Hey.

Good guys.

You might wanna watch TV today. Just sayin'.

Attention, meddling do-gooders of DATS, the Autobots, and anyone else who wants to stick their nose in some quality villainy!!

In case you haven't noticed by now, I've got something that doesn't belong to me. I'd put Sari on so she can say hello and prove my point, but she's busy torturing my troopas.

You're raising a wonderful little girl, robots. My compliments.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I have some grand scheme here. This is boredom, plain and simple!

If you want her back, or just out of my clutches? You're going to have to beat me at a little game.

In ONE WEEK, one of my minions and I will be at a race track of my choosing. The REST of my minions will be on hand to keep Sari from being rescued prematurely. One of you wins? She goes free.

Onizuka Eikichi, I've got a spot reserved for you. Get your kart ready.

The rest of you? I want some good competition, or I'll just have to find some other way to get rid of the girl before she raises my insurance rates to the breaking point. I'll broadcast the location of the race the morning of the event, just so you can't go scheming against me with any more forewarning than that.

Oh, and feel free to ask the hedgehog for the rules. This isn't going to be a simple "fastest kart wins" deal.

Heh heh...

MWA HA HA HA!

Oh, and the disclaimer.

Notallapplicantswillrace,Racersareresponsibleforinjuriessustained,Violencewillbemetwithviolence,andifyougetcutejustrememberthatBowserhasanarmy.

... And now Mario's gone.

I'd demand cake, but Mama AND Joe are gone...

Have I not been evil enough? Do I not deserve a rival?

Grrrrrr... I need to come up with something BIG...

[Not only is it Rabu Rabu time, it's also D-Comm spam time! The following is not a message from Bowser, but spam from the Digital World's premier dating service, D-Harmony. Bowser appears on the screen, looking right at a camera while sitting in a non-descript room with the D-Harmony logo on the wall behind him]

So, I just talk about myself into this camera?

All right, I'm KING Bowser Koopa, ruler of several different worlds! I'm an evil mastermind, both self-described and widely recognised. And I've been doing it all alone for years now. I'm a single father, and I love my kids. I own lots of property. LOTS. Anyone who gets with me will be well taken care of.

Let's see, I'm an inventor, I'm goal oriented, and I love a good rivalry. I'm the owner and leader of several multinational corporations, and a private military force answers to me with utmost loyalty. If you like a powerful man, then you can't do better than me.

What do I look for in a woman? I won't lie, I've got some wild tastes. I like a woman who's comfortable with being abducted and locked up, you know, for fun. For a date, I think I'd like someone who could enjoy dinner, followed a long walk on the beach or through the magma paths. If she can cook, that's a big bonus.

Oh yeah, no plumbers. I can't deal with plumbers.

So, ladies? Call me.

Attention, my dear, esteemed nemesis!

Mario, that's you.

It seems as though our time in Tetha is coming to an end, and frankly, I'm TIRED of doing the whole "Law and Order" thing... So!

[Bowser steps aside, to reveal Yu Mendetta, dressed in a dress that's almost a perfect copy of Princess Peach's, hanging by a rope bound around her arms and waist. Further complimenting the restraints are a set of leather ankle straps, fingerless arm-cuffs, and enough padlocks to break a mule's back]

Yeah?! Is that right you stupid ginger turtle?! I've almost gotten loose three times, and your troopas' health insurance premiums are gonna hit the stratosphere after that last one! You can't hold me much longer, dammit! ... Wait are you recording this?!

[Yu gives a scream of fury, and thrashes in the restraints as she attempts to break free. She even goes so far as to try and chew through the rope she's hanging from. Bowser scratches his head, and looks back to the camera.]

So, yeah, she's no Princess Peach, but she's the best I could do on short notice. Anyway! If you want her free, you'll come to my battleship! It's been too long since we had a good throw-down, Mario. Don't keep me waiting.

[He leans closer to the camera, glowering at it.]

Really. She's more trouble than she's worth, I'm gonna need to pull out the heavy equipment if you take too much longer. I'll wait an hour, that should be plenty of time.

(OOC: Yu NPC'd with permission and input from her player.)

AT LAST!

THE PERFECT SCHEME TO MAKE THAT PINT-SIZED PLUMBER RUE THE DAY HE'D EVER BEEN DE-AGED!

Uh... Lord Bowser?

Silence, Troopa! You are going to follow these plans to the letter! Mario will be at my mercy by the end of tomorrow!

Lord Bowser, sir... the age virus ended some time ago.

... What?

You've been scheming behind closed doors for almost a month.

WHAT?!

*Bowser roars, which is followed by the iconic sound of a troopa shell being kicked*

You got LUCKY Mario! If you were still a baby, I'd have had you!

I thought Mama had been rather gracious with how much food she'd been bringing me in one day...

ATTENTION, PEONS!

For the next twenty four hours, I am not to be interrupted unless any of you have a foolproof, perfect plan to kidnap a baby!

DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!

Digital World!

I would like to take this opportunity to make a public service announcement!

Don't drink and drive, the life you ruin could be your own!

Take THIS hoodlum, for instance.

[Attached: Photo of a badly beaten Keiichi and Tamiya]

He couldn't handle himself, and he took a nasty spill in the middle of Tetha, barely missing hitting a young Kamemon.

Here's his bike.

[Attached: Photo of Keiichi's battered bike]

If you don't want this to be you... Don't drink and drive.

[Locked to Kagura Tsukasa]

How's THAT for filling a bounty?

Attention, Digital World.

It's been brought to my attention that ANOTHER attack has taken place in a major population center. In Neon City, again, at the Hyperion Inn. It seems that tamer-run lodgings are nothing but trouble, huh?

Witnesses have stated that a rogue DATS agent by the name of Miria opened fire on the complex with missiles, cannons, and even a Gizmon deletion beam! Early estimates have as many as fifty innocent digimon and ten tamers trapped in the wreckage!

Those of us in Tetha send our condolences to those who have been injured, left homeless, or who've lost someone in this senseless act of violence.

And while there have been some people displeased with the direction that Tetha's security forces have taken, it is worth pointing out that since Tetha hired the Koopa Troop to augment its police force, there has been a drastic reduction in criminal activity and no major attacks of any sort within the city. In the spirit of cooperation and justice, I extend to anyone in Neon City an invitation to survey the services of the Koopa Troop in protecting what they hold dear. Additionally, the Tetha Police will be sending digitarian aid representatives to Neon City to assist with the cleanup from this latest act of terrorism.

Finally, we want to see this criminal brought to justice. To that end, The Tetha Police and the Koopa Troop are offering a generous reward for any information that leads to the arrest of DATS Agent Miria.

ALL RIGHT, TETHA TAMERS! LISTEN UP!

The Koopa Troop, in cooperation with the Tetha Police, have finished our investigation of the Silver Dragon property.

Code violations have been corrected, living conditions have been improved, and all damage to the structure has been repaired. A big set of thanks go out to Mario and Luigi for working out the plumbing problems so quickly. Still need to test those warp pipes though...

All of you ingrates are free to have your inns back. You'll find new furnishings inside as our little way of saying "Sorry for the inconvenience." We'd also like to thank Kougamon and Igamon's Furniture Emporium for supplying the new furnishings. Don't mind the inconspicuously placed lenses, tamers, there's nothing to worry about whatsoever.

Next, I have a message from the Troopas for you. "Raise the temperature of the springs by about five degrees, please." Huh, guess they wanted it hotter while they were testing it...

Anyway. Your inn's yours. If any of you discover that you're missing any property, it probably got misplaced in the repairs and renovations. If you go to the Tetha Police Station and request reimbursment forms 361-AYB and 542-HA, fill them out, and you should be compensated in four to six weeks.

Try not to screw up next time, The Law is here for your protection, and the Koopa Troop is only a D-Comm away.