continues to talk about how she's not "gonna die like this" and how she'll "go out in style." But the entire process is making her exhausted, so we can assume that she'd really just rather die at home, with her kids, in a place where she'd be happy.
Now the mood of the song shifts again. It goes back to the music and theme of how it was before the jaunty melody, but her words and the feeling of them is different. This time, I feel like it's more about the depression and acceptance stages. She says that she woke up and knew that it was a dream immediately, calling the limosine company. However, I think that the limosine is just an allegory for death, seeing as how a limosine looks very similar to a hearse and instead of "driver" she says "doctor." At this point, I almost want to say that the song is about euthanasia, because of the line, "The doctor he asked which way we were headed. I said, Sir, let's just go west and he listened obediently." Going West could be a symbol for moving on. The sun sets in the west, which causes the end of the day, and a parallel could be drawn with death in that situation, where death is at the sunset.
The part of this song that is most emotionally moving is the part where she talks about her children. Each one is given a name and she breifly talks about what they're doing, which adds to the emotional weight of the piece. The line that really struck me was when she talked about her daughter Barbara. All she says is "Oh my god, Barbara...she looks just like my mom." Possibly, this indicates a troubled relationship that the character once had with her mother, which she regrets now that she's on her deathbed.
Again, the song goes into the forced cheer of the jaunty chorus, but this time, a couple of the words have been changed. It's almost impossible to hear it if you don't have the lyrics in front of you, but instead of saying "It's making me tired" she says "It's making me die," and instead of "I can afford chemo like I can afford a limo," she admits "I couldn't afford chemo like I couldn't afford a limo." This is the acceptance of her death, although it still carries some elements of anger.
The song loops around on itself at this point, and she sings the first verse and the verse about her children again. I believe that this is finally death. At this point, she is fading fast and her final thoughts are peaceful, about her children, ending with Barbara...who looked so much just like her mom...
"Chemo Limo" is a beautiful song, focusing on the five stages of death as seen through the eyes of an ailing mother. Regina's odd voice is, at times, almost at a dischord with the somber piano, but it only adds to the emotion of the lyrics, creating a powerful, emotional work of art.
Lyrics
Next one will be due on Feb. 15, because this one doesn't count |
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