But hey, why not do Live Journal Idol again. It's been over 6 years since I've used LJ, but here we go....

Count me in :)

note to self: appreciate what you have before you lose it.

I apologize for not updating, and I'll explain it all in a minute.

Gary finally got around to posting my goodbyes ;), and here it is....it's beautifully written and it made me smile :)( Read more...Collapse )

So, I've had a lot going on. School has been really hectic, working three jobs as well as trying to find time for my organization. I've been dieting and exercising, and have lost 6 pounds so far. With all of that, I havent really had time, or anything to talk about.

Yesterday, Steph and I drove to Orlando to see Damion Suomi play at the House of Blues. It's pretty cool. He and I talked before hand and he told me he was playing new songs and I got excited! He of course played all the good ones too. If you don't know or haven't heard of Damion before, go youtube him. He's awesome. Mustard Seed, Save Your Ass, and Burn the Pain are my FAVORITES.

I'm gonna try and update more...

I didn't do as badly as I thought I was going to do. In fact, I did a lot better. I'm pretty excited about the prospect of the next few semesters.

For Summer, I'm taking:

Basic American Sign Language
Abnormal Psychology
Human Trafficking
Psychological Statistics

For Fall, I'm taking:

Intermediate American Sign Language
Abnormal Child Psychology
Sexual Homicide
Developmental Psychology
Psych Tests and Measures

I'm excited for it. :)

Stolen from beautyofgrey 

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask about anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, if there's anything you've ever wondered or been curious about or meant to ask me, etc.

The night was filled with high expectations. We were the last on the tour, the grand finale. We had prepared for this day for months- raising money, promoting, and talking about the eventuality of it happening. So what do you get when you gather fifty or so people in a room and start singing and talking about issues that face us?

You get Lyrics and Conversation.

When the interns and staff of TWLOHA gathered in my apartment, I was overwhelmed with excitement yet a sense of calm as Damion sat on the couch checking his Facebook, the interns laughed and danced with Kaitlyn, and others gathered around talking with each other. Before the event, we laughed, we ate, we talked, and it was a great way to start off the night.

At 7pm, we gathered into the clubhouse, chairs surrounding a central point where Andy, Lauris, Damion, and Denny sat, prepping for the show ahead. One by one, people started entering, socializing, and eventually sitting down for the show.

Around 7:30pm, we finally quieted down as Denny made his opening statements. He invited us to share in the conversation, asking us not to just sit and listen, but to really get involved, because this was about us; this was why they were here.

The music was phenomenal, and radiated the realities of pain, while igniting hope in the hearts of those who attended. Damion, Andy, and Lauris hit the notes and reminded us all that we’re alive. Denny led a conversation that opened the lines of community in the room tonight. Maybe we didn’t all know each other, maybe some of us just met, but we all felt what we were hearing; we all felt the music and conversation.

The part of the night that stuck with me the most was when Damion started talking about his father’s death, and how he first felt what community meant that week. The definition of community came alive with his story of hope and pain, and the help he gained through this word that we use often.

To those who came out tonight, thank you. You’re the reason I have hope, you’re the reason I work so hard to make TWLOHA USF successful. You give me hope in people, something that sometimes we lose. Tonight, I felt community again. I felt the sense of encouragement and the understanding of issues that surround us constantly. Together we clapped, sang, and talked about things that we all understand or want to better understand.

Sometimes, we get so immersed in life, that we forget to help each other, or forget to get ourselves help. Tonight was a reminder that we have people to lean on, people who will be there for us. We get to carry each other. We are blessed with this immense privilege to be there for people to share their story, to ask us for help and for us to ask them help.

Overall, the night was successful, but not because there was a lot of people, or because the musicians sang perfectly. It was successful because we were one in the music, one in the conversation, and one in the community. I hope that everyone who came, even for a short time, had a good time and took something home with them. Pain is a real thing, but so is hope, and so is community. If you forgot that, you were reminded tonight.

Thank you again to the people who came out, especially Damion Suomi, Andy Zipf, Lauris Vidal, and Denny. Thank you to the TWLOHA interns and former interns, and the TWLOHA staff for coming and spending time with us and sharing in our USF community. We welcomed and enjoyed it immensely.

Thank you for allowing us to be the Grand Finale of the UChapter House Tour.

For the beginning of this story, please refer to my Run Off of a Run Off entry- I got a rock! Here.
---

Jeremy woke up in a cold sweat. He couldn’t breathe, the nightmare was so vivid. He reached for Chloe’s hand instinctively. When he couldn’t find it, he tried to speak. Jeremy panicked when sound refused to come out his mouth.

Chloe woke up from across the room. She immediately rushed to his side, saying, “Baby, are you okay?” She noticed him trying to speak; his eyes clouded with pain and confusion. “Oh, Jer…You can’t talk. The tubes…”

Jeremy closed his eyes, after coming to the realization that it wasn’t a dream, it was reality. Chloe’s eyes began to mist, and she grabbed the sheets that had come undone from his thrashing. “Just one more day, and you’ll get them out. I know it’s hard. When you get out of here, we’ll go down to the lake, and do all the things we used to do.”

Jeremy looked at her, knowing full well that he would not be doing those things. His cancer had slowly gotten worse over the months, and he was finally being released to live out his final days comfortably. He knew Chloe hadn’t accepted this, and it worried him. He didn’t know if she would be able to survive the blow that would be his death. He kept thinking that he should have told her.

Chloe brought the chair over to the edge of his bed, and they both fell asleep holding the others hand.




Jeremy breathed in the fresh air for the first time since he was hospitalized. It was so pure. Cold, he shivered, and Chloe noticed it right away. “Here, I’ll get your jacket.” She repositioned her bag to dig for the jacket, but Jeremy interrupted her.

“It’s fine. I like it.” He walked ahead of her, slowly and painfully, but determined. He eventually made it to the car, after swatting Chloe’s hand of him several times. “I’m not an old man, I’m 20.”

“Jer, I know that. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“News flash, Chloe, I AM hurt.” His head was hurting, and he couldn’t take Chloe’s denial. He looked at her, and saw the hurt that stretched across her face. He immediately felt a tug at his heart, knowing that it was hurting her as much as it was hurting him. “Oh, babe, I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling good.”

“It’s fine.” He knew it wasn’t, but she wouldn’t tell him. She had survived his mood swings throughout the months as he grieved over his life that he wouldn’t be able to live. He knew when she was upset and not letting it show, and when she was happy. She hadn’t been happy since that night, months early, where she had set up the pool.

Chloe drove him to his apartment, one she had kept dusted and clean while he was wasting away in the hospital. He hardly recognized it. They made their way to his bedroom, and fell asleep together for the first time in almost a year.



Chloe walked to the podium, dressed from head to toe in black. She was proud, and refused to cry. She played with the speech she had written on the small sheet of paper in her pocket. She walked slower as she got closer, and finally reached the spot where she would make her speech.

She took a deep breath and began. “Jeremy and I met three years ago, by chance, in this very spot.” She paused, and looked out across the lake. No land was in sight, and she was oddly comforted by this fact. “He interrupted my peace, a peace that was best friends with loneliness. He gave me a new best friend, and a new kind of peace.”

She sighed. “I didn’t even know he was sick. I wish he had told me, because I would have used the time better. Jeremy was perfect in every way. He was kind and sincere, and he put his all into everything in his life: his relationships, his friendships, everything. He was my rock. He grounded me.” Her voice broke.

“He told me the other day, right before he died, that he accepted it. He knew it was coming. Honestly, all my dreams died with Jeremy. He was my joy. He was my reason to live. I thought I knew what life was about, but I don’t know anything.” She stopped and cried. She was so incredibly lost.

“Jeremy lived his life the best that he could. I don’t know of any enemies, and by the amount of people in front of me, you can tell he was well loved. He was the type of person you can’t get enough of.” She smiled, thinking of him skipping rocks in the hospital room.

“Jeremy is in heaven now. I’m sure he’s there, because I can feel him. I can feel him skipping rocks in my heart. They just keep going, the ripples always echoing. I love you, Jeremy Sherwood, and I miss you more than you could ever know.”

Chloe shut her eyes for a second, and let her heart speak to him. She walked down and met his parents as the end of the funeral proceeded. When the time came, she took his remains, and went with his parents on a small boat out to the middle of the lake. As they neared the middle of the lake, she felt a wave of peace. She looked around and saw nothing but water, nothing but soft ripples where she knew Jeremy was skipping rocks in heaven. She slowly stood up, and released his ashes into the wind. Jeremy was finally free, and at the moment, she knew he had never left her.

I want to rant right now, but I won't.

Lol, but I'm kinda annoyed at something, and therefore, if something happens, prepare for an entry :)

I've never been much to play by the rules. I have this thing with barriers, I think they suck. I've always been one who thinks outside of the box, one who doesn't just go and do what people say. I have dreams, big ones, and I'll never let someone dictate to me whether or not I can do them.

My parents were not the encouraging type who told me I could do whatever I wanted to. They didn't say much at all, in terms of my goals. They said I was rushing things when I wanted to study for the SAT during my sophomore year of high school. They didn't really let me do sports, because I change my mind about things too often. That's my downfall, I guess. I want to do it all, and there is so MUCH to do, that I don't stay on one thing for very long.

I wanted to be an artist when I received second place in an art contest in second grade. I wanted to be a singer after my uncle told me I could sing when I was 10. I wanted to be a writer after being told I could put words together in sixth grade. I've wanted to do everything career wise, from a vet, to a doctor, to a lawyer, to home decorator.


People laugh it off, say that I'm just a big dreamer. But me? I know that I will do something more than what everyone thinks I will. I'm not meant to play house, or play by the rules. I'm meant to dream big, and conquer the world, my dreams, and make this place better than ever.

I have big dreams, really big dreams. There are still people who don't think I'll ever do what I say I will. But, I know that I can. I know that in ten years, hell, in five years, I'll be who I want to be. I'll change the world. I'm going to save someone's life, I'm going to give someone hope, I'm going to inspire someone, because it's the only thing I want to do. I want to change the world for the better, I want to put a little more love, a little more hope, some more dreams, inspiration, and laughter in the world.

You can hear the song that inspired this here.

Let's face the facts here. You enter college with a set goal- go to class as little as possible, party every night, make a ton of friends, AND graduate in four years. Lofty goals I had, right? Now that I'm in my third year of college, I have one main goal- graduate on time. It's a great dream to want to live like the movies, but honestly, in reality, it's not going to happen. I mean, yeah, you can get three out of those four goals knocked out right away, but there goes the fourth, flying in the wind, seven years into your Bachelors. I wish I knew then what I know now, but for those who don't have the experience that  oh, so, wise Angela does, here's my list of what isn't in those college brochures.

1. There are classes you can skip, and classes you can't.
I didn't learn this until my second semester of college. Fortunately for my first, I had a friend who was my "twin" who was counted absent for half of the times I didn't go to class. She is the same now as she was then, she's never skipped a class. It helped out then, but not when I was wondering why I was failing my biology class and then realized, "Oh, wait, you mean you can learn things there?" So face it, some classes you're going to have go to. Get those out of the way, and then you'll be set.

2. 8am classes are never a good idea. Ever.
My second year of college, I had the bright idea of scheduling an 8am class, knowing I had to get up every other day to be at work at 8am. I didn't realize that I would lose all motivation to get up a week into the class because I wasn't getting paid. Not only was I not getting paid, but I was expected to listen and pay attention in these classes. Appalled? I am! The gall of some of these professors! 8am classes are not normal. Schedule your classes later in the day, and don't attempt an 8am class unless you're a morning person.

3. Dining hall food is never as good as during freshman orientation.
You walk into the dining hall that magnificent day where you've gotten your student ID and met new people, all venturing into their first year of college. You marvel at the buffet of food waiting for you. You gather a couple plates, sit down, and marvel at how deliciously scrumptious it is. You're satisfied, and have that same feeling when you walk into the dining hall the second week of classes. The first week was scrumptiously delicious as well, and so you're feeling good about this semester. Freshman 15, come at me! You sit down with your plate, take a bite, and want to throw up. Get used to it, you've got four more years of it.

4. Not all frat guys are jerks, and not all sorority girls are sluts.
I have this friend, Ian, who is an amazing guy. He's deep and intellectual, and I enjoy him as a friend. He's pretty hot, too. So it's only natural he has a downfall, right? His downfall was an enormous one- he was in a frat. At first I wondered why in the world someone like him would want to be in one. He explained to me, in one particular talk, that the brotherhood was like a family, and it's not at all what it's made out to be. The same can be said of sorority girls. Not all of them sleep around. If you need a reference guide, check out Greek on ABC Family. It's a pretty accurate portrayal. 

5. College is expensive, and will put you in debt.
One thing I did not realize about college when I started off, was that it was EXPENSIVE, and by expensive, I mean I could have 10 cars by now. Money is scarce, and you've got to learn how to budget immediately. Credit cards will ruin your life, but are addicting. You'll learn to love nickle beers at bars, and Natty Light for parties. It's just how it is, well, that's unless you have Daddy's credit card. In that case, you can buy me a couple shots, and you can buy the Corona.

6. Don't buy the textbook until after the first test.
Face it, all of your classes will have required textbooks, and 25% of them will actually use the textbook. Order your textbooks off Half.com, or rent them off Chegg. Or you can buy the textbooks, spend $700 with a promise that they'll buy them back from you at the end of the semester only to realize most of them are being updated, so therefore are useless. Plus, half the professors write their own textbooks and update them every year, just so you never get anything back.

7. Don't be a dick.
Let's face it. We all know they exist. You find them taking up the whole sidewalk and knocking into you when you're juggling your 10 page paper, coffee, laptop, and backpack. They're the ones that stay up all night when you've got a test the next morning, and bang on the walls, keeping you awake. They're the kids that send mass emails saying, "Hey guys, I was [insert various excuse], and I was wondering if you could send me the notes for the entire semester. " when the final exam is in two days. I had a guy send an email like that to me. I told him I would give him a copy of the notes. I printed out the blank power points, gave them to him, and walked away, leaving him to study. Don't expect people to help you out when you're lazy. Be an adult, but still have fun.

8. Declare your major as soon as possible, but don't declare the wrong one.
Colleges are kind of broad. Signs are pointing in all directions saying "Here! Here! Here!" to all different kinds of career paths. The biggest mistakes you can make are 1) Declaring a major you aren't interested in and 2) Not declaring a major at all. This will ruin any chances of graduating in four years, and will just make number 5 on this list a hell of a pain. I have declared 5 different times, and it took a lot of wasted money before I learned what I really wanted to do.

9.  Have goals, have interests, and pursue them.
Goals change. Interests change. As long as you have some, and you keep working towards them, you'll be okay. I had no idea when I entered college that in three years I would be the president of an organization, a double major, working three jobs, and about to put on a benefit concert by myself. I never believed I could do any of these things, let alone be happy doing them. My goals have changed, my interests have changed, but I've actively pursued them and that's what it's all about. Which leads me to my last point.

10. Do what makes you happy.
If you don't like going to athletic events, don't go to the football games. If you don't party, don't awkwardly make your way through Greek Row. Don't change yourself to be like everyone else, and lose who you are. Everyone on your college campus is unique. Every student brings a uniqueness that no one else can, or will. It is up to you to embrace your individuality, and flourish because of it. Like taking walks and not touching any cracks? Create a group, and I'm sure you'll find someone who shares that quirk about you. Amongst tens of thousands, be one, be yourself, and do what makes you happy.


Also important, but not important enough to be mentioned in a list:

Long distance relationships from high school don't work out.
You will get sick in the dorms more often than you ever have.
Dressing up for class becomes a rarity after a couple of weeks.
Don't expect your high school friends to be the same at the end of your freshman year.
There is 1 parking space for every 12 cars. That being said, the first week of classes, the other 11 will be fighting you for that space.

Up the stairs. Running, running, running.  No way out. She sees nothing but doors, all closed, keys no where to be found. 

She tries the first, no luck. The second is locked as well. The third looks promising, but is shut tighter than the rest. She makes her way around her cage, looking for a way out.

Finally she comes across a door with out a knob, aching to be pushed. She turns around, and she sees he's made it up the stairs. The blood glistens on the knife as she runs through the knobless door, out on the roof of the tallest building in the city.

She looks around. The weather so calm, yet the sky screaming colors of orange, pink, and purple. Sunset.

She hears the door open and she turns around, inching farther away from him. She feels her heel hit the ledge, and stops moving. He comes closer. She looks behind her. Nothing but a long way down.

He smiles.

"No where to run, little one. Unless, of course, you want to fly."

She takes a deep breath, turns around, and jumps to her death...and hits her bedroom floor.