1. デビクロくんの恋と魔法、中村航
2. 陽だまりの彼女、越谷オサム
3. 円卓、西加奈子

１．謎解きはディナーの後で
２．Pacific Rim
３．陽だまりの彼女
４．ばしゃ馬さんとビッグマウス
５．テルマエ・ロマエII
６．円卓　－こっこ、ひと夏のイマジンー
７．エイトレンジャー2
８．ピカンチ：Life is Hard 多分 Happy
９．るろうに剣心：京都大火編
１０．るろうに剣心：最後の伝説編
１１．ホットロード
１２．ＭＩＲＡＣＬＥ：デビクロくんの恋と魔法
１３.　クローバ
１４．クラゲ姫
１５．味園ユニバース

I've been wanting a platform to write lately but I haven't wanted to use LJ for it. However, there's no other platform I can think of that would suit my purposes. Maybe it's because I've been on LJ or LJ-like sites since I was 10 (what up, Diary*Land), but nothing feels like it can replace LJ's usefulness for me.

Though lbr - I subconsciously probably don't want to use LJ because once again, all I want to do is whine, and I've been doing THAT on LJ since puberty. A grown-ass (yikes) 24 year old chick whining about my insecurities on the same blog I was doing it when I was 15 ain't cute.

But that's what I got. しょうがない、am I right.

I've been feeling a low level funk lately, mostly about my looks and my accomplishments. I'm lucky enough to have been selected to receive a prestigious scholarship that with it comes a bunch of perks (including free trips! but mostly the freedom to not worry about money until I graduate) but I still feel Not Good Enough. Of course, the question is "will I ever feel Good Enough," obviously, but currently all signs point to no.

I dunno, man. Most of my issues stem from trauma that I don't know how to resolve or unpack, but that's not the whole story. Being in Japan really has been one of the best times of my life just because everything is emotionally easier here, and I'm not sure how or why that is. There is still somewhat of a language barrier (I don't even want to talk about the dude who asked if I could understand movies after weeks of daily texting in Japanese) and I feel magnificently ugly pretty much 100% of the time, but it's easier here than in the states for me. Maybe it's because I'm in school with friends rather than at home and miserable? I don't know. Is Johnny's a factor? Most likely, but that's kind of sad if I think about it too much (mostly because this is the kind of funk where certain idol faces make me feel bad about myself), so I won't.

It's definitely just self-esteem stupidity and ideas that have been put into my head by society about where I should be in life right now, especially in regards to a love life. 24 and no boyfriend? It feels like I might as well be institutionalized. It's stupid. I don't need a love life to be happy, and if anything the only thing I've had in my history has been assholes and a lot of headaches. And yet! Emotions are stupid.

Also I had a horrific nightmare where I went home for a break and found out that my father was in terrible health and they had to dig up my dog (I'm pretty sure he wasn't buried, but I honestly have no idea because my mom refuses to tell me anything about his death) to take veins from him and put in my dad to save his life, so that was a terrible way to start my day.

tl;dr I'm dumb and really have nothing useful to say, but I sure do want to say a lot of it

I'm alive but mostly on twitter

third (and final) arashi concert of the year :) (popcorn for me was january, so 2013!! what a nice beginning and a nice ending.)

i don't even know what to say, honestly
we were much much closer than i expected us to be! so that was nice. we were lower stands, row 22, so not that far from the arena. close enough to see their pretty faces as they rode by on their cart things~~

sho was perfect
like, just completely on point at everything. his hair is currently yamataro-length, which is wonderful (but kind of hilarious with his hat for his solo)
but he was just so On and hilarious and ugh wonderful so much wonderful
(he was also S T U P I D L Y hot during paradox)

aiba sounded really good today. they changed his solo outfit from the ugly coats they wear in Tears to a really cute orange cardigan
i really like aiba, what a perfect person he is

I'M SO GLAD WE WERE ABLE TO SEE HIT THE FLOOR it is A+ as usual

dance in the dark is also more entertaining when, you know, you can see it. sorry, i don't subscribe to the "there are no bad seats at an arashi concert" philosophy because we couldn't see shit at sapporo. yes, very happy to be there and exist in their presence, but being able to actually SEE them (and not be constantly blocked by the moving light fixture things) is, in fact, kind of important.

nino's solo was fun :) he was rockin' out
NINO WAS SO SLUTTY TODAY OVERALL, JUST SO SLUTTY FOREVER!!

I've never felt as light-headed as I did during paradox. all the blood rushed to my head and at one point i had to sit down. so great!!!

for the mc we practiced ohno's new aisatsu lmao (love matsuri DAY! love matsuri! what if you clap instead of scream?) and when jun was explaining funky he was like THEN YOU WAVE. YOU KNOW, JAPANESE PEOPLE, WE'RE GOOD AT WAVING

other people are better at concert reports. i don't take notes or anything, because i'm there to scream until my throat is raw and just be entertained and party with them

and i felt so much love today. i teared up at the final ai wo utaou because it was just
there is so much heart and work and determination in that concert (and in popcorn too), in their attempts to give us a good time in return for our affection and love
and like, i read something the other day that was like "i can't believe people support celebrities like that, just giving rich people more money to stay rich"
and like fine, you can have that way of thinking, i get that but
you can claim all you want that arashi does what they do for money (and obviously, it's a job, and it's a highly paid one so you wouldn't be WRONG), but you can't argue away the love they have for each other, their work, and their fans. idc, you can try all you want, but you'll never convince me that it's only money that's fueling them.
you know how sho is like "because i'm in arashi, with the other four, i can do this job, i can do that, i can do all these things i couldn't do if it was just me"
because arashi (with all their flaws and mistakes and humanity) is perfect, they make me want to try to be as close to perfect as i can be too. and i'm pretty bukiyou (clumsy) and not very good at anything, but i'm trying. they'd appreciate me trying, i think.

then they surprise triple encore'd us with A. Ra. Shi and I cried because I wasn't expecting to hear it live this year.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

arashi concert post
i hope i can make a billion of these

Maybe it's because we were in the assend of the arena but it wasn't half as overwhelming as last year! i was just like oh hey you guys how you doin'

jun kissed ohno
aiba kissed jun
sho made like, 30 hanzawa naoki jokes
nino made me cry because his solo made me miss my mom

intergalactic was way not what i expected because they took it literally and became astronauts lol

aiba birthmark :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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here i'll copy what i told inez, i'm very tired:

( I'm a dumbassCollapse )

Shut up, me.

btw augustfai and I moved to tokyo yesterday

what's up

NOTE TO SELF
NEVER TAKE BACTRIM (ST合剤)
THAT SHIT WILL TRY TO KILL YOU DEAD

TAGGED: ONCE I INSISTED ON DELIVERING AN ARASHI DVD WHEN I HAD A WOUND ON MY FOOT AND LONG STORY SHORT I WAS BEDRIDDEN WITH AN INFECTION FOR TWO WEEKS AND NOW I'M IN THE HOSPITAL UNTIL TUESDAY