Me: *grin* “low-key judging you for that.”
her: *curiously* “why?”
me, thoughtfully: “…huh. I don’t actually know.”

Maybe because I used to think girls who wore a lot of makeup, took ages on their appearance were vain, shallow, were going to judge me for not… “you could look really pretty if you tried”, someone said to me once. didn’t help that I associated all of that with the ‘cool group’ who lowkey bullied me in highschool, judged me for not giving a crap about what i wore. (why should I care about what I look like? my personality is way more important.) Mix that with the… pity. I felt later upon realizing there are those who need makeup to feel self-confident. was that pity tinged with contempt? did I think that I was better than them?
*do I still think that now?*

as I’ve grown up I’ve come to realize it’s not their fault.
it’s society does this to us, makes us hate our own bodies. I was one of the lucky ones; I never got that self-body-loathing. Perhaps I managed to escape the crushing body-shaming because I was homeschooled, and wasn’t allowed to watch TV.

quote Banksy, on advertizing:
“People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from busses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you.
You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity. Fuck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.
You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.

I am possibly the most vain… no. most self-confident woman I know, when it comes to what I look like; I know i’m objectively perfectly proportioned, and that by today’s standards (insert rant on how fickle *those* are, in the 60s it was women with curves who were sex icons, not skin-and-bones sticks like me) I am pretty, and hot, and cute, and attractive. Perhaps it’s easier to say “personality should be more important than looks” when people look at you with jealousy and say things like “you can wear hobo clothes and pull it off, you still look cute”. (seriously, I could wear a potato sack and make it look good. my fashion choice is “Deliberately Apathetic/homeless chic”.)

society tells us that pretty people are worth more, and to be pretty you need to buy all this consumerism “because you’re worth it”. And I’ve always hated peer pressure, so I’ve always responded with “hard no, screw you all with a cactus, I’m worth more. I’m already pretty and even if I weren’t WHY’S IT MATTER.”

…you dress up for dancing comps though.
…true. I mean, performing, to win a prize from a particular society, I suppose. yeah. literally there for someone else’s entertainment.
…I absolutely refuse to wear makeup though! it feels awful and it makes me look different, not necessarily better.
…that’s cool, good for you, but can you stop judging those who do? who have it practically written into their job contract? who are performing for someone else’s entertainment? it’s not their fault society is crappy.
*looks uncomfortable* I shall try to control my subconscious biases as much as I am able.

related posts: https://lails42.wordpress.com/2008/03/28/superficiality/ and https://lails42.wordpress.com/2006/10/10/pinkage/