A good friend suggested the other day that we should all start using LiveJournal again and I think she was right about that. 

A lot has changed in the near-decade since I last posted. I definitively left the podium (and when I say "definitively," I mean "until I can figure out how to get back AND make it make fiscal sense"). I went to work in education-adjacent IT. I lost Champ and Pickles (but gained Carrots and Eugene, say nothing of my latest addition Fred). I have had a child, a daughter. I moved back to Illinois. In Illinois, I ended up working in what I would consider a seriously toxic environment for five years. My marriage got worse and worse and my frustration and anger at having such a shit job AND shit personal life was eating me alive. 

And then I lost my only sibling, essentially out of nowhere. Said sibling was a state representative, and so I ended up doing things like having to hold a gold-spraypainted shovel alongside the Governor for photo ops and address community college graduation ceremonies without advance warning or a pre-written speech.  

Eight months prior to Scott's death, with a deeply unhappy marriage, a work situation that I could only describe as "a terrible mistake," and The Global Pandemic Raging (you do remember my ironic radio-voice initial-caps mode, right?), I was frankly starting to lose it. I finally decided to try SSRIs. 

Two years later, I found the strength to say "I want a divorce" (to someone I still love very much, but never should have married — and I'd known that last bit for a very, very long time). 

Two months after *that*, I landed an incredible job with an incredible team after five years of desperately trying to escape, and failing, again and again.

And I know I was very, very against ever being a dad. I can say that my daughter — now creepin' up on 7.5 — is and always has been incredible. You should hear her vibrato, say nothing of her legal arguments. And it's cliche as fuck, but there's no denying it — she's definitely changed me for the better. Maybe not enough. But she's not done with me yet.

If you're here, yeah, please say hi. I think I'm gonna give this an earnest try for a while. I know it will never be what it was ever again, or even close. LJ and the circle of friends I had around it, the people I met through it — in its prime, it meant a lot to me, and served a very important purpose to me. With the micro, micromanaged audience now gone... hrm, maybe writing here as a proper, you know, *journal* can serve as purpose enough too. But gosh, I'd be even more stoked if you're still here trying the same. 

One last note for those old pals with exceedingly good memories about the specifics of my paranoias: I'm also going public-post on everything from here on.

p s smok weed evreyday!!!!!!!!