well that was interesting… like someone disecting your spleen is interesting. i feel physically sick.

“we murder to dissect.” -C.S. Lewis.

what i act and what i am inside are two completely different things.

looking through your eyes gives me vertigo.

i do that? i look like that? …no wonder you dont… why did you not tell me?? i can change, you know.

dont get me wrong, i knew you have a low opinion of me, i just didnt know it was *that* low.

you’re right, but i dont take anything back, cos i’m right too.

i care too much.

this, too, shall pass.

the lesson will remain though.

it better. i dont wanna screw up whatever slim chance i get given now.

well im not bitter, at least. i feel like a terrible person and i will for awhile, but at least im not bitter about it. i hope you aren’t either.

end is a new beginning? maybe. takes two. im not gonna expect anything from you.

“cause i built you a home in my heart, with rotten wood meant to cave from the start…”

If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I’d bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson
If I could open my mouth
Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.

I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you said
That I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I’ll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown [4x]

Your love is gonna drown [4x]
Your love is gonna…

-Death Cab For Cutie, “Marching Bands of Manhattan”

I’ll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I’m powerless
To dictate my own moods

I’ve thrown away
So many things that could’ve been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they’re ignored
But that’s not the way it works
No that’s not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I’ve learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I’ll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I’m so ready to be found

I’ve thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I’ve thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I’ve thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they’re ignored
But that’s not the way it works
No that’s not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I’ll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet You love me
And that consumes me
And I’ll stand up again
And do so willingly

–Relient K, “When i go down”