i haven't written in this journal in many months. i associate this website with college thoughts, actions, fears, insecurities, etc.

for me, writing one final time is an act of closure.

so, here:

1. i am reading: history of sexuality, middlesex, and orlando in a combined love fest of gender theory.
2. i live in a converted three-bedroom apartment on the "hip" u street of washington d.c. my room is a study & has two built-in bookcases that i've cramped with literature and shoes.
3. i work in standardized testing on the english/language arts team and write questions for the state of Ohio.
4. i watch arrested development marathons, keep new years resolutions, and continue to breathe sarcasm.
5. i have a mix of intellectual and humor-based conversations and bake chocolate cake and red velvet cupcakes.
6. my apartment hosts potlucks, and house-warming get-togethers.
7. i frequent happy hours, the local coffee shop, bookstores, hookah bars, and free! museums.
8. i walk 1.8 miles every day to work, and then back again.
9. i cook myself pasta-based dishes and vegetarian sausage dishes.
10. i live in the present, i drink Guinness, and spend money on sushi.

i still fear:

boredom
looking back on my choices and seeing a life lived without excitement (but only with patterns, patterns)


i believe in this dedication:

"to all the men and women who have the courage to be happy." - Tell Me You Love Me, HBO.


i recognize the multi-faceted use of the word "love".


everything i learned can be summed-up in one statement:

The question is not what you look at, but what you see. — Henry David Thoreau


i wish everyone the best of luck in their future endeavors. good evening, comrades.

there is so much happening at work. i wonder if i am losing sight or gaining it. who ever thought i'd give two thoughts to the state of new mexico. now i think about it constantly. i want to see newness.

i start my first career job on monday as a research assistant. hello fairfax, goodbye pa.

here's to: letter writings with mixed cds, new starts, shorter hair, and rejuvenation.

it's summertime, and i feel grand.

i've spent the past week reading romance novels and playing sudoku. i needed that vacation.

my stepfather made my thesis into a pdf and i am hovered over a void that i believe will only bring me disappointment. oh to be an adult. but what does it mean to be an adult? graduation is around the bend as is my post-hyperventilation break down.


i'm tired of roanoke. and work. but i do not know how i feel about what lies ahead.

is saving enough?

in reality, this is my last all-nighter (at least academically) of my undergraduate career. i didn't think i would have to do this, but my car broke down (and basically died - RIP jeep grand cherokee) and i hadn't brought any of my thesis material to work on so i had to wait until i returned to hollins. my final final final version of my thesis is due tomorrow, and it's going to be bound and whatnot. i'm esctatic, although a bit afraid of having a typo on the first page (really don't want that). anyway, i'm nearing the end of my "to-do" list (thank you!) and am about to read the entire thing aloud/fix some awkward areas.

basically:

he sees angels in the architecture
spinning in infinity
he says
hey hallelujah

LoverlyPennyLane (10:51:53 PM): well, alliteration is wonderful.
Vcollegebrat08A (10:52:36 PM): I feel like derrida agrees with that comment.
LoverlyPennyLane (10:52:25 PM): everything is a sign?
Vcollegebrat08A (10:53:05 PM): hahahaha, no, the notion of difference and alliteration.
LoverlyPennyLane (10:52:40 PM): dude give me gramsci any day. i'd totally swoon for marxism.
Vcollegebrat08A (10:53:34 PM): hahaha, umm meeee too. i bet if i knew marx in person i'd have the hugest crush on him.
LoverlyPennyLane (11:00:01 PM): i'd be like, does gramsci have a lover? i nominate myself.
LoverlyPennyLane (11:02:47 PM): it would be marx + shivs & gramsci + laura. the best team EVER.
Vcollegebrat08A (11:03:31 PM): omg, we could double date.

my thesis is due sometime before 4:30 tomorrow. so, in anticipation of this monumental event and in celebration of potentially the last all-nighter of my undergrad career i have before m:

a large sheetz coffee
a king size 5th avenue bar
remains of a 99cents cheetos bag
my thesis revised
a checklist
academic books


yaya!

DEAR SELF,

GET LIFE TOGETHER. A PLANNER IS AN EXCELLENT INVENTION.

Love,
ME