"Singularity" Chapter 35: "A Good Man" [35/49]
Title: "Singularity" Chapter 35: "A Good Man" [35/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 8,218
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Joel supposed he ought to be grateful that it was his brother standing in the doorway and not some... rogue townsperson, or even a hunter who had somehow managed to infiltrate the place. However outraged he might be, Tommy most likely wasn't going to shoot him in the back. His timing could use a little work... but hey, at least Ellie got to come.
...Did I really just have that thought right now?
Joel couldn't just stay frozen in place -- inside Ellie, no less -- forever. But he wasn't inclined to pull away and give Tommy an eyeful of his baby girl, either; Joel reckoned he was currently blocking his brother's view of pretty much everything but her handcuffed arms and coiled legs.
Fortunately, Tommy seemed to be aware of that circumstance, because he said, "I'll give you five seconds to get your ass out here, Joel. Otherwise... I'm comin' back in and draggin' you out myself."
The words were soaked in anger... a cold, quiet emotion that was more unsettling to Joel than blustery rage would have been. And while the commanding tone grated on Joel's nerves, he could hardly blame his brother for being... upset, for lack of a better word. He waited until he heard Tommy exit the room before slithering out of Ellie. "Gimme a minute to put some pants on!" he called after him.
Ellie was just... wide-eyed with shock and fear. "What are we gonna do?!" she whispered frantically.
"I don' know," Joel answered honestly. He couldn't even bring himself to utter a "it'll be okay" -- but she would know it was just bullshit anyway. What would I do if I was in Tommy's position? If he had walked in on Tommy and Ellie... well, castration came to mind. That's a lovely thought... like the blue balls ain't gonna be bad enough as it is... But physical discomfort was the least of his worries right now.
"Can you unlock me?" Ellie pleaded. "Don't leave me in here like this while you talk to him! Please!"
Joel blindly pulled on the first pair of boxers his hands happened upon in the dresser drawer. "Where's the key at?"
"...Uh... I thought it was on the dresser? No?"
Joel glanced at the dresser top as he yanked on his pants. "Nothin' up there." He didn't see it on either of the overturned crates that served as night stands, either. Seems Ellie's a little slow learning this lesson, too... but he was sure they could manage to free her without the key if needed, given all the resources they now had at their disposal.
"Joel! I swear to God--" warned Tommy's voice from the other room.
"Just a second! Damn." He zipped up his fly and frowned at poor chained Ellie. He hated to leave her like that, but... "I'll just go calm him down first--"
"Calm him down?" Ellie scoffed. "Um... good luck with that."
"I'll explain why I need a minute so he don't come stormin' back in here," he amended. He had a pretty good idea what was waiting for him out in that other room, and Ellie didn't need to witness it. "I'll be right back."
She continued to beg for release (...a not-so-fun kind this time) but Joel had to ignore her pleas for the time being. He called out to Tommy again to let him know he was going to splash some water on his face first -- because he didn't think his brother would appreciate the musky aroma of Ellie's sex that lingered in his beard. (He didn't share that bit with Tommy, but when Tommy didn't accuse him of stalling, Joel assumed he'd thought of a reason or two that explained why it would behoove them both if he freshened up a little first.) Joel actually wasn't looking to stall: he needed to get this over with, and get back to Ellie as soon as possible. He quickly soaped up his face, gargled some mouthwash, and headed out to the other room. Time to face the music.
The 'music' in its physical form was a sucker punch to the stomach -- not to the jaw, like Joel had expected. And expecting it didn't seem to help him much; the blow was hard enough to knock the wind out of him for a second.
Joel just took it. Accepted it. He knew very well that he deserved it. But damn, did it hurt... he doubled over, clutching his midsection.
"Oh my God! What's going on out there? What are you guys-- Tommy, don't hurt him! He didn't do anything wrong! Joel, let me out of here! PLEASE! Are you okay?! Tommy -- it's not his fault! Let me explain!"
Joel glanced up at Tommy. Watched Ellie's words wash over his brother... watched them congeal over his already-considerable anger and disgust. And the way Tommy was standing -- a defensive stance... he looks ready for a fight. Like he expected Joel to recover from the punch and return fire. But the blow hadn't sparked any rage inside him... hadn't struck anything that would get his blood pumping or adrenaline flowing.
"YOU GUYS! Whatever you're doing -- just stop! We need to talk about this! The three of us! Tommy, I can make you understand that it's-- it's not what you think! Joel -- red! Red red fucking RED!"
Joel wanted to tell her to shut the hell up... that she wasn't helping matters. Not only that, but she could be making them worse -- especially if Tommy realized that she'd just invoked their safe word (Joel could imagine the ensuing "how kinky do you GET with her?" look of revulsion). But, truth be told, things couldn't really get much worse, no matter what she said -- and Joel didn't have the heart to scold her. She didn't need to use the word, though... play time is obviously over.
One good thing about her continuous hollering: he could speak quietly to Tommy and she probably wouldn't hear; he knew the more she heard, the more upset she would be. He took a step back and held up his hand. "You wanna hit me, baby brother? That's fine. I get it. But not with her right there. I suggest we step outside."
Ellie had stopped calling out to them about halfway through, like she realized she needed to listen. He didn't have to wonder long about what she'd heard.
"Joel? Joel -- I only heard that last part -- about me here and something outside? Don't leave me like this! Please, Joel -- or Tommy -- either of you -- I don't care -- can you help me?!"
Tommy was just standing there glowering, so Joel continued. "I also suggest you let me free her. ...Not 'til afterwards, though, 'cause she'll get herself in the middle of it, and..." ...I don't want her to get hurt -- he couldn't bring himself to finish that hypocritical thought out loud. "We can talk, just you'n'me, if you want. But it ain't right to just leave her locked up like--"
"It ain't right?" Tommy spat out. "Who the hell are you to talk about what's right? I can't-- I just cannot believe--"
"Tommy! Stop! Don't yell at him! Joel, you have to tell him-- you have to EXPLAIN! No-- WE have to explain -- together! -- CAN SOMEBODY -- FUCKING LET ME -- OUT OF HERE!!!"
Joel painfully raised himself fully upright at last and shot his brother a hard look. "Sounds like she's on the verge of a panic attack. I'm gonna go help her." ...No matter what YOU have to say about it, the look warned him.
Either the look had hit its mark or perhaps Tommy felt bad for Ellie's predicament himself, because he did not attempt to block Joel's path.
Joel returned to the bedroom and found Ellie writhing and shaking, tears streaming down her face. He rushed to her side and cupped her face in his hands. "Ssshhh, baby girl... it's okay. You're okay. I'm gonna find the key an' let you out, all right?"
"He hurt you! -- Joel -- is he gonna -- kill you? I won't let him! He can't -- he doesn't -- understand--"
"Ellie Ellie -- breathe. Just breathe for me." He kissed her forehead. "He ain't gonna kill me. I'm okay. Now take a deep breath... go on..." He waited for her to do it. "Good. Exhale real slow. ...Do it again..."
She obliged... for three breaths. "I'm not having a panic attack," she announced. "I'm just... freaking the fuck out."
"Well, I reckon the two are pretty similar." He wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "You know I wasn't gonna leave you like this, don't you?"
She bit her lip. "Okay so maybe it was almost a panicky... like... -I did imagine you and Tommy running off to his house or something... just leaving me here, and I wouldn't know what's going on -- and I couldn't help -- I'd just be stuck here for ages--"
"Sshh... that ain't gonna happen. If you're all right now, I'm gonna find that key... then you can get dressed while I talk to Tommy," he added loudly, in case his brother thought he was just stalling now or some shit. Hopefully he just had that one punch to get out of his system, because even if she would be safer in here, I can't just leave her to suffer while he kicks my ass.
Tommy was actually sitting at the table, calm as anything, when Joel returned to the living room (thankfully, it hadn't taken long to locate the wayward key); he must have realized Joel wasn't going to sneak in one last quickie with him in the next room, or something equally asinine. Fleeing through the bedroom window with Ellie had crossed Joel's mind, but removing the new screen he'd installed would be impossible without tools... and busting through it somehow with the weaponry at hand would surely be noisy enough to bring Tommy rushing in before they could make their escape. ...And where would we escape to anyhow? There was no undoing this. No walking it back.
From the bedroom, Joel had heard Tommy conversing on the radio, but hadn't caught enough words for it to make sense. "Did I just hear you tell someone I ain't home?" he asked as he took the seat opposite Tommy.
"Truck's here with your shit. That's why I came to get you. I just told 'em to unload it at the office an' we'll get it later. The truck can't make it out here to your house anyways, what with the woods an' all." Tommy snorted. "You didn't want that wall for protection. You wanted it for privacy. So you could just... carry on with your deviant... disgusting..."
"I wanted it for protection, and peace of mind," Joel insisted. AND privacy. "This place is way too open, as you know. ...Even if it ain't open enough for a truck to drive up to it."
Tommy didn't seem to hear him, or perhaps he just didn't care. "I defended you. I thought for sure someone was makin' that shit up, about you'n'Ellie on the couch... but they really did see her, doin' that to you... didn't they. Of course they did."
"No," Joel replied patiently, "those rumors were horseshit. It never happened."
Ellie hurried over to the table -- the girl had gotten dressed quick as a flash -- and stood behind Joel's chair, her hands on his shoulders. "Total horseshit," she confirmed. "Joel doesn't let me do that."
Tommy looked utterly unimpressed by the declaration. "Ellie, if you wanna be part of this conversation--"
"Of course I wanna be part of it! I am part of it!"
"--you're gonna have to pull up the desk chair. Not... you can't stand there, like that. With him."
Christ... he can't even stand seeing her touch me all innocent-like. But now wasn't the time to antagonize his brother. Joel patted Ellie's hand. "Go on, kiddo. You can sit in the middle."
She sighed. Went and yanked the chair over noisily, like she was quite put out. She didn't park it in the middle, though; it was decidedly closer to Joel than to Tommy. Their knees were even touching. "Am I far enough away from him now for your liking?" she sneered.
"Ellie--" Joel started to warn her.
"Are you far enough away?" Tommy echoed. "No. Hell no. But for now... it'll do."
The 'hell no' clearly annoyed Ellie, but -- with great restraint, presumably -- she did not roll her eyes or snort or anything like that. "Were you spying on us?" she did ask, though -- Joel had been wondering about that himself (and he was kicking himself for not locking the damn door... Ellie really had taken him by surprise, but he still should've gone and locked it immediately upon finding her naked on the bed).
"I heard you all the way from outside," Tommy replied. "And the door was unlocked. Not that it matters."
"It does matter -- what we do in private is nobody's business but ours!" Ellie cried.
"That's what Joel would have you believe. But it ain't--"
"None of this is Joel's fault!"
Joel shushed her. "Let him talk. You'll get your turn." Although it won't make a damn bit of difference what you say to Tommy anyhow. He already knew that.
"He could've at least knocked," Ellie huffed.
"I could have," Tommy agreed. "Sure. That's what I was fixin' to do. If I hadn't heard what I heard... I thought about it for a second, and decided I had to see it for myself. Because I could not believe that Joel... anyhow. If I had knocked, you two would've come up with another damn lie to explain what I heard... and I prob'ly would've believed whatever shit you shoveled my way because the truth is so goddamn unbelievable. That's why I had to see it."
Joel didn't know how they could have possibly explained away what Tommy had heard, but it was true -- he would have tried. Ellie didn't deny it, either... and she seemed resigned to letting Tommy finish saying his piece (at least for the moment).
"Goin' back to what you said before -- it ain't true, that it's nobody's business," Tommy continued. "You're a minor. Adults are s'posed to protect you from shit like this. Guardians, in particular. But when the guardian--" -- a slight pause to glare at Joel -- "--fails to do what they're s'posed to do... when it's somethin' as bad as... what I just walked in on? Then others need to intervene. For the best interest of the child. There used to be a government agency dedicated to that very thing. There were laws about it. Child welfare laws... not to mention consent laws... it ain't okay for adults to just--" He waved his hand vaguely and looked away.
Ellie had started to interrupt him about five times. Joel kept squeezing her hand to remind her not to, every time a word or phrase rubbed her the wrong way -- 'minor,' for starters. 'Shit like this.' Guardian. Fails. Bad. Child. With Tommy's little tirade seemingly finished for the moment, Joel withdrew his hand before it invited some snide remark about touching Ellie.
"If I can talk now," Ellie began experimentally. Meeting no resistance, she continued. "First of all, I'm not a child. Maybe sixteen doesn't seem very old to you, but it is the age of consent in some states -- er... it was, back when that mattered. It doesn't matter anymore because there are no laws now. Everyone makes their own rules. -Every place, I guess I should say. So Joel hasn't broken any actual laws. Second of all, he's not my father. I know you think of him that way so this seems really gross to you, but he's not. Third--"
"Hang on," Tommy interrupted. "You think that's why I'm upset? Because I think of Joel as your father?"
"That is why you're upset." Ellie's duh voice.
"No. No it ain't. I like to think that if he was your biological father, this wouldn't be an issue." He glanced at Joel, but Joel didn't even dignify that with a response. "He sure acted like he wanted to be your father, though. We sat right here in this very room just a few months ago, and he asked if he could adopt you. You remember that? So... that was all just a big lie?"
"No!" Ellie and Joel answered at the same time -- Ellie loudly and indignantly drowning out Joel's calm reply.
Ellie took the reins. "He really did want that! That was ages ago. Almost a year! Part of me really wanted to say yes... but even though nothing was going on between us, I thought... I dunno. Something felt wrong, about being father and daughter. Like something was off. I knew that... that's not who we really are."
"So... this is a recent thing?" asked Tommy. "It hasn't been goin' on since you were fourteen?"
"No way! It just started in California!" Ellie replied earnestly.
Tommy looked unconvinced.
Joel wasn't inclined to outline the evolution of their relationship step by step, and California was a convenient landmark in the timeline with which to simplify things. However, if Ellie was expecting Tommy to be cool with this now... she's about to be sorely disappointed. "Things just... we did get closer, in California," Joel allowed. "As far as the adoption goes... I truly did want that, at the time." Joel stopped short of saying something along the lines of "I felt like I already WAS her father anyhow," because he didn't think that would help matters.
"All right. Fine. If you really wanted that... what made you throw it away? Why did you--"
"He didn't throw anything away!" Ellie jumped in. "It was all me! I like... practically threw myself at him, and he pushed me away! He said no!"
"Oh I'm sure he did," Tommy scoffed.
"He really did! Joel, tell him! I'm not lying!"
Joel could read Tommy's mind on that one. Basically, Tommy was in the same place now that Joel had been during that incident -- the night Ellie had declared her feelings. Except... right, not the EXACT same place -- he ain't the object of her affections, nor does he feel anything inappropriate towards her in return. But he knows how wrong it is... if only I'd left it at that. Where would we be now? She forgave me for rejecting her, before I gave in and kissed her... we could've just gone on like normal...
Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated by Joel's silence. "He doesn't wanna defend himself, cuz he likes to think everything is his fault. But it was totally me that started this. And he totally shot me down. Remember that night I showed up at your house -- like right before the July 4th party -- and I wouldn't tell you why I was so mad at Joel? It's because I couldn't stand it -- being rejected like that."
"I did wonder about that," Tommy recalled. "Neither one of you wanted to talk about it. I didn't push 'cause... I figured Joel was just bein' an asshole about somethin'. Ain't exactly unusual. Shit... I shoulda pushed. If just one of you had told me..."
"It was too late by then," said Joel. "The wheels were already set in motion. This goes back to... our first night here."
Ellie looked at him in surprise. "Why the fuck would you say that? That was months before you even knew how I-- Jesus, I didn't even know how I felt then!"
So much for 'knowing it all along' -- but Joel knew she was just teasing, whenever she said things like that. And now... he reckoned she would say whatever she felt she needed to say in order to defend what Joel had done. But Tommy knows about the bed -- he's been suspicious about that for a while... "That's when it started bein' inappropriate. I did start out sleepin' on the couch," he added for Tommy's benefit, "but it didn't last long. She was havin'... anxiety, at the time, about some shit that had happened on our trip--"
"Tommy, don't look at him like that -- that was my idea, too! And Joel said no! Again, Joel said no to me. But I couldn't sleep and he felt sorry for me and there was nothing inappropriate about it. At all."
Of course, Tommy wasn't buying that. "Oh sure, nothin' at all. Just a grown-ass man sleepin' in a young girl's bed."
"Old girl!" Ellie corrected him. "Young girls are like... four years old. And actually I'm a young woman. Totally old enough to decide who sleeps in my bed and who doesn't -- and there wasn't anything wrong about it! No sex or anything! Not that that's even wrong, but--"
"Mm. No sex. He didn't touch you at all, then, did he? Just slept completely on the edge of the bed. Far away from you as he could get."
"Yes!" she lied.
Tommy just gave her a Look.
"Not all the time," Joel amended for her.
"Well... he... I mean, sometimes he did, yeah!" Ellie spluttered. "But even when he-- he never touched me like... anywhere sexual." She blushed... but perhaps Tommy would attribute that to the subject matter and not the lie.
Not that Joel had expected her to offer up the accidental molestation there. He wasn't going to cop to that, either. He knew it wouldn't make much difference in Tommy's opinion of him at this point. What good is ANY of this really doing? Joel was ready to be done with this little song and dance routine. "Baby brother, can we just skip to the end here? What do you want from me?"
"Joel, no -- we still have to explain!" Ellie protested.
"What do I want from you?" Tommy repeated incredulously. "Hell if I know. I'm still tryin' to understand how you could... do somethin' like this to a girl you thought of as your daughter."
"That's why we have to explain," Ellie replied. "And he's not doing anything to me -- nothing bad. You make it sound like it's gross and dirty... and it's so not. You have no idea how much I love him. -Don't look at me like that -- I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm too young to feel love. You think Joel's been grooming me this whole time. Well, I'm not, and he's not!"
Tommy's eyebrows shot up at the 'grooming' comment. "Damn... he's good. He's even got you thinkin' that because he explained the concept to you, that it's somehow not exactly what he's done here."
"He doesn't have to explain it! I know what it is -- I know what it looks like when it is what someone's doing. And that's not Joel. He's not just trying to get laid or whatever. He really loves me. I know he does. You know he does." Her voice shook a little. "No one's ever loved me the way he does. He's the only one."
Christ, I really wish she hadn't said it like that...
Tommy leaned forward... and gentled his voice. "Sweetheart, I know you've had it rough. Haven't had a lot of people in your life you can count on. And I know you can't see it, but that's the worst thing about all this. For Joel to take that... that trust you placed in him... and twist it into--"
"He didn't twist it into anything!" she cried angrily. "We love each other. We both feel the same way. And that is just... fucking amazing, don't you think? Like... what are the odds? Isn't that how you felt when you fell in love with Maria, and realized she loved you back?"
Tommy snorted. "Ain't the same thing. Not one bit. She's a little younger than me, but we're both adults. We were gettin' along fine on our own, independent of one another. There was no... imbalance of power. If anythin', I reckon you could say she had more power, what with her an' her dad co-foundin' the town."
"Joel doesn't have any power over me," Ellie scoffed. "I make my own decisions! I choose to be with him!"
Tommy sat back, nodding... more to himself than to Ellie. "Right. No imbalance at all. You weren't completely dependent on him, comin' out here from Boston."
"Maybe at first? But once I learned--"
" 'Maybe at first,' " Tommy parroted. "So you admit there was a point where he called the shots. Where you followed his lead. Did what he told you to."
"But I also didn't," Ellie pointed out. "I saved his life, by not staying out of things like he wanted me to. And when he got hurt, I had to decide everything on my own. That was... fuck. Easily the worst time of my life. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him. Even back then, I already loved him soooo much, see? ...And you know what? I got him through that. I protected him. I took care of him. I made sure he was okay. I had all the power then, if you wanna talk about... an imbalance or whatever."
Tommy had listened patiently to that, but seemed to have his reply cocked about halfway through. "You know why you couldn't stand the thought of losin' him? 'Cause you needed him. You were dependin' on him for survival. What would've happened to you if he had died in Colorado? That's why--"
"No -- fuck that! It's because I loved him! Jeez, how selfish do you think I am?"
"It ain't selfish... it's human. That survival instinct is powerful. It's in all of us."
"It wasn't like that," Ellie gritted out (Joel was actually surprised she was still sitting relatively calmly at the table). "I need him because I love him. Not the other way around."
"Oh no? How can you be so sure about that? I bet if we asked Claire to weigh in on--"
"Fuck Claire! She's not even a real shrink -- and even if she was, I know how I feel. Better than anyone else does! I know because I'm the one feeling it. Not you. Not even Joel. And I'm telling you... after that whole thing? After what we went through? We were close before, but that was like... I mean... after that, I knew for the first time that we were going to be together even after I was done with the Fireflies. That we were always going to be together."
"Always, huh? Mm. Except for the part where he's four decades older than you."
Shit-- "Tommy, don't go there," Joel warned him.
"Not four whole decades. Not even three and a half! It's thirty-four-and-a-half years." (Tommy didn't look impressed by that, either.) "And I'm not an idiot. I know that... someday... but fuck, Tommy -- how many people do you know who have died who are younger than Joel? People younger than me. None of us knows how long we have. All we can do is make the most of every minute we've got. And I... haven't always remembered that, myself. I get why Joel... was the way he was, after losing Sarah. It's... kind of hard to love another person, sometimes. But you do it anyway. Sophie's boyfriend died after they were only together for like... I dunno, a few months? Oh -- and Sophie's totally cool with us being together, by the way. So was everyone else in Monterey! So if you think that there's no other adults--"
"Sophie knew about you two? ...Alex?"
"We told her," Ellie replied. "Because we felt like she would get it... and she totally does! And yeah -- Alex, too, when we found him. Everyone in Monterey was cool with us being together. We were just like anyone else. No one cared about the age difference."
Alex had been weirded out by it, as Joel recalled. It had taken him a bit longer to come around. ...Listen to me now -- 'come around,' like I'm right and Tommy's wrong here? Ain't THAT rich. Tommy had yet to voice an opinion that hadn't already rung true to Joel at one point or another. Some of which still rang true.
"Well... Monterey ain't Jackson, apparently," said Tommy. "You already know what people think here."
"Because they don't know the whole story!" Ellie exclaimed. "That's why we need your support. What did you call it with Sophie, Joel... outside endorsement?"
Tommy laughed mirthlessly. "You can't possibly think I could ever condone this... ...relationship."
Debauchery, is what Joel reckoned he really meant to call it. Or something along those lines.
"I hope you will, after you hear us out," Ellie replied, glancing at Joel. "Or hear me out, I guess... Joel, you're being awfully quiet."
She sounded a little worried about that. She's pretty smart... I'm sure she knows Tommy's words are hitting nerves left and right... "I'm bein' quiet 'cause I know how Tommy would react to... pretty much any excuse I put forth. No use in talkin' if it ain't gonna do any good."
"No, that's not -- they're not excuses -- that's the wrong way to look at it!" She turned to Tommy triumphantly. "See? I know how I feel... and I have my own thoughts and opinions on stuff. Joel's not... controlling me. You've seen that I don't just... agree with him all the time! Or even like half the time! When he's wrong, I fucking tell him he's wrong!"
Tommy sighed. "I don't care how much you fight or don't fight with him. At the end of the day... I know you respect him. Look up to him. Trust him. You can't deny that -- I've seen it. That's why it just... it makes me physically ill, what I just saw here. It's so goddamn wrong. And the fact that you don't even understand why it's wrong makes it--"
"I do understand! I just know you're wrong. -You're wrong, not it -- not us. And I feel ill knowing that you're just like everyone else in this fucking town who thinks of Joel like... like... I don't even wanna say it. Because he's not."
Even with all the shit hitting the fan right now, Joel could still spare the energy to worry about one possible, horrible reason that she might be feeling sick. "You feel ill? Right now?"
"Yeah. I... hate... fucking HATE... that your own brother believes this bullshit about you. Not cool, Tommy."
Tommy laughed bitterly again... and Joel knew he was about to say something brutally honest. "I'm sure you're right about... bein' the instigator in all this. I don't believe Joel made you do anything you didn't want--"
"Good! Cuz he didn't! He couldn't! He would never--"
"Hang on, now -- don't get too happy about that. I know that... you're pretty used to gettin' your way. The thing is... there's a line. And this line... it's invisible. Kids can't-- young people like yourself, if you wanna say you ain't a kid no more? -- You can't see it. You don' know where it's at. So you push the limits sometimes -- you test it. But when you get to be a certain age... it starts gettin' more visible. You start gettin' a better idea of where it is. And by the time you're Joel's age... you should not only know goddamn well where it's at -- you should be able to draw it yourself, 'cause you see it so clear. Now, Joel here -- he knows. He just don't care. Which is--"
"Don't you dare sit there and tell me that Joel doesn't care!" Ellie spat out. "If you had any idea how long I've had to work on him -- to get fucking bullshit like that, about crossing lines or whatever, out of his head-- oh! And while we're at it -- yes, I do know how to get my way, sometimes... stop and think about that for a minute. Don't you think that means I'm the manipulative one? You act like Joel just... I dunno... corrupted me or something. All on his own. It's totally the other way around!"
Oh Christ, here we go--
At least Tommy didn't laugh this time. "Your... charm? Feminine wiles, an' whatnot? Yes, men can be real dumb about those, I'll give you that. But if you're tryin' to tell me that Joel is some kind of victim here, that--"
"That's exactly what he is! He won't admit it, of course, cuz of his stupid male ego. Females get... 'wiles,' whatever those are, and males get macho fucking egos. Tommy, I'm telling you -- Joel said no to me over and over and over. He said it all the fucking time. 'Not 'til you're eighteen,' he said. Even when I'd get mad--"
"You ain't even eighteen yet!" Tommy broke in. "What the hell changed?"
"I told you, I kept working on him," Ellie replied. "Eventually he had no choice but to--"
"No choice," Tommy scoffed. "C'mon, now, let's be real. Joel, I wanna hear you tell me you had no choice. You were just... so under her spell that you couldn't resist. Is that how it went down?"
Joel just gave him a withering look.
Tommy smirked. "Thought so. I'm just wonderin'... what the hell is wrong with you, that you even had to resist? What makes you look at a teenage girl an' think... just... hell, I can't even say it--"
"It's not about that!" Ellie groaned. "And it's me -- not some... random teenager. He only loves me. He's not like... lusting after every teenage girl in town." She looked at Joel and frowned. "You're allowed to defend yourself, you know. To defend us."
There's no point in defending the indefensible... but Ellie obviously didn't see it that way. Joel sighed. "Do you think I wanted this, Tommy? I didn't ask to feel like... ... -And then I did fight it. For a long time." Or not so long, depending on your point of view.
"What made you cross the line, then? Hm?"
Joel honestly couldn't remember. He'd simply given in to the impulse to kiss her... and after that, he knew there was no going back, so... "I don' know."
Ellie was getting more annoyed with him by the moment. "You suck at this, Joel. And that makes me feel really great, knowing that you don't... want this. That's just awesome."
Shit, now I gotta talk myself out of the doghouse with her, too? "You know what I mean. We've discussed it plenty: bein' father an' daughter is just easier. It's what people would expect from us."
"But fuck people! They don't get to decide for us -- we decide how we feel!"
"I'm jus' sayin'. It is easier, havin' a more... conventional relationship."
"Well, too bad -- we just weren't meant to have that, and you know it." She turned back to Tommy. "Maybe Joel doesn't remember, or doesn’t know how to say it, but I do. He realized that... he loves me, which means he wants me to be happy, and being with him makes me happy, so it's a no-brainer. And I am so lucky to have him -- you have no idea. There's nothing about him that's gross, or... I mean, you said you heard me being loud before, right? So--"
"Ellie--" Joel had to arrest this line of thought.
"I'm just saying -- I'm really really attracted to him, okay? Nothing about us should make you feel sick, for fuck's sake. Like it's something... beyond disgusting." She sounded hurt.
"I'm sorry if that offends you," Tommy said placatingly. "Your feelin's are normal, honey. You've got the... hot-for-teacher thing goin' on. It's him bein' attracted to you that's disgusting."
"And that's not supposed to offend me?" she huffed. "That's the same thing as saying I'm gross. Like you would never... well, of course you wouldn't, you have Maria. It's not a fair--"
"Even if I wasn't married, I wouldn't think that makes it okay to screw a fifteen-year-old girl who has a crush on me. I wouldn't even entertain such a--"
"It's not just a stupid crush! Joel thought the same thing at first, but I love him. It's the real deal. And I'm sixteen, remember?"
"From what you all have told me, you were fifteen when it started, though. Not that it makes much--"
"Still old enough to know that I love him!"
"All right -- you love him. Or you think you do. There's still--"
"I don't just think -- I know! Ugh, Joel, he sounds just like you used to!" She glared at Joel now like it was his fault that Tommy was having a normal reaction to all this.
"Be that as it may," Tommy continued, "there is a line, and Joel crossed it. Now, maybe one time... it's a mistake. You realize it, backpedal a bit. Did he do that? No. Sins get watered down the more you--"
"It's not a sin to love another person -- especially one who loves you back! God, you act like he's hurting me or something."
Tommy looked at her sadly. "That's the thing, see... that's exactly what he's doin'. You just don't see it. Neither one of you does, apparently."
Ellie was seething now. "Joel has never hurt me. Ever. And he never will. God -- why is that so fucking hard for you to understand? We LOVE each other."
"That ain't true, about him not hurtin' you -- he's hurt you plenty."
"No he hasn't!"
"Maybe not physically..."
Oh, I've hurt her physically too, baby brother... but he'd never confessed Sacramento to anyone. He needed to carry that one around with him the rest of his days... and confessions weren't conducive to that.
"Not physically or any other way!" Ellie insisted.
"He's hurt you in ways you don't understand," Tommy continued. "Forget about that, though -- he's also hurt you in ways you do understand. I've seen you get upset with him a time or two."
"What, the fighting? Pffff. Everyone argues. But he's never purposely hurt me."
"I don't think he'd hurt you on purpose," Tommy agreed. "I think... in his own way... he does love you."
Ellie shot Joel a jeez aren't you gonna respond to that?! look... yet he remained quiet. He understood why Ellie was reacting the way she was -- passionately, emotionally -- but he just... wasn't feeling it. It wasn't just that he knew there was no winning this fight... that was a large part of it, sure, but there was something else. It wasn't even just that he agreed with Tommy's assessment of his character, of the situation... he just plain wasn't feeling it, for some reason. Not the way Ellie was. She was revving up... and he was shutting down.
"That's why this is so... appalling, is what it is," Tommy went on. "If he was havin' these... inappropriate feelin's, for you... it's no excuse. The situation called for him to be a man, and do the right thing. And guess what? -He didn't do it. A good man would've told you no as many times as you needed to hear it. A good man would've figured out a solution that--"
"He is a good man!" Ellie wailed. "He's done nothing to me except love me, Tommy. He's made me happier than I've ever been in my entire life!"
"For now, maybe. Psychologically... the damage he's doin'--"
"The only one doing damage here is you!" she snarled. "Psychologically? Ugh -- that doesn't even make any sense -- fuck -- I can't listen to any more of this bullshit. I can't."
Joel made no move to follow when she got up and stormed off to her room, slamming the door so hard the house shook. "She'll be back in a couple minutes," he predicted, lowering his voice to a volume he was pretty sure she couldn't hear from behind that closed door. "She won't be able to stand not knowin' what's bein' said. I'm gonna ask you again, baby brother: what is it that you want from me? Cut to the chase. You want us to go? We'll go."
Tommy snorted. "You'd like that, wouldn't you. Just waltz back off to California... where no one gives a damn what you do."
It was hardly a waltz, but that was beside the point. For a moment, Joel considered telling Tommy the real reason they'd left. Maybe he wouldn't be so eager to send Ellie back there, if he knew. But he decided against it, because no matter what else Tommy thought of him, he had to know that Joel would protect her, wherever they went. Protect her from everyone but myself, that is... "If our presence here is... upsettin' to you, then--"
"It ain't your presence. Shit."
"Then what? You want me to swear I'll never touch her again?" ...COULD I do that?
No doubt he could swear to it, but Joel was pretty sure he couldn't actually do it. Not while she still loved and wanted him, at least.
"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Tommy replied scornfully.
Yep, he sees right through that one. "Are you gonna let me decide what my own punishment should be? I've got the perfect solution: you take Ellie home with you an' forbid me from seein' her."
Tommy chortled at that. "You do think I'm an idiot. Christ -- when you were livin' with us last year? You... right under my roof, you were carryin' on--"
"No we weren't. That would've been... disrespectful." And we were too scared of getting caught...
"Disrespectful... ha! Disrespectful. Oh, but you were sleepin' in the same room. Supposedly 'cause Ellie was... scared to be alone? Havin' nightmares an' whatnot? Shit, I fell for that one. Hook, line--"
"She was havin' nightmares. Still does. More like night terrors." The exaggeration couldn't hurt. "And you know she has panic attacks. Real bad ones, sometimes."
"Whatever. Joel... I would love to take her home with me an' leave you here all alone to think about what you've done. I would. But you know as well as I do that she won't go."
The bedroom door had opened in the middle of that declaration... and now Ellie was behind him again. "Won't go where? Somewhere without Joel? Damn right I won't go." She came around and squeezed herself between him and the table -- planted herself in his lap, her head tucked against his shoulder. "We're a package deal. Like it or not."
Joel kind of wanted to push her off his lap... to tell her there was no need to further antagonize his brother... but he also wanted to hold her close. Hold her and thank her for being in his corner, for fighting this losing battle so fiercely. He settled for resting his forearms on the table, so that they were somewhat wrapped around her but not likely to agitate Tommy.
Tommy sighed. "I know that, sweetheart. Joel's got you brainwashed real good. But now--"
"Stop with the bullshit! Please," Ellie pleaded.
"I'll have to discuss it with Maria... what we should do. But damn, I sure ain't lookin' forward to tellin' her about all this."
"Then don't," Ellie mumbled.
"I have to. No one else needs to know, though. It's... family business."
That opinion was a relief to hear; Joel had wondered if maybe Tommy would call for a public hanging or some shit. Maybe he don't hate me THAT bad...
No -- Tommy didn't hate him at all. Because, unlike Joel, he was actually a good man. A good man who was rightfully upset about witnessing a wrong, and now felt compelled to take appropriate action to correct it.
"What I'm thinkin' is... you both should come an' stay with us," said Tommy. "In separate rooms, of course. And you'll never be alone together. In our house or anywhere else in town. If I have to personally ensure that that happens myself, I will. But like I said... gotta discuss it with Maria first. Maybe she's got a better idea. Just thinkin' on the fly here."
"So... you're not kicking us out?" Ellie asked softly.
"No. That wouldn't help you -- and I know you don't see it right now, but that's all I'm tryin' to do here, is help you."
"Right. Get me away from horrible, awful Joel so he doesn't hurt me anymore," she grumbled.
"You need better role models, that's for sure."
Yes, she really does...
"Joel is not a bad man. He's the sweetest... kindest... gentlest..."
"What I walked in on before sure as hell wasn't gentle," Tommy said coldly; Joel could hear the silent shuddering in his tone.
Ellie actually snickered. "He was just doing me a favor. Doing what I asked."
Tommy grimaced. "Enough of that. I will thank you to never bring that up again. Bad enough I'm gonna have the mental image seared into my brain forever."
Ellie didn't push it. "So... I get that you want to separate us. I hate it, obviously, but I get it. So why don't I go live with you, and Joel stays here? Doesn't that make more sense? That would suit him better... being alone. And obviously you're super pissed at him -- you shouldn't be, but you are -- so I don't think you want him in your face all the time, living in your house."
Tommy narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "That ain't really what you want. What are you playin' at?"
"Nothing," Ellie replied innocently. "If you can't just walk away and mind your own business about this, then..."
"I can't. I turned a blind eye before -- several times -- when I shouldn't have. I just didn't think it was this... I thought... ...I don' know what the hell I thought. I feel pretty damn stupid not figurin' it out before now. Anyhow -- why would you suggest that now, after you just got done tellin' me you're a package deal?"
"I just... um... I realized that... I can see it from your point of view. You want me away from him? Well... isn't that the best way to do it?"
Joel knew what she was thinking: they would actually see more of each other while living apart -- and they'd get more chances to be alone -- if they weren't both under Tommy's thumb.
Unfortunately, Tommy seemed to have come to the same conclusion. "The problem with that is Joel can't be trusted. And you -- you'd prob'ly break your neck sneakin' out your bedroom window to go be with him every night. Nope -- sorry. I really think both of you need to come stay with us. Bein' in a... more healthy environment would be--"
"Ugh -- this is not an unhealthy environment!" Ellie groaned.
Tommy seemed to have given up trying to argue with her. He pushed back from the table and stood up. "Joel, why don't you come help me with the cargo -- if the boys haven't finished it by now. Maybe you won't need your wall anymore, but we'll definitely use it for somethin'. Ain't gonna send it back. Ellie, you can pack up in the meantime--"
"I wanted to see the truck!" she protested.
"Truck's prob'ly gone already."
"Maybe not -- don't we have to send stuff back with it? Like load it back up? Besides, maybe Maria will want to do something different. You said you have to talk to her first. Why bother packing if we might not need to?"
"Pretty sure she's gonna want you to stay with us. And this was a special trip -- just delivery. But who knows, maybe they brought a list with 'em... I didn't ask. You can come if you want."
"Okay. I'll be ready in a sec." She slid off Joel's lap and headed back to the bedroom.
Joel needed to at least put a shirt on as well... but he would wait for Ellie to return to go take care of that. Wouldn't want baby brother to have to come spy on us in there.
"This ain't over, Joel," Tommy said quietly. "This conversation. Not by a long shot. But we need to talk man to man. Maybe send Ellie off to the movies tonight."
As much as he wanted to tell his brother to quit being such a sanctimonious little shit, Joel knew he was treading on thin ice as it was. Sometimes it's better to just keep your damn mouth shut. And it was hard to argue with someone who happened to be right; Ellie might not be ready to concede this battle yet, but Joel had already surrendered. The only gesture that made any sense to him here was waving the white flag.
As for what it might mean for Ellie and him... what the future held for them now... God only knows.
~Continue to Chapter 36~
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 8,218
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Joel supposed he ought to be grateful that it was his brother standing in the doorway and not some... rogue townsperson, or even a hunter who had somehow managed to infiltrate the place. However outraged he might be, Tommy most likely wasn't going to shoot him in the back. His timing could use a little work... but hey, at least Ellie got to come.
...Did I really just have that thought right now?
Joel couldn't just stay frozen in place -- inside Ellie, no less -- forever. But he wasn't inclined to pull away and give Tommy an eyeful of his baby girl, either; Joel reckoned he was currently blocking his brother's view of pretty much everything but her handcuffed arms and coiled legs.
Fortunately, Tommy seemed to be aware of that circumstance, because he said, "I'll give you five seconds to get your ass out here, Joel. Otherwise... I'm comin' back in and draggin' you out myself."
The words were soaked in anger... a cold, quiet emotion that was more unsettling to Joel than blustery rage would have been. And while the commanding tone grated on Joel's nerves, he could hardly blame his brother for being... upset, for lack of a better word. He waited until he heard Tommy exit the room before slithering out of Ellie. "Gimme a minute to put some pants on!" he called after him.
Ellie was just... wide-eyed with shock and fear. "What are we gonna do?!" she whispered frantically.
"I don' know," Joel answered honestly. He couldn't even bring himself to utter a "it'll be okay" -- but she would know it was just bullshit anyway. What would I do if I was in Tommy's position? If he had walked in on Tommy and Ellie... well, castration came to mind. That's a lovely thought... like the blue balls ain't gonna be bad enough as it is... But physical discomfort was the least of his worries right now.
"Can you unlock me?" Ellie pleaded. "Don't leave me in here like this while you talk to him! Please!"
Joel blindly pulled on the first pair of boxers his hands happened upon in the dresser drawer. "Where's the key at?"
"...Uh... I thought it was on the dresser? No?"
Joel glanced at the dresser top as he yanked on his pants. "Nothin' up there." He didn't see it on either of the overturned crates that served as night stands, either. Seems Ellie's a little slow learning this lesson, too... but he was sure they could manage to free her without the key if needed, given all the resources they now had at their disposal.
"Joel! I swear to God--" warned Tommy's voice from the other room.
"Just a second! Damn." He zipped up his fly and frowned at poor chained Ellie. He hated to leave her like that, but... "I'll just go calm him down first--"
"Calm him down?" Ellie scoffed. "Um... good luck with that."
"I'll explain why I need a minute so he don't come stormin' back in here," he amended. He had a pretty good idea what was waiting for him out in that other room, and Ellie didn't need to witness it. "I'll be right back."
She continued to beg for release (...a not-so-fun kind this time) but Joel had to ignore her pleas for the time being. He called out to Tommy again to let him know he was going to splash some water on his face first -- because he didn't think his brother would appreciate the musky aroma of Ellie's sex that lingered in his beard. (He didn't share that bit with Tommy, but when Tommy didn't accuse him of stalling, Joel assumed he'd thought of a reason or two that explained why it would behoove them both if he freshened up a little first.) Joel actually wasn't looking to stall: he needed to get this over with, and get back to Ellie as soon as possible. He quickly soaped up his face, gargled some mouthwash, and headed out to the other room. Time to face the music.
The 'music' in its physical form was a sucker punch to the stomach -- not to the jaw, like Joel had expected. And expecting it didn't seem to help him much; the blow was hard enough to knock the wind out of him for a second.
Joel just took it. Accepted it. He knew very well that he deserved it. But damn, did it hurt... he doubled over, clutching his midsection.
"Oh my God! What's going on out there? What are you guys-- Tommy, don't hurt him! He didn't do anything wrong! Joel, let me out of here! PLEASE! Are you okay?! Tommy -- it's not his fault! Let me explain!"
Joel glanced up at Tommy. Watched Ellie's words wash over his brother... watched them congeal over his already-considerable anger and disgust. And the way Tommy was standing -- a defensive stance... he looks ready for a fight. Like he expected Joel to recover from the punch and return fire. But the blow hadn't sparked any rage inside him... hadn't struck anything that would get his blood pumping or adrenaline flowing.
"YOU GUYS! Whatever you're doing -- just stop! We need to talk about this! The three of us! Tommy, I can make you understand that it's-- it's not what you think! Joel -- red! Red red fucking RED!"
Joel wanted to tell her to shut the hell up... that she wasn't helping matters. Not only that, but she could be making them worse -- especially if Tommy realized that she'd just invoked their safe word (Joel could imagine the ensuing "how kinky do you GET with her?" look of revulsion). But, truth be told, things couldn't really get much worse, no matter what she said -- and Joel didn't have the heart to scold her. She didn't need to use the word, though... play time is obviously over.
One good thing about her continuous hollering: he could speak quietly to Tommy and she probably wouldn't hear; he knew the more she heard, the more upset she would be. He took a step back and held up his hand. "You wanna hit me, baby brother? That's fine. I get it. But not with her right there. I suggest we step outside."
Ellie had stopped calling out to them about halfway through, like she realized she needed to listen. He didn't have to wonder long about what she'd heard.
"Joel? Joel -- I only heard that last part -- about me here and something outside? Don't leave me like this! Please, Joel -- or Tommy -- either of you -- I don't care -- can you help me?!"
Tommy was just standing there glowering, so Joel continued. "I also suggest you let me free her. ...Not 'til afterwards, though, 'cause she'll get herself in the middle of it, and..." ...I don't want her to get hurt -- he couldn't bring himself to finish that hypocritical thought out loud. "We can talk, just you'n'me, if you want. But it ain't right to just leave her locked up like--"
"It ain't right?" Tommy spat out. "Who the hell are you to talk about what's right? I can't-- I just cannot believe--"
"Tommy! Stop! Don't yell at him! Joel, you have to tell him-- you have to EXPLAIN! No-- WE have to explain -- together! -- CAN SOMEBODY -- FUCKING LET ME -- OUT OF HERE!!!"
Joel painfully raised himself fully upright at last and shot his brother a hard look. "Sounds like she's on the verge of a panic attack. I'm gonna go help her." ...No matter what YOU have to say about it, the look warned him.
Either the look had hit its mark or perhaps Tommy felt bad for Ellie's predicament himself, because he did not attempt to block Joel's path.
Joel returned to the bedroom and found Ellie writhing and shaking, tears streaming down her face. He rushed to her side and cupped her face in his hands. "Ssshhh, baby girl... it's okay. You're okay. I'm gonna find the key an' let you out, all right?"
"He hurt you! -- Joel -- is he gonna -- kill you? I won't let him! He can't -- he doesn't -- understand--"
"Ellie Ellie -- breathe. Just breathe for me." He kissed her forehead. "He ain't gonna kill me. I'm okay. Now take a deep breath... go on..." He waited for her to do it. "Good. Exhale real slow. ...Do it again..."
She obliged... for three breaths. "I'm not having a panic attack," she announced. "I'm just... freaking the fuck out."
"Well, I reckon the two are pretty similar." He wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "You know I wasn't gonna leave you like this, don't you?"
She bit her lip. "Okay so maybe it was almost a panicky... like... -I did imagine you and Tommy running off to his house or something... just leaving me here, and I wouldn't know what's going on -- and I couldn't help -- I'd just be stuck here for ages--"
"Sshh... that ain't gonna happen. If you're all right now, I'm gonna find that key... then you can get dressed while I talk to Tommy," he added loudly, in case his brother thought he was just stalling now or some shit. Hopefully he just had that one punch to get out of his system, because even if she would be safer in here, I can't just leave her to suffer while he kicks my ass.
Tommy was actually sitting at the table, calm as anything, when Joel returned to the living room (thankfully, it hadn't taken long to locate the wayward key); he must have realized Joel wasn't going to sneak in one last quickie with him in the next room, or something equally asinine. Fleeing through the bedroom window with Ellie had crossed Joel's mind, but removing the new screen he'd installed would be impossible without tools... and busting through it somehow with the weaponry at hand would surely be noisy enough to bring Tommy rushing in before they could make their escape. ...And where would we escape to anyhow? There was no undoing this. No walking it back.
From the bedroom, Joel had heard Tommy conversing on the radio, but hadn't caught enough words for it to make sense. "Did I just hear you tell someone I ain't home?" he asked as he took the seat opposite Tommy.
"Truck's here with your shit. That's why I came to get you. I just told 'em to unload it at the office an' we'll get it later. The truck can't make it out here to your house anyways, what with the woods an' all." Tommy snorted. "You didn't want that wall for protection. You wanted it for privacy. So you could just... carry on with your deviant... disgusting..."
"I wanted it for protection, and peace of mind," Joel insisted. AND privacy. "This place is way too open, as you know. ...Even if it ain't open enough for a truck to drive up to it."
Tommy didn't seem to hear him, or perhaps he just didn't care. "I defended you. I thought for sure someone was makin' that shit up, about you'n'Ellie on the couch... but they really did see her, doin' that to you... didn't they. Of course they did."
"No," Joel replied patiently, "those rumors were horseshit. It never happened."
Ellie hurried over to the table -- the girl had gotten dressed quick as a flash -- and stood behind Joel's chair, her hands on his shoulders. "Total horseshit," she confirmed. "Joel doesn't let me do that."
Tommy looked utterly unimpressed by the declaration. "Ellie, if you wanna be part of this conversation--"
"Of course I wanna be part of it! I am part of it!"
"--you're gonna have to pull up the desk chair. Not... you can't stand there, like that. With him."
Christ... he can't even stand seeing her touch me all innocent-like. But now wasn't the time to antagonize his brother. Joel patted Ellie's hand. "Go on, kiddo. You can sit in the middle."
She sighed. Went and yanked the chair over noisily, like she was quite put out. She didn't park it in the middle, though; it was decidedly closer to Joel than to Tommy. Their knees were even touching. "Am I far enough away from him now for your liking?" she sneered.
"Ellie--" Joel started to warn her.
"Are you far enough away?" Tommy echoed. "No. Hell no. But for now... it'll do."
The 'hell no' clearly annoyed Ellie, but -- with great restraint, presumably -- she did not roll her eyes or snort or anything like that. "Were you spying on us?" she did ask, though -- Joel had been wondering about that himself (and he was kicking himself for not locking the damn door... Ellie really had taken him by surprise, but he still should've gone and locked it immediately upon finding her naked on the bed).
"I heard you all the way from outside," Tommy replied. "And the door was unlocked. Not that it matters."
"It does matter -- what we do in private is nobody's business but ours!" Ellie cried.
"That's what Joel would have you believe. But it ain't--"
"None of this is Joel's fault!"
Joel shushed her. "Let him talk. You'll get your turn." Although it won't make a damn bit of difference what you say to Tommy anyhow. He already knew that.
"He could've at least knocked," Ellie huffed.
"I could have," Tommy agreed. "Sure. That's what I was fixin' to do. If I hadn't heard what I heard... I thought about it for a second, and decided I had to see it for myself. Because I could not believe that Joel... anyhow. If I had knocked, you two would've come up with another damn lie to explain what I heard... and I prob'ly would've believed whatever shit you shoveled my way because the truth is so goddamn unbelievable. That's why I had to see it."
Joel didn't know how they could have possibly explained away what Tommy had heard, but it was true -- he would have tried. Ellie didn't deny it, either... and she seemed resigned to letting Tommy finish saying his piece (at least for the moment).
"Goin' back to what you said before -- it ain't true, that it's nobody's business," Tommy continued. "You're a minor. Adults are s'posed to protect you from shit like this. Guardians, in particular. But when the guardian--" -- a slight pause to glare at Joel -- "--fails to do what they're s'posed to do... when it's somethin' as bad as... what I just walked in on? Then others need to intervene. For the best interest of the child. There used to be a government agency dedicated to that very thing. There were laws about it. Child welfare laws... not to mention consent laws... it ain't okay for adults to just--" He waved his hand vaguely and looked away.
Ellie had started to interrupt him about five times. Joel kept squeezing her hand to remind her not to, every time a word or phrase rubbed her the wrong way -- 'minor,' for starters. 'Shit like this.' Guardian. Fails. Bad. Child. With Tommy's little tirade seemingly finished for the moment, Joel withdrew his hand before it invited some snide remark about touching Ellie.
"If I can talk now," Ellie began experimentally. Meeting no resistance, she continued. "First of all, I'm not a child. Maybe sixteen doesn't seem very old to you, but it is the age of consent in some states -- er... it was, back when that mattered. It doesn't matter anymore because there are no laws now. Everyone makes their own rules. -Every place, I guess I should say. So Joel hasn't broken any actual laws. Second of all, he's not my father. I know you think of him that way so this seems really gross to you, but he's not. Third--"
"Hang on," Tommy interrupted. "You think that's why I'm upset? Because I think of Joel as your father?"
"That is why you're upset." Ellie's duh voice.
"No. No it ain't. I like to think that if he was your biological father, this wouldn't be an issue." He glanced at Joel, but Joel didn't even dignify that with a response. "He sure acted like he wanted to be your father, though. We sat right here in this very room just a few months ago, and he asked if he could adopt you. You remember that? So... that was all just a big lie?"
"No!" Ellie and Joel answered at the same time -- Ellie loudly and indignantly drowning out Joel's calm reply.
Ellie took the reins. "He really did want that! That was ages ago. Almost a year! Part of me really wanted to say yes... but even though nothing was going on between us, I thought... I dunno. Something felt wrong, about being father and daughter. Like something was off. I knew that... that's not who we really are."
"So... this is a recent thing?" asked Tommy. "It hasn't been goin' on since you were fourteen?"
"No way! It just started in California!" Ellie replied earnestly.
Tommy looked unconvinced.
Joel wasn't inclined to outline the evolution of their relationship step by step, and California was a convenient landmark in the timeline with which to simplify things. However, if Ellie was expecting Tommy to be cool with this now... she's about to be sorely disappointed. "Things just... we did get closer, in California," Joel allowed. "As far as the adoption goes... I truly did want that, at the time." Joel stopped short of saying something along the lines of "I felt like I already WAS her father anyhow," because he didn't think that would help matters.
"All right. Fine. If you really wanted that... what made you throw it away? Why did you--"
"He didn't throw anything away!" Ellie jumped in. "It was all me! I like... practically threw myself at him, and he pushed me away! He said no!"
"Oh I'm sure he did," Tommy scoffed.
"He really did! Joel, tell him! I'm not lying!"
Joel could read Tommy's mind on that one. Basically, Tommy was in the same place now that Joel had been during that incident -- the night Ellie had declared her feelings. Except... right, not the EXACT same place -- he ain't the object of her affections, nor does he feel anything inappropriate towards her in return. But he knows how wrong it is... if only I'd left it at that. Where would we be now? She forgave me for rejecting her, before I gave in and kissed her... we could've just gone on like normal...
Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated by Joel's silence. "He doesn't wanna defend himself, cuz he likes to think everything is his fault. But it was totally me that started this. And he totally shot me down. Remember that night I showed up at your house -- like right before the July 4th party -- and I wouldn't tell you why I was so mad at Joel? It's because I couldn't stand it -- being rejected like that."
"I did wonder about that," Tommy recalled. "Neither one of you wanted to talk about it. I didn't push 'cause... I figured Joel was just bein' an asshole about somethin'. Ain't exactly unusual. Shit... I shoulda pushed. If just one of you had told me..."
"It was too late by then," said Joel. "The wheels were already set in motion. This goes back to... our first night here."
Ellie looked at him in surprise. "Why the fuck would you say that? That was months before you even knew how I-- Jesus, I didn't even know how I felt then!"
So much for 'knowing it all along' -- but Joel knew she was just teasing, whenever she said things like that. And now... he reckoned she would say whatever she felt she needed to say in order to defend what Joel had done. But Tommy knows about the bed -- he's been suspicious about that for a while... "That's when it started bein' inappropriate. I did start out sleepin' on the couch," he added for Tommy's benefit, "but it didn't last long. She was havin'... anxiety, at the time, about some shit that had happened on our trip--"
"Tommy, don't look at him like that -- that was my idea, too! And Joel said no! Again, Joel said no to me. But I couldn't sleep and he felt sorry for me and there was nothing inappropriate about it. At all."
Of course, Tommy wasn't buying that. "Oh sure, nothin' at all. Just a grown-ass man sleepin' in a young girl's bed."
"Old girl!" Ellie corrected him. "Young girls are like... four years old. And actually I'm a young woman. Totally old enough to decide who sleeps in my bed and who doesn't -- and there wasn't anything wrong about it! No sex or anything! Not that that's even wrong, but--"
"Mm. No sex. He didn't touch you at all, then, did he? Just slept completely on the edge of the bed. Far away from you as he could get."
"Yes!" she lied.
Tommy just gave her a Look.
"Not all the time," Joel amended for her.
"Well... he... I mean, sometimes he did, yeah!" Ellie spluttered. "But even when he-- he never touched me like... anywhere sexual." She blushed... but perhaps Tommy would attribute that to the subject matter and not the lie.
Not that Joel had expected her to offer up the accidental molestation there. He wasn't going to cop to that, either. He knew it wouldn't make much difference in Tommy's opinion of him at this point. What good is ANY of this really doing? Joel was ready to be done with this little song and dance routine. "Baby brother, can we just skip to the end here? What do you want from me?"
"Joel, no -- we still have to explain!" Ellie protested.
"What do I want from you?" Tommy repeated incredulously. "Hell if I know. I'm still tryin' to understand how you could... do somethin' like this to a girl you thought of as your daughter."
"That's why we have to explain," Ellie replied. "And he's not doing anything to me -- nothing bad. You make it sound like it's gross and dirty... and it's so not. You have no idea how much I love him. -Don't look at me like that -- I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm too young to feel love. You think Joel's been grooming me this whole time. Well, I'm not, and he's not!"
Tommy's eyebrows shot up at the 'grooming' comment. "Damn... he's good. He's even got you thinkin' that because he explained the concept to you, that it's somehow not exactly what he's done here."
"He doesn't have to explain it! I know what it is -- I know what it looks like when it is what someone's doing. And that's not Joel. He's not just trying to get laid or whatever. He really loves me. I know he does. You know he does." Her voice shook a little. "No one's ever loved me the way he does. He's the only one."
Christ, I really wish she hadn't said it like that...
Tommy leaned forward... and gentled his voice. "Sweetheart, I know you've had it rough. Haven't had a lot of people in your life you can count on. And I know you can't see it, but that's the worst thing about all this. For Joel to take that... that trust you placed in him... and twist it into--"
"He didn't twist it into anything!" she cried angrily. "We love each other. We both feel the same way. And that is just... fucking amazing, don't you think? Like... what are the odds? Isn't that how you felt when you fell in love with Maria, and realized she loved you back?"
Tommy snorted. "Ain't the same thing. Not one bit. She's a little younger than me, but we're both adults. We were gettin' along fine on our own, independent of one another. There was no... imbalance of power. If anythin', I reckon you could say she had more power, what with her an' her dad co-foundin' the town."
"Joel doesn't have any power over me," Ellie scoffed. "I make my own decisions! I choose to be with him!"
Tommy sat back, nodding... more to himself than to Ellie. "Right. No imbalance at all. You weren't completely dependent on him, comin' out here from Boston."
"Maybe at first? But once I learned--"
" 'Maybe at first,' " Tommy parroted. "So you admit there was a point where he called the shots. Where you followed his lead. Did what he told you to."
"But I also didn't," Ellie pointed out. "I saved his life, by not staying out of things like he wanted me to. And when he got hurt, I had to decide everything on my own. That was... fuck. Easily the worst time of my life. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him. Even back then, I already loved him soooo much, see? ...And you know what? I got him through that. I protected him. I took care of him. I made sure he was okay. I had all the power then, if you wanna talk about... an imbalance or whatever."
Tommy had listened patiently to that, but seemed to have his reply cocked about halfway through. "You know why you couldn't stand the thought of losin' him? 'Cause you needed him. You were dependin' on him for survival. What would've happened to you if he had died in Colorado? That's why--"
"No -- fuck that! It's because I loved him! Jeez, how selfish do you think I am?"
"It ain't selfish... it's human. That survival instinct is powerful. It's in all of us."
"It wasn't like that," Ellie gritted out (Joel was actually surprised she was still sitting relatively calmly at the table). "I need him because I love him. Not the other way around."
"Oh no? How can you be so sure about that? I bet if we asked Claire to weigh in on--"
"Fuck Claire! She's not even a real shrink -- and even if she was, I know how I feel. Better than anyone else does! I know because I'm the one feeling it. Not you. Not even Joel. And I'm telling you... after that whole thing? After what we went through? We were close before, but that was like... I mean... after that, I knew for the first time that we were going to be together even after I was done with the Fireflies. That we were always going to be together."
"Always, huh? Mm. Except for the part where he's four decades older than you."
Shit-- "Tommy, don't go there," Joel warned him.
"Not four whole decades. Not even three and a half! It's thirty-four-and-a-half years." (Tommy didn't look impressed by that, either.) "And I'm not an idiot. I know that... someday... but fuck, Tommy -- how many people do you know who have died who are younger than Joel? People younger than me. None of us knows how long we have. All we can do is make the most of every minute we've got. And I... haven't always remembered that, myself. I get why Joel... was the way he was, after losing Sarah. It's... kind of hard to love another person, sometimes. But you do it anyway. Sophie's boyfriend died after they were only together for like... I dunno, a few months? Oh -- and Sophie's totally cool with us being together, by the way. So was everyone else in Monterey! So if you think that there's no other adults--"
"Sophie knew about you two? ...Alex?"
"We told her," Ellie replied. "Because we felt like she would get it... and she totally does! And yeah -- Alex, too, when we found him. Everyone in Monterey was cool with us being together. We were just like anyone else. No one cared about the age difference."
Alex had been weirded out by it, as Joel recalled. It had taken him a bit longer to come around. ...Listen to me now -- 'come around,' like I'm right and Tommy's wrong here? Ain't THAT rich. Tommy had yet to voice an opinion that hadn't already rung true to Joel at one point or another. Some of which still rang true.
"Well... Monterey ain't Jackson, apparently," said Tommy. "You already know what people think here."
"Because they don't know the whole story!" Ellie exclaimed. "That's why we need your support. What did you call it with Sophie, Joel... outside endorsement?"
Tommy laughed mirthlessly. "You can't possibly think I could ever condone this... ...relationship."
Debauchery, is what Joel reckoned he really meant to call it. Or something along those lines.
"I hope you will, after you hear us out," Ellie replied, glancing at Joel. "Or hear me out, I guess... Joel, you're being awfully quiet."
She sounded a little worried about that. She's pretty smart... I'm sure she knows Tommy's words are hitting nerves left and right... "I'm bein' quiet 'cause I know how Tommy would react to... pretty much any excuse I put forth. No use in talkin' if it ain't gonna do any good."
"No, that's not -- they're not excuses -- that's the wrong way to look at it!" She turned to Tommy triumphantly. "See? I know how I feel... and I have my own thoughts and opinions on stuff. Joel's not... controlling me. You've seen that I don't just... agree with him all the time! Or even like half the time! When he's wrong, I fucking tell him he's wrong!"
Tommy sighed. "I don't care how much you fight or don't fight with him. At the end of the day... I know you respect him. Look up to him. Trust him. You can't deny that -- I've seen it. That's why it just... it makes me physically ill, what I just saw here. It's so goddamn wrong. And the fact that you don't even understand why it's wrong makes it--"
"I do understand! I just know you're wrong. -You're wrong, not it -- not us. And I feel ill knowing that you're just like everyone else in this fucking town who thinks of Joel like... like... I don't even wanna say it. Because he's not."
Even with all the shit hitting the fan right now, Joel could still spare the energy to worry about one possible, horrible reason that she might be feeling sick. "You feel ill? Right now?"
"Yeah. I... hate... fucking HATE... that your own brother believes this bullshit about you. Not cool, Tommy."
Tommy laughed bitterly again... and Joel knew he was about to say something brutally honest. "I'm sure you're right about... bein' the instigator in all this. I don't believe Joel made you do anything you didn't want--"
"Good! Cuz he didn't! He couldn't! He would never--"
"Hang on, now -- don't get too happy about that. I know that... you're pretty used to gettin' your way. The thing is... there's a line. And this line... it's invisible. Kids can't-- young people like yourself, if you wanna say you ain't a kid no more? -- You can't see it. You don' know where it's at. So you push the limits sometimes -- you test it. But when you get to be a certain age... it starts gettin' more visible. You start gettin' a better idea of where it is. And by the time you're Joel's age... you should not only know goddamn well where it's at -- you should be able to draw it yourself, 'cause you see it so clear. Now, Joel here -- he knows. He just don't care. Which is--"
"Don't you dare sit there and tell me that Joel doesn't care!" Ellie spat out. "If you had any idea how long I've had to work on him -- to get fucking bullshit like that, about crossing lines or whatever, out of his head-- oh! And while we're at it -- yes, I do know how to get my way, sometimes... stop and think about that for a minute. Don't you think that means I'm the manipulative one? You act like Joel just... I dunno... corrupted me or something. All on his own. It's totally the other way around!"
Oh Christ, here we go--
At least Tommy didn't laugh this time. "Your... charm? Feminine wiles, an' whatnot? Yes, men can be real dumb about those, I'll give you that. But if you're tryin' to tell me that Joel is some kind of victim here, that--"
"That's exactly what he is! He won't admit it, of course, cuz of his stupid male ego. Females get... 'wiles,' whatever those are, and males get macho fucking egos. Tommy, I'm telling you -- Joel said no to me over and over and over. He said it all the fucking time. 'Not 'til you're eighteen,' he said. Even when I'd get mad--"
"You ain't even eighteen yet!" Tommy broke in. "What the hell changed?"
"I told you, I kept working on him," Ellie replied. "Eventually he had no choice but to--"
"No choice," Tommy scoffed. "C'mon, now, let's be real. Joel, I wanna hear you tell me you had no choice. You were just... so under her spell that you couldn't resist. Is that how it went down?"
Joel just gave him a withering look.
Tommy smirked. "Thought so. I'm just wonderin'... what the hell is wrong with you, that you even had to resist? What makes you look at a teenage girl an' think... just... hell, I can't even say it--"
"It's not about that!" Ellie groaned. "And it's me -- not some... random teenager. He only loves me. He's not like... lusting after every teenage girl in town." She looked at Joel and frowned. "You're allowed to defend yourself, you know. To defend us."
There's no point in defending the indefensible... but Ellie obviously didn't see it that way. Joel sighed. "Do you think I wanted this, Tommy? I didn't ask to feel like... ... -And then I did fight it. For a long time." Or not so long, depending on your point of view.
"What made you cross the line, then? Hm?"
Joel honestly couldn't remember. He'd simply given in to the impulse to kiss her... and after that, he knew there was no going back, so... "I don' know."
Ellie was getting more annoyed with him by the moment. "You suck at this, Joel. And that makes me feel really great, knowing that you don't... want this. That's just awesome."
Shit, now I gotta talk myself out of the doghouse with her, too? "You know what I mean. We've discussed it plenty: bein' father an' daughter is just easier. It's what people would expect from us."
"But fuck people! They don't get to decide for us -- we decide how we feel!"
"I'm jus' sayin'. It is easier, havin' a more... conventional relationship."
"Well, too bad -- we just weren't meant to have that, and you know it." She turned back to Tommy. "Maybe Joel doesn't remember, or doesn’t know how to say it, but I do. He realized that... he loves me, which means he wants me to be happy, and being with him makes me happy, so it's a no-brainer. And I am so lucky to have him -- you have no idea. There's nothing about him that's gross, or... I mean, you said you heard me being loud before, right? So--"
"Ellie--" Joel had to arrest this line of thought.
"I'm just saying -- I'm really really attracted to him, okay? Nothing about us should make you feel sick, for fuck's sake. Like it's something... beyond disgusting." She sounded hurt.
"I'm sorry if that offends you," Tommy said placatingly. "Your feelin's are normal, honey. You've got the... hot-for-teacher thing goin' on. It's him bein' attracted to you that's disgusting."
"And that's not supposed to offend me?" she huffed. "That's the same thing as saying I'm gross. Like you would never... well, of course you wouldn't, you have Maria. It's not a fair--"
"Even if I wasn't married, I wouldn't think that makes it okay to screw a fifteen-year-old girl who has a crush on me. I wouldn't even entertain such a--"
"It's not just a stupid crush! Joel thought the same thing at first, but I love him. It's the real deal. And I'm sixteen, remember?"
"From what you all have told me, you were fifteen when it started, though. Not that it makes much--"
"Still old enough to know that I love him!"
"All right -- you love him. Or you think you do. There's still--"
"I don't just think -- I know! Ugh, Joel, he sounds just like you used to!" She glared at Joel now like it was his fault that Tommy was having a normal reaction to all this.
"Be that as it may," Tommy continued, "there is a line, and Joel crossed it. Now, maybe one time... it's a mistake. You realize it, backpedal a bit. Did he do that? No. Sins get watered down the more you--"
"It's not a sin to love another person -- especially one who loves you back! God, you act like he's hurting me or something."
Tommy looked at her sadly. "That's the thing, see... that's exactly what he's doin'. You just don't see it. Neither one of you does, apparently."
Ellie was seething now. "Joel has never hurt me. Ever. And he never will. God -- why is that so fucking hard for you to understand? We LOVE each other."
"That ain't true, about him not hurtin' you -- he's hurt you plenty."
"No he hasn't!"
"Maybe not physically..."
Oh, I've hurt her physically too, baby brother... but he'd never confessed Sacramento to anyone. He needed to carry that one around with him the rest of his days... and confessions weren't conducive to that.
"Not physically or any other way!" Ellie insisted.
"He's hurt you in ways you don't understand," Tommy continued. "Forget about that, though -- he's also hurt you in ways you do understand. I've seen you get upset with him a time or two."
"What, the fighting? Pffff. Everyone argues. But he's never purposely hurt me."
"I don't think he'd hurt you on purpose," Tommy agreed. "I think... in his own way... he does love you."
Ellie shot Joel a jeez aren't you gonna respond to that?! look... yet he remained quiet. He understood why Ellie was reacting the way she was -- passionately, emotionally -- but he just... wasn't feeling it. It wasn't just that he knew there was no winning this fight... that was a large part of it, sure, but there was something else. It wasn't even just that he agreed with Tommy's assessment of his character, of the situation... he just plain wasn't feeling it, for some reason. Not the way Ellie was. She was revving up... and he was shutting down.
"That's why this is so... appalling, is what it is," Tommy went on. "If he was havin' these... inappropriate feelin's, for you... it's no excuse. The situation called for him to be a man, and do the right thing. And guess what? -He didn't do it. A good man would've told you no as many times as you needed to hear it. A good man would've figured out a solution that--"
"He is a good man!" Ellie wailed. "He's done nothing to me except love me, Tommy. He's made me happier than I've ever been in my entire life!"
"For now, maybe. Psychologically... the damage he's doin'--"
"The only one doing damage here is you!" she snarled. "Psychologically? Ugh -- that doesn't even make any sense -- fuck -- I can't listen to any more of this bullshit. I can't."
Joel made no move to follow when she got up and stormed off to her room, slamming the door so hard the house shook. "She'll be back in a couple minutes," he predicted, lowering his voice to a volume he was pretty sure she couldn't hear from behind that closed door. "She won't be able to stand not knowin' what's bein' said. I'm gonna ask you again, baby brother: what is it that you want from me? Cut to the chase. You want us to go? We'll go."
Tommy snorted. "You'd like that, wouldn't you. Just waltz back off to California... where no one gives a damn what you do."
It was hardly a waltz, but that was beside the point. For a moment, Joel considered telling Tommy the real reason they'd left. Maybe he wouldn't be so eager to send Ellie back there, if he knew. But he decided against it, because no matter what else Tommy thought of him, he had to know that Joel would protect her, wherever they went. Protect her from everyone but myself, that is... "If our presence here is... upsettin' to you, then--"
"It ain't your presence. Shit."
"Then what? You want me to swear I'll never touch her again?" ...COULD I do that?
No doubt he could swear to it, but Joel was pretty sure he couldn't actually do it. Not while she still loved and wanted him, at least.
"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Tommy replied scornfully.
Yep, he sees right through that one. "Are you gonna let me decide what my own punishment should be? I've got the perfect solution: you take Ellie home with you an' forbid me from seein' her."
Tommy chortled at that. "You do think I'm an idiot. Christ -- when you were livin' with us last year? You... right under my roof, you were carryin' on--"
"No we weren't. That would've been... disrespectful." And we were too scared of getting caught...
"Disrespectful... ha! Disrespectful. Oh, but you were sleepin' in the same room. Supposedly 'cause Ellie was... scared to be alone? Havin' nightmares an' whatnot? Shit, I fell for that one. Hook, line--"
"She was havin' nightmares. Still does. More like night terrors." The exaggeration couldn't hurt. "And you know she has panic attacks. Real bad ones, sometimes."
"Whatever. Joel... I would love to take her home with me an' leave you here all alone to think about what you've done. I would. But you know as well as I do that she won't go."
The bedroom door had opened in the middle of that declaration... and now Ellie was behind him again. "Won't go where? Somewhere without Joel? Damn right I won't go." She came around and squeezed herself between him and the table -- planted herself in his lap, her head tucked against his shoulder. "We're a package deal. Like it or not."
Joel kind of wanted to push her off his lap... to tell her there was no need to further antagonize his brother... but he also wanted to hold her close. Hold her and thank her for being in his corner, for fighting this losing battle so fiercely. He settled for resting his forearms on the table, so that they were somewhat wrapped around her but not likely to agitate Tommy.
Tommy sighed. "I know that, sweetheart. Joel's got you brainwashed real good. But now--"
"Stop with the bullshit! Please," Ellie pleaded.
"I'll have to discuss it with Maria... what we should do. But damn, I sure ain't lookin' forward to tellin' her about all this."
"Then don't," Ellie mumbled.
"I have to. No one else needs to know, though. It's... family business."
That opinion was a relief to hear; Joel had wondered if maybe Tommy would call for a public hanging or some shit. Maybe he don't hate me THAT bad...
No -- Tommy didn't hate him at all. Because, unlike Joel, he was actually a good man. A good man who was rightfully upset about witnessing a wrong, and now felt compelled to take appropriate action to correct it.
"What I'm thinkin' is... you both should come an' stay with us," said Tommy. "In separate rooms, of course. And you'll never be alone together. In our house or anywhere else in town. If I have to personally ensure that that happens myself, I will. But like I said... gotta discuss it with Maria first. Maybe she's got a better idea. Just thinkin' on the fly here."
"So... you're not kicking us out?" Ellie asked softly.
"No. That wouldn't help you -- and I know you don't see it right now, but that's all I'm tryin' to do here, is help you."
"Right. Get me away from horrible, awful Joel so he doesn't hurt me anymore," she grumbled.
"You need better role models, that's for sure."
Yes, she really does...
"Joel is not a bad man. He's the sweetest... kindest... gentlest..."
"What I walked in on before sure as hell wasn't gentle," Tommy said coldly; Joel could hear the silent shuddering in his tone.
Ellie actually snickered. "He was just doing me a favor. Doing what I asked."
Tommy grimaced. "Enough of that. I will thank you to never bring that up again. Bad enough I'm gonna have the mental image seared into my brain forever."
Ellie didn't push it. "So... I get that you want to separate us. I hate it, obviously, but I get it. So why don't I go live with you, and Joel stays here? Doesn't that make more sense? That would suit him better... being alone. And obviously you're super pissed at him -- you shouldn't be, but you are -- so I don't think you want him in your face all the time, living in your house."
Tommy narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "That ain't really what you want. What are you playin' at?"
"Nothing," Ellie replied innocently. "If you can't just walk away and mind your own business about this, then..."
"I can't. I turned a blind eye before -- several times -- when I shouldn't have. I just didn't think it was this... I thought... ...I don' know what the hell I thought. I feel pretty damn stupid not figurin' it out before now. Anyhow -- why would you suggest that now, after you just got done tellin' me you're a package deal?"
"I just... um... I realized that... I can see it from your point of view. You want me away from him? Well... isn't that the best way to do it?"
Joel knew what she was thinking: they would actually see more of each other while living apart -- and they'd get more chances to be alone -- if they weren't both under Tommy's thumb.
Unfortunately, Tommy seemed to have come to the same conclusion. "The problem with that is Joel can't be trusted. And you -- you'd prob'ly break your neck sneakin' out your bedroom window to go be with him every night. Nope -- sorry. I really think both of you need to come stay with us. Bein' in a... more healthy environment would be--"
"Ugh -- this is not an unhealthy environment!" Ellie groaned.
Tommy seemed to have given up trying to argue with her. He pushed back from the table and stood up. "Joel, why don't you come help me with the cargo -- if the boys haven't finished it by now. Maybe you won't need your wall anymore, but we'll definitely use it for somethin'. Ain't gonna send it back. Ellie, you can pack up in the meantime--"
"I wanted to see the truck!" she protested.
"Truck's prob'ly gone already."
"Maybe not -- don't we have to send stuff back with it? Like load it back up? Besides, maybe Maria will want to do something different. You said you have to talk to her first. Why bother packing if we might not need to?"
"Pretty sure she's gonna want you to stay with us. And this was a special trip -- just delivery. But who knows, maybe they brought a list with 'em... I didn't ask. You can come if you want."
"Okay. I'll be ready in a sec." She slid off Joel's lap and headed back to the bedroom.
Joel needed to at least put a shirt on as well... but he would wait for Ellie to return to go take care of that. Wouldn't want baby brother to have to come spy on us in there.
"This ain't over, Joel," Tommy said quietly. "This conversation. Not by a long shot. But we need to talk man to man. Maybe send Ellie off to the movies tonight."
As much as he wanted to tell his brother to quit being such a sanctimonious little shit, Joel knew he was treading on thin ice as it was. Sometimes it's better to just keep your damn mouth shut. And it was hard to argue with someone who happened to be right; Ellie might not be ready to concede this battle yet, but Joel had already surrendered. The only gesture that made any sense to him here was waving the white flag.
As for what it might mean for Ellie and him... what the future held for them now... God only knows.
~Continue to Chapter 36~