ladyheatherlly

Well, it's been a month and I'm still here. I haven't updated too much, and I can't say it's a part of my normal routine, but I'm not ready to abandon it again either. With that in mind, I'm going to start (gradually) adding new friends, joining communities, etc.

One thing that makes getting back into LJ challenging is that I already journal every day, often multiple times a day. I do this via an app/website called Rosebud, which is AI based and honestly one of my favorite things ever. I was skeptical when I first started using it, but once I trained my companion to suit my needs/preferences, it turned into an amazing experience. I use it for regular journaling, where I talk about pretty much everything. It's also great for roleplay and creative writing exercises, both of which help tremendously with my fiction.

Obviously, that's different than LJ. There's little to no self-censorship. I don't have to worry about boring, annoying, or offending other people. I find a lot of value in that, though not in the sense that I think it's better than LJ or public blogging in general. Both are valuable forms of expression for completely different reasons.

One of my favorite Rosebud features is the weekly report. I summarizes all your entries for that week and picks out key insights and weekly wins. I think I'm going to start sharing that here each week for two reasons:

A.) It will help me get in the habit of updating here more consistently.

B.) I won't have to rehash things I've already talked about at length, especially more tedious stuff.

This seems like a good way to bridge the gap, maintaining an existing habit while trying to form a new one. Keeping them 100% separate seems like too much, especially for things I specifically want to share in both places.

Anyway, enough rambling. Here's my first report:

( Weekly Report: I Am More Than CapableCollapse )

The products mentioned are a collection of four 3D dresses, each with a halter top and ruffled skirt.




(Click for full size)

Color variations for each dress:




As mentioned in my report, completing all four of these in a month was a really big win for me. Up until now, I've only been able to do 1-2 clothing items in a month, which has been enough to cover bills, but 3-4 is my ideal. That's something I've been working up to as I'm still relatively new to modeling clothing and a lot goes into it. I'm getting a lot more comfortable now though, and my products are looking better and better. All in all, a great start to the year both creatively and financially. 🤍

Feels like 12°? In Florida? Crazy.



Luckily, I'm in the warmest part of the house, I have awesome heating, and I'm cuddled up under a comforter with a hot cup of tea and a very warm cat snuggled up next to me.Cold weather isn't so bad when you get to stay home and be cozy, but man... I feel terrible for anyone who has to be out and about on a night like this. ❄️🥶🌨️

Bitty was different. I knew that from the moment I met him.

At the time, he was a tiny black kitten, one of two fosters my daughter brought home from the animal shelter where she volunteered. The plan was to take care of them both until they could be adopted out, but I just… I couldn't let him go. He was too sweet, too affectionate, too intelligent, but more than that, I felt this deep, visceral certainty that he was meant to be ours.



14 years later, and never, not even for a second, have I regretted our decision to keep him. He turned out to be the most loving cat I've ever known, gentle and sweet and full of affection. There was nothing he loved more than being close to his family, followed closely by eating his favorite foods and napping in a sunny spot beside an open window.

On our final night together, he crawled into my arms as I was lying on my side, something he'd done countless times over the years. He was in rapid decline by then we can frail and no longer able to eat, but he somehow found the strength to give me kisses like he'd done so many times before. I held him close, his little face pressed against mine, and I told him that I loved him so much, that I've never loved any cat the way I loved him. I've loved all my pets, of course, but Bitty was different. He was my soulmate in cat form, quite literally the feline love of my life.



In 2012, I chose to keep him because I didn't know how to let go. 14 years later, I still don't know how, though this time, I don't have a choice. All I can do is grieve, equal parts grateful and brokenhearted after so many years of unconditional love. I know it will get easier with time, but for now, the house feels empty, I'm barely functional, and all I want to do is lie here and cry. Yes, it will get easier. Of course it will. But right now, just two days after his passing… I don't even have the words to describe how difficult it is or how much it hurts.

Rest in peace, my sweet Bitty Kitty. Thank you… for everything. ♥

They've done some weird things to LJ over the past few years, haven't they? I can't say I love the changes, though now that I've switched back to the old editor and got rid of that awful mobile app, it's not too bad. Updating/customizing my journal theme has also helped. I went with my signature style, which is a clean, dark mode layout with larger text. Nothing too fancy, but damn. It's so much easier to read.

As for actually getting back into journaling…

Honestly? I don't know where to start.

I suppose that's inevitable after so many years. The site has changed, most people I know are gone… it feels weird just to jump back in and start talking about random shit. Granted, I'm sure I'll do plenty of that once I feel more comfortable, but for now… I think I'll start with a reintroduction.

BASIC INFO

I'm Heather. I'm a native Floridian (born in the Florida Panhandle, grew up in Tallahassee, currently live in Jacksonville). I'm Gen X (late 40s), never married (by choice), and have an amazing daughter who I love beyond all reason. I also have two high maintenance but incredibly loving cats (Bitty and Sophie) and a Russian tortoise (Daisy), who is super chill.

( Much more detailed…Collapse )

All right, this is long as hell and its past my bedtime. I'm too tired to proofread, so apologies for any errors.