see, its funny. i know there are people who live like that, completely black and white, their world is. but mine is grey and i walk a narrow path of grey and i dont believe people are one or the other, they’re a mix of both light and dark. and i’m always questioning where my heart is… in socialwork they call it self-analysis, in church they call it… “search your heart”, or something like that. i just find it fascinating, the differences. strengths. weaknesses. where one is strong, the other is weak. yet we’re strong in our weaknesses. and we’re all part of one living movement, one body. where one fails, the other is strong.

fire’s funny like that. it represents both light and dark, purification and destruction. i like it. it symbolizes both sides of me that fight each other… every day, every moment, is a choice. they’re both very passionate though. One gives me rest i suppose. in a way. it’s kinda confusing. in any case, its better than indifferent apathy. maybe its just because im an attention seeker. bad attention? tis better than being ignored right? or forgotten. ignored is worse than forgotten, you can always remind people you exist.

i think Anna will understand my painting best, what with the feathers and all. feathers are modified scales, y’know. it’s a mixed up messed up world. but its my world, and i like it. to protect, to be protected, safety and security… and hiding. life’s strange.

i believe in hope though, so its okay.  i just wish i were better at showing light.

i think i’ll sleep now. way past 2am. exam over, brains going… gone.  dog gone. kitteh should go.

mew.