So anway, some of us definitely have a problem with sugar, it seems like. Last night or the night before, someone was eating a pancake or two, with syrup, and they were pretty much gobbling. Then someone said, "Liz, go away!" and the gobbling slowed down or stopped. Argh! Liz is the core. Then again, someone could have been talking to Lizanne, mabye another Liz. Doubtful it was Alizon, she probably watches that figure like a hawk.

So if it's Liz, I guess conventionaly multiple wisdom would be to try laying off sugar for 6 weeks. Tho' we doubt we'd make it a week. It seems like Ben might have some trouble with weight, and maybe George. Part of the problem for George is he just does not seem to like to drink water for some reason. (hm, it's been a bit since body's takena trip to the water fountain...). There was this trouble a lot back when he was first fronting, we think. Definitely it was while we were employed at the insurance agency.

We were taking a walk in the basement, working on whoever it might be who still has the weight problem.

We woke up the other night and could feel some of the addictions, the absolute tether to the merry-go-round/ferris wheel whatever. It's when you can't take you mind off yourself and your problem for two seconds, and you want to desperately, to do something for someone else for five seconds, other than what might trigger the addictions. You want something, anything to take you out and you can't. So this a.m. we were walking in the basement and praying for any addictions to go and enabling to end. It worked before to get a lot of the weight off.

I guess it was yesterday morning we had a strange occurrence. There was whatever dream was going on, then we guess it was Liz who heard, "Liz!", it was a time-to-get-up call, we would swear it was Liz's mom, but we knew after a second or two it was not from outside the system, but down below in the system. Does Liz have a mom down there?

Some of us are feeling bad now about Ben, he really was thinking he was Liz. We don't know who else is fronting and co-conscious with George , Sandy, Noah, Cospia, etc. . when Ben is not there. There was more serious trauma after Ty, who came after George. And we think from the usual signs there is more recent stuff. So more people would have come on board to help. Some of us were surprized to know about Tyrell (pronounced TEER-ul or just Ty). George came after the Great Evil of 1992, with Noah and Sandy I guess. Ty is from 2002, an incident with the local police. Ben from 1988, we're not sure, but his shoot from the hip no holds barred style is pretty extreme I guess. So pretty desperate.

But more recently than the police incident is the guy from who we thought we could trust to drive us to the bus stop, but damn, he was a very bad guy.

Liz is in the burn unit at the inner hospital, we hear California? She is getting all kinds of presents. White grapes being among them, not green but white. The body is fine, no volcano out here.

Ruth and Lola say the dream is from them--we just don'tknow which dream, we try to write down as many as we can, it's just SO many. But Ruth was in one called The Cow Beneath the Sea.

A bit exhausted for now, and I guess we need to water that host.

George, etc.

I'm still bothered by the problem with K., the friend I went to a church convention/gathering with.


She had been doing various things for me that I did not ask her to do, that were very obsequious, then was doing things that were a bit over the line--line like telling me where to sleep in the hotel room at a convention (to sleep with her on a king or queen bed, not on the foldout couch, because it was in the public area, repeatedly giving me grief over deciding to sleep in the living room foldout couch; then she tore a blank page out of my handmade book, and made kind of a cheesy excuse for getting into my purse and doing that at the convention while I was in the bathroom).

She was also doing things like congratulating me for bringing her cup of tea that she had asked me to put in the microwave when I was standing in front of it, you see she had only asked me to put the tea in and set then time, not actually walk 8 feet and bring it to her. To me that's over the top, why in the hell would someone say you did better than expected when you are only doing what you would normally do?

Then she asked, "may I ask you a question?" I said really that is not a good question to ask me; it worries me because the people who have ever asked me that before have been controllers to the point of extreme abuse, that question indicated overly passive-aggressive behavior in people who pretend they like me. Then the very next day shh asked the question, and it was

She knows I am multiple, and she said she has had a friend who is also multiple.

But none of the stuff she was doing has ever been called a cure or any kind of treatment for multiplicity, a lot of it was annoying as hell, and for all the attention she seemed to be paying to me, she seems to have been ignoring my feelings and problems. Like there is a member of our group who says she does not like to be touched. And I always give backrubs to people.

And I managed to give her one anyway, got her permission, but I never did it again. I'm sorry I did it. It was as if to say, "look, it's not so bad, I won't follow it up by being abusive". But again, my common sense caught up with me. She said no before I ever did it. I'm sure I've given in to pressure to do things someone else wanted to do, when I should just have avoided the person completely. And I shouldn't have, and I shouldn't BE passive agressive, and just ignore other people's feelings and problems.

It's just that we reacted to this by telling the woman, when no one else was around, "don't talk to me, don't touch me!" We think it was appropriate to have made it very clear what the problem was and to back off. But we had already made that clear, and she didn't seem to accept it. Right after we told her "Don't touch, don't talk", she immediately started to try to contact Liz by yelling after her, "I'm so glad that you came with us". Right after Liz told her "Don't touch, don't talk", we got in the back seat of the car, instead of sitting next to her.

-I would prefer not to talk to her at all, think she's going to try to be what she calls friendly till we threaten her with a fork again. It's not just that she's annoying, she really doesn't seem to get that she was triggering us. Just because no one pointed out to her that, "when you ask the question May I Ask You A Question you are triggering Liz", doesn't mean she didn't have to pay attention. If someone said, please don't say that particular phrase, why would you right away think it's no big deal the next day to say it? Does it have to be a chorus of people with college degrees to tell her it's not a good idea.

Then again, we hope she's more careful next time.
Because I really am thinking if my toes are swollen, don't step on them, expecially if you are the kind of person who keeps bending over backward to hurt me in my own best interest by doing a lot of infantile things to HELP me, that not only do I not need, you should know I don't need that, and you obviously don't care about me or you would listen to what I say.

I think she's messed up about some things in her own life, but that doesn't give her the right to ignore me and do what she think will fix me. She has no reason to believe she can help me, she is just trying to be a hero.


Bloody hell, we just keep going round and round on this, but by god we hope she's scared of us now .I really really really can't stand that STRANGLING behavior, her checking with every last one of my needs, supposedly. "do you want to sit here, or there? do you want to go do this now, or that, do you need the bathroom now, or the kitchen" on and on stuff like that. Don says it's just annoying. But he's not having her insist on him sleeping here or there, she's not doing this to him 24/7. And she's not showing alarmingly inconsiderate behavior. She's not singing him out to be the poor little cripple that no one else can fix.

She's bothering the shit out of us.

But I don't know who all of us are--one guy said, "I have no use for this woman". Or no further use. I don't even know what he meant.

I don't even know who my most frequent fronters are, except Ben, Sandy, George, Kindee, Ty, Fianna, Cospia. I think there are more than that, that I've never even heard of. Like I know who is there, but ...


I remember hearing George's name repeatedly. And Mary's. And recently someone named Olima or Hulema but the spelling and pronunciation keep changing. And Helling, remember hearing her name. Elizabeth I've had as significant dream about, Lisa too. And Alizon, Sophie, others popped up in home journaling. Ben came out in therapy, he's one of the most definite characters here that I recognize. I think he started this journal.

Nuts I have to go.