journal

As of 9 p.m. tonight, Ryan's support is DONE. :-) his deadline was midnight and he needed three percent when we got home from Muncie earlier. The Lord has such perfect timing even when Ryan wasn't sure where it was going to come from. :-) so thankful for him to be done because it means we can hang out before he leaves!

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The tears are already starting for Ryan's departure in August. I cried all the way home from Ben and Chrissy's apartment tonight. I am not sure I am going to take this distance well this year.

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Yesterday was our first day back with students. We didn't get a lot of time during our "work day" on Monday to actually work. We spent three hours talking about this new evaluation system the state is looking to implement next year. A lot of teachers were really frustrated because we could have used that time in our classrooms.

Being with the kids yesterday wasn't too bad. A lot of my classes brought me new students so that will take some getting used to, but it should be okay. :) I am still adjusting to my new schedule but I should end up liking it. I have prep 3rd period and then I am done after 6th period now (instead of after 5th).

I feel very stressed getting these classes started just because I am not quite sure what I want to begin with, but after this week should be better for the two classes I had last semester.

I just don't want to bring anything home this week since Ryan is still in town, so I didn't. :) I just hung out with him, fell asleep for a half hour after dinner and watched the Sugar Bowl game with him since Michigan was playing last night.

I was freezing when I went to bed (ie teeth chattering) and he brought his new Packers blanket in for me to put over me under the covers to keep warm. :) that was sweet. I got warm quickly and woke up all snuggly in my bed.

But today I am tired and would like to stay home and sleep. I keep getting tempted to request Friday off. But I am trying to withhold to use the day when I could really use a mental health day later this semester.

Hope you are all having great weeks so far! :)

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This new LJApp won't let me comment and that is frustrating! Sometimes I don't have time to get online on my laptop but have a few minutes somewhere to read your entries. Hopefully they will figure out the mistake and fix it soon.

Today is my last day of school for the week and I am thankful for that! It should be a pretty easy day, which I am also thankful for.

Ryan got home yesterday afternoon while I was at work and it was so awesome to see him here when I got back. It was weird too, after not seeing him for so long but nothing a big hug didn't cure ;) last night Ryan, our friend Brittany and her brother Ryan (one of my Ryan's best friends) and their friend Dennis went to dinner in Muncie last night at Applebee's. It was good and we had a lot of fun. Ryan and I came home and just hung out watching television.

Tonight he is going to the ball state basketball game and I haven't decided what I am going to do. He will leave at 5 tonight and the game starts at 7. I might have a me night - haven't had time to just do nothing and that sounds awesome. :)

Hope you guys have an amazing weekend with family. :)

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Tonight I am just having one of those nights where I feel completely overwhelmed. I don't even know why. Just having doubts about myself as a teacher, I suppose.

It is frustrating that I probably feel this way once a week. I think it's mostly when I start working on plans for the upcoming week. I just want to do more with my students who are reading a novel but I don't know what else to do with the daily reading than have them answer questions.

I have some assignments in between and I am trying to incorporate more vocabulary into it but I just feel like all my ideas suck haha.

I am also going to start helping with remediation for the ECA test starting next week. It will be extra money but I also realize that I will have to stay after during the week Ryan will be home if I help.

I think I am just tired and moody and need a break. Looking forward to the end of next week! This weekend will be good too. I am making no plans outside of taking my exam saturday. I might try to get lunch with a friend while I am in town for the test but then I am going to relax and try to get ahead on plans.

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Another week of school is down, and I am starting to feel a lot better about things in my classroom and my lesson planning. I am starting to really enjoy my academic classes, and I am ready for us to start working on yearbook stuff. I feel like a slacker teacher when it comes to that but our first deadline isn't until April, so I feel like we have plenty of time to get everything done. Plus I am learning along the way, too.

This weekend we celebrated Ryan's birthday. He turned 24 on Friday, and we celebrated with cake and ice cream at his parents' house. His grandparents came over and it was fun. He opened his presents afterward and he got a lot of good stuff. :)

I had gotten him a pair of shorts from Kohls in August, and I told him then that it was part of his birthday present. I also got a game that he asked for.

I took him down to Indianapolis yesterday, and we didn't do anything too fancy like go downtown because we both knew it would be a madhouse with traffic. Our alma mater was playing Indiana University last night at Lucas Oil Stadium, plus the last minor league game of the year was last night. They also had a huge concert at Rib Fest in Indy last night, so we just stayed in the northern part.

We went to Castleton Square Mall first. We had originally went there to look at a guitar for Ryan, but then we ended up spending a lot of time at the mall. We saw a Borders and it said that there were only 7 more days they'd be open since they are all going out of business. I wish we would have gotten there weeks earlier, but we both got some good stuff.

I got 10 books and a DVD for Ryan that will be a Christmas present for $70. I didn't think that was too bad for bookstore books. I probably won't have time to read them right now, but since I won't be working in the summertime I will have plenty of reading material.

Afterward, we went to have dinner at Applebees. Neither one of us could finish our food, but it was so good. It started raining hard while we were in there, but thankfully that was it.

After dinner, we drove back to Fishers and went to Ben and Ari's, which is an awesome arcade, bowling and mini golf place. Ryan and I have a Groupon we are going to use with his sister and brother in law sometime, but I thought it'd be fun for us. Plus it was only $5 for a game each.

Ryan won, but we had a pretty good time. We accidentally took the wrong way in the course, so we went from hole 6 to hole 10 and didn't notice until we were done with hole 12. :) but we redid it and sometimes we did better when we redid it.

After mini golf, we went to Coldstone for ice cream. Neither one of us had ever been there, so that was fun. I got a scoop of cotton candy and a scoop of cake batter. It was really good but I was still full from dinner. Ryan got a smoothie that he really loved that mixed strawberry, banana and orange juice together. I tried t but there was too much strawberry in it for me.

We drove home and got back around 10:30. Ryan and I ended up having a pretty emotional night, but we are learning how to be better communicators, give space when necessary, and try to be more understanding. It's hard to learn those things when you only see each other for a couple of days once a month, so living at his parents' house together right now is good for us. We are learning a lot.

Last night I said that I think it would help if we thought of the other person as Christ because I don't think we would say or do some of the stupid things we did if we realized that Christ lives in Ryan and me. He agreed and that is what we are focusing on now. He said he wants to stop picking on areas of me that he knows hurts me. Last night the issue started because he just kept making fun of my snoring.

I finally just finally him to tell me something that he was self conscious about so I could do the same to him. He had some pretty harsh words, while sharing what it is that he is self conscious about. We apologized a few minutes later after having some space, realizing how stupid that was. It's just stupid stuff that get us like that and we should be treating each other better than we treat anyone else in our lives.

We are also going to pray more. Neither one of us does it enough, so praying after disagreements or arguments is vital. I still love him, and probably more every time we resolve these conflicts.

Anyway. Everything will be fine. I also started my period which might have to do with all this extra sensitivity. I am also going home today and Ryan may or may not come with me. I am not sure. He was supposed to make a decision for today. I plan to leave after we get done eating lunch after church. I am going to see some friends today and then my mom tomorrow since she is working today.

Hope you all have splendid weekends. :)

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Just an overall good day after school. I feel very refreshed, which is an amazing feeling. I left school at the end of my prep period today. Since I am not a full contract, my last period is free for me to leave.

I have been getting into the habit of teaching all day and then being completely exhausted when it comes to my prep at the end of the day. So I go home at 2:20 and come back later to work on lesson plans. Benefit to living so close to school.

Tonight I came home and hung out with Ryan until supper then packed up some stuff to go back to school. We had been talking earlier about how we used to go do certain things together. I told him we could go do more fun things together and how I was always the planner. He said it is because I am more creative than him.

I told him when he takes initiative to plan something it makes me feel like he was thinking of me.

I went into school and worked on some stuff. He texted me and asks if I already had a drink from the gas station, as I always do when I am working at school. He asked about a slushy flavor, and he brought me a slushy to have while I worked. I like having him around my classroom but he is a good distraction ;)

I eventually had to send him home because I had to work on plans and I wasnt getting much accomplished. But then when I got home I asked if he wanted to go for a walk, so we went for about a mile walk around town after the sun went down. It was so fun and I just enjoyed that quiet time with him.

I am so thankful to be close now. Although I miss being able to miss him, being able to see him every day trumps that a million times. I miss him while I am at school and can't wait to get home to see him.

This is such a beautiful thing. I am so blessed in so many ways. God is gracious when I am so undeserving.

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In one of my classes we are reading a book of poems that a fictional character named Lonnie wrote. He's given me a chance to get to know the students through their responses to the literature, and this one girl critiqued a poem called "God Poem."

She wrote:
"I am not too excited about the 'God Poem.' I do not believe in God. God is never going to show himself because he is not real. I know a lot of people who believe in God and we are still friends but God is not for me."

Breaks my heart. I am committed to praying for her, along with my other students.

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Ryan is so adorable. :) last night before bed, I laid down and he came back into my room and tucked in the sides of the comforter. Then he was going to leave and I said, "well aren't you going to read me a bedtime story?" So he started telling me the story of God, Adam and Eve. He went all the way through to Jesus, and I was dozing in and it. All I knew was when he was done, I jut thought he is an amazing man.

He dealt with my crazy last night too. I don't know what issues I was having but I was really pessimistic and just didn't want to be touched. Part of that as because my stomach was hurting really badly and I didn't feel that he was being sympathetic. But he apologized, saying he didn't realize how bad it was and he wants to cure all my problems some day. It was cute. But I told him I had no idea what was going on with me and he just needed to learn to deal with my crazy haha.

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