lit_chick08

Hey! Chances are, if you've come across my journal, it's because of fic. If you're looking strictly for fic, all of it is posted at my fic journal HERE and none of it is locked.

Otherwise this journal is primarily my rants about every day life, my job, politics, and semi-incoherent ramblings about my current TV obsessions. If you still want to be friended, just leave me a comment telling me how you find me and I'll friend you back.

Much love,

Meg

Let's get a few things out of the way up front. In most cases, it would be pretty hard to stan for a character that in the first few chapters on the first book alone has sex with his twin sister and throws a 7-year-old off a tower, paralyzing him for life, for catching him having said sex with his sister. In fact, until the third book in the series "A Storm of Swords," it's downright impossible to really find anything to like about Jaime. He's an unrepentant asshole who killed the king he was swore to protect, has a lifelong affair with his twin, fathered three children on her that she's been passing off as the king's, tried to kill Bran, and is just generally the kind of guy you want to punch in the face.

But the beauty of Jaime's character is that we form all of these opinions based off of the first two books ("A Game of Thrones" and "A Clash of Kings") when we see him in other characters' POV chapters. It isn't until the third book that we actually get inside Jaime's head and when we do, everything we thought we knew about Jaime gets turned on its head.

(Okay, yes, he still does all the sister humping and trying to kill Bran, and there's not really an excuse for those, but stay with me here.)

First, to understand Jaime, you have to understand the Lannisters.

The Lannisters of Casterly Rock are one of the richest families in Westeros, and when Jaime is born, his father is Hand to King Aerys. Needless to say, wealth plus power leads to a certain level of entitlement. On top of that, Jaime is gifted as a swordsman, so gifted that he earns a knighthood young and becomes the youngest member ever of the Kingsguard - the most elite of knights who protect the king - at age fifteen. He takes the white cloak in a bid to stay close to his sister Cersei, who is also his lover, because for Jaime, there is only Cersei and will only ever be Cersei.

When Robert's Rebellion happens, his father Tywin, who quit as Hand of the King when Aerys took his heir (Jaime) for the Kingsguard (members of the Kingsguard cannot marry or hold land/titles), refuses to pick a side, waiting to see how things shake out. Jaime essentially becomes a prisoner in the Red Keep, remaining at Aerys's side so he cannot join his father and forced to witness the unraveling of the king. We learn in Jaime's POV that he was often forced to stand by silently as Aerys raped his wife and would literally burn his enemies to death. It is only when his father's men sack the city of King's Landing Jaime acts, skewering the Mad King through the back, clearing the way for Robert Baratheon to become king and earning himself the moniker "Kingslayer."

This is a defining act for Jaime. Prior to this, he had a place of honor on the Kingsguard as its youngest member; now he was seen as having no honor for breaking the single most important vow a knight of the kingsguard makes. Though Jaime occasionally tells the story of that day in a detached manner, we hear his account of it at his most vulnerable in the third book.



Jaime remains in the Kingsguard during Robert's reign, staying close to Cersei and fathering her third children: Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen. Jaime isn't particularly interested in parenting them, and everyone thinks they're Robert's children. That is, until certain people start to notice that Robert's children look nothing like him.

When the rumors of the incest begin, Jaime is indisposed, having been captured by Robb Stark and his men. It is during this time Jaime gives one of the speeches that I think best exemplifies Jaime's mindset throughout the series (start at 1:38).



Jaime's speech on vows and how it is impossible to honor them all lets us know that he honors the vows that he thinks are important. He loves Cersei, so his first priority is always to her. He has spent his life taking orders from Tywin above any other, which explains why ( Spoiler for A Storm of Swords/upcoming seasons of GoTCollapse ) In many ways, Jaime is a simple soldier who has spent his life taking orders. When Tyrion ( SpoilersCollapse ), it upends Jaime's world. His entire life has been built upon a single truth, and that is destroyed by Tyrion's revelation. Coupled with the loss of his hand, the man Jaime thought himself to be changes completely.

( SpoilersCollapse )

Jaime is one of, if not the most complex character in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, and that alone should be the reason we love him.

And so I leave you with a fanvid that is pure perfection and sums up Jaime much more succinctly than this rambling entry did.

It's that time of year again, the time where I wonder how I can write 8 jillion words of a fic and can't write 500 words of original stuff.

Total fics written: 41

( Fic Behind the CutCollapse )

waltzmatildah is hosting another wonderful fandom aid auction, so head on over, offer your services, and bid on what I'm sure are going to be great fics, icons, and fanart.

And if you want to bid on me, my thread is here.

“Right now I feel guilty to be alive. Why? Because I’m wasting it. I’ve been given this life and all I do is mope it away.

What’s worse is, I am totally aware of how ridiculous I am. It would be a lot easier if I believed I was the center of the universe, because then I wouldn’t know any better NOT to make a big deal out of everything. I know how small my problems are, yet that doesn’t stop me from obsessing about them.

I have to stop doing this.

How do other people get happy? I look at people laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves and try to get inside their heads. How do Bridget, Manda, and Sara do it? Or Pepe? Or EVERYONE but me?
Why does everything I see bother me? Why can’t I just get over these daily wrongdoings? Why can’t I just move on and make the best of what I’ve got?

I wish I knew.” - Sloppy Firsts


Is there anything worse than being a teenage girl? (The answer is no, and, if you don't agree, these books are obviously not the right books for you.) For Jessica Darling, adolescence is the bane of her existence. A girl who is likely too smart for her own good and now trapped in Pineville, New Jersey, without her best friend Hope, who has just moved to Tennessee, Jessica hates everything. Everything. Despite being relatively popular, Jessica simultaneously despises her social circle but doesn't want to end the friendships and be alone. She is the complete opposite of big sister Bethany (11 years her senior and her mother's favorite) and no one in the family ever mentions her brother Matthew, who died in infancy. Her mother is determined to make Jessica into another Bethany and her father, who constantly calls her "Notso" (as in Not-So-Darling,) is obsessed with Jessica's track career. It is downright overwhelming for Jess, who really just wants to be left alone (but not too alone because such is the life of a 16-year-old girl.)

Enter Marcus Flutie. A known drug addict who slowly works his way into Jess's life following a series of hilarious events, Marcus provides Jess the outlet she needs - someone to talk to who cares about something more than the banalities of high school - while also driving her nuts because she doesn't know how to define what they have (and she also doesn't want the friends she doesn't really like to judge her for hanging with someone like Marcus.) What comes to a head on New Year's Eve sets the tone for the person Jessica is going to become: a girl who puts herself first even when it breaks her heart to do so.


“As much as I don't care about those things, I think it's human nature to not want to feel totally insignificant.” - Second Helpings


The second book in the series finds Jessica nearly a year later. Now a rising senior, Jess is still desperately hung up on Marcus and trying just as desperately to pretend like she isn't. While she still misses Hope, she has rekindled her friendship with childhood best friend Bridget and is eagerly planning her escape to college. Though it has never truly occurred to her before, Mac, the instructor of Jess's summer enrichment program, encourages her to consider writing and writes her a letter of recommendation to Columbia. Jess is all set to flee Pineville for Morningside Heights...and then 9/11 happens. Now terrified of the city, Jess decides to apply to schools she doesn't particularly want to go to in order to feel safer but Columbia is still constantly in her head.

Jess has her first real relationship with Len, the other class brainiac and Marcus's best friend. Marcus explains he wants Jess to be happy and has been pushing Len to be with Jess, thinking it will be good for both of them. Like many teenage girls, Jess is a bit obsessed with being "the last virgin" at school and her thoughts on sex and relationships are explored in detail, particularly how eager she was to lose her virginity to Marcus and her reticence to lose it to Len. Unlike so many teen heroines, Jess never worries or slut shames herself; she is clear in her desire to have sex and isn't ashamed of it. If anything, in her relationship with Len, it is she who initiates sexually, and it is she who gets painted as being "sex crazed."

The end of the second book finds Jessica realizing she needs to do what makes her happy and not rely on what makes her parents/friends/anyone else wants her to do. Jess loses her virginity to Marcus, gets accepted to Columbia, and makes peace with high school, which is something I think everyone has to do at some point.


"Why is it that the most fundamental life lesson — LIVE! — is the one I continually forget to put into practice?” Charmed Thirds

College changes who you are. But what's more, college changes who you think you are. And for Jessica, she finds that maybe Pineville and high school weren't the source of her problems, which opens up a whole other host of problems. At college, Jess is finally confronted with the incredible amount of privilege she has grown up; while always considering herself to be an outcast, her dorm mates point out she was popular, involved in everything, had 2 boyfriends and was wanted by the most popular guy in school, and was a track star. It startles Jess to realize the image she has painted of herself doesn't necessarily fit what other people see of her. Jess also starts to do what a lot of people do: she starts to conform her personality to those around her. We see this when her best friend from college visits Pineville and Jess begins to mimic Jane's traits.

Jessica also realizes, despite all of her proclamations that she and Marcus would last and not be one of those high school couples who break up over distance, her experience with men is pretty limited. One slip with a guy she didn't even particularly like ends her relationship with Marcus, but Jess spends the majority of the book (which spans all 4 years of college) obsessed with him even as she pursues other options. She flirts with an affair with a married classmate, she engages in a truly terrible relationship with an emo philosophy major two years her junior, she has a one-night stand with Len, but through it all, Jess thinks of Marcus.

But even for all of her romantic angst, Jess is also unsure of what it is she wants to do with her life. A psychology major who chose her major without any real thought of a career (much like so many of us) and now looking down the barrel of a huge amount of debt, Jess realizes she has no desire to become a clinical psychologist. Though she continues to write in her journals, she was too intimidated to go out for the Columbia newspaper and her one attempt at writing - an internship with a Brooklyn hipster mag that ends in hilarious disaster - was a single article her editor tried to pass off to her former nemesis Hy. It is only through Mac's intervention she thinks of writing again.

This book is easily the least liked by most fans, but Jess's quest to find herself in college, at times, rings painfully realistic. Jess is self-involved and arrogant and thoughtless, wrapped up in her own bubble, but I can hardly think of anyone who wasn't like that at some point. Being away from home and trying to navigate everything is overwhelming, and Jess is nowhere close to perfect. By the end of the book, she is trying to fix things with Marcus and hoping to handle the future with a bit more grace.


“Most of my friends from Columbia are going on to get advanced degrees. And why not? A Ph.D. is the new M.A., a master's is the new bachelor's, a B.A. is the new high school diploma, and a high school diploma is the new smiley-face sticker on your first-grade spelling test.” Fourth Comings

Taking place over the course of a week, this is the first journal of Jessica's which is written to someone, specifically Marcus, who proposes at the start of the book. For Jess, who is trying to start her life in New York City, the idea of being engaged to Marcus, now a freshman at Princeton, is not an option. What's becoming even more clear is Jess has outgrown Marcus and coming to terms with that is the least of her problems.

This is my favorite of the series because it shows how shitty and difficult life after college really can be. Jess is now sharing a basement apartment in Brooklyn with Hope, who is a master's student by day and a wedding photography by night, Manda, the high school classmate she hated, and Manda's girlfriend Shea. Jess is working part-time writing for a psychology journal and part-time babysitting her niece, and her quest to find full-time employment with benefits is downright impossible. She quickly realizes a bachelor's degree in psychology gets you nowhere, and Jess does not want to go even deeper in debt for a graduate degree when she isn't even sure what she wants to do. Jess feels adrift for the first time in her life without a goal to work towards, and, for an uber-achiever like her, it's an entirely disheartening feeling, especially when everyone around her is going to grad school, getting engaged, and having children. Jess is also starting to realize her perceptions of her parents are still skewed, and, now that she's older, she recognizes there are far more complicated dynamics at play than she originally thought.

Perhaps the best part of this novel and Jess's narrative is everyone's reactions to Marcus's proposal. Jess is unsure what to say; she doesn't want to get married but she's afraid a refusal means the end of their relationship. While Bridget, Bethany, her father, and nearly everyone else seems to support it, it is only Hope who has the guts to tell her the truth: she shouldn't marry Marcus, she shouldn't be with Marcus, and their relationship has always been unhealthy. Jess recognizes the truth in what Hope says and politely refuses Marcus's proposal and ends the relationship, putting herself first and finally moving beyond their relationship.


“Gone for a while
Hoping, always, to return
If you will let me” Perfect Fifths


This book is the only one not written as a journal of Jessica's, and it is also the only one to have Marcus's POV as well. But though there is an argument that could be made about how this series has always been about Jessica and Marcus, this is still Jessica's story. Set four years after the end of Fourth Comings, Marcus is about to graduate from Princeton and Jess is in charge of a storytelling project funded by Hy. They are simultaneously the people they have always been and people the other doesn't know.

What's so wonderful about this book (and man people don't like this volume) is it emphasizes how much of a stranger the person who once knew you best can become. Though Jess ostensibly has it all together now (out of debt, money in the bank, a successful career, about to enter Teacher's College at Columbia), she still feels 16-years-old when it comes to Marcus. We find out she and Marcus have had zero contact since she turned down his proposal, but plenty of gossip has reached her ears. Her success professionally has come at the cost of losing touch with many of her friends, and she is feeling like a failure for missing the flight which will take her to Bridget's wedding. The conversations she has with Marcus are oddly polite, unsure how she's supposed to act with him now.

There's no handbook for adulthood. And while it's great to finally see Marcus's POV and see how he has struggled as well in the wake of their separation, it is Jessica's evolution (and, in some cases, lack thereof) from the sarcastic 16-year-old we first met to the 26-year-old we end with that is the true focus here. Jessica was able to recognize in the fourth book that being with Marcus was what was stopping her from moving forward; they needed the separation to figure out who they were without each other. It is only when they are both who they are meant to be that they can be together again. And when Jessica wakes up at the end of the fifth book, happy, successful, and hopeful for the future, you can truly see that Jessica has grown up, not necessarily how she thought she would but in a way that has made her a strong, capable woman.


“Excuse our appearances. We are taking apart yesterday, to make way for tomorrow” Perfect Fifths

100. Thunder Heart Woman, as seen in the miniseries Into the West, portrayed by Tonantzin Carmelo



I'm fascinated by Native stories. I don't think there are any groups of people who are more marginalized and treated deplorably, especially in the US. I live in Pennsylvania, a little over an hour away from the Seneca reservation in Salamanca. Most people I know go up there to go to the casino or to buy cigarettes, but one year, we were returning from visiting my uncle in New York when we happened to be passing by reservation during their annual Pow Wow. They open it up to the public so people can see their crafts and dances, and I remember being fascinated by how beautiful everything seemed. I was still in elementary school, and I didn't fully understand the depth of what had been done to the tribes then. It wasn't until I was older I saw how terribly the people who went to the reservation for cigarettes and gambling really treated those who lived on the reservation, and it became clear to me why they didn't like us either. I think it's so easy to romanticize the Native experience because generally, when we see it depicted in books and movies, it's all Dances With Wolves and Pocahontas and not the ugly reality of what was really done.

Into the West, by no means, is a perfectly accurate representation of the Native experience (especially since it was written and directed by white people), but it showed in gritty, bloody detail what happened in the last 19th century. The miniseries follows the lives of 2 families: that of Jacob Wheeler, a white wheelwright who travels West for adventure, and that of Loved by the Buffalo, a Lakota medicine man who forsees the end of his people. Told in 5 2-hour installments, it tracks the lives of Jacob and Loved by the Buffalo from the 1820s through Wounded Knee. Involved in both sets of stories is Thunder Heart Woman, the sister of Loved by the Buffalo and Jacob's wife.

When we first meet Thunder Heart Woman, she is essentially being traded by her father to a fur trapper in exchange for goods. She appears happy with her husband and daughter until a night raid by the Crow kills her husband, takes her daughter, and leads to rape and abuse for Thunder Heart Woman. Eventually she ends up being auctioned off to a collection of mountain men, and Jacob "wins" her with the sole goal to returning her to her family. She and Jacob fall in love and wed, eventually having 3 children: Margaret Light Shines, Abraham High Wolf, and Jacob Junior High Cloud. Jacob brings Thunder Heart Woman home to Virginia, but Jacob's family is nowhere near as accepting of Thunder Heart Woman as her family was of Jacob. They decide to return West, this time with Jacob's brother Jethro and his three female cousins. Jacob falls ill with cholera, and they have to leave him behind. With three children and without real protection, Thunder Heart Woman marries Jethro and has another daughter Corn Flower before eventually being reunited with Jacob. The miniseries eventually begins to follow the children of Jacob and Thunder Heart Woman as well as her brothers, but Thunder Heart Woman is frequently at the heart of the story.

What I love about Thunder Heart Woman is her resilience. Throughout her life, she experiences incredible challenges: being separated from her family and culture, abused by men, her infant daughter stolen from her, her first husband murdered in front of her eyes, having to navigate Jacob's world in Virginia and being discriminated against, trying to raise her children with little help from Jethro, Abraham running away and never seeing him again, Jacob Junior's death, a long separation from Margaret; we also see the way she aches for her children's struggles, being biracial at a time when to be so meant being ostracized. For Margaret, who appears more Native than white, and Abraham, who embraces his Native heritage, it makes life difficult for them; it is only Jacob Junior who can "pass" for white who has any degree of success and it gets him killed by his own Native relatives. Thunder Heart Woman understands this far better than Jacob ever does, and it is she who holds together the Wheeler family. Without Thunder Heart Woman's perseverance and strong will, the Wheelers would not have survived so long as they did, and she managed to maintain her culture and pass it down to her children in the process.

And that's wonderfully kick-ass.

99. Anita “Needy” Lesnicki, as seen in the film Jennifer's Body, portrayed by Amanda Seyfried



I feel like Diablo Cody movies are one of those things which people either love or hate. There are those who find her movies (Juno, Jennifer's Body, and Young Adult) to be pretentious and try-hard while others think they're hilarious and insightful. I love Diablo Cody because I think she does a great job of discussing issues women experience in a witty, not always entirely true to life way. Jennifer's Body is my favorite of Cody's movies because it's very tongue-in-cheek and manages to show a real friendship between teenage girls while satirizing the whole idea of a maneater.

Needy is the best friend of the titular Jennifer. Since they were children, Needy has always been the sidekick to popular Jennifer, and no one seems to understand why Needy wants to remain friends with her. Jennifer is selfish, prone to being incredibly judgmental of Needy and deliberately flirting with a guy she knows Needy has some interest in. When Jennifer becomes a succubus, it is Needy who notices the changes and vows to stop her. It is only when Jennifer becomes an actual demon that Needy is able to find her own voice and finally stand up to Jennifer.

What I love about Needy is you can see how much Needy changes throughout the film. At the start of Needy's story (not the mental institution framing device), she is the very definition of mousy and and unassuming; Needy has no voice because Jennifer is her voice. By the time Needy finally stops Jennifer, she is angry, vocal, and able to assert herself in ways she never before was. Even though this movie is obviously a horror movie where the girl's best friend becomes a man-eating demon, I think it works really well as a study in teenage friendships, which can be pretty predatory. By the end of the film, Needy no longer lives up to her nickname; she is her own person, independent of Jennifer.

And that's pretty kick-ass.

98. J, as seen in the web series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, portrayed by Issa Rae



I read a lot of blogs, some of substance (what's up, Feministing?) and some ridiculous (looking at you, ONTD.) But both were up in arms earlier this year when a web series called Awkward Black Girl won a Shorty Award and was promptly the recipient of an incredible amount of racist attacks via Twitter, spearheaded by the white, male shock jock who lost to her. At the time I was disgusted but not particularly shocked; a black female winning what is the highest award for the medium beating out white males inevitably leads to straight up bullshit and cries of political correctness "robbing" more "deserving" people of awards. If it was not for the outrage over what was said to Issa Rae, I might never have watched Awkward Black Girl, which is sad because it is easily one of the funniest things I've seen.

Awkward Black Girl tells the story of J, the titular awkward black girl. She works at Gutbusters, a weight loss company, and hates pretty much everyone she works with, especially (in the first season) her racially insensitive boss and co-worker Nina. This all starts to change when CeCe starts working for the company, quickly becoming J's best friend, as well as the arrival of Fred, the handsome co-worker J has a crush on but is too awkward to pursue. The series tracks J's awkward misadventures, her passive-aggressive antics, the dilemma of choosing between Fred and White J, her white male counterpart who is equally awkward, and life in general.

What I love about J is her internal monologue is my internal monologue. Though race is addressed (particularly in a hilarious episode where J and White J go on their first date and realize they both aren't quite sure how interracial dating works), J's issues are universal. She doesn't know how to stand up for herself at work, she isn't sure how to act at parties, she goes home and writes angry rap lyrics to get out her aggression which she doesn't really share with anyone; for all the shows claiming to depict "real life," Awkward Black Girl is the one which shows the life I live and most of my friends live. J's life isn't about these huge defining moments of great significance; it is a string of humorous, painful, banal, exciting, frustrating, and awkward moments that J tries to navigate in order to have the best life she can.

And that's refreshingly kick-ass.

I encourage you all to watch the first episode (episodes are between 3-12 minutes a piece) and see if you don't want to keep watching.

97. Sloan Sabbith, as seen on The Newsroom, portrayed by Olivia Munn



I really love "The West Wing." I think it's one of the best shows in terms of powerful women who know who they are and what they're not willing to compromise on, and, as a result, I became a fan of Aaron Sorkin. But the problem with liking Aaron Sorkin is that, in real life, Sorkin is a douchebag. He says incredibly offensive, paternalistic things, laments when "men were men" with absolutely no sense of irony, and condescendingly calls women in press conferences "hey, internet girl." The Newsroom has suffered a lot of criticism because of Sorkin's douchebaggery, and, while I can only repeatedly roll my eyes at the Will/MacKenzie subplot entwined throughout the series, there are also characters like Jim and Maggie and Neal who feel real and well-rounded. But I was genuinely surprised to find my favorite female character to be Sloan, and it's because it challenges my own prejudices.

A little background: I irrationally dislike Olivia Munn. I'm sure there's something wildly anti-feminist about it, but something about her just bothers me. It's the same irrational dislike I have of Zooey Deschanel and Scarlett Johansson; there isn't a real reason behind it but something about her irks me. And it wasn't until I started really thinking about it that I realized, in regards to Olivia Munn, I was irritated that her whole shtick seems to be "I'm totally outraged people judge me by my looks, but check out how I look in this Princess Leia cosplay!" The more I thought on it, the more I realized it was ridiculous because why should I care what Olivia Munn does? I could argue that when women trade on their looks, it makes it that much harder for women unwilling to do it, but Munn is in show business; everyone does that. Why does it bother me if Olivia Munn wears a gold bikini but doesn't bother me when male celebs "get caught" by the paparazzi while shirtless and showing off their abs?

The character of Sloan Sabbith is a play on this idea. Munn was famously derided after being hired at The Daily Show for being hired only for her works and none of her qualifications. When we first meet Sloan, she is an on-air correspondent concerning financial matters and MacKenzie, the executive producer for News Night, wants her to join their show because, while a lot of people can discuss economics, "not all of them have your (Munn's) legs." Sloan is eminently qualified for her job; she holds two doctorates in economics and is frequently the smartest person in a room full of smart people. But by putting it out there - Sloan is qualified but essentially hired for her looks - the show begins to play with the idea of eye candy and intelligence. This comes to the forefront when Sloan bungles a news report with a Japanese representative on-air, switching to fluent Japanese mid-broadcast and repeating something the rep said off the record. When confronted by the head of broadcast news - a man old enough to be her grandfather, shouting as loud as he can in front of all of her coworkers, calling her to the carpet and being wholly condescending - Sloan not only stands up for herself, refuses to apologize for what she did, and, when her boss refers to her as "girl," shouts back, "Do not call me girl!" Put in direct contrast with Maggie, who it is said "would not complain if her head was on fire," Sloan is a woman who is used to being talked down to by older men and she is having none of their shit.

What I love about Sloan is she does not apologize for her intelligence. She truly believes in what she does - reporting on financial issues the average person doesn't understand - when she could be making millions by working in the financial district. She doesn't seem to have any particular broadcast aspirations; she did not want to do the 10 o'clock broadcast which lead to such trouble for her, and she refused to do the RNC debate after they denied it to Will. She is also well-aware of what people say about her and think about her; when Neal begins his investigation into online trolls and asks Sloan if he can use her for a subject, she's more bothered by the assertion her ass is fat than by claims she is unqualified because she knows it's not true and she does not care what others think. Any woman in a position of power inevitably ends up getting hit with the "sleeping to the top" accusation or some other equally misogynistic assertion. It's offensive and disgusting, and I love that there's this meta quality to Sloan's story line, which also calls to the carpet Munn's detractors. You can be beautiful and feminine and qualified, and you shouldn't have to explain or apologize for it, which Sloan doesn't.

And that's wildly kick-ass.