"Singularity" Chapter 32: "Inside Out" [32/49]
Title: "Singularity" Chapter 32: "Inside Out" [32/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,184
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Joel was having a hell of a time trying to keep the blanket snugly positioned around her shoulders... but Ellie didn't seem to mind much when it slipped.
"I wish we could stay like this forever," she breathed in his ear, sending a fresh wave of shivers down his spine.
As if she wasn't doing enough to me already... Despite the post-coital nature of her declaration, he was actually still balls deep, with Ellie straddling him. It was the easiest position to pull off in their current situation, by far. A position that didn't involve pounding her into the wagon floor, pricking her with splinters (Joel was pretty sure he felt one working its way into his behind, but Ellie could probably help him with that later)... or banging her into one of their hastily-erected brick walls, which would probably be even more uncomfortable. "Mm... you know when it is that you say that?"
"What, the forever thing? Prob'ly like... every time you're inside me?"
He kissed her bare shoulder. "Not every time. Only when I don't play with you enough first."
"Play with me?" she echoed dubiously.
"Yeah. You know... get you all worked up..." If I do it right, she lacks the patience required to 'STAY LIKE THIS FOREVER.' He shifted his lips to her neck; he had to be more careful about nipping it now, so as not to leave any marks, but he could still kiss it... lick it... suck it... she liked it all, where her lovely neck was concerned.
"Ohhh, okay... yeah... I could still stay like this... but I know what you mean." She leaned back just enough to flash him a very naughty smile, then returned her lips to his ear. "You mean when I get so turned on I have to say 'fuck me, Joel!' cuz I can't stand going slow anymore?"
Jesus... he knew it was wrong to get so goddamn aroused by that. She wasn't even saying it for real this time... yet her imitation of the breathless desperation that usually accompanied those three words was still enough. Ellie knew it, too. Knew it and enjoyed the hell out of it. He couldn't thrust very well like this, with his legs sticking out uselessly in front of him, but he could lift her up and down to simulate it. He gripped her sides and--
Ellie giggled. "Noooooo you can't come yet! I just said I wanna stay like this forever."
He hadn't been planning on coming yet, but he obligingly ceased the movement... just scooched his ass down a little (ugh... goddamn splinter...), which seemed to help with the thrust angle. "Then don't whisper hot-as-hell things in my ear, yeah?"
She giggled some more. "What are hellthings?" she teased. "Anyways I'm just trying to stay warm. That's all."
"The blanket--"
"The blanket sucks," she declared. "Your dick is keeping me warm... from the inside out!"
Joel rather liked the way she was moving now... more of a circular motion than up and down. It felt nice, if not quite hot-as-a-hellthing-nice. It's all good. He smiled. "Hate to break it to you, but your insides are already nice an' warm. Ninety-eight point six, unless you've got hypothermia... which... you certainly... do not."
She yelped in surprise when the bricks behind his back shifted. "Shit -- Joel --"
"Sorry... it's all right..." Or it would be, if he could find a comfortable way to lean into them still.
"Our sex is so hot we're breaking down walls," Ellie said happily.
"Guess we should've reinforced this one better." The lower bricks had nowhere to go, but the higher ones could slide back onto the cement bags on the side benches of the wagon. He tugged her face down to meet his, opening his mouth to a steamy-hot kiss. This is actually BETTER, leaning back INto the bricks instead of just against them... with a firm grip on her ass, he tried thrusting again -- for real this time.
Ellie showed signs of amusement every time a brick shifted out of place, but she wasn't breaking away to giggle, so... maybe she's more into it now... He wanted to keep full hold of her ass, but he sacrificed one hand to play with her clit. His good deed did not go unrewarded; she immediately moaned and uttered a little "fuck". A sacrifice well worth it. Oh yeah, I'm Mother Teresa now...
Not that Joel didn't like the little giggles as well. He enjoyed all of it. Just... her. Being so happy. Happy because of him. She apparently felt safe enough now to not always question if it was weird to laugh, or to do... anything allegedly weird at all. He felt like an asshole when he remembered those times not too long ago when he basically took it for granted... when he'd been too tired or not in the mood. He couldn't blame her if she'd started to get a little bored with him. She'd never said as much... he just suspected, at times.
Part of him had been bracing for that, all along. Maybe not in those giddy first few weeks... months?... hell, sometimes he thought they were still in the honeymoon phase, even though it also felt like they knew each other inside and out -- literally. He had expected her to eventually shatter his heart into a million pieces, and was trying to make himself be okay with that. It would be better for her to go on and live an honest life with someone closer to her own age -- someone who wouldn't have to hide her like a dirty little secret.
But if such thoughts ever flitted through his mind at moments like this? When he felt so connected to her, so... as one, with her... they felt like bald-faced lies, easily dismissed. Replaced with fluffy pink romantic shit. This amazing young woman is MINE... and she ain't goin' nowhere... how the hell did I get so lucky?
He fondled her lady bits... caressed her breasts... squeezed her ass... and returned her eager, hungry kisses. She was rocking on top of him now, a little bit of back and forth mixed in with the up and down. After a bit, she slowed her movements -- like she still didn't want this to end yet. He could feel it on his sides when her legs started to shake.
"Fuck, Joel... help me out... I'm close..."
The first time she'd asked him to 'help her out,' he'd been a little confused -- hell, what had he just been doing that wasn't helping her reach her climax? But the leg-shaking thing -- at least, this degree of it -- happened when her legs got fatigued from the repetitive motions, performed in a position that was... perhaps not exactly unnatural, but not conducive to what a body was built to do -- like, say, walking. And apparently, the electricity surging through them to her toes on a repeated loop did not help matters (Joel still wished he could swap bodies with her, just once, to see if some of the sensations she described were real or hyperbole). Anyway, he knew she wanted his hands to help her move quickly in lieu of touching her.
He was pretty damn close himself. Too close, he realized...
"Joel-- uunnhhh..."
Of course he'd help her out. All he had to do was hold on for an extra second after she came. Surely he could just--
"Oh God -- ohhh -- ohhhhh -- fucking... FUUUUCK -- Joel -- Joooeeelllll... oooooh! Ahhh! Oh my fucking God, Joel!"
...She certainly didn't make it easy. How the hell was he supposed to hold on during a barrage of hotness like that? And when it was accompanied by the desperate, frenzied pounding--
He pulled her off of him with enough force to displace the rest of the bricks behind him that had been hanging on for dear life. Now he was reclining at a rather awkward angle over the bottom two rows... and he let her flop back down on top of him, a quivery mass of panting dead weight. "Shit... did you even finish?" he asked her.
She had face-planted into his shoulder -- an adjustment he'd made quickly to avoid whacking her forehead on the cinder block trying to tumble into his lap. She laughed breathlessly. "Um, yeah. Couldn't you tell? Fuck, that was intense."
He batted away any precarious-looking bricks within range... gave the 'wall' on his right a good shove to create a little more breathing room... and was subsequently assaulted by the cold air coming in from the front. Oops... refreshing as it is, she's gonna get cold now... what on Earth is she doing with that blanket? "Seemed like you might still be in the middle of it when I... damn, I made a mess down there..."
"We made it." (It was cute how she liked to share the blame that way -- and he couldn't deny that she had an awful lot to do with its presence on the outside of his body.) "Guess we'll be washing this blanket now, huh?" she giggled, turning to nuzzle his neck.
He was glad to be able to see out front again -- and was even glad that all he could see was a wall of gray. Not that he wanted to be stuck here forever, but it made him feel a little better about his lack of customary Outside vigilance. Right -- the blanket -- it was caught between his left leg and Ellie's, its purpose shifting from Ellie-warmer to... mess-soaker-upper. "Ugh," he grimaced.
Her giggles tickled his neck. "I love you soooooo much."
Aww. Even though it was just an orgasm-induced declaration, she sounded so sweet and sincere. "Love you too, sweet girl." He kept his arms snugly around her, debating how to make use of the 'good' part of the blanket that had fallen by the wayside. I need to sit up-- "You're gonna get cold if we--"
"No I won't! You're still warm... somehow..."
"For the moment. It won't last. Besides, we're... sticky."
"But it's a warm sticky!"
"...You think that makes it better?"
"Yes! Warm is like... hot!" she giggled. "And when it dries, we'll be stuck to each other forever..."
That thought disgusted him enough that he had to move. "All right. Up."
"Aw, Joel--"
"Up!"
They used the rain water to rinse off a little, even though the blanket they'd be returning to was already a bit... defiled beyond mere rinsing. Then of course they had to get warm and dry again. Since the bricks were scattered every-which-way now, Joel cleared the area right in front of the bench to lean against... his pants pulled up (yes, even though they were still wet) and Ellie in his lap, bundled up in the defiled blanket -- which they could not even afford to rinse because their need to use the dry part trumped his disgust. He tried not to think about how much jizz had ended up on him, on Ellie, on the blanket... compared to the total amount that had come out. Had any of it ended up inside her? He hadn't made it completely out before the geyser had started erupting -- he felt pretty certain of that. But had he been close enough to being out that it didn't matter? ...If there even was such a thing?
Shit... she only JUST finished her period a few days ago. Am I gonna have to worry about this for the next month? ...AGAIN? Goddamnit-- this was definitely an instance he would classify as a 'close call.' Hopefully that's all it was. What the hell is wrong with me? ...All right... it's a little early in her cycle for her to get pregnant... ain't like coming inside is a guaranteed ticket to parenthood... the odds are in our favor... no need to panic. No need to worry about it for the next-- oh, who am I trying to fool -- of course I'll worry about it. I can't NOT worry about such a--
"Joel, are you even listening to me?" asked Ellie.
He wasn't. "Sure."
"Then what should I do?"
Uh... He couldn't even pretend he'd heard a word she just said. "About what?"
"Ugh -- I knew you weren't listening!"
"Sorry, baby girl. I am now."
"About Clicker? About his... crush, or whatever it is?"
"On you?"
"Yeah."
"It's a crush."
She sighed. "It feels disrespectful or something, thinking of it like that, when you thought that about me, just cuz I'm younger."
"I was wrong about you, I admit it." He had never doubted that she cared for him -- it was the romantic feelings he hadn't trusted to last. Like it could have been merely a teacher crush or something along those lines. "Me'n'you were closer at the time than you'n'Clicker, though, yeah?"
"Yeah. Of course."
"It is what it is: a crush. What exactly are you askin'?"
"What should I do? Do I bring it up? Like... talk to him about it? What do I say?"
That would be one hell of an awkward conversation... "I don't think you need to do that. He's never actually... professed his undying devotion to you, has he?"
"Ha. No..."
"So you don' know exactly how he feels."
"Well, no, but you guys-- everyone tells me--"
"Yes, he's clearly... smitten. I don' know, kiddo... maybe just keep your distance for a while. That'll show him you ain't interested." Or, it WOULD, if he was actually old enough to understand that that's what she was doing...
"But he's my friend! You think I should avoid him?"
"Not forever. Just for a while."
"That's so shitty! How long is 'a while'?"
"Uh... long enough for him an' Alyssa to work things out, I guess? -No, longer than that. If he's gonna drop her like a hot potato the second you come back around--"
"But obviously he doesn't really like her that much, right? Or he wouldn't do that. That's the conclusion I'm coming to now."
...How much thought has she given this? It seemed like she'd put it out of her mind pretty quickly last night once they'd gotten home. "I don' know. If you're the fantasy an' she's the reality--"
"I shouldn't be his fantasy!" she groaned.
He squeezed her and chuckled. "Can't blame the little guy. Obviously I couldn't resist your charms, either."
"But he doesn't have to resist-- I'm not-- aarrrghhh I dunno. I don't think I can do what you're saying. I can't just blow him off and make him think I don't care about him. As my friend."
"Well, if you go ahead an' have that... frank discussion with him, addressin' the issue... ..."
"Then what?" she prodded.
"Then... you might lose him as a friend. It might be too hard for him to be around you... too awkward, knowin' that you don't feel the same way. Remember what happened after I told you we couldn't be... like this?" He squeezed her.
"But I knew you were lying!"
"I wasn't lyin'." For the most part.
"Well -- I knew that you were wrong, then. Totally different situation."
"Bit different, sure," he allowed. "But after you left that night... didn't you wish like hell you could rewind a couple hours an' have nothin' change between us? I know I sure did."
"...You did? You wished I'd never told you how I felt?" She sounded sad.
"Because you left... and I didn't know how to fix it. How to go back to the way we used to be. It was an awful feelin'." And he certainly could have handled the situation better, but it had all worked out okay in the end. ...So far... we ain't at THE END yet...
"But we weren't supposed to go back, see? We were supposed to move forward."
No... we weren't. I was weak. And selfish. As the adult, I had a responsibility to NOT cross that line... and I not only crossed it -- I sprinted right past it. Blew through it like it was nothing. Like I didn't give a damn. Look at me now... I STILL don't give a damn. I can't even control myself -- as a grown-ass man decades past his prime. If I just got her pregnant...
"Joel?" She nudged him, and he got the feeling he'd spaced another question of hers.
"Hm?"
"You don't regret what happened, though, right? I mean... obviously you don't. We're so good together. Just like I knew we would be."
He did regret it, sometimes. He just tried not to dwell on it, since there was nothing to be done about it now. But he couldn't say that to Ellie; she wouldn't understand what he meant, and it would only hurt and confuse her. "I don't regret it," he said. It wasn't a lie, since he both did and did not.
"Good. You shouldn't."
He got the feeling she was trying to reassure him... which meant she didn't quite buy his answer. "How could I? You're... -You make me happier than I've ever been." That was the God's honest truth.
"Aww. Me too!" She turned his face toward hers and kissed him. "See? It's totally different, with you and me. That wouldn't happen with Clicker. So if I don't say anything to him..."
"What, just... go on like normal?"
"Yeah. Is that bad?"
He kissed her cute little nose. "Ever hear of 'be cruel to be kind'?"
"Um... no? That makes zero sense."
"It does if you think about it. It's like tough love. Same basic concept. Short term versus long term."
"Huh. Okay, so... you're saying I'm being cruel if I keep hanging out with him?" She sounded very skeptical.
"In a way, maybe you are, yeah. I'm sayin'... maybe it feels cruel to keep your distance, but in the long run, it might be the kinder thing to do, so he don't spend all his time pinin' away for--"
"But then he wouldn't have my friendship. And I wouldn't have his. If he wants to hang out with me... isn't that his choice? I mean... that's up to him to decide, right?"
Well... Joel suspected his opinion on this matter wasn't going to sit well with Ellie. "He's just a kid. He don't always know what's in his best interest."
"Oh God -- we're back to that again? Okay -- thanks, Joel, you just helped me decide what to do," she announced cheerfully.
"...I did?"
"Yep! I'm going to do nothing. He can decide for himself if he wants to be my friend or... if it's too painful for him or whatever. It's not fair for me to decide that for him. I'm not sure he should be with Alyssa anyways. She can be kind of a little brat. If he doesn't--"
"Hang on -- so you're goin' to poison him against her now?"
She swatted him. "I didn't say that!"
"But if he asks you for advice... ?"
"Then... I'll be honest!"
"Mm, okay. I get it." He could read between the lines.
"The way you said that makes me think that you don't."
She's gonna get all mad, but-- "I get that you don't like the idea of him bein' with someone else. That you... enjoy the way he worships you."
"He doesn't worship me!"
"It makes you feel good. Boosts your--"
"I'm not like that, Joel! You know I'm not!"
"I ain't sayin' it's a bad thing," Joel said placatingly. "It's... very human. To want to be admired. Plus, you feel like Annie an' this new girl are close now, so you're even more--"
"I told you -- me and Annie are good now! I overreacted the other day." She snorted. "Shocking, I know."
"Still. I think you need to be careful. You don't wanna lead him on."
"I wouldn't!"
"On accident, you might." Maybe she already has...
She looked at him thoughtfully. "I know what this is about. That whole... don't-spend-time-alone-with-the-opposite-s
Joel honestly hadn't even thought of it like that; he knew Ellie dismissed Clicker as a little boy, hopelessly too young for her. The kid had grown up some over the winter, maybe, but... it wasn't like Clicker had suddenly evolved into a threat to their relationship. "No, that ain't it."
"Okay, good -- because you didn't even count Parker. Like, before I told you he was gay!"
"Because he was the only one in that place even remotely close to your age. Situation's different here. Besides, you weren't really hangin' out with Parker by yourself anyway. Except towards the end. ...And that didn't end up goin' too--"
"Are you gonna keep throwing that in my face? Fuck. I'm sorry. I was just trying to protect him," she said crossly.
"I know you were." Another squeeze. "If you still wanna hang out with Clicker, I wouldn't count it as breakin' the rule. You can hang out with anyone you want to."
"Yeah right," she muttered so low Joel almost didn't hear her.
"I'm serious."
"Pfff. It you were serious, there wouldn't be a rule in the first place!"
...Fair point. "Well, maybe there shouldn't be." Maybe he'd been too rigid there. Now that he had to accept the fact that she was no safer with him than anyone else... is this rule more about my own peace of mind than about mutual respect and whatnot? He really was trying to not be a controlling asshole... "Maybe we just... evaluate things for ourselves. Play it by ear. What do you think?"
She narrowed her eyes, looking suspicious as hell. "Why are you saying this now? Is there some woman you want to hang out with?"
Haha... cute. "Me? No."
"Then why get rid of the rule so easily? Maybe I wanna keep it!"
So she LIKES me being a controlling asshole. Yes, Ellie made it too easy for him to justify all kinds of things to himself. "You wanna keep it? We'll keep it."
"...For both of us."
"For both of us," he agreed. "With some exceptions -- as long as we both agree. Like Clicker."
"Even though you don't want me to hang out with him now."
"For his sake," Joel chuckled. "So he can move on."
"Which is his choice to make, not yours. Or mine."
"All right." He wasn't going to keep arguing with her; he got the feeling she'd firmly made up her mind on the subject, now that she was drawing that ridiculous parallel to their relationship. "Surprised you haven't taken the opportunity to point out that I 'broke the rule a million times' with Sophie."
"I'm only teasing you, when I say that. I so don't care, now that we're sisters. It's like the Tommy and Maria thing. Family doesn't count!"
Even though her reasoning didn't quite ring true for Joel, he'd been very glad when Ellie had stopped viewing Sophie in a hostile light; the last leg of that trip had been hard enough as it was. "Except you an' Sophie ain't really--"
"Shut up! We are because we say we are. Like me and you. I know you think of us as family."
Just don't ask me to define the relationship... "Of course. You're right." 'Family' was a good catch-all label anyhow.
"I'm always right!"
"Mm. How'd you get so smart?" He kissed her temple.
"I dunno... just born that way, I guess!" She let out a big yawn and nestled her head on his shoulder. "You're too cozy -- it's making me sleepy. I might just take a little nap now, 'k? You should, too."
If they were at home, he might have considered it. He stifled the yawn she'd passed on to him and patted her hair. "I'm good. I think I got better sleep than you did last night... so you go on an' have yourself a little siesta. Good night, baby girl."
"Good afternoon, you mean."
"Good night," he insisted. "Or sweet dreams, if you prefer."
"Mmm... 'night, Joel."
He shifted a little... and was reminded of-- "I'm gonna need you to help me with somethin' when we get home."
"Oooooo -- round two?" she joked.
"Hardly. I've got this splinter in my ass that's annoying as hell."
"Aww, you do?" She lifted her head to look at him. "See, you should've sat on your shirt, silly! I was right again!"
"Yes, I should listen to you on all things," he said lightly.
She gave him a giggly little kiss. "Is it like... up your ass, or in your butt cheek?"
"Butt cheek."
"Okay, good, cuz I don't think I'd be much help if it was inside... you'd just have to shit it out. Ha! Um, don't we have tweezers in the first aid kit?"
"Yes, but I'd rather deal with it at home. It can wait. So you'll help me?"
"Anything for you, Joel!" she said over-dramatically, laying her head back down on his shoulder. "Even though you know I just hate touching your ass."
Joel squeezed her again, because she was so damn adorable. "That's my girl. Always willin' to go above an' beyond."
They sat quietly for a while, and she did actually doze off, probably lulled by the gentler sounds of the rain pattering on the tarp as it started to let up... or perhaps by his heartbeat, which she'd always found soothing. Joel tried to stay alert... although his mind did wander. From the exquisite pain of loving the girl in his arms with his whole heart, even though he knew he shouldn't... to poor Clicker's hopeless crush on her... to the fact that Ellie never did tell him why she was so interested in that Colton boy at lunch (and Joel did remember him -- he was the kid who had asked her to dance at that wedding they'd attended last summer)... wherever his thoughts took him, they always circled back to his semi-failure to pull out, and what it might mean.
None of those matters were anything he particularly wanted to think about at the moment, but the rain and wind were still loud enough (in a useless, white-noise sort of way) to drown out any other Outside noises he could have focused on instead, in the name of keeping watch.
Shame they can't drown out my mind as well.
* * * * * * * *
The rain had let up enough for them to get on their way -- long before dark, thankfully.
Joel still hadn't had a guard shift since they'd returned home -- his first would be later this week -- so the scanner was still in play. Tommy had assured him it didn't matter where it happened to be, that he would leave instructions at the north gate for them to radio him as soon as Joel and Ellie pulled up -- so that he could 'help them unload.' Tommy didn't even know what the haul would be, but since the inside of the wagon was mostly hidden from view and it wasn't customary to search current residents, it didn't matter: Joel could come back empty-handed and still claim to need his brother's help. Tommy hadn't left any instructions about the scanning, as they had reckoned that might seem a little suspicious, but when he answered the call, he'd be sure to tell the gate to just let Joel and Ellie right on through, scan-free. Even so, Joel wished he knew which gate the thing was at. Just to be safe. He might be able to smuggle Ellie back Inside, if this shift didn't pay attention to the log that had marked them both Out that morning, but he wasn't going to count on that.
He had asked Ellie to curl up in the back, in case the smuggling option presented itself (besides, she wanted to keep wearing the foul blanket, which carried with it the possibility of lingering, detectable sex odors). But, assuming the guards proved competent enough to pay attention to the log... if a guard got a little scanner-happy in spite of Tommy's instruction -- or if Tommy was unavailable for some reason -- Joel would be more than happy to comply himself, and then he could persuade them not to disturb poor exhausted Ellie who 'hadn't slept a wink last night.' If the guard refused to be persuaded, then... well... Joel would come up with something while the douchebag was climbing into the wagon. He didn't care who it was or what he had to do: he refused to let anyone find out about her immunity and live to tell about it.
...Except Sophie. But that had been all but unavoidable in Sacramento, and she had understood that Joel had no qualms killing anyone who might possibly pose any sort of threat to Ellie, so she would be sure to keep her damn mouth shut.
The north gate loomed ahead... and Joel's stomach lurched unpleasantly when he got a decent view of the men in the towers -- the one on the right in particular. What the hell is HE doing up there?
Max watched them approach, casually tossing the goddamn scanner from one hand to the other. "Afternoon," he called down to Joel... all cordial-like.
"Thought you got fired," Joel replied undiplomatically. He nodded a hello to the other guard, Mitch, who had called out a greeting... Joel didn't have a problem with him, although he wasn't certain he'd be any better off had the scanner been in his hands, seeing as how his little boy had gotten infected last year. ...Then again, maybe he wouldn't give a shit.
"I got un-fired," the smug son of a bitch toying with the scanner replied. "Where's Ellie?"
So, smuggling's out. Joel had also considered -- and decided against -- concocting some simple lie about leaving her at the farm. "She's sleepin' in the back."
"Is that Max?" Ellie stage-whispered, just barely loud enough for Joel to hear.
He discreetly shushed her and turned back to the guards. "Tommy asked to be notified of our arrival."
"So he said." Mitch already had the walkie talkie in hand. "Tommy, this is North Gate, over."
Max waggled the scanner at Joel. "Guess you found out the other day... we gotta scan everyone who comes in now."
Joel didn't like the way the bastard was looking at him. And there was a challenge in his tone... like he somehow knew that being scanned wouldn't fly with Joel.
"Also found out the practice is... discretionary," Joel replied calmly. "Ain't necessary for a trip to the farm... where we didn't encounter any Infected." Come on, Tommy, answer already... although now Joel could possibly turn this into a mere battle of wills. One that had nothing to do with being scanned. The motherfucker knows I don't like him... arguing with him wouldn't arouse any suspicion whatsoever...
"How do I know you ain't lying? Hell -- maybe you're in denial," Max drawled.
To hell with suspicions -- I sure wouldn't mind having an excuse to KILL the son of a bitch. He still wasn't sure why he'd passed up his last opportunity to do just that; it probably had something to do with simply not wanting to upset Ellie, who was inexplicably fond of the asshole. "I'm a man of my word," Joel said coolly. When it suits me. "I wouldn't put the town at risk like that. Ask anyone you want, if you don't believe me."
Max just smirked. Turned and started climbing down the tower. Joel could already feel the adrenaline pumping at the thought of what he was about to do to the bastard, should he make it as far as the wagon. Just gotta fix the angle so Mitch don't see it, if I can... under the pretense of pulling in even closer to the gate, Joel moved forward but turned the horses just a bit to the right.
Finally, Tommy's voice crackled over the walkie talkie -- not that it stopped Max. Mitch informed Tommy of their return... and the dickhead dropped to the ground.
"Just let 'em on through an' tell 'em I'll meet 'em halfway in five," was Tommy's reply. "No need to bother with scanning, over."
"Ten four, North Gate over and out," Mitch acknowledged. The gate was already slowly creaking open. "Max! Tommy just said to let them through."
Max didn't step aside. "Since I'm already down here, though..."
Joel had half a mind to simply direct the horses to trample the prick. But he was in the clear now... with Tommy's blessing to proceed, he would be well within his rights to punch the daylights out of the bastard if he came too close for comfort. He didn't know how many townsfolk knew that he and Max disliked each other, but surely Mitch would pick up on the antagonistic vibes flying between them here... Mitch wouldn't suspect that the main issue was with the scanner when Joel so clearly had a problem with the man wielding it. It was the more practical option than strangling Max in the wagon, and then yelling for help because the guy had 'had a heart attack or something.' (It was also the option less likely to put Joel in the doghouse with Ellie.)
"My brother jus' said it ain't necessary," Joel gritted out.
One thing he hadn't counted on: Ellie deciding she was done with pretending to be asleep. Even though she knew full well the reasoning behind that request. She poked her head through the hole where the tarp puckered, rubbing her eyes as if she'd just woken up (...so at least she was selling it). "Hey... we're home... oh! Max! Hiiiiiii! I thought you were in Idaho!"
Joel grabbed her arm before she could hop down. "Ellie, don't." Can't she see the goddamn scanner in his hand?
And yet she glared at Joel and tried to yank her arm away. "What? I just wanna say hi -- I haven't seen him yet!"
Joel kept a firm grip; again, the action could be chalked up to his dislike for Max... to not wanting Ellie anywhere near him. "You can say hi from up here," he said pointedly... and to his relief, she didn't seem inclined to keep arguing.
Max smiled at her. "Hey, Sunshine. Got back last night. This town ain't been the same without you."
Joel drove the horses through the gate... and as soon as he relaxed his grip on Ellie's arm, she jerked away from him too quickly for him to re-grab it. "Ellie!"
It was too late, of course. She'd jumped out and ran straight to Max, flinging her arms around his neck. With the scanner right--
...in the waist of Max's jeans. Huh. He'd tucked it in there just before she reached him.
Joel kept a lid on his anger... irritation?... whatever the hell shade of animosity it was, and let Ellie chat with the douchebag for a minute or so before calling out to her. "Ellie -- come on. Tommy's waitin'." Come to think of it, he had no idea if Tommy actually planned to help them or if that had just been the cover story. Joel supposed he would probably help, to keep up appearances (and maybe just because he would have anyhow).
Ellie didn't make him call her back again; she told Max she'd see him later -- presumably in the general sense, because of that rule (which he was now grateful she'd insisted on keeping) -- and clambered back up on the seat. "That was a nice surprise! It was stupid anyways, him getting fired. He's not 'drunk all the time' -- like there's even enough alcohol around for him to do that?"
Joel snorted. "Part of his side hustle, I'm sure."
"Side hustle?"
"Though I ain't sure what he's got to offer in return." Joel had long wondered that.
"Oh, you mean like... -Don't worry, he's not doing what Golden Sands does. He just finds extra stuff sometimes when he's Out. And he knows a lot of people cuz he's been in this area a long time."
"...Uh-huh. Well, good to know he ain't sellin' his body."
Ellie whacked his arm. "Not funny!"
"It's kind of funny." (Although he had chided her for similar humor of poor taste recently.) Joel wanted to ask her why the hell she would run up to a man with a scanner in his hand, but he couldn't risk it out in the street like this.
Tommy did indeed offer to help unload, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. The three of them were rather a tight fit on the seat. Joel told Ellie she could ride in back, but she declared she wanted to drive, and that the three of them fit just fine. It did serve as a good excuse to lay his arm behind her shoulders, resting it on the back of the seat. Tommy had more experience driving a team, so Joel let him do the majority of the coaching on it. It only took them a few minutes to reach their house.
Once the wagon had been emptied, the bricks stacked neatly beneath the porch along the edge with the one bag of mortar behind them, Joel sprawled out on the couch to unwind a little. He didn't think he'd so much as twitched at the little pinch on his butt cheek, but Ellie must have noticed something-- "Oh hey we have to get that splinter out of your ass now!" she remembered with a little too much amusement. She'd gone to the kitchen to fetch them all some nice cold water, but the house was so small that the kitchen/dining area/living room were basically all like one big room.
"Say what now?" asked Tommy from the doorway.
With an "oopsie!" expression on her face, Ellie said nothing. Just turned to get three glasses out of the cupboard. Slowly. One by one.
"How the hell did you get a splinter up your ass?" Tommy marveled.
"It ain't up my ass," Joel clarified, annoyed with both of them now. "It's on the outside."
Tommy was far too amused as well. "What'd you do, sit on a cactus?" He went and plopped right down next to Joel.
"No..." But that's probably the way I need to play this-- "Might've shimmied up a little too close to a tree durin' my nature break." It could have happened.
"Yeah, it was an emergency," Ellie put in. "He couldn't just hold it 'til we got home!"
"And you were gonna make poor lil' Ellie dig it outta there?" Tommy hooted.
"I offered, actually!" Ellie lied cheerfully. "He can't do it himself, and you know he'll never go to the clinic for something like that. He won't even go for his fucking ankle!"
"Ankle's fine," Joel grumbled. Ellie had told Maria about his injury, so of course, that meant Tommy knew about it as well... but since Tommy hadn't given him so much as an ounce of shit for 'being a lazy bastard and making Ellie do everything' for him and whatnot, he suspected she'd been considerate enough to downplay it. "For chrissakes, it's been fine for weeks. And I reckon Ellie just wants braggin' rights, with the splinter." Sure. 'Cause it ain't like she sees my ass every day...
"I'll do it just for those," Tommy chortled. "You're welcome, Ellie. I'll spare you the horror."
"I don't mind -- really!" Ellie cried. She approached them carefully with the three glasses forming a triangle in her hands.
"You don' need to deal with that, honey," Tommy assured her, taking the front glass from her and shooting Joel a very pointed look. "Right, Joel?"
Joel had to go along with it; it would be out of character for his father persona to fight Tommy on this. And sometimes... like now... it felt like Tommy still had his suspicions about their relationship. "Yep. Gotta protect those innocent eyes." He took a refreshing swig from the glass she handed him as she parked herself in between them. "Goddamn thing will just work its way out on its own eventually."
"Hey, now, I didn't say that," Tommy replied. "It could get infected. That happened with little Stephen. His hand. He couldn't get the thing out but didn't say nothin' cuz he was tryin' to be a tough guy--"
"Most of the time, though, it's fine," Joel interrupted him.
"Tough guy?" Ellie chuckled. "And yet he used to play the Dora game with me."
"He might be a little old for that now," said Tommy.
"He was too old for it then!" she replied. "But he's a good sport. Do you guys miss having the kids in your house after school? ...Sometimes, maybe?"
"Maybe sometimes," Tommy allowed. "I wasn't around for that, most of the time... the dinners, though -- those, I kinda miss. Maria does, too. It's nice havin' you two around again. Sometimes I'm the only adult Maria sees all day now, and as you can imagine, she gets pretty damn sick of me."
"Yeah right," Ellie said charitably (at least, Joel thought it was charitable of her; he could certainly imagine getting sick of Tommy in a hurry). "Well, me and Joel are gonna give you guys a night out on the town, when we babysit."
Joel chuckled at that. "A night out on the town, huh?"
"Well, what would you call it? They're going out... in a town... okay so it's a night in the town, then. But isn't it a night out, in that saying?"
"You're right, either way," said Tommy. "That's exactly what it is. It just ain't like it used to be, is all."
She nudged Joel with her shoulder. "Joel, what night did you say you have guard duty again? Friday?"
Maybe I can get out of this by 'getting my days mixed up,' when asked about it later... -But no, he wouldn't do that to Ellie. (At least not for the first night of babysitting.) "Yeah."
"Okay so Thursday. Thursday night, we'll do it. And Saturday we'll do family movie night so we can keep watching that show -- but you'll have to remind me what happened last time cuz it's been forever!"
"They have a previously on thing in the beginnin'," Joel reminded her. "But don't you wanna take some time to hang out with your friends?"
"Duh -- Friday! Cuz you'll be working. Anyways, family is more important."
Tommy gave her a mock suspicious look. "Are you sure you're actually a teenager?"
"Um... yeah?" Ellie giggled. "I'm not? Why?"
"Most teenagers care more about seein' their friends than their family," Joel explained.
"Oh -- yeah, you've mentioned that before. That's so weird. But... you're saying I'm the weird one?"
Joel mussed her hair. "I reckon it's different with you 'cause... you haven't had a family before. You don't feel the same... pull to get away, an' whatnot. To separate from them... assert your independence... all that. It don't make you weird."
Ellie nodded. "I guess that makes sense. But I'm not the only one -- Annie's really close to her mom, and they've been together her whole life."
"True," Tommy agreed. "You would know better than I, about them. But Will sure does seem to be pullin' away. Might be more about not wantin' to be a farmer than about escapin' his family, though."
"Annie says the good thing about that is he's waaaay less annoying now that he's not in her face all the time," Ellie said brightly.
"Baby brothers sure can be annoying as hell," Joel replied (not even joking).
"Watch it," Tommy teased. "I'm about to be holdin' a pointy instrument near your ass."
"Oh no you ain't," Joel growled. "Rather have it get infected. -Speakin' of infected..." He turned to Ellie. "Why in God's name would you run straight up to a scanner like that? What were you thinkin'?"
Tommy quirked an eyebrow at her. "You did what?"
"He wasn't going to use it on me," Ellie said defensively.
"And you know that... how?" Joel pressed.
"Because we got the all clear -- we had permission to skip the whole--"
"Son of a bitch didn't give a damn about that," Joel cut in. "He was tryin' to get a rise outta me."
"Whatever," Ellie scoffed. "That doesn't even make sense. How would he even know that you didn't want me scanned?"
"Beats me. How would he?" Joel watched her closely; if she lied here, he needed to be able to detect it.
"You're asking me? How would I know?"
She does seem genuinely baffled... "You tell me. Can you think of one way he would've found that out?"
"No!"
"Think harder, then."
Ellie turned to Tommy helplessly.
"I didn't tell him shit," Tommy answered as if he'd been accused.
"Neither did I!" She turned back to Joel. "Is that what you're asking? If I told him? Why the fuck would I do that?"
Joel shrugged. "I don' know... you think he's your friend... you think he's a nice guy..."
"I promised you I wouldn't tell anyone, and I haven't." She sounded hurt.
"Maybe he found out by accident, then, that day you ran off with him?" Joel suggested. "Maybe he saw your arm? Maybe you were afraid to tell me 'cause--"
"Whoa -- hold on -- first of all, I did not 'run off' with him -- it was a planned trip -- and no, he didn't see anything, because I'm not that fucking stupid! The only person who's ever told anyone about me is you. You told Tommy, and you told Sophie. You did that. And you didn't ask me if it was okay, either time. You just did it. You decided on your own. So don't you dare accuse me of blabbing. I've kept my word." She looked at him coldly.
Well, shit. She did have a point, but Joel didn't feel that he'd been in the wrong either of those times. I'd get out of this so much easier if I could take her in my arms and kiss her right now, but... Yeah, not an option at the moment. He'd have to get by on just words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply... that you haven't. Thought it might've happened on accident."
"Uh, no you didn't -- before that, you accused me of telling him!"
Damn, she's really pissed-- "I wasn't accusin' you. I was just... speculatin'. As for those times I told someone about you? I thought you understood -- with Tommy... we were lookin' for him so he could help us."
"Pfff. Yeah. But you didn't have to tell him. It was just a job. I wouldn't've told you if we hadn't had that... thing with the soldier. You told Tommy because you wanted to get rid of me, and you didn't think he'd do it unless he knew the reason."
Christ, this again? "How long are you gonna throw that in my face?" He purposely echoed her words from earlier. "It was a mistake. One I fixed right away. Right after I made it."
"Not right after," Ellie grumbled. She stared into her glass, turning it absently in her hands.
Tommy, who had been nice and quiet through all this, suddenly stood up. "I'm gonna go wash my hands and let you two talk this out."
Joel set his glass on the coffee table and waited for the bathroom door to close before cupping her cheek in his hand, gently coaxing her to look at him. "Hey. I'm sorry about that. You know why I did it. I was a coward. But I made the right choice in the end."
"I know. It's okay, Joel. I get it. But if I can trust you, after all that... after everything... why can't you trust me? Is it... cuz of that night? When we left Monterey?"
"Sshh... we don' need to talk about that right now." He glanced pointedly at the bathroom... or the hallway, rather. "I do trust you. I believe you if you say you haven't told Max, or anyone else. And... I thought you said you were glad that Sophie knew." If he recalled correctly, Ellie had been only mildly, fleetingly annoyed.
"I was. I am! It's fine."
"I would've asked your permission if I could, but you were out of it. Sleepin', mostly. And when you were awake, you still weren't -- you kept askin' me if I was dead--"
"I know, Joel! It's okay!"
"I couldn't keep makin' excuses as to why she couldn't help you... and we had to get that filthy shirt off you... she thought it would be awkward for me to--"
"I knooowww -- I said it's fine." She snorted. "It's like with the splinter. Unless you can get Tommy to drop it, I think it's gonna be him digging around in your ass, not me, cuz that would just be so awkward for innocent little me."
"It ain't in my ass."
"Ass cheek -- whatever!"
He caressed her cheek with his thumb... which was a little on the grimy side (he should go wash his hands, too... not that she'd ever minded). She ain't mad no more... He'd heard the toilet flush, the faucet running... he figured Tommy would be back in another few seconds. "I think we can get away with a hug," he said quietly.
She giggled softly. "Okay." She set her glass down, then leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck.
He tugged her in close and held her tight. Kissed the side of her head, even. "Love you," he whispered.
"Love you tooooo," she whispered back.
Joel heard the bathroom door open... but Tommy had yet to reappear. "All clear, baby brother!" he called to him, in case it was necessary.
"Meaning: no more tension hanging in the air, making things awkward!" Ellie added. She pulled back and resumed her previous position.
It took Tommy another few seconds to emerge from the hallway. He looked puzzled.
"What's wrong? Bathroom ain't clean enough for you?" Joel teased.
Ellie swatted him. "Did you pee on the lid again?"
"I don't pee on the lid."
"Well, I sure as fuck can't get pee up there, so..."
"You mean on the underside of it?"
"Yeah -- not the top of it! That would really be--"
"It must come off the seat... which would be you."
"No way! I don't--"
"But since men are dirty... foul... absolutely disgusting creatures, I'm sure it's all my fault," Joel concluded.
"Yeah, that sounds about right!" she said happily.
"Ellie..." Tommy was still over by the hallway. "Can I ask you somethin'?"
"Yeah?" She looked at him expectantly.
...Shit... this ain't gonna be good... I can tell by the look on his--
"Why do you have a pair of handcuffs... danglin' on your bedpost?"
Oh Goddamnit-- "Picked those up in California -- I told her to put 'em away," Joel answered before she could, chuckling to show that this was No Big Deal. "But she thought it was funny, stickin' 'em there. Anythin' I tell her not to do, she wants to just go ahead an' do it. Just to mess with me." All of which was actually true. Every word.
"He did," Ellie affirmed, smiling weakly... and blushing like hell.
Tommy didn't seem to find it funny in the slightest. "O... kay... ?"
"Why were you looking in our room, anyway?" she asked, sounding truly miffed.
Shit!
Ellie tended to subscribe to strategy along the lines of the best defense is a good offense... which could be effective, sometimes... Joel just hoped his brother didn't pick up on her pronoun mistake here. She didn't even seem to realize what she'd just said.
Tommy was not abashed in the slightest. "I wasn't lookin'. The door was open an' they caught my eye. ...What do you mean 'our' room? That's your room.... ain't it?"
"She means 'cause it's our house," Joel replied quickly, before Ellie could put her foot in it any further. It was a lame explanation, though... damnit... "And I do keep my clothes in there. In the dresser. Got some shit in the closet, too. But other than that, yes, it's her room, of course. Just storage, on my end." Better, but maybe not by much... he reckoned he'd best just shut the hell up lest it become a thou doth protest too much situation.
"How'd you get 'em?" Tommy asked... sounding more neutral or curious than accusatory, at least.
"We found 'em," Joel replied just as Ellie said, "A soldier."
Tommy crossed his arms and looked between the two of them. "You know, Joel... it's funny how you like to sit back an' let Ellie do the talkin', most of the time... until we get to somethin' you wanna hide. Somethin' you don't want her to... say wrong."
Ellie sighed exasperatedly. "That's not what he's doing! Look -- we did find them, okay? On a dead soldier. And he had the key on his keyring. I thought they were cool, so I took them. That's it. I don't get what the big deal is. So what if I hang them on my bed? They're cool-looking. It's not like I have posters or anything to put up in there. Why are you being all weird about it?"
Atta girl... Joel felt a surge of pride at how coolly she had lied there. Melding their two answers into one that still made sense. It helped that most of what she'd said was the truth... pretty much all of it, actually, other than the handcuffs-bearing soldier being dead... and with a few minor little details omitted regarding her reasons for wanting them...
Tommy held a hand up placatingly. "All right, all right... just thought it was a little odd. As long as Joel ain't chainin' you up in there for talkin' back to him or somethin'..."
Joel hoped like hell that was meant to be a joke.
"Don't give him any ideas!" Ellie laughed. "But if you don't see me for a week, you might wanna come check and make sure that he hasn't. Just in case."
"Knock it off. Both of you." Joel mussed her hair again. Forced another chuckle to hide his irritation at his nosy brother and his dumb jokes.
Tommy clapped his hands together and rubbed them gleefully... wearing quite the evil-looking expression now. "All right, Joel! Get your ass over here an' let me save it from a deadly infection."
Ellie smirked at Joel and patted his shoulder. "Guess you're not getting out of it. You better go get this over with!"
"Be a brave boy, now!"
"Yeah -- just try not to think about how humiliating it is..."
"~It'll only hurt for a minute!~"
"Haha! I promise I won't tell anyone if you cryyyyy!"
Joel decided they were both evil.
~Continue to Chapter 33~
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,184
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Joel was having a hell of a time trying to keep the blanket snugly positioned around her shoulders... but Ellie didn't seem to mind much when it slipped.
"I wish we could stay like this forever," she breathed in his ear, sending a fresh wave of shivers down his spine.
As if she wasn't doing enough to me already... Despite the post-coital nature of her declaration, he was actually still balls deep, with Ellie straddling him. It was the easiest position to pull off in their current situation, by far. A position that didn't involve pounding her into the wagon floor, pricking her with splinters (Joel was pretty sure he felt one working its way into his behind, but Ellie could probably help him with that later)... or banging her into one of their hastily-erected brick walls, which would probably be even more uncomfortable. "Mm... you know when it is that you say that?"
"What, the forever thing? Prob'ly like... every time you're inside me?"
He kissed her bare shoulder. "Not every time. Only when I don't play with you enough first."
"Play with me?" she echoed dubiously.
"Yeah. You know... get you all worked up..." If I do it right, she lacks the patience required to 'STAY LIKE THIS FOREVER.' He shifted his lips to her neck; he had to be more careful about nipping it now, so as not to leave any marks, but he could still kiss it... lick it... suck it... she liked it all, where her lovely neck was concerned.
"Ohhh, okay... yeah... I could still stay like this... but I know what you mean." She leaned back just enough to flash him a very naughty smile, then returned her lips to his ear. "You mean when I get so turned on I have to say 'fuck me, Joel!' cuz I can't stand going slow anymore?"
Jesus... he knew it was wrong to get so goddamn aroused by that. She wasn't even saying it for real this time... yet her imitation of the breathless desperation that usually accompanied those three words was still enough. Ellie knew it, too. Knew it and enjoyed the hell out of it. He couldn't thrust very well like this, with his legs sticking out uselessly in front of him, but he could lift her up and down to simulate it. He gripped her sides and--
Ellie giggled. "Noooooo you can't come yet! I just said I wanna stay like this forever."
He hadn't been planning on coming yet, but he obligingly ceased the movement... just scooched his ass down a little (ugh... goddamn splinter...), which seemed to help with the thrust angle. "Then don't whisper hot-as-hell things in my ear, yeah?"
She giggled some more. "What are hellthings?" she teased. "Anyways I'm just trying to stay warm. That's all."
"The blanket--"
"The blanket sucks," she declared. "Your dick is keeping me warm... from the inside out!"
Joel rather liked the way she was moving now... more of a circular motion than up and down. It felt nice, if not quite hot-as-a-hellthing-nice. It's all good. He smiled. "Hate to break it to you, but your insides are already nice an' warm. Ninety-eight point six, unless you've got hypothermia... which... you certainly... do not."
She yelped in surprise when the bricks behind his back shifted. "Shit -- Joel --"
"Sorry... it's all right..." Or it would be, if he could find a comfortable way to lean into them still.
"Our sex is so hot we're breaking down walls," Ellie said happily.
"Guess we should've reinforced this one better." The lower bricks had nowhere to go, but the higher ones could slide back onto the cement bags on the side benches of the wagon. He tugged her face down to meet his, opening his mouth to a steamy-hot kiss. This is actually BETTER, leaning back INto the bricks instead of just against them... with a firm grip on her ass, he tried thrusting again -- for real this time.
Ellie showed signs of amusement every time a brick shifted out of place, but she wasn't breaking away to giggle, so... maybe she's more into it now... He wanted to keep full hold of her ass, but he sacrificed one hand to play with her clit. His good deed did not go unrewarded; she immediately moaned and uttered a little "fuck". A sacrifice well worth it. Oh yeah, I'm Mother Teresa now...
Not that Joel didn't like the little giggles as well. He enjoyed all of it. Just... her. Being so happy. Happy because of him. She apparently felt safe enough now to not always question if it was weird to laugh, or to do... anything allegedly weird at all. He felt like an asshole when he remembered those times not too long ago when he basically took it for granted... when he'd been too tired or not in the mood. He couldn't blame her if she'd started to get a little bored with him. She'd never said as much... he just suspected, at times.
Part of him had been bracing for that, all along. Maybe not in those giddy first few weeks... months?... hell, sometimes he thought they were still in the honeymoon phase, even though it also felt like they knew each other inside and out -- literally. He had expected her to eventually shatter his heart into a million pieces, and was trying to make himself be okay with that. It would be better for her to go on and live an honest life with someone closer to her own age -- someone who wouldn't have to hide her like a dirty little secret.
But if such thoughts ever flitted through his mind at moments like this? When he felt so connected to her, so... as one, with her... they felt like bald-faced lies, easily dismissed. Replaced with fluffy pink romantic shit. This amazing young woman is MINE... and she ain't goin' nowhere... how the hell did I get so lucky?
He fondled her lady bits... caressed her breasts... squeezed her ass... and returned her eager, hungry kisses. She was rocking on top of him now, a little bit of back and forth mixed in with the up and down. After a bit, she slowed her movements -- like she still didn't want this to end yet. He could feel it on his sides when her legs started to shake.
"Fuck, Joel... help me out... I'm close..."
The first time she'd asked him to 'help her out,' he'd been a little confused -- hell, what had he just been doing that wasn't helping her reach her climax? But the leg-shaking thing -- at least, this degree of it -- happened when her legs got fatigued from the repetitive motions, performed in a position that was... perhaps not exactly unnatural, but not conducive to what a body was built to do -- like, say, walking. And apparently, the electricity surging through them to her toes on a repeated loop did not help matters (Joel still wished he could swap bodies with her, just once, to see if some of the sensations she described were real or hyperbole). Anyway, he knew she wanted his hands to help her move quickly in lieu of touching her.
He was pretty damn close himself. Too close, he realized...
"Joel-- uunnhhh..."
Of course he'd help her out. All he had to do was hold on for an extra second after she came. Surely he could just--
"Oh God -- ohhh -- ohhhhh -- fucking... FUUUUCK -- Joel -- Joooeeelllll... oooooh! Ahhh! Oh my fucking God, Joel!"
...She certainly didn't make it easy. How the hell was he supposed to hold on during a barrage of hotness like that? And when it was accompanied by the desperate, frenzied pounding--
He pulled her off of him with enough force to displace the rest of the bricks behind him that had been hanging on for dear life. Now he was reclining at a rather awkward angle over the bottom two rows... and he let her flop back down on top of him, a quivery mass of panting dead weight. "Shit... did you even finish?" he asked her.
She had face-planted into his shoulder -- an adjustment he'd made quickly to avoid whacking her forehead on the cinder block trying to tumble into his lap. She laughed breathlessly. "Um, yeah. Couldn't you tell? Fuck, that was intense."
He batted away any precarious-looking bricks within range... gave the 'wall' on his right a good shove to create a little more breathing room... and was subsequently assaulted by the cold air coming in from the front. Oops... refreshing as it is, she's gonna get cold now... what on Earth is she doing with that blanket? "Seemed like you might still be in the middle of it when I... damn, I made a mess down there..."
"We made it." (It was cute how she liked to share the blame that way -- and he couldn't deny that she had an awful lot to do with its presence on the outside of his body.) "Guess we'll be washing this blanket now, huh?" she giggled, turning to nuzzle his neck.
He was glad to be able to see out front again -- and was even glad that all he could see was a wall of gray. Not that he wanted to be stuck here forever, but it made him feel a little better about his lack of customary Outside vigilance. Right -- the blanket -- it was caught between his left leg and Ellie's, its purpose shifting from Ellie-warmer to... mess-soaker-upper. "Ugh," he grimaced.
Her giggles tickled his neck. "I love you soooooo much."
Aww. Even though it was just an orgasm-induced declaration, she sounded so sweet and sincere. "Love you too, sweet girl." He kept his arms snugly around her, debating how to make use of the 'good' part of the blanket that had fallen by the wayside. I need to sit up-- "You're gonna get cold if we--"
"No I won't! You're still warm... somehow..."
"For the moment. It won't last. Besides, we're... sticky."
"But it's a warm sticky!"
"...You think that makes it better?"
"Yes! Warm is like... hot!" she giggled. "And when it dries, we'll be stuck to each other forever..."
That thought disgusted him enough that he had to move. "All right. Up."
"Aw, Joel--"
"Up!"
They used the rain water to rinse off a little, even though the blanket they'd be returning to was already a bit... defiled beyond mere rinsing. Then of course they had to get warm and dry again. Since the bricks were scattered every-which-way now, Joel cleared the area right in front of the bench to lean against... his pants pulled up (yes, even though they were still wet) and Ellie in his lap, bundled up in the defiled blanket -- which they could not even afford to rinse because their need to use the dry part trumped his disgust. He tried not to think about how much jizz had ended up on him, on Ellie, on the blanket... compared to the total amount that had come out. Had any of it ended up inside her? He hadn't made it completely out before the geyser had started erupting -- he felt pretty certain of that. But had he been close enough to being out that it didn't matter? ...If there even was such a thing?
Shit... she only JUST finished her period a few days ago. Am I gonna have to worry about this for the next month? ...AGAIN? Goddamnit-- this was definitely an instance he would classify as a 'close call.' Hopefully that's all it was. What the hell is wrong with me? ...All right... it's a little early in her cycle for her to get pregnant... ain't like coming inside is a guaranteed ticket to parenthood... the odds are in our favor... no need to panic. No need to worry about it for the next-- oh, who am I trying to fool -- of course I'll worry about it. I can't NOT worry about such a--
"Joel, are you even listening to me?" asked Ellie.
He wasn't. "Sure."
"Then what should I do?"
Uh... He couldn't even pretend he'd heard a word she just said. "About what?"
"Ugh -- I knew you weren't listening!"
"Sorry, baby girl. I am now."
"About Clicker? About his... crush, or whatever it is?"
"On you?"
"Yeah."
"It's a crush."
She sighed. "It feels disrespectful or something, thinking of it like that, when you thought that about me, just cuz I'm younger."
"I was wrong about you, I admit it." He had never doubted that she cared for him -- it was the romantic feelings he hadn't trusted to last. Like it could have been merely a teacher crush or something along those lines. "Me'n'you were closer at the time than you'n'Clicker, though, yeah?"
"Yeah. Of course."
"It is what it is: a crush. What exactly are you askin'?"
"What should I do? Do I bring it up? Like... talk to him about it? What do I say?"
That would be one hell of an awkward conversation... "I don't think you need to do that. He's never actually... professed his undying devotion to you, has he?"
"Ha. No..."
"So you don' know exactly how he feels."
"Well, no, but you guys-- everyone tells me--"
"Yes, he's clearly... smitten. I don' know, kiddo... maybe just keep your distance for a while. That'll show him you ain't interested." Or, it WOULD, if he was actually old enough to understand that that's what she was doing...
"But he's my friend! You think I should avoid him?"
"Not forever. Just for a while."
"That's so shitty! How long is 'a while'?"
"Uh... long enough for him an' Alyssa to work things out, I guess? -No, longer than that. If he's gonna drop her like a hot potato the second you come back around--"
"But obviously he doesn't really like her that much, right? Or he wouldn't do that. That's the conclusion I'm coming to now."
...How much thought has she given this? It seemed like she'd put it out of her mind pretty quickly last night once they'd gotten home. "I don' know. If you're the fantasy an' she's the reality--"
"I shouldn't be his fantasy!" she groaned.
He squeezed her and chuckled. "Can't blame the little guy. Obviously I couldn't resist your charms, either."
"But he doesn't have to resist-- I'm not-- aarrrghhh I dunno. I don't think I can do what you're saying. I can't just blow him off and make him think I don't care about him. As my friend."
"Well, if you go ahead an' have that... frank discussion with him, addressin' the issue... ..."
"Then what?" she prodded.
"Then... you might lose him as a friend. It might be too hard for him to be around you... too awkward, knowin' that you don't feel the same way. Remember what happened after I told you we couldn't be... like this?" He squeezed her.
"But I knew you were lying!"
"I wasn't lyin'." For the most part.
"Well -- I knew that you were wrong, then. Totally different situation."
"Bit different, sure," he allowed. "But after you left that night... didn't you wish like hell you could rewind a couple hours an' have nothin' change between us? I know I sure did."
"...You did? You wished I'd never told you how I felt?" She sounded sad.
"Because you left... and I didn't know how to fix it. How to go back to the way we used to be. It was an awful feelin'." And he certainly could have handled the situation better, but it had all worked out okay in the end. ...So far... we ain't at THE END yet...
"But we weren't supposed to go back, see? We were supposed to move forward."
No... we weren't. I was weak. And selfish. As the adult, I had a responsibility to NOT cross that line... and I not only crossed it -- I sprinted right past it. Blew through it like it was nothing. Like I didn't give a damn. Look at me now... I STILL don't give a damn. I can't even control myself -- as a grown-ass man decades past his prime. If I just got her pregnant...
"Joel?" She nudged him, and he got the feeling he'd spaced another question of hers.
"Hm?"
"You don't regret what happened, though, right? I mean... obviously you don't. We're so good together. Just like I knew we would be."
He did regret it, sometimes. He just tried not to dwell on it, since there was nothing to be done about it now. But he couldn't say that to Ellie; she wouldn't understand what he meant, and it would only hurt and confuse her. "I don't regret it," he said. It wasn't a lie, since he both did and did not.
"Good. You shouldn't."
He got the feeling she was trying to reassure him... which meant she didn't quite buy his answer. "How could I? You're... -You make me happier than I've ever been." That was the God's honest truth.
"Aww. Me too!" She turned his face toward hers and kissed him. "See? It's totally different, with you and me. That wouldn't happen with Clicker. So if I don't say anything to him..."
"What, just... go on like normal?"
"Yeah. Is that bad?"
He kissed her cute little nose. "Ever hear of 'be cruel to be kind'?"
"Um... no? That makes zero sense."
"It does if you think about it. It's like tough love. Same basic concept. Short term versus long term."
"Huh. Okay, so... you're saying I'm being cruel if I keep hanging out with him?" She sounded very skeptical.
"In a way, maybe you are, yeah. I'm sayin'... maybe it feels cruel to keep your distance, but in the long run, it might be the kinder thing to do, so he don't spend all his time pinin' away for--"
"But then he wouldn't have my friendship. And I wouldn't have his. If he wants to hang out with me... isn't that his choice? I mean... that's up to him to decide, right?"
Well... Joel suspected his opinion on this matter wasn't going to sit well with Ellie. "He's just a kid. He don't always know what's in his best interest."
"Oh God -- we're back to that again? Okay -- thanks, Joel, you just helped me decide what to do," she announced cheerfully.
"...I did?"
"Yep! I'm going to do nothing. He can decide for himself if he wants to be my friend or... if it's too painful for him or whatever. It's not fair for me to decide that for him. I'm not sure he should be with Alyssa anyways. She can be kind of a little brat. If he doesn't--"
"Hang on -- so you're goin' to poison him against her now?"
She swatted him. "I didn't say that!"
"But if he asks you for advice... ?"
"Then... I'll be honest!"
"Mm, okay. I get it." He could read between the lines.
"The way you said that makes me think that you don't."
She's gonna get all mad, but-- "I get that you don't like the idea of him bein' with someone else. That you... enjoy the way he worships you."
"He doesn't worship me!"
"It makes you feel good. Boosts your--"
"I'm not like that, Joel! You know I'm not!"
"I ain't sayin' it's a bad thing," Joel said placatingly. "It's... very human. To want to be admired. Plus, you feel like Annie an' this new girl are close now, so you're even more--"
"I told you -- me and Annie are good now! I overreacted the other day." She snorted. "Shocking, I know."
"Still. I think you need to be careful. You don't wanna lead him on."
"I wouldn't!"
"On accident, you might." Maybe she already has...
She looked at him thoughtfully. "I know what this is about. That whole... don't-spend-time-alone-with-the-opposite-s
Joel honestly hadn't even thought of it like that; he knew Ellie dismissed Clicker as a little boy, hopelessly too young for her. The kid had grown up some over the winter, maybe, but... it wasn't like Clicker had suddenly evolved into a threat to their relationship. "No, that ain't it."
"Okay, good -- because you didn't even count Parker. Like, before I told you he was gay!"
"Because he was the only one in that place even remotely close to your age. Situation's different here. Besides, you weren't really hangin' out with Parker by yourself anyway. Except towards the end. ...And that didn't end up goin' too--"
"Are you gonna keep throwing that in my face? Fuck. I'm sorry. I was just trying to protect him," she said crossly.
"I know you were." Another squeeze. "If you still wanna hang out with Clicker, I wouldn't count it as breakin' the rule. You can hang out with anyone you want to."
"Yeah right," she muttered so low Joel almost didn't hear her.
"I'm serious."
"Pfff. It you were serious, there wouldn't be a rule in the first place!"
...Fair point. "Well, maybe there shouldn't be." Maybe he'd been too rigid there. Now that he had to accept the fact that she was no safer with him than anyone else... is this rule more about my own peace of mind than about mutual respect and whatnot? He really was trying to not be a controlling asshole... "Maybe we just... evaluate things for ourselves. Play it by ear. What do you think?"
She narrowed her eyes, looking suspicious as hell. "Why are you saying this now? Is there some woman you want to hang out with?"
Haha... cute. "Me? No."
"Then why get rid of the rule so easily? Maybe I wanna keep it!"
So she LIKES me being a controlling asshole. Yes, Ellie made it too easy for him to justify all kinds of things to himself. "You wanna keep it? We'll keep it."
"...For both of us."
"For both of us," he agreed. "With some exceptions -- as long as we both agree. Like Clicker."
"Even though you don't want me to hang out with him now."
"For his sake," Joel chuckled. "So he can move on."
"Which is his choice to make, not yours. Or mine."
"All right." He wasn't going to keep arguing with her; he got the feeling she'd firmly made up her mind on the subject, now that she was drawing that ridiculous parallel to their relationship. "Surprised you haven't taken the opportunity to point out that I 'broke the rule a million times' with Sophie."
"I'm only teasing you, when I say that. I so don't care, now that we're sisters. It's like the Tommy and Maria thing. Family doesn't count!"
Even though her reasoning didn't quite ring true for Joel, he'd been very glad when Ellie had stopped viewing Sophie in a hostile light; the last leg of that trip had been hard enough as it was. "Except you an' Sophie ain't really--"
"Shut up! We are because we say we are. Like me and you. I know you think of us as family."
Just don't ask me to define the relationship... "Of course. You're right." 'Family' was a good catch-all label anyhow.
"I'm always right!"
"Mm. How'd you get so smart?" He kissed her temple.
"I dunno... just born that way, I guess!" She let out a big yawn and nestled her head on his shoulder. "You're too cozy -- it's making me sleepy. I might just take a little nap now, 'k? You should, too."
If they were at home, he might have considered it. He stifled the yawn she'd passed on to him and patted her hair. "I'm good. I think I got better sleep than you did last night... so you go on an' have yourself a little siesta. Good night, baby girl."
"Good afternoon, you mean."
"Good night," he insisted. "Or sweet dreams, if you prefer."
"Mmm... 'night, Joel."
He shifted a little... and was reminded of-- "I'm gonna need you to help me with somethin' when we get home."
"Oooooo -- round two?" she joked.
"Hardly. I've got this splinter in my ass that's annoying as hell."
"Aww, you do?" She lifted her head to look at him. "See, you should've sat on your shirt, silly! I was right again!"
"Yes, I should listen to you on all things," he said lightly.
She gave him a giggly little kiss. "Is it like... up your ass, or in your butt cheek?"
"Butt cheek."
"Okay, good, cuz I don't think I'd be much help if it was inside... you'd just have to shit it out. Ha! Um, don't we have tweezers in the first aid kit?"
"Yes, but I'd rather deal with it at home. It can wait. So you'll help me?"
"Anything for you, Joel!" she said over-dramatically, laying her head back down on his shoulder. "Even though you know I just hate touching your ass."
Joel squeezed her again, because she was so damn adorable. "That's my girl. Always willin' to go above an' beyond."
They sat quietly for a while, and she did actually doze off, probably lulled by the gentler sounds of the rain pattering on the tarp as it started to let up... or perhaps by his heartbeat, which she'd always found soothing. Joel tried to stay alert... although his mind did wander. From the exquisite pain of loving the girl in his arms with his whole heart, even though he knew he shouldn't... to poor Clicker's hopeless crush on her... to the fact that Ellie never did tell him why she was so interested in that Colton boy at lunch (and Joel did remember him -- he was the kid who had asked her to dance at that wedding they'd attended last summer)... wherever his thoughts took him, they always circled back to his semi-failure to pull out, and what it might mean.
None of those matters were anything he particularly wanted to think about at the moment, but the rain and wind were still loud enough (in a useless, white-noise sort of way) to drown out any other Outside noises he could have focused on instead, in the name of keeping watch.
Shame they can't drown out my mind as well.
* * * * * * * *
The rain had let up enough for them to get on their way -- long before dark, thankfully.
Joel still hadn't had a guard shift since they'd returned home -- his first would be later this week -- so the scanner was still in play. Tommy had assured him it didn't matter where it happened to be, that he would leave instructions at the north gate for them to radio him as soon as Joel and Ellie pulled up -- so that he could 'help them unload.' Tommy didn't even know what the haul would be, but since the inside of the wagon was mostly hidden from view and it wasn't customary to search current residents, it didn't matter: Joel could come back empty-handed and still claim to need his brother's help. Tommy hadn't left any instructions about the scanning, as they had reckoned that might seem a little suspicious, but when he answered the call, he'd be sure to tell the gate to just let Joel and Ellie right on through, scan-free. Even so, Joel wished he knew which gate the thing was at. Just to be safe. He might be able to smuggle Ellie back Inside, if this shift didn't pay attention to the log that had marked them both Out that morning, but he wasn't going to count on that.
He had asked Ellie to curl up in the back, in case the smuggling option presented itself (besides, she wanted to keep wearing the foul blanket, which carried with it the possibility of lingering, detectable sex odors). But, assuming the guards proved competent enough to pay attention to the log... if a guard got a little scanner-happy in spite of Tommy's instruction -- or if Tommy was unavailable for some reason -- Joel would be more than happy to comply himself, and then he could persuade them not to disturb poor exhausted Ellie who 'hadn't slept a wink last night.' If the guard refused to be persuaded, then... well... Joel would come up with something while the douchebag was climbing into the wagon. He didn't care who it was or what he had to do: he refused to let anyone find out about her immunity and live to tell about it.
...Except Sophie. But that had been all but unavoidable in Sacramento, and she had understood that Joel had no qualms killing anyone who might possibly pose any sort of threat to Ellie, so she would be sure to keep her damn mouth shut.
The north gate loomed ahead... and Joel's stomach lurched unpleasantly when he got a decent view of the men in the towers -- the one on the right in particular. What the hell is HE doing up there?
Max watched them approach, casually tossing the goddamn scanner from one hand to the other. "Afternoon," he called down to Joel... all cordial-like.
"Thought you got fired," Joel replied undiplomatically. He nodded a hello to the other guard, Mitch, who had called out a greeting... Joel didn't have a problem with him, although he wasn't certain he'd be any better off had the scanner been in his hands, seeing as how his little boy had gotten infected last year. ...Then again, maybe he wouldn't give a shit.
"I got un-fired," the smug son of a bitch toying with the scanner replied. "Where's Ellie?"
So, smuggling's out. Joel had also considered -- and decided against -- concocting some simple lie about leaving her at the farm. "She's sleepin' in the back."
"Is that Max?" Ellie stage-whispered, just barely loud enough for Joel to hear.
He discreetly shushed her and turned back to the guards. "Tommy asked to be notified of our arrival."
"So he said." Mitch already had the walkie talkie in hand. "Tommy, this is North Gate, over."
Max waggled the scanner at Joel. "Guess you found out the other day... we gotta scan everyone who comes in now."
Joel didn't like the way the bastard was looking at him. And there was a challenge in his tone... like he somehow knew that being scanned wouldn't fly with Joel.
"Also found out the practice is... discretionary," Joel replied calmly. "Ain't necessary for a trip to the farm... where we didn't encounter any Infected." Come on, Tommy, answer already... although now Joel could possibly turn this into a mere battle of wills. One that had nothing to do with being scanned. The motherfucker knows I don't like him... arguing with him wouldn't arouse any suspicion whatsoever...
"How do I know you ain't lying? Hell -- maybe you're in denial," Max drawled.
To hell with suspicions -- I sure wouldn't mind having an excuse to KILL the son of a bitch. He still wasn't sure why he'd passed up his last opportunity to do just that; it probably had something to do with simply not wanting to upset Ellie, who was inexplicably fond of the asshole. "I'm a man of my word," Joel said coolly. When it suits me. "I wouldn't put the town at risk like that. Ask anyone you want, if you don't believe me."
Max just smirked. Turned and started climbing down the tower. Joel could already feel the adrenaline pumping at the thought of what he was about to do to the bastard, should he make it as far as the wagon. Just gotta fix the angle so Mitch don't see it, if I can... under the pretense of pulling in even closer to the gate, Joel moved forward but turned the horses just a bit to the right.
Finally, Tommy's voice crackled over the walkie talkie -- not that it stopped Max. Mitch informed Tommy of their return... and the dickhead dropped to the ground.
"Just let 'em on through an' tell 'em I'll meet 'em halfway in five," was Tommy's reply. "No need to bother with scanning, over."
"Ten four, North Gate over and out," Mitch acknowledged. The gate was already slowly creaking open. "Max! Tommy just said to let them through."
Max didn't step aside. "Since I'm already down here, though..."
Joel had half a mind to simply direct the horses to trample the prick. But he was in the clear now... with Tommy's blessing to proceed, he would be well within his rights to punch the daylights out of the bastard if he came too close for comfort. He didn't know how many townsfolk knew that he and Max disliked each other, but surely Mitch would pick up on the antagonistic vibes flying between them here... Mitch wouldn't suspect that the main issue was with the scanner when Joel so clearly had a problem with the man wielding it. It was the more practical option than strangling Max in the wagon, and then yelling for help because the guy had 'had a heart attack or something.' (It was also the option less likely to put Joel in the doghouse with Ellie.)
"My brother jus' said it ain't necessary," Joel gritted out.
One thing he hadn't counted on: Ellie deciding she was done with pretending to be asleep. Even though she knew full well the reasoning behind that request. She poked her head through the hole where the tarp puckered, rubbing her eyes as if she'd just woken up (...so at least she was selling it). "Hey... we're home... oh! Max! Hiiiiiii! I thought you were in Idaho!"
Joel grabbed her arm before she could hop down. "Ellie, don't." Can't she see the goddamn scanner in his hand?
And yet she glared at Joel and tried to yank her arm away. "What? I just wanna say hi -- I haven't seen him yet!"
Joel kept a firm grip; again, the action could be chalked up to his dislike for Max... to not wanting Ellie anywhere near him. "You can say hi from up here," he said pointedly... and to his relief, she didn't seem inclined to keep arguing.
Max smiled at her. "Hey, Sunshine. Got back last night. This town ain't been the same without you."
Joel drove the horses through the gate... and as soon as he relaxed his grip on Ellie's arm, she jerked away from him too quickly for him to re-grab it. "Ellie!"
It was too late, of course. She'd jumped out and ran straight to Max, flinging her arms around his neck. With the scanner right--
...in the waist of Max's jeans. Huh. He'd tucked it in there just before she reached him.
Joel kept a lid on his anger... irritation?... whatever the hell shade of animosity it was, and let Ellie chat with the douchebag for a minute or so before calling out to her. "Ellie -- come on. Tommy's waitin'." Come to think of it, he had no idea if Tommy actually planned to help them or if that had just been the cover story. Joel supposed he would probably help, to keep up appearances (and maybe just because he would have anyhow).
Ellie didn't make him call her back again; she told Max she'd see him later -- presumably in the general sense, because of that rule (which he was now grateful she'd insisted on keeping) -- and clambered back up on the seat. "That was a nice surprise! It was stupid anyways, him getting fired. He's not 'drunk all the time' -- like there's even enough alcohol around for him to do that?"
Joel snorted. "Part of his side hustle, I'm sure."
"Side hustle?"
"Though I ain't sure what he's got to offer in return." Joel had long wondered that.
"Oh, you mean like... -Don't worry, he's not doing what Golden Sands does. He just finds extra stuff sometimes when he's Out. And he knows a lot of people cuz he's been in this area a long time."
"...Uh-huh. Well, good to know he ain't sellin' his body."
Ellie whacked his arm. "Not funny!"
"It's kind of funny." (Although he had chided her for similar humor of poor taste recently.) Joel wanted to ask her why the hell she would run up to a man with a scanner in his hand, but he couldn't risk it out in the street like this.
Tommy did indeed offer to help unload, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. The three of them were rather a tight fit on the seat. Joel told Ellie she could ride in back, but she declared she wanted to drive, and that the three of them fit just fine. It did serve as a good excuse to lay his arm behind her shoulders, resting it on the back of the seat. Tommy had more experience driving a team, so Joel let him do the majority of the coaching on it. It only took them a few minutes to reach their house.
Once the wagon had been emptied, the bricks stacked neatly beneath the porch along the edge with the one bag of mortar behind them, Joel sprawled out on the couch to unwind a little. He didn't think he'd so much as twitched at the little pinch on his butt cheek, but Ellie must have noticed something-- "Oh hey we have to get that splinter out of your ass now!" she remembered with a little too much amusement. She'd gone to the kitchen to fetch them all some nice cold water, but the house was so small that the kitchen/dining area/living room were basically all like one big room.
"Say what now?" asked Tommy from the doorway.
With an "oopsie!" expression on her face, Ellie said nothing. Just turned to get three glasses out of the cupboard. Slowly. One by one.
"How the hell did you get a splinter up your ass?" Tommy marveled.
"It ain't up my ass," Joel clarified, annoyed with both of them now. "It's on the outside."
Tommy was far too amused as well. "What'd you do, sit on a cactus?" He went and plopped right down next to Joel.
"No..." But that's probably the way I need to play this-- "Might've shimmied up a little too close to a tree durin' my nature break." It could have happened.
"Yeah, it was an emergency," Ellie put in. "He couldn't just hold it 'til we got home!"
"And you were gonna make poor lil' Ellie dig it outta there?" Tommy hooted.
"I offered, actually!" Ellie lied cheerfully. "He can't do it himself, and you know he'll never go to the clinic for something like that. He won't even go for his fucking ankle!"
"Ankle's fine," Joel grumbled. Ellie had told Maria about his injury, so of course, that meant Tommy knew about it as well... but since Tommy hadn't given him so much as an ounce of shit for 'being a lazy bastard and making Ellie do everything' for him and whatnot, he suspected she'd been considerate enough to downplay it. "For chrissakes, it's been fine for weeks. And I reckon Ellie just wants braggin' rights, with the splinter." Sure. 'Cause it ain't like she sees my ass every day...
"I'll do it just for those," Tommy chortled. "You're welcome, Ellie. I'll spare you the horror."
"I don't mind -- really!" Ellie cried. She approached them carefully with the three glasses forming a triangle in her hands.
"You don' need to deal with that, honey," Tommy assured her, taking the front glass from her and shooting Joel a very pointed look. "Right, Joel?"
Joel had to go along with it; it would be out of character for his father persona to fight Tommy on this. And sometimes... like now... it felt like Tommy still had his suspicions about their relationship. "Yep. Gotta protect those innocent eyes." He took a refreshing swig from the glass she handed him as she parked herself in between them. "Goddamn thing will just work its way out on its own eventually."
"Hey, now, I didn't say that," Tommy replied. "It could get infected. That happened with little Stephen. His hand. He couldn't get the thing out but didn't say nothin' cuz he was tryin' to be a tough guy--"
"Most of the time, though, it's fine," Joel interrupted him.
"Tough guy?" Ellie chuckled. "And yet he used to play the Dora game with me."
"He might be a little old for that now," said Tommy.
"He was too old for it then!" she replied. "But he's a good sport. Do you guys miss having the kids in your house after school? ...Sometimes, maybe?"
"Maybe sometimes," Tommy allowed. "I wasn't around for that, most of the time... the dinners, though -- those, I kinda miss. Maria does, too. It's nice havin' you two around again. Sometimes I'm the only adult Maria sees all day now, and as you can imagine, she gets pretty damn sick of me."
"Yeah right," Ellie said charitably (at least, Joel thought it was charitable of her; he could certainly imagine getting sick of Tommy in a hurry). "Well, me and Joel are gonna give you guys a night out on the town, when we babysit."
Joel chuckled at that. "A night out on the town, huh?"
"Well, what would you call it? They're going out... in a town... okay so it's a night in the town, then. But isn't it a night out, in that saying?"
"You're right, either way," said Tommy. "That's exactly what it is. It just ain't like it used to be, is all."
She nudged Joel with her shoulder. "Joel, what night did you say you have guard duty again? Friday?"
Maybe I can get out of this by 'getting my days mixed up,' when asked about it later... -But no, he wouldn't do that to Ellie. (At least not for the first night of babysitting.) "Yeah."
"Okay so Thursday. Thursday night, we'll do it. And Saturday we'll do family movie night so we can keep watching that show -- but you'll have to remind me what happened last time cuz it's been forever!"
"They have a previously on thing in the beginnin'," Joel reminded her. "But don't you wanna take some time to hang out with your friends?"
"Duh -- Friday! Cuz you'll be working. Anyways, family is more important."
Tommy gave her a mock suspicious look. "Are you sure you're actually a teenager?"
"Um... yeah?" Ellie giggled. "I'm not? Why?"
"Most teenagers care more about seein' their friends than their family," Joel explained.
"Oh -- yeah, you've mentioned that before. That's so weird. But... you're saying I'm the weird one?"
Joel mussed her hair. "I reckon it's different with you 'cause... you haven't had a family before. You don't feel the same... pull to get away, an' whatnot. To separate from them... assert your independence... all that. It don't make you weird."
Ellie nodded. "I guess that makes sense. But I'm not the only one -- Annie's really close to her mom, and they've been together her whole life."
"True," Tommy agreed. "You would know better than I, about them. But Will sure does seem to be pullin' away. Might be more about not wantin' to be a farmer than about escapin' his family, though."
"Annie says the good thing about that is he's waaaay less annoying now that he's not in her face all the time," Ellie said brightly.
"Baby brothers sure can be annoying as hell," Joel replied (not even joking).
"Watch it," Tommy teased. "I'm about to be holdin' a pointy instrument near your ass."
"Oh no you ain't," Joel growled. "Rather have it get infected. -Speakin' of infected..." He turned to Ellie. "Why in God's name would you run straight up to a scanner like that? What were you thinkin'?"
Tommy quirked an eyebrow at her. "You did what?"
"He wasn't going to use it on me," Ellie said defensively.
"And you know that... how?" Joel pressed.
"Because we got the all clear -- we had permission to skip the whole--"
"Son of a bitch didn't give a damn about that," Joel cut in. "He was tryin' to get a rise outta me."
"Whatever," Ellie scoffed. "That doesn't even make sense. How would he even know that you didn't want me scanned?"
"Beats me. How would he?" Joel watched her closely; if she lied here, he needed to be able to detect it.
"You're asking me? How would I know?"
She does seem genuinely baffled... "You tell me. Can you think of one way he would've found that out?"
"No!"
"Think harder, then."
Ellie turned to Tommy helplessly.
"I didn't tell him shit," Tommy answered as if he'd been accused.
"Neither did I!" She turned back to Joel. "Is that what you're asking? If I told him? Why the fuck would I do that?"
Joel shrugged. "I don' know... you think he's your friend... you think he's a nice guy..."
"I promised you I wouldn't tell anyone, and I haven't." She sounded hurt.
"Maybe he found out by accident, then, that day you ran off with him?" Joel suggested. "Maybe he saw your arm? Maybe you were afraid to tell me 'cause--"
"Whoa -- hold on -- first of all, I did not 'run off' with him -- it was a planned trip -- and no, he didn't see anything, because I'm not that fucking stupid! The only person who's ever told anyone about me is you. You told Tommy, and you told Sophie. You did that. And you didn't ask me if it was okay, either time. You just did it. You decided on your own. So don't you dare accuse me of blabbing. I've kept my word." She looked at him coldly.
Well, shit. She did have a point, but Joel didn't feel that he'd been in the wrong either of those times. I'd get out of this so much easier if I could take her in my arms and kiss her right now, but... Yeah, not an option at the moment. He'd have to get by on just words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply... that you haven't. Thought it might've happened on accident."
"Uh, no you didn't -- before that, you accused me of telling him!"
Damn, she's really pissed-- "I wasn't accusin' you. I was just... speculatin'. As for those times I told someone about you? I thought you understood -- with Tommy... we were lookin' for him so he could help us."
"Pfff. Yeah. But you didn't have to tell him. It was just a job. I wouldn't've told you if we hadn't had that... thing with the soldier. You told Tommy because you wanted to get rid of me, and you didn't think he'd do it unless he knew the reason."
Christ, this again? "How long are you gonna throw that in my face?" He purposely echoed her words from earlier. "It was a mistake. One I fixed right away. Right after I made it."
"Not right after," Ellie grumbled. She stared into her glass, turning it absently in her hands.
Tommy, who had been nice and quiet through all this, suddenly stood up. "I'm gonna go wash my hands and let you two talk this out."
Joel set his glass on the coffee table and waited for the bathroom door to close before cupping her cheek in his hand, gently coaxing her to look at him. "Hey. I'm sorry about that. You know why I did it. I was a coward. But I made the right choice in the end."
"I know. It's okay, Joel. I get it. But if I can trust you, after all that... after everything... why can't you trust me? Is it... cuz of that night? When we left Monterey?"
"Sshh... we don' need to talk about that right now." He glanced pointedly at the bathroom... or the hallway, rather. "I do trust you. I believe you if you say you haven't told Max, or anyone else. And... I thought you said you were glad that Sophie knew." If he recalled correctly, Ellie had been only mildly, fleetingly annoyed.
"I was. I am! It's fine."
"I would've asked your permission if I could, but you were out of it. Sleepin', mostly. And when you were awake, you still weren't -- you kept askin' me if I was dead--"
"I know, Joel! It's okay!"
"I couldn't keep makin' excuses as to why she couldn't help you... and we had to get that filthy shirt off you... she thought it would be awkward for me to--"
"I knooowww -- I said it's fine." She snorted. "It's like with the splinter. Unless you can get Tommy to drop it, I think it's gonna be him digging around in your ass, not me, cuz that would just be so awkward for innocent little me."
"It ain't in my ass."
"Ass cheek -- whatever!"
He caressed her cheek with his thumb... which was a little on the grimy side (he should go wash his hands, too... not that she'd ever minded). She ain't mad no more... He'd heard the toilet flush, the faucet running... he figured Tommy would be back in another few seconds. "I think we can get away with a hug," he said quietly.
She giggled softly. "Okay." She set her glass down, then leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck.
He tugged her in close and held her tight. Kissed the side of her head, even. "Love you," he whispered.
"Love you tooooo," she whispered back.
Joel heard the bathroom door open... but Tommy had yet to reappear. "All clear, baby brother!" he called to him, in case it was necessary.
"Meaning: no more tension hanging in the air, making things awkward!" Ellie added. She pulled back and resumed her previous position.
It took Tommy another few seconds to emerge from the hallway. He looked puzzled.
"What's wrong? Bathroom ain't clean enough for you?" Joel teased.
Ellie swatted him. "Did you pee on the lid again?"
"I don't pee on the lid."
"Well, I sure as fuck can't get pee up there, so..."
"You mean on the underside of it?"
"Yeah -- not the top of it! That would really be--"
"It must come off the seat... which would be you."
"No way! I don't--"
"But since men are dirty... foul... absolutely disgusting creatures, I'm sure it's all my fault," Joel concluded.
"Yeah, that sounds about right!" she said happily.
"Ellie..." Tommy was still over by the hallway. "Can I ask you somethin'?"
"Yeah?" She looked at him expectantly.
...Shit... this ain't gonna be good... I can tell by the look on his--
"Why do you have a pair of handcuffs... danglin' on your bedpost?"
Oh Goddamnit-- "Picked those up in California -- I told her to put 'em away," Joel answered before she could, chuckling to show that this was No Big Deal. "But she thought it was funny, stickin' 'em there. Anythin' I tell her not to do, she wants to just go ahead an' do it. Just to mess with me." All of which was actually true. Every word.
"He did," Ellie affirmed, smiling weakly... and blushing like hell.
Tommy didn't seem to find it funny in the slightest. "O... kay... ?"
"Why were you looking in our room, anyway?" she asked, sounding truly miffed.
Shit!
Ellie tended to subscribe to strategy along the lines of the best defense is a good offense... which could be effective, sometimes... Joel just hoped his brother didn't pick up on her pronoun mistake here. She didn't even seem to realize what she'd just said.
Tommy was not abashed in the slightest. "I wasn't lookin'. The door was open an' they caught my eye. ...What do you mean 'our' room? That's your room.... ain't it?"
"She means 'cause it's our house," Joel replied quickly, before Ellie could put her foot in it any further. It was a lame explanation, though... damnit... "And I do keep my clothes in there. In the dresser. Got some shit in the closet, too. But other than that, yes, it's her room, of course. Just storage, on my end." Better, but maybe not by much... he reckoned he'd best just shut the hell up lest it become a thou doth protest too much situation.
"How'd you get 'em?" Tommy asked... sounding more neutral or curious than accusatory, at least.
"We found 'em," Joel replied just as Ellie said, "A soldier."
Tommy crossed his arms and looked between the two of them. "You know, Joel... it's funny how you like to sit back an' let Ellie do the talkin', most of the time... until we get to somethin' you wanna hide. Somethin' you don't want her to... say wrong."
Ellie sighed exasperatedly. "That's not what he's doing! Look -- we did find them, okay? On a dead soldier. And he had the key on his keyring. I thought they were cool, so I took them. That's it. I don't get what the big deal is. So what if I hang them on my bed? They're cool-looking. It's not like I have posters or anything to put up in there. Why are you being all weird about it?"
Atta girl... Joel felt a surge of pride at how coolly she had lied there. Melding their two answers into one that still made sense. It helped that most of what she'd said was the truth... pretty much all of it, actually, other than the handcuffs-bearing soldier being dead... and with a few minor little details omitted regarding her reasons for wanting them...
Tommy held a hand up placatingly. "All right, all right... just thought it was a little odd. As long as Joel ain't chainin' you up in there for talkin' back to him or somethin'..."
Joel hoped like hell that was meant to be a joke.
"Don't give him any ideas!" Ellie laughed. "But if you don't see me for a week, you might wanna come check and make sure that he hasn't. Just in case."
"Knock it off. Both of you." Joel mussed her hair again. Forced another chuckle to hide his irritation at his nosy brother and his dumb jokes.
Tommy clapped his hands together and rubbed them gleefully... wearing quite the evil-looking expression now. "All right, Joel! Get your ass over here an' let me save it from a deadly infection."
Ellie smirked at Joel and patted his shoulder. "Guess you're not getting out of it. You better go get this over with!"
"Be a brave boy, now!"
"Yeah -- just try not to think about how humiliating it is..."
"~It'll only hurt for a minute!~"
"Haha! I promise I won't tell anyone if you cryyyyy!"
Joel decided they were both evil.
~Continue to Chapter 33~