Well, to start off with the good news -- I have two colleges to go to as of now!! :D Yayyyyyy! Even though they're both kind of safe schools. :/ BUT. I am very happy nonetheless.
The "grr" is for the psychology project I am currently supposed to be BULLSHITTING. Oh Judas in Hell. Most pointless project I have ever had the displeasure of ever being a part of. Honestly, analyze the teacher? LIKE THAT'S POSSIBLE TO DO WITHOUT BIAS. And does she like bias against her? WELL, LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY: DOES ANYONE? It's bad enough that she's kind of emotional and volatile normally.
F.F.S.
kthxbye.
The "grr" is for the psychology project I am currently supposed to be BULLSHITTING. Oh Judas in Hell. Most pointless project I have ever had the displeasure of ever being a part of. Honestly, analyze the teacher? LIKE THAT'S POSSIBLE TO DO WITHOUT BIAS. And does she like bias against her? WELL, LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY: DOES ANYONE? It's bad enough that she's kind of emotional and volatile normally.
F.F.S.
kthxbye.
- Current Music:"Details in the Fabric" -- Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison
He made his grand entrance into an irreplaceable position in my life during the first afternoon period on a 2002 Friday.
James had brought him along to school and as he entered the fifth grade classroom, he practically sauntered, demanding attention. And at first I was unimpressed; I've seen better. But it was clear that he was somebody new. Different. And there was no doubt that he was a slow, steady, but unpredictable rhythm and a voice not silken but just as mesmerizing.
Oddly enough, I seemed to be the only one surprised at his entrance. It almost felt like I was the only one unfamiliar to him. Like he somehow knew everybody else already, even though I was sure he had not been around. Maybe he came by when I was absent?
I could not place him, but that did not matter: he was somewhat older, therefore considered "cooler," and, consequently, was the obvious center of attention. Everyone was listening to him and I cannot seem to delete from by mind how his words were so simple, and how they still managed to sneak up on each and everyone of us, whisper in our ears, and have our little fifth grade minds unable to see any contradictory fact as true.
"I watch how the moon sits in the sky on a dark knight, shining with the light from the sun. The sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming that the moon's going to owe it one," he said to us, preaching lessons that we didn't understand but lipped along anyhow, as if repetition was the key to the meaning of his words.
"Choose not a life of limitation. I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl." He continued with a different voice. I will come to realize he had a lot of voices.
When the period ended I don't remember, but I do recall that he was interrupted abruptly. He doesn't speak much during breaks apparently, when people aren't listening. his silence and my classmates' constant influx and efflux out of the classroom presented a prime opportunity for me to approach him. Being the shy, awkward girl that I unmistakably was, stepping up to James first was the obvious choice for me.
"Can I...?" I asked, gesturing towards the general direction he was in.
"Sure," James said, shrugging.
I inched towards the table he was at, unsure of what to expect. Would he keep talking and mesmerizing if I made him? I decided yes, of course. After all, I just needed to push a button. If that doesn't work, then something was obviously horribly wrong, and therefore his silence would not have been my fault, I soothed myself as I continued my advance.
Fortunately, all the worrying was for naught - he had done exactly as I had asked him. As words and so much more poured out, I realized.
The musical notes that floated in the air between us were proof. They were the sparks generated by the inevitability of our fate. At fifth grade, I had found a love of my life.
Music.
Who supported me when I could not turn to anyone else. Who found the words that I needed so badly to not only speak, but also to feel. Who gave me a reason to smile. Who allowed calm to wash over me like a warm shower on a winter's evening. Who coaxed. Who loved. Who forced me to face to truth, despite its vile nature at times.
His words were wonder and his sounds were miracles. As a fifth grader, I did not know the full extent he spanned - the different kinds of melodies he was composed of - nor the horrors of some of his sides. All I knew was that he had brought some kind of stability to my life that revolved around plane tickets and cardboard boxes. Having lived in three different countries and visited countless others by the age of ten, childhood home was not the image of a puppy bounding up to me at a swing next to my house. Instead, it was the knowledge that my mother, father, and younger sister would be around when we next arrived at an airport.
In essence, music taught me to difference between a pencil and a pen - the distinction between evanescence and permanence.
And in my memory, I wrote him down in ink.
----------------------------------------
Hellohh<3 Just felt like sharing this piece with you guys to show how much music really means to me. If you guys have any suggestions - about the grammar, structure, writing in general - pleaseee feel free to point stuff out. I'm a new writer by far, so any help/suggestions/critique would be super welcome! :)
Hopefully I didn't completely bomb that piece.
&& Credits where they're due: title from "Returning the Smile You Had From the Start" by Emery, and lyrics from both Linkin Park and Red Hot Chili Peppers are quoted as "his" words.
(&& I got accepted into my first college today! U of Rochesterrr (:(: Kind of excited about the rest of my letters now.)
James had brought him along to school and as he entered the fifth grade classroom, he practically sauntered, demanding attention. And at first I was unimpressed; I've seen better. But it was clear that he was somebody new. Different. And there was no doubt that he was a slow, steady, but unpredictable rhythm and a voice not silken but just as mesmerizing.
Oddly enough, I seemed to be the only one surprised at his entrance. It almost felt like I was the only one unfamiliar to him. Like he somehow knew everybody else already, even though I was sure he had not been around. Maybe he came by when I was absent?
I could not place him, but that did not matter: he was somewhat older, therefore considered "cooler," and, consequently, was the obvious center of attention. Everyone was listening to him and I cannot seem to delete from by mind how his words were so simple, and how they still managed to sneak up on each and everyone of us, whisper in our ears, and have our little fifth grade minds unable to see any contradictory fact as true.
"I watch how the moon sits in the sky on a dark knight, shining with the light from the sun. The sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming that the moon's going to owe it one," he said to us, preaching lessons that we didn't understand but lipped along anyhow, as if repetition was the key to the meaning of his words.
"Choose not a life of limitation. I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl." He continued with a different voice. I will come to realize he had a lot of voices.
When the period ended I don't remember, but I do recall that he was interrupted abruptly. He doesn't speak much during breaks apparently, when people aren't listening. his silence and my classmates' constant influx and efflux out of the classroom presented a prime opportunity for me to approach him. Being the shy, awkward girl that I unmistakably was, stepping up to James first was the obvious choice for me.
"Can I...?" I asked, gesturing towards the general direction he was in.
"Sure," James said, shrugging.
I inched towards the table he was at, unsure of what to expect. Would he keep talking and mesmerizing if I made him? I decided yes, of course. After all, I just needed to push a button. If that doesn't work, then something was obviously horribly wrong, and therefore his silence would not have been my fault, I soothed myself as I continued my advance.
Fortunately, all the worrying was for naught - he had done exactly as I had asked him. As words and so much more poured out, I realized.
The musical notes that floated in the air between us were proof. They were the sparks generated by the inevitability of our fate. At fifth grade, I had found a love of my life.
Music.
Who supported me when I could not turn to anyone else. Who found the words that I needed so badly to not only speak, but also to feel. Who gave me a reason to smile. Who allowed calm to wash over me like a warm shower on a winter's evening. Who coaxed. Who loved. Who forced me to face to truth, despite its vile nature at times.
His words were wonder and his sounds were miracles. As a fifth grader, I did not know the full extent he spanned - the different kinds of melodies he was composed of - nor the horrors of some of his sides. All I knew was that he had brought some kind of stability to my life that revolved around plane tickets and cardboard boxes. Having lived in three different countries and visited countless others by the age of ten, childhood home was not the image of a puppy bounding up to me at a swing next to my house. Instead, it was the knowledge that my mother, father, and younger sister would be around when we next arrived at an airport.
In essence, music taught me to difference between a pencil and a pen - the distinction between evanescence and permanence.
And in my memory, I wrote him down in ink.
----------------------------------------
Hellohh<3 Just felt like sharing this piece with you guys to show how much music really means to me. If you guys have any suggestions - about the grammar, structure, writing in general - pleaseee feel free to point stuff out. I'm a new writer by far, so any help/suggestions/critique would be super welcome! :)
Hopefully I didn't completely bomb that piece.
&& Credits where they're due: title from "Returning the Smile You Had From the Start" by Emery, and lyrics from both Linkin Park and Red Hot Chili Peppers are quoted as "his" words.
(&& I got accepted into my first college today! U of Rochesterrr (:(: Kind of excited about the rest of my letters now.)
- Current Music:"Don't Turn Off the Light" -- Enrique (who is really fucking sexy.)
- Current Mood:
nervous
"and i can't stand the idea of being alone.
i can't bear the thought of being free."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Survivor)
oh but I want freedom. but its cost is too high. I'm not quite ready to lose all my hope. Just yet.
i can't bear the thought of being free."
— Chuck Palahniuk (Survivor)
oh but I want freedom. but its cost is too high. I'm not quite ready to lose all my hope. Just yet.
- Current Music:"Snuff" -- Slipknot
What's your favorite cult film of all time, and why? What are the essential ingredients for a cult classic?
Oh, there's no doubt what my answer is, it's just I'm not sure if this is a "cult film."
I have to say: Fight Club.
For fuck's sake, the book was amazing, and the movie's the best interpretation of a book out there, in my opinion. There's also Ultimate Fight Club out there to prove the existence of a cult. Tyler Durden's everybody's getaway. He's everyone's repression. And he's not your clothes. Not your books. Not your pretty words on nice, fine paper. He is what every cult film needs -- the key ingredient: the one thing that everyone can relate to, but too seldom put down into words or looked at with a straight gaze.
<3
- Current Location:Not where I usually am
- Current Music:Nine Inch Nails<3
- Current Music:"Solar Midnite" -- Lupe Fiasco
- Current Location:snugg in bed
oh man this is a toughie.
i've got a lot of close friends, but real, stuck together, i love you to death best friends?
i'd say three. danny, annie, jimmy. oh look, they rhyme. it's meant to be. :P
haha, well, all three i appreaciate to no end because of our no bullshit policy. dont bullshit me, i dont bullshit you. and we just seem to read each other. (: they make me happies.
I was digging through my last journal-y place, and I found a stash of my old poems. They don't concentrate on the precise words being used, instead it really is purely the emotions conveyed through the syntax and the punctuation (in some). Very raw emotions. I think there are around... 5?
#1
So many questions asked
So many questions left hanging
Stare into space in collisional aversion
We’re spinning
We’re spinning
We’re spinning out of tune and out of this world
Daisy, girls, not twink* please
What you write and how you cross it out is everything that’s so much needed
So many words
So much sunshine
Going blind Going blind
Truth? Truth?
She doesn’t live here anymore
Oceans
Waves
Crashing Crashing
Push it aside Put it away Don’t think of a whisper again
Keep it Keep it
Trust? Trust?
She moved next door
Look away
To avoid the unavoidable
Take a peak Sneak a glance
Guarantees
Lost Lost
Spinning out of control
No pain No pain Just another pill
Let it flow
There’s more to speak than this
Can’t feel the word? Lost in the thesaurus?
Don’t touch Don’t touch
Don’t touch me
More spirals than the rest
Don’t get lost Don’t get lost
Whirlwinds of state emotions
The heart melted
The mind no more
Incomplete Incomplete
Don’t try Don’t try
Repeat Repeat
Lies Lies
---------------- Static. Repeat please?
Break down Break down
The emphasis - - paused
Half a beat behind
Always half a beat behind
Now: Wish: gone, going gone.
(twink* --> whiteout)
#2
Eliminate the Unwanted
Forget the needy
Extreme emotion - unnecessary
Uniformed answers
Listless faces
Who dares to care for me?
Be gone the Wonders
Let go the holdee
No substantial feeling
Tangibility is sin
Pouring my soul into another
And hope for something within
Broken words that show only pain
What was once vital
now draw no emotion
#3
With nowhere to go
What can you do? Where do you run?
All the lies that are spoken as truth
Why do you believe?
The distance between us
Can be overcome by words
Why don't we speak?
No poetry is left
Power is corruption
Responsibility is pain
Bleeding is injustice
Loving is in vain
Bite the hands that feed
Lick the pair that hurts
Baptism to death
Pronounce the word
And you shant be forgotten
Thanks to your truth now
My belief is rotten
#4
Take this away from me
I don’t want to believe
Sometimes it really is hard to see
Drowning under the sea of everyone’s expectations
What if I don’t want to succeed?
What if I don’t want to breathe?
what if I’m tired of rhyming and want to try to defy?
I’m tired of the laughter of less appreciated thoughts
Sickened by the sound of silence
Don’t leave me alone with my thoughts
The same faces spitting out the same words
I really cannot care less
The old days of which I smile and laugh and accept all for who and what they are
I’m apathetic at last
Too sick, too tired to play this game
Press pause on my life’s tape
And rewind till I fall
Where do you run to… when you’re hiding from your thoughts?
#5
Write the X upon my hand
It's better than being told I wasn't good enough
Dye my hair a color you hate
Maybe I'll get the message then
Never really believed it anyway
I hope I remain
Inspire me with something more than me
Because everything there is faded
To a lighter shade I can barely see
It's nice to know I remained to some degree
Turn my back on most I stood for
Not easy living with the consequences
Maybe I'll learn and maybe you will too
Even though it hurts less if we stay this way
I'd like to think it was all just a dream
Let's do that - ignore the facts
Fly away, spread your wings
The wings that burst from your back
While you opened you somewhere else
Some make it work, the awkward colors
Flats and minors are all I use
With a violin I cannot reach
Listen to my pain, can you feel it too?
I hope you do
Hide me from the world fast forward
Let me stay Let me breathe
By myself
I want to know that I can do
Mm, I was a dark, dark child.
#1
So many questions asked
So many questions left hanging
Stare into space in collisional aversion
We’re spinning
We’re spinning
We’re spinning out of tune and out of this world
Daisy, girls, not twink* please
What you write and how you cross it out is everything that’s so much needed
So many words
So much sunshine
Going blind Going blind
Truth? Truth?
She doesn’t live here anymore
Oceans
Waves
Crashing Crashing
Push it aside Put it away Don’t think of a whisper again
Keep it Keep it
Trust? Trust?
She moved next door
Look away
To avoid the unavoidable
Take a peak Sneak a glance
Guarantees
Lost Lost
Spinning out of control
No pain No pain Just another pill
Let it flow
There’s more to speak than this
Can’t feel the word? Lost in the thesaurus?
Don’t touch Don’t touch
Don’t touch me
More spirals than the rest
Don’t get lost Don’t get lost
Whirlwinds of state emotions
The heart melted
The mind no more
Incomplete Incomplete
Don’t try Don’t try
Repeat Repeat
Lies Lies
---------------- Static. Repeat please?
Break down Break down
The emphasis - - paused
Half a beat behind
Always half a beat behind
Now: Wish: gone, going gone.
(twink* --> whiteout)
#2
Eliminate the Unwanted
Forget the needy
Extreme emotion - unnecessary
Uniformed answers
Listless faces
Who dares to care for me?
Be gone the Wonders
Let go the holdee
No substantial feeling
Tangibility is sin
Pouring my soul into another
And hope for something within
Broken words that show only pain
What was once vital
now draw no emotion
#3
With nowhere to go
What can you do? Where do you run?
All the lies that are spoken as truth
Why do you believe?
The distance between us
Can be overcome by words
Why don't we speak?
No poetry is left
Power is corruption
Responsibility is pain
Bleeding is injustice
Loving is in vain
Bite the hands that feed
Lick the pair that hurts
Baptism to death
Pronounce the word
And you shant be forgotten
Thanks to your truth now
My belief is rotten
#4
Take this away from me
I don’t want to believe
Sometimes it really is hard to see
Drowning under the sea of everyone’s expectations
What if I don’t want to succeed?
What if I don’t want to breathe?
what if I’m tired of rhyming and want to try to defy?
I’m tired of the laughter of less appreciated thoughts
Sickened by the sound of silence
Don’t leave me alone with my thoughts
The same faces spitting out the same words
I really cannot care less
The old days of which I smile and laugh and accept all for who and what they are
I’m apathetic at last
Too sick, too tired to play this game
Press pause on my life’s tape
And rewind till I fall
Where do you run to… when you’re hiding from your thoughts?
#5
Write the X upon my hand
It's better than being told I wasn't good enough
Dye my hair a color you hate
Maybe I'll get the message then
Never really believed it anyway
I hope I remain
Inspire me with something more than me
Because everything there is faded
To a lighter shade I can barely see
It's nice to know I remained to some degree
Turn my back on most I stood for
Not easy living with the consequences
Maybe I'll learn and maybe you will too
Even though it hurts less if we stay this way
I'd like to think it was all just a dream
Let's do that - ignore the facts
Fly away, spread your wings
The wings that burst from your back
While you opened you somewhere else
Some make it work, the awkward colors
Flats and minors are all I use
With a violin I cannot reach
Listen to my pain, can you feel it too?
I hope you do
Hide me from the world fast forward
Let me stay Let me breathe
By myself
I want to know that I can do
Mm, I was a dark, dark child.
- Current Location:next to a box of gummies
- Current Music:"If I Had You" -- Adam Lambert
- Current Mood:reminiscent
this is one of the most stressful and most fun processes i've participated in.
it's intense, but also full of possibilities.
:) i just hope i get into the colleges i applied to.
it's intense, but also full of possibilities.
:) i just hope i get into the colleges i applied to.
- Current Mood:uncertain
- Current Music:"Written All Over My Face" -- Kris Allen
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