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An Authentic Relating Parable
Two monks, an old one and a younger one, had lived together for many years in a cave. In all that time, they had never had a fight or even a disagreement. They were so poor that all they owned were a few blankets and a single bowl which they shared.
One day, the young monk spoke to the old one: “My dear brother, we have spent many happy years together, but the time has come for me to go. I want us to separate our belongings and since we only have one bowl, let’s break it in two and each take half.”
The old monk replied: “Oh my precious friend, I am sad to hear this, and I honor your choice. But what’s the point of breaking the bowl? Please take it for yourself, I can eat out of my hand.”
The young monk said: “Absolutely not. I don’t want anything of yours, and I don’t want to give up anything of mine. Let’s break the bowl and make a clean separation.”
The old monk looked at the younger one intently, was silent for a moment, and finally said: “As you wish”, and handed him the bowl.
The young monk threw the bowl against the the wall with all his strength, shattering it into a thousand pieces, and yelled: “why won’t you ever fight with me, asshole?”
Moral of this story
Practice Authentic Relating, and save the china.
Table of Contents [Draft]
PREFACE TO THE 3rd EDITION
MY AGENDA
MY STORY
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
PART I: CIRCLING
Chapter 1: First Orientation to Circling
Can you learn Circling from a book?
Circling in a nutshell: the goal of Circling
Logistics of Circling
Why Circle?
The problem of defining and writing about Circling
Circling, Authentic Relating, and NVC
Chapter 2: NVC and Circling: how they complement each other
Chapter 3: The Minimum Viable Circle
Chapter 4: Circling Best Practices
- Notice feelings and body sensations
- Connect with the group – up to a point (follow your aliveness)
- “Get Their World”: Lead from Attention, Curiosity, and Empathy
- Validate and Appreciate
- Lead from Vulnerability
- Share Impact, Offer Reflection and Inquiry
- Own Your Experience (Communicate Responsibly)
- Make Right, Not Wrong (Find People Right, Approve of them)
- Honor Yourself (Handling Conflict)
- Welcome Everything
- Slow Down
- Surrender Gracefully
PART II: AUTHENTIC RELATING
Chapter 5: The “True Joy of Life” (Marco Beneteau)
About this chapter
The ingredients of the “true joy of life”, and how to find them
Authentic Relating compared to other transformational modalities
A brief history of Authentic Relating and Circling
The practices of Authentic Relating and Circling
Chapter xx: Origins of Authentic Relating (Susan Campbell)
Chapter xx: Authentic Relating Games
Chapter xx: Surrendered Leadership
Chapter xx: The Ontology of Circling
Chapter xx: Connection Games (Mihai Banulescu)
Chapter xx: Integral Circling (Jason Digges)
Chapter xx: Challenges of Vulnerability
Chapter xx: Developmental Trauma 1
Chapter xx: Developmental Trauma 2
PART III: APPLIED WE-SPACE
Chapter xx: We-Flow (Stéphane Segatori)
Chapter xx: Business (Robert MacNaughton)
Chapter xx: Family
Chapter xx: Addiction Recovery
Chapter xx: Intentional Community
Chapter xx: Sexuality (Damien Bohler)
Chapter xx: Social Justice
Chapter xx: Spirituality
APPENDIX A: HISTORY OF CIRCLING
APPENDIX B: SCHOOLS OF AUTHENTIC RELATING & RESOURCES
APPENDIX C: COMPARISON OF THE DIFFERENT AR SCHOOLS
APPENDIX D: CATALOG OF WE-SPACE PRACTICES
APPENDIX E: MARCO’S OTHER BOOKS
As Lovers Do: Sexual and Romantic Partnership as a Path of Transformation
Broke, Single, Crazy and Old: The Redemption of a Sex and Love Addict
