I guess I can't shut up today, needed to just blather, even in a second entry. I made some caramel vanilla syrup, with caramel and water, and vanilla. It's partly artificial, the vanilla flavoring. Bleh. The pure real thing is kind of expensive. I started ordering from Walmart instead of Target, and wasn't used to all the choices, fell for the cheap stuff. Live and learn, I guess.

It's still pretty good. I do need to go pick up a few groceries, I'm out of coffee, eggs and bread, so I might walk over to the store and get those tomorrow. I made a large order for a lot of things, but need to transfer some $$$ to my grocery account. I never did online banking, wish I did that for several other things but did not have my own computer or a phone and didn't want to do it all at the library.

I'd earned a small gift certificate through my Target deliveries (necessitated by covid) and it took a month or two for it to transfer when it arrived in my email. So I thought oh, there's another problem. But somehow it went through finally.

I had actually been falling on my walks around, getting groceries, going to the library. Like 6 or 7 times in a year or so. I totally was in denial about it, just that it was so many times. It's a complicated explanation.

Anyway, most of the falls were harmless because somehow in the moment I adjusted my aim and went in the grass. But the final time, I instinctively put out my hand to break the fall, knowing it was not a good idea but it was a split second decision.

I tore my rotator cuff. That made me stop and think. I just couldn't risk it anymore. I STOPPED GOING OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR ONE AND A HALF YEARS. other crap was going on and I think Covid long haul was part of the falling. Exhaustion was also to blame, part of the Long Haul symptoms.

Some of the symptoms went away, which is good. But also, it gave me time to just think, rest and pray. And remember some of my repressed memories, and realized some other things.

Anyway, whew, it's hot where I am. And humid. The only exception was a couple nights ago when it got cold enough that I put a comforter over me. The next day it went to 99 or higher, though low humidity. I slept through a lot of it, luckily. It's just been so hot that it's even uncomfortable in the wee hours, as right now. Good thing for fans.

Just random stuff going through my mind, I lost a Bible, left it in the bus a few years ago. It was from a friend I made at the Methodist church, she was trying to recruit me. I didn't realize that until a third party told me. She was a lay pastor at a _________ church, older Protestant denomination. Despite them having a lot of new programs to help the poor in the community, they were a pretty dead church. They did not have the gifts of the Spirit, they did not "eagerly seek the gifts of the Spirit". They had another very smarmy lay pastor who seemed to be having an affair with the very handsome young assistant pastor. Maybe I'm wrong, but he was ALWAYS talking about how handsome "X" was, and how IN LOVE he was with his new wife, they were young.

I believed that he thought the guy was handsome, but the part about him being SO in love was purely for creating an impression that "X" was straight. No way.

Smarmy lay pastor found out I was on the outs with my family.So he figured he'd start making somewhat subtle passes at me. The first one I put up with, thinking I had to, the second made me purely pezzed off so I reported him through an administrator to the main pastor.

He was obviously told to leave me alone and he was angry and seemed to think it unfair. I went on somewhat longer there, but the first lady who gave me the Bible kept saying she would go to my church once, absolutely never did. Smarmy lay pastor never really stopped his smarm. And there were other problems with this church and then allowing people to just plain sin.

One of the nobodies like me who attended free meals and programs there* asked the main pastor a question about the Holy Spirit. The pastor's jaw worked, he clenched and unclenched his jaw muscles angrily. I thought what is he so angry about, it's a legit question. He said he'd answer later but never did. They had Holy Spirit oriented events about once every three years, at seminars for new lay pastors. That was it. The other church I had started going to because they gave away healthier food than the other churches (I thought), had Holy Spirit meetings pretty much every service. They didn't do the speaking in tongues thing where 2 or 3 people spoke in tongues, then there was an interpreter. A few times they spoke all at once in tongues, and when I asked, they were helpful about me get the gift.

I recently watched a service there online (they moved too far from me) and the Uber pastor there said something like churches that demand their people speak in tongues make it idolatry.

Well they never tried to tell me I had to, I just wanted it because I thought it would help me grow and also make life easier. Haha, I don't know about easier but I think it helps me. I also enjoy it.

I kept the Bible, the lady had gotten for me because I had said mine was so heavy to carry around with me (no car!). And the aforementioned fishing for new church members--who would give all their tithe money.

It was small, perfectly readable and had a wonderful leather look cover, flexible and it had a celtic knot pattern on it. Someone at my Spirit filled church complemented me on it but I could barely stand the compliment for some reason. In my head I was like, NO, it's bad... I don't know what it was that made me think that, but something fussy like it's paper instead of real leather.

Anyway, I put a label in it with my name and address, and I loved the font I used to print it out. I somehow left it on the bus, though sometimes I think maybe I have it somewhere in the house. Because duh, who loses a Bible. Well, all I can think is someone got a good opportunity to read it.

But I also think someone got may name and address and telephone number. There was some funny business for awhile but I've been praying about it. If someone gets something good from me, and they mess with me in return, um no.what they do to you will be done to them. If they don't repent.

Anyway, I still like that Bible. The people at the church went on to go all rainbow, as a denomination. They were all Freemasons I think. Years ago I would have thought that's okay, either one, but I think it also would have disturbed me. I'm older now and I realize that people I know who were absolutely hateful to me were in both categories. And I used to think it was wrong to be prejudiced about drug use, how would those hillbillies know? Now I know they've seen it all, and there's nothing new under the sun. Drugs mess people up, as does alcohol, very often, at any rate.

Its better not to mess with them, but you can definitely get saved if you get a bad habit. Some people get into this or that, overdo it, and then there are consequences. But, Jesus saves!

I have a number of new Bibles but the size and loveliness of that one, darn. But I didn't value it as I should, or it was tainted in the back of my mind, or I felt guilty for something? All, I suppose.
_____________________________
(*somewhat out of need but also out of boredom and actually wanting good teaching).

Both. I get a lot of good encouragement and inspiration and teaching from this church, and this lady was special (as their speakers are)

https://www.youtube.com/live/vaaivgWbBhk?si=CmvS0i5Yg4gjTYg7

Edit, hmm, not embedding videos like they used to here. Oh well, at least it's a working link. Sunday service from a Midwestern US church.

I got very sick yesterday, had to watch an online meeting, which lifted my spirits.

I think I had too much salt, and that precipitated some scary symptoms which I will not describe. Mostly recovered today.

Some really bad attitude problems came to light, just in the area of doubt or unbelief. Like I just had some voices in the back of my head saying things like oh this is never going to get better. Like it's just that my head is a computer...

Attitudinally I feel much better, and I have been playing videos of Asbury revival singing, and in general it feels like some stuff got lifted off of me, or pulled out. It truly is soothing and I'm grateful. Grateful

Years ago I had a dream that I was near the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. There was a large lawn, with a "temporary installation", an art exhibit of pairs of childrens shoes, representing a large number of children who died in the Holocaust. In the larger picture, I now think it might have meant a large number of abortions around the world, rather than in the death camps.

But for a long time I wondered what the whole dream meant, because in it I kept walking toward the museum. It looked different in the dream than it does in real life. There was only the base of some steps, or the beginning of a walkway, in a style that reminds a bit of the Vietnam Memorial Wall. But there was steel and a sort of salmon pink granite, plus the concrete sidewalk.

As I was still looking at the rows and rows of shoes, it seemed a 50 foot tall woman was coming up behind me, absolutely furious and insane with anger. She actually made me think of Hitler, not in looks but in temperament, the hysterical screaming from the balcony. She did seem to have dark straight hair in a pageboy cut.

I tried to lie down between pairs of shoes; she was coming so fast and suddenly that I really didn't have time to think. I guess I thought I'd be so small compared to her, that she wouldn't notice me.

No such luck. The next thing you know I was in a room with three other people, two men and another woman. We each had what appeared to be colanders on our heads like helmets, but we were bound in wooden chairs like old fashioned office chairs from the 1940s.

Again the WWII theme sneaking in there, but they also reminded me a little of an electric chair, the death penalty type.The colanders had blue flames coming from inside them, our heads would get cooked instantly, though at that point-- I died, or has risen out of my body since I was looking down on the scene.

I then was suddenly on a structure that was white, but otherwise looked like a dome, like a giant white contact lens. I figured I was dead, and this was the afterlife.

I started running because it seemed to be we were supposed to be a game, there were games so we could learn the lessons we had not learned in life. I kept running and there were quite a few interesting things to pick up. I picked up a small suede bag that happened to have some money in it.

Around this time in real life, I went for a lot of walks, and was always finding interesting things. Not to mention the occasional bit of money usually just a little change. The handbag was rather nicer than anything I'd found, and the money was pretty good too, can't remember how much.

Just a little farther and I found much larger handbag. There was a meant behind me who was new to the games, and hadn't found anything yet. So I gave her the small bag. She seemed to be pretty glad to have it.

The whole time I was actually running in place, and it was the dome that was spinning, and I knew that. Suddenly I found I was at the top center of the dome, where there was a woman who looked like a woman who I worked with. The woman at work had a side gig as a ticket seller for a lot of large events, concerts and sporting events.

She was in a booth at the top of the dome, it looked just like a ticket window, she was sitting in it. Around the edges of her face were leopard spots, that faded as you got to the center of her face. I woke up at that point.

I have to say, that dark haired Hitler woman was so terrifying, it was such a terrifying experience to have her even notice me.

About the leopard spots, I originally thought they might have meant I was an out cast, or the lady in th ticket booth was--or the woman at work. But this year I realized it meant something else entirely. The ticket seller lady at work used this saying a lot: "a tiger doesn't change its stripes".

She said that a few times about some of the people who occasionally did business with us. One guy, for ibstance, son of a client, was just a ne'er-do-well. He seemed like he'd improve, but he never did.

She was 20 or more years older than I was, and just had a lot of experience with people. She'd seen it all before. I knew I was meant to hear her say that and know it was true. I had dated a guy and talked to her a little about him. I think she kind of knew him, and though she was not talking about him directly, I knew I was meant to hear that, anf that it was about him, even though it wasn't. I soon found out in an unpleasant way that she was right. Unfortunately.

The blue flames coming from the "colander" headpieces were about GASLIGHTING, which was definitely something someone in my family was doing to me at the time, maybe more than one person. This dream was possibly 30 years ago, maybe longer. But one I'll never forget.

The idea of me being frightened by someone who was more than 50 or so feet tall, is interesting. Last year I listened to someone talking about sorcery and witchcraft. He said when someone is actually doing that to you, one of the effects it has is making you hugely and disproportionately afraid of something very small and ordinary. He said usually if you see a spider on your nightstand, you grab a tissue and smash it, or even just use a finger or thumb. But witchcraft will make you think a spider is as tall as a skyscraper, you'll be terrified of it.

Also in the last year or so, I had an encounter on the internet with someone I at first trusted, then felt very intimidated by. She made a remark after I began to dislike her, not to me but someone else. She was just getting interested in a certain occult craft which is supposedly on par with witchcraft. Maybe intertwined. Actually she said, it sounds boring, but I thought I've heard other people say things like that and it was more or less denial. Well, I may never know.

The internet woman reminded me so much of the dream giantess, that I felt like the dream was sort of about her. The internet woman even has the same first name as my female relative. My relative looks not much like the dream villain, and I have no idea what the I ternet lady looks like.

But I think the idea of me being so scared of her reminds me of the dream. The colanders were like an aluminum one she used to have, so that's like the classic conspiracy theorist's tinfoil hat.

Well, that was an interesting dream, it was very vivid at the time, and I wrote about it in my paper journal and in this one, but I think not so extensively.

I wonder how in the first part of the dream I'm walking toward the museum, close to the entrance, but suddenly I'm back near the shoes again, trying to hide. It was a bit out of sequence, or ...darn, I'm not sure!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been talking about lot for a while about a certain preacher I never named, and how dishonest he was, and uncaring. He's never really gotten the disrespect he deserved from a lot of his friends and followers. I think he's a complete hypocrite, BUT, he's gotten a lot of exposure for what he did. It seems like he just doesn't deserve to be disciplined or corrected, because he doesn't care, truly doesn't care.

In the last couple days I feel like I've gotten a heads up regarding condemnation of people. That I just need to stop. Doesn't Jesus say that we can only judge when we've gotten the beam out if our own eye? I just feel like this guy judged someone else, threw someone out of church when they obviously didn't deserve it, right in front of the whole church, Someone even has a camera on him, his voice recorded also. He'd been in ministry for years, should have handled the situation entirely differently. He's right out there as a minister of God, has written books, put out lots of video sermons.

It's one of those situations where people have done what is evil in the sight of God, right out in public. I don't know what to say about it if I'm not supposed to condemn the person. I guess let God worry about it and me move on to something constructive. Le sigh! I feel stuck in the mud of self, I guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEOPARDS DON'T CHANGE THEIR SPOTS, is what I meant to say about the last with leopard spots on her face. She had said in real life that tigers don't chang their stripes, and in the dream that translated to the same thing. LEOPARDS don't change their spots. I think the ticket booth is about a near death experience I had, and that I was at the end, buying another ticket to get back in the game.

The cats who don't change are the ones I want to avoid in this life. It never seems to come easy. I always want people to like me, but then I find someone who's a backstabber or mocker or user. Well, focus on the iges who aren't that...

~
thefufle

jesusfreaks christianity   google.com   >music<
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🎈🎂 Happy Birthday

Around a month ago, I got kicked out of my YouTube account, and for some reason let it stand. I guess because I spend so much time on YouTube that it isn't funny.

I thought it was because I started googling Prime Minister Netanyahu of Israel. I don't know why, must have tripped over an article or something, about him.

Lol, I also had a strange thought come up about him first thing in the morning around the same time. The strange thought was this:

That he was somehow the inspiration for the character Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series of books.

It sort of fits, just the name,
Beeble from Bibi, his nickname. And he's like a president, which is what Beeblebrox is in the books. He's an international leader for the fact that there are many Jews in the nations still, and possibly a lot will simply pay attention to what he says. And well, Zaphod has two heads...heh, heh, as do we all.

Or not, what the heck. It's just a theory that came up in my head, and probably works better there than in the real universe.

And I started looking at Israel in Pinterest and saved some pins.

Overnight I got kicked out of my YouTube account. No problem, other than I put my little book of passwords somewhere, or it fell under the bed. I'm too damn lazy to look for it, so I've just been watching YT while not logged in.

But for some reason, that now has been in my head, that and reading a lot of Jewish people's posts at Quora, people who I never thought of as Jewish. But they are.

Not necessarily religious but they are sure intelligent, which I find to be what draws me to a lot of people. I spend a crazy amount of time at Quora too.

Well, Happy Birthday to Mr. Netanyahu. Oops, that was yesterday I think, the 20th October. I hope he's feeling better, the news says he keeled over at Yom Kippur services during a fast. Chest pains but he's better now.

I also thought of another famous science fiction character that may have partially been based on him, but I think I've stretched reality enough there, and won't mention it.

Happy Birthday also to Underlankers and Corporate Beach in the very unlikely event they are still watching their LiveJournals.

A very depressing book, but an uplifting story at the base of it.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/may/09/the-real-lord-of-the-flies-what-happened-when-six-boys-were-shipwrecked-for-15-months

Just one for now. I've seen this video before, and didn't remember what it said about pride, that fasting in the Bible usually means to humble yourself by fasting. I knew it cut off your dependance on food...Jack Hayford said something like that, it clears the way so heaven can get through to you.

Basically.

I think here he's talking about undermining our own pride. If that isn't helpful, I don't know what is.

Other keys are posture, bending at the waist[that's why Jews do the bowing up and down thing sometimes when they read the Word], or raising your hands in the air, or lying on the floor face down. Positions of trust and obedience. They actually affect the brain and how we hear things, or hear thought.



EDIT, June 23, 2022: I want to say what a friend told me. She said she fasts when it comes on her to do so. Other than that, if the church declares a fast (my spirit filled church did a couple Januaries in a row, but the first a sugar fast, the secobd a Daniel fast) she does honor it for a few days or a week. But other than that she does it when she feels moved.

This makes sense. She is my Christian friend, and she also is a pastor's wife and has the title of pastor, that's just how my church does things. He is the main one who does the preaching, or another male pastor.

But to me just my Christian friend, honest and of sound mind with good judgement. Very hard working and not egotistical.

Come to think of it, the Bible does not say women can't be pastors, just they are not allowed to teach religion. She wasn't teaching me religion, just saying that's what she does. She does not deny the power of God.

I picked up a clock @ Target a couple months ago, just a wood slab with clockwork embedded. Got it working, put it over my bed... LOUD ticking.

Finally ordered a new clockwork, continuous motion instead of the ticking kind. Getting it changed out may be a bit of a hassle, but I'm glad I got it. I got some art supplies since I could and delivered is free with a 50$ order. And I really wanted some brushes and stamp ink.

Also, I saw a dopey light bulb jar, that I think I'll give my sis, it's really cute.

I need to locate or buy a screwdriver. My Mom used to have a bunch in her tool area, but I guess the sibs have gotten to them.

This is my new wallpaper, I really love it. Gotten from Pinterest.

I started watching a vid on how Jackie Kennedy handled the 1963 assassination. I had told a friend a month or less ago, that I remembered being in first grad then. But now I'm realizing it would have to be 1964 that I recalled. I was in first grade, but for whatever reason we were taken to the second grade classroom, and Sister Michaela told us about how a president is like a king, but instead of being born a prince, the people get together and vote for him.

She had tiny oval lenses on her glasses, and kind of a thin straight long nose. She wore the black and white habit of the early sixties.




Photos just off Google, not mine.

The top photo on the right, with the old habit is what I remember, but the neck was trim like the bottom photo.

The shorter habit in the top photo came shortly later, the Mercy order sisters dressed that way, in both pics.

Our regular first grade nun went elsewhere, apparently, after that. We had a new substitute teacher after that, Mrs. Berg. I heard that Sr. Mary B. had gone back to her family, nothing more.

In those days I don't think we ever knew their last names, or real first names. It was usually something like Sister Mary John, or Sister Peter Margaret.

Why the nun would be telling us about presidents a year after the event, I don't know. I don't know if someone asked or what.

I told my friend I remembered this when the shooting happened, but I don't think I went into first grade a year ahead. I was saying how I wondered where she was, and there was no way to find out.

He replied, this was @ FB, I am sorry that your early life was so unhappy.

Which was kind of odd. But I figured he was right.

I have several memories of first grade, one was getting sick and my dad driving me home. One was of me eating lunch at my desk (that was how they did it, at least for first graders). One of the 7th or 8th grade girls watching over us while I guess the usual teacher took a break, came up to me and asked me if my dad was Mr. "X". My dad taught 6th, 7th & 8th grade there.

I remember pictures being taken in the school basement in the first week. A music class when I couldn't clap in rhythm with the others to save my life. The nun came over, took my hands to clap them together in time for me to show me. I don't think it worked. She seems to scowl at me like I was an idiot, or sigh in consternation, but maybe that's just me. I never did do things in time with anyone else. I had a hard time singing in tune, but only sometimes. Sometimes it came out real good.

I used to think me not remembering was because nothing happened. But I don't know how how I can remember things in detail like Mrs. Berg grabbing my arm in the playground and whispering loudly in my ear, "you're such a little girl, I'm afraid a snowflake will knock you right over!".

I didn't like being called a little girl, for some reason. Some guy said hi little girl, from across the parking lot of a grocery store, when I was walking home, and that upset me. I told my mom, and she said she didn't like it when she was younger, either.

I have other memories of first grade, like my red and black (maybe Stewart) plaid metal lunchbox.

Sr. Mary B. said that by the end of the year, if there was anyone who had not chewed on their pencil, she would give them a medal on a chain, like a St. Christopher medal. Or Our Lady the Virgin Mary or some saint.

So I didn't chew my pencil.

I also remember Mary H. explaining how to remember her German last name, a long one.

Eh, just ... randomness day I guess.

☝️This guy is what my last entry was about, the pastor who bravely stood in front of his congregation 20 years ago and kicked Eileen Gray out of his church for not crawling back to her violent husband.

I was feeling so discouraged that the video I posted about it got pulled. Well, paranoid. But I started watching another one, and this really said more about the case, even had the "social justice" reporter talking about her view on it. She more or less broke the story.

I still have to watch the rest of it, but I feel a lot better. Not nearly so many people in the comments are saying "we can't judge". Yes we can. Judgement begins in the church. This was twenty years ago, and MacArthur and his pastoral staff have had that last Ng to repent and do something about their stupid unbiblical behavior.

God disciplines whom he loves, and gives us time to repent. He gives us warnings and tries to talk to our heart. Twenty years.

They wanted the wife to go back to her abusive husband, who was a clear and present danger. She wasn't a stupid idiot, so she wouldn't go back. Period.

The husband was not only beating her and the children, he was raping one of the children. She didn't know about that, she just knew about the beatings.

Also, HE was the one who filed for divorce. Not her. A lot of people said the Bible lies for separation, but not divorce, for a wife. Though Jesus allowed divorce for infidelity. As I thought, and one person pointed out, he did cheat on her, with the child. And frankly, THOUGHTS of infidelity or lusting after another person, are enough. Though that's hard to prove.

This church could not have been more wrong. My problem is how do you have this situation, and NO one on the staff has enough wisdom or experience to figure out the woman is not lying? Or just enough to think twice or follow a hunch. It's because they don't have the Holy Spirit at all.

They listen less and less to the Spirit of God, and more and more to their own ego. You can understand how that would happen, but why haven't they repented?

No repentance and no wisdom, because no Holy Spirit! ( MacArthur has publicly despised those who speak in tongues).

Also, they tried to spread the word that Roy's, who did a lot of the reporting, is a liberal feminist who just has some unreasonable vendetta against MacArthur. Well, she just seems to be as mad as a whole lot of people who have seen things like this happen, for one thing.

Also, the MacArthur defenders say they are on David Gray's side because he is now a prison minister! Well, fine, let him tell his side of the story, now that he's gotten another ten years added to the previous twenty one.

Sigh. I am not even done watching these, but here they are, very interesting so far:

Yes, the video I posted about THAT fairly famous pastor who excommunicated one of his flock in front of the whole church at communion time, because she had called the police on her husband, got a protection order. He had been beating her and at least one of the children, and it turns out he had raped one of the children. It's been taken down. Privatized.

There were a bunch of U Tubers who were Christians who were discussing this whole thing, because a certain woman who exposed the story after twenty years, exposed it on her website.

It turned out also that the woman who was excommunicated was suffering from two major conditions, was recovering from brain cancer and I don't know what else, something serious.

I wonder if the plethora of other guys who talked about it also deleted their discussion of it.

Re the channel that put out the video about it that I posted in my last entry, the guy who puts it ou, He's older, maybe 40, 50, possibly older. I think. But he definitely thinks there's nothing wrong with the pastor who's got a Mercedes, a big house and an enormous income. Apparently because that's not about sex? Hard to say. But one time he had a scripture quote right on his screen, about giving money to the pastors, partying them... and he read it completely wrong.

He read it exactly the opposite of the way it showed on the screen.
1 Corinthians 9:9-14:
For it is written in the Law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain.” Is it for oxen that God is concerned? Does he not speak entirely for our sake? It was written for our sake, because the plowman should plow in hope and the thresher thresh in hope of sharing in the crop. If we have sown spiritual things among you, is it too much if we reap material things from you? If others share this rightful claim on you, do not we even more? Nevertheless, we have not made use of this right, but we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ. Do you not know that those who are employed in the temple service get their food from the temple, and those who serve at the altar share in the sacrificial offerings? ...

So, okay, the pastor should get paid, a double share. Or whatever. Then the passage goes on, but in a different tone:

15 But I have made no use of any of these rights, nor am I writing these things to secure any such provision. For I would rather die than have anyone deprive me of my ground for boasting. 16 For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! 17 For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward, but if not of my own will, I am still entrusted with a stewardship. 18 What then is my reward? That in my preaching I may present the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel.



This guy acted like he was reading this out loud, but he was saying his own words, saying 'I have the right to be paid plenty, and I'm going to be paid plenty'. Just the opposite of what Paul said. He's out there in public saying it to a huge audience, not just a few. He's so thorough about looking up the Greek, and so scholarly. But he didn't even read the actual words on his screen and ours.

I did make a comment about it at the channel, but this guy said once that there's no way he can read all the comments. I think because his viewership is pretty large.

In addition to his own church responsibilities, as he pastors a church.

That was really...what the heck? You seem to have a lot of responsibility, but are you worth your wages?

Paul is really talking about the life to come, which will always be living in and from the Father. If you are not able to get past the needs and desires of this World, how will you see clearly into heaven???

There was a "woman reporter", "who was worldly", or something like that. She was the one who reported the thing on her website, the whole process of EG having to go outside the church to get protection from her wifebeating pedophile church husband.

In one of the comments, someone said she knew the lady reporter, who was actually at one time a member of the church, or maybe of a partner church in the area.

Her job was to do with the liturgy, or worship music. I can't go back and check, since the video was taken down.


There is one more odd thing about this whole idea of these guys who commented on the video. Come to think no of it I can only remember three.

But within a week after any of them coming out, there was another guy who posted a video, to which all comment were blocked. It said it's an interview with the pastor who excommunicated the beaten abused woman, and there was a fair amount of talk about the poor famous much-loved, hard working rich pastor who was getting talked about so much recently.

NOTHING was mentioned about WHY he was getting talked about. (The 20 year past excommunicating of a woman who didn't deserve it)

In the comments and in the videos people were saying he should publicly repent, he needs to apologize in public. He's a public guy, pastoring a church and has all kinds of followers. Kind like Billy Graham, or Ravi Zacharias, Joel Osteen. He publicly did wrong

His only public comment he made about it was that he had trusted his pastoral staff, who were all against her going outside the church to get immediate help from government authority. They all said God wants her to go back to her husband (hateful, unbelieving men, but are no doubt still friends and church staff, no discipline or correction ever mentioned).

Anyway, it reminds me of the cheating accountant in the Bible, he kept cheating all along, his boss came back after being incommunicado a long time, out of the country. He knew th boss was coming back, but knew he couldn't pay back the money he'd been stealing, because he was too lazy, he would not work or beg. He was not even going to try.

And he just arranged with the people who owed the boss money, to only collect a little of the debt, and then he would write "Paid" under their account.

So when the boss came back, he would have friends outside the firm, who he could rely on to help him out.

But God says, don't do that. It worked for that cheater, but his boss will NEVER take him back, and we're talking about Eternity.

The problem is something I never thought existed, even though it's been right in front of me all my life: the homosexual, wife beating pedophile, who represents himself as church man. The Worldly man.

And tt women he drags down. At this point I don't even know if the two women are really real or acting on their own, or are part of a big scam to make it look like women are put upon by fakely Christian bastards. "Pastors".

But it sure seems to me like this is what I have seen, in the Catholic church--the church I was born into. I can't even talk about what I saw and experienced. But he'll is real, for a reason.

After a while when we see hypocrites, we know it's real. I more or less got fooled by one when I first got saved. In short because this woman who first brought me there was following him, had his tapes. She gave one to me, and I ate it up. He was speaking against everything I hated. The church I hated, in other words, that denomination.

After a short time she saw him on tv, and acted disgusted, like, "what a lying damned jerk".

I still held on, and kept the tape, I think, though my bro threw a lot of my stuff out, so probably that's where it went. But he also was a Pentecostal, which for a while was the salvation of me. I saw them doing the things that the Holy Spirit said to do, in the Bible. The Catholics did not.

It took me a while to get it sorted out, this was one of the guys who got outed in the press, for constantly visiting a prostitute. She talked in a porn magazine about it, mentioned something I've never heard since, that he proposed a menage à trois involving him, her and the woman's eight year old daughter.

Yep, no one, not even the press, ever mentioned that again. After that I thought no more of him, he's a typical hypocrite.

But for some reason a part of me really believed, and I thought, but he was really healing people, I saw it on tv. I didn't know that was a well known trick until this last year, th particular healing I saw, easy to fake. You get your friend's good old boy friend to come up for healing, and it's pre-arranged.

That was God shielding me from the gruesome truth until I was mature enough to deal with it. Maybe still waters do run deep after all.

The guy who posted the video about Mr. Excommunicates-women- for-fun-and-profit, I'm glad he provided a learning experience for me. It sounds absolutely like that famous pastor is a phony and all the other creepy stuff I've been saying, totally is against God's way of Holiness, and in favor of wearing down the saints just like his father the evil one. He wants to wear down the saints because he was worn down because he was and is stupid.

As I said in that other post, he publicly made fun of those who speak in tongues, and made it clear that that sort of thing in churches is not real.

The guy who posted that video about the bad pastor, keeps having a back and forth issue about "Once Saved, Always Saved", seems to have trouble reading the Bible. It says that the people who really are given the true Gospel, the seed, are people who either reject it outright, or accept it but only for a time, or accept it and give back a good harvest.

There is more to that, but that's how it is. Some people get saved, really, and hang onto their salvation. Some lose it. So Once Saved Always Saved is absolutely true ...for some people. And not for people who reject the Kingdom and wear down the saints.

This is a video about a very popular pastor who excommunicated a woman from his church because she refused to go back to her violent husband, because "God hates divorce".

She had had to get a protection order against him, because he was violent with her and the children. It turned out that he had also raped one of the children. But she went to the church and they said sh had to stay with him. She refused to go back, wisely.

They held sessions with him where he confessed to trying to strangle one of the children, and would walk around the house with not enough clothes on.

These people just didn't care. Christ is supposed to be the head of the husband, and he is commanded to love her. If he abuses her, he does not love her. That is what you Bible says.

In fact, if a man calls his brother a fool, it's compared to murder. So how much more is it evil if a man hits his wife and sister in Christ. And you know he probably called her names, probably worse than fool.

The husband got 21 years in prison, for raping a child. The Bible says a man should not be joined with a prostitute, but they wanted a woman to be joined to a pedophile rapist? Are they insane?

And it turns out that at the time they wanted her to go back and prove her loyalty and love to him and her church, she was recovering from cancer, and I think another serious health problem.

The gall.

John McArthur, the head pastor who kicked her out in front of the whole congregation, still has not repented or apologized. I think it's way too late and that he made his decisions a long time ago. He wanted a big church, lots of fame, power, and to do whatever he wanted to do, and have lots of people to back him up.

I think there's more to come on this guy. But he's getting dragged around quite a bit. He has long cultivated the appearance of religion, but he does not believe in the power of God, and despises in public those who speak in tongues.

I think Corey M., the pastor who speaks in this expose, is too hesitant to condemn what is obvious abuse, and some of his audience is the same.

There is another video by another guy, who I think does a better job of showing what went on, but I'm only a third of the way through it, or I'd post it.

This guy is dead as a preacher, even if tons of stupid people come to his services after this. He's just a talker, and i wonder what the heck his private life is really like for him to be this blind.

When I say dead, I mean a whitewashed sepulchre. He preaches against homosexuality because it is not what God intended for a family to be like, or whatever, but neither is violence and pedophilia. Right?

Did God say, cheat on your wife with her child? "Even the heathen think that is wrong". How did this guy only learn the parts of the Bible that he thinks support a man getting his way?

I once dreamed I was at my grandparents vacation place--they rented a place on a lake for two weeks every summer, friends owned it. The dream was that one night I floated out the window in the middle of the night and walked away, along the shore of the lake. There had been some yelling on the family, and it was really awful, so I think I was taking a mental vacation. It was really nasty and may have continued or restarted as I slept.

So I wanted to get out of there in the worst way. Over the years sometimes I had the dream where I must have decided to walk home, like I'd gone far enough and was tired, wanted to go back if the coast was clear.

It usually seemed to be night in the dream, as it was when I had originally floated out the window, through the glass.

The last time I had the dream of walking home in the dark, along the shore back to the cabin, it seems like yesterday. But I'm guessing it was fifteen years ago.

It was very dark, though the moon must have been out because you could see very dimly. I walked along the beach, which was getting narrower.

Then I reached a place where the woods came all the way to the shore, and the undergrowth and the darkness were so thick I had to step out on a large rock that was close to shore, just close enough for me to jump on.

I walked a way on the rock, but came to more water. I edged out as far as I could and saw a corner of broken pavement sticking up, close enough to use it as a stepping stone. So I went forward again.

It could hear something from above me saying, this is how you are going get home, there will be a stepping stone or piece of rubble each time you really need it. Or a solution to the problem you are in.

My dad walked out a few years later, a temporary relief. My mom didn't know how to get by very well, and had no one to really help her.

Her dad was another source of big problems, even though he seemed like a nice guy, he could be hard hearted and stupid and do the worst thing thinking he was helping. He was rather judgemental, too. My grandma was just helpless and not healthy, she didn't know much either.

Anyway, I was glad to have the dream, it was helpful to me. I barely got by for a long time.

It's funny because that's what everyone says, that you take things one day at a time, but it wasn't that way for me a lot of the time.

I used to have other dreams about the shore, but it was daytime. I finally figured out it was a pun, on shore was UNSURE, and vacation was VOCATION. The dreams where I was going along shore were about me being unsure of my vocation.

Never knew what I wanted to do. I do want to design and create, and make something with my hands.

…..............…
In other news,

I went shopping yesterday. Normally I just go to the dollar store or Target, that's about it. I am fine with being home a lot, as long as I have internet.

Well, I did go to Target, been a few weeks. I bought a wall clock, it was just a round piece of unfinished wood, with a battery run mechanism and the hands. Three bucks, on final sale.

Otherwise I would not have bothered. I just had one of their lamps go south on me, after about a month of using it. I would take it back, but it sat on a shelf unused for at least six months, and I don't know what I did with the receipt. [I forgot to say, the clock is LOUD! I think I have to buy a new mechanism to change it to one with continuous motion, rather than a ticket.im wondering now if this is prophetic, a clock loudly ticking, reminding me of something!)

It was made in China, and about ten bucks. I was even tempted to buy a similar one, but was getting a full cart. At least this time I would have a receipt. There are just not a lot of places I can walk to, or take a bus. I mean, it's not that much of a problem, but if the new thing peters out like the other one, well I guess I would just feel stupid. But come to think of it I don't know why.

I didn't do anything to it, or drop it. Whoo, inferiority complex. Go away creepy mental attitude.

Edit: I also went to Michaels, got some glue sticks, I guess I haven't had enough of mindless fun. Also, a message board, one of those things where you pin the letters on with inspirational messages. TBH, most of the time I think the current text art fad is just awful. But I always liked the lettering style, and it does seem like fun.

There are just not enough letters in the set for me. It was a cheap thing, so possibly the best way to get more would be to buy a second board with the accompanying letters. I don't but it though. I got a couple other trifling things, and got in home.

I'm thinking, Coffee before Talkies. But something like the voice in my dream said, Remember to Breathe.

I have a lamp that's very functional except for the shade, which has an outer fabric layer that I like. But the inner plastic layer is very cracked up.


I think 🤔 I could just replace the plastic with some paper, but I'd have to buy a whole pad of it, or ... I don't know. Maybe Home Depot has lampshades. I don't they the sell lampshades only anymore, though. I could get a smaller 10 or 12 dollar lamp at Target. Or at HD, cone to think of it. I didn't want to get a new one, but maybe that's what I'll do.

Oh, duh, just switch it out for one I have in a closet right now. Good thing I decided to think this one out. I use the one in the closet, but I don't go in very often. But that shade I'd still going to bother me.

13 years of Al-anon, and I'm thinking I am just in survival mode sometimes. That's what it is with not doing anything yet about the lamp. I think it's been that way all my life. My mom was that way, and I understand. She came from a crazy home, she married a crazy guy because that felt normal.

So you live kind of crazy till you realize... That's crazy.

[Edit: I'M TOTALLY WRONG, IT WASNT HER, IT WAS A 'BOT!!!!! That did come up in my head, but haaaa! dang I feel stooopud!!!
But here is the loooong story.]


A few months ago, a woman's video blog came up in my feed. She's a Christian, but I felt kind of uncomfortable with how she was talking, I could not put my finger on it. Then I was thinking, well that's just judgemental, I'm putting her down just for no reason.

Then I'm like uh, I'll move on. She seemed a bit slick, didn't really seem to say much, and her fans were a bit too worshipful and adoring.

Oh, well. I need to be nice. I moved on.

After a month, a live feed with her, I think it was her, popped up on my FB feed again. She was in a park, preaching. I'm thinking, that's sometimes how my church preaches, and I don't have a problem with it.

So I'm watching, and they cut to this guy who seems real nice, but there's something slick about him, a little show biz. I keep watching and he rolls his eyes as he says, no, we don't have actors. Also somewhere he refers to her as "Prophet". That's mostly a red flag, especially if the person is well known.

The feed was over, & I thought, I'm going to look up her FB page. So I did, I'll call her "Tathryn Trick". It's actually a K at the beginning of both her first & last name, but I don't want to excite Al Gore Rhythm.

Anyway, a post titled 'Tathryn Trick false' popped up, and I thought, right, could be a gossip or someone negative. But then I thought, better look at it, though I don't want to be turned off.

So, wow, she and a couple other women are BOWING to some guy who though he is wearing a suit, sometimes wears a theatre costume of red satin kings robes with ridiculous crown. She's blessing him and telling him in the future people will only come to Jesus through him. This is on a big stage with a ton of people watching.

So I didn't mention this, but in that live feed, like a lot of other people, I left a comment saying yes, I hope that person gets delivered, thank you Jesus. Or something like it. Again, it was like my church, so I felt comfortable. Later, she "liked" my comment.

I was looking at another video debunking her (by the same debunking guy) yesterday, saying some things I thought were fairly negative, but after she came by and "liked" my comment and left a comment telling me to email her if I wanted more prayer (huh?), I thought I must have sounded rather neutral.

One if the things I said was, she has three Ks in her name (hint, first name and last both begin with K, I spelled it correctly but for that). Also my said it was weird she had KKK in her name. I can't believe she commented on that. I quickly answered no thanks I didn't, then just as quickly deleted it. I also said she had only young folks in her followers, no or hardly any old folks. That was it, I guess it sounded neutral.

I don't want anything to do with her, after seeing so much about her. I went back to the recorded live feed and saw a woman three little boys, the oldest one getting delivered, and that one especially looked like he'd rather spit than continue the acting job. The youngest one was a baby or a doll in a blanket. I swear the blanket had sharks on it, but maybe that's just me.

So went to sleep kind of upset, wanting to be nice to this woman, because I'm assuming she's getting used as well as lying to people, and is probably substance addicted.

I just think she's probably in the game too far to ever get out.

I dreamed she was in my house, like she had maybe just walked in or someone let her in.but in the dream, it wasn't really her, it was a really good robot or a woman possessed by her, or ...maybe be a clone.

I struggled with trying not to reveal I knew who she was, because I did not want any trouble from the one who sent her.

Then I woke up.

I guess it bothers me that I don't know what to say. People on the church are supposed to get two kind warnings, and if after the second they do not stop their sin, they know what they are doing and don't want to.

It disturbs me she was going through a video that debunks her, and was going through the comments. I guess that's what upset me.

I think by now she's probably had people say to her, don't get involved with that fake king guy, and maybe even, don't call yourself a prophet.

People should not call themselves prophet, apostle, etc. That's usually a red flag. Sometimes I think that's the way people are raised or whatever. But these people who have a lot of followers and who make themselves important (Reverend also tends to raise my suspicions, because no one is worthy of reverence, no human but Jesus), --these people who make themselves important seem just prideful and usually turn out to be questionable.

I really like the guy who did the debunking video though. I've watched some of his other stuff by now and mostly I agree with pretty much if what he says. But it was a favor to me to have those really really big red flags pointed out.

I did quickly pray about it, maybe need to pray more. By this time in my life, I still do feel sorry for women who get caught up in this sort of thing. But I also feel I don't want to feel like a total idiot anymore.

So I feel really mean for not really returning her comment, worse because she probably knows I answered her and deleted it. I feel bad because .... Lots of reasons, but at least 13 years in Al-anon tell me alkies are very self centered users.

I just don't like getting bamboozled. Lol, I go back and forth but the answer is usually ...wait.

Wait and see, and pray in the mean time.

(Edit #2: yep, a bot. John Elving just put up another video. Wow, this woman is deceived. And her mentor is scammer to the max. Sorry that was so long, I think I'm nuts!



End)

Yes, I love Pinterest. It gives me a chance to accumulate things, at least in my imagination.
I don't know why I'm such a magpie, but I am. I sometimes wish it were helpful to someone, but... Not sure it is.

I picked some feel-good pics, mostly paintings. There are some that make me feel nostalgic, like the old cars, which seem within the realm of normal memory to me, even though they are rather old. I think my parents seemed to take us a lot of places, so looking out the window of a car with no driving necessary is always one of those normal things to do.

I also put in my coffee setup (filter, mesh basket with handle, paper coffee filter, glass measuring pitcher(because it fits the basket), Atlas Mason jar which held spaghetti sauce when I bought it.

I like to make cold brew, which means a scant 1/4 cup fresh ground coffee and 2 cups of water in the jar. That goes in the refrigerator at least 12 hours.

It was an odd, mellow taste at first, but now I prefer it to regular brew.





Hmm, thought I had more, will return to edit.

Edit: Okay, that's better, and more cozy or pleasant spaces included:

So for a while I looked at tiny houses on YouTube, still look sometimes. The first one I ever saw was at a church discussion meeting, there was a little video presentation on one. a woman was working two jobs or something like that, she had house mates, they were all working.

I forget how much she was paying, and the video is no longer on YouTube. But she was working two jobs I think, and barely keeping up with her part of the mortgage.

Then, she had a heart attack, at about age forty. I forget what she did with the house, but I think as part of her recovery, she built a tiny house. She had seen Jay Schaeffer's tiny house on wheels, and knew it didn't cost an arm and a leg.

Her house has a small square footage, and it was lined with bookshelves. It was the cutest thing. At church, part of the presentation was to tape off a space on the floor and ask if you could live in a space that small. We didn't know why they were asking, but then they showed the video.

By the way, I would have stayed with that church, but for two reasons. One was the denied the power of the Spirit. I didn't know that, was sort of knew to church life. The other is probably related: the men were out of control. They didn't advertise this fact, of course, hid it well.

Well, this is a beautiful tiny house I just saw at Pinterest. I think it might be a B&B, it doesn't look like long term living. But wow.


https://pin.it/6FqpVk8

Edit: it hurts when I walk anywhere on garbage pickup day. Often I see solid wood furniture, just on its way to the landfill. More trees just getting wasted. Apparently also, there is a LOT of construction material that goes to the landfill, that's mainly what's there. So making something out of all of this seems appealing.

This explains this very well, I like it.



I guess I ought to copy the text from that, but it's simple and a good illustration. Let's not kick gravel at the cop.

I once belonged to a community for people with mental health concerns. I was suffering from depression and possible repressed memories. I won't say the name of it, it's not necessary.

But some person with a multiple personality was very rude in telling me I was wrong about an article I'd read in a conservative conspiracy-oriented magazine my uncle had sent my Mom. Lots of political subjects and plots discussed, I guessed. I thought, why not read this, just see what it's about. One article talked about the origin of the diet sugar known as NutraSweet, or Aspartame. The article claimed it was first discovered by a Nazi scientist, and was maybe something like a liver or kidney poison, to be used... to kill? Maybe the scientist was trying to develop a poison.

Not sure. It was not completely out of the realm of possibility that this had been discovered while trying to develop some other chemical.

Mainly what I focused on at the mental health community was that the article also focused on the fact that Aspartame can cause depression if you consume more than one serving a day.

This was not at all called to the consumer's attention. The author said he or she called the manufacturer and found out the company does not recommend more than one serving a day.

Around the time this was written, people watching their weight would buy diet pop, diet desserts, anything that would normally have sugar in it but contained aspartame instead--that's what people would eat instead. So of course, if you could have two or three sodas per day, ice cream with diet chocolate and butterscotch sauce on it, well, why not?

So this was news, whether I read it in a the TINHAT TRIBUNE or not. The person found out aspartame could cause depression. [I am pretty sure the magazine was Soldier of Fortune. I ever read it a second time, no money for it and I was not interested.]

The person who replied to my comment about what could be causing depression went off on me big time. Or her young teen or pre-teen alter personality did. 'Blah blah blah, if you believe that or read that magazine, you're a flat earther! Stupid stupid blah blah!!!!'

WTH? I had been relatively good about it saying yes it was a weird magazine, and kind of a weird article, but the journalism about one cause of depression was sound. The person had done the research. I still don't know if there was a Nazi scientist connection, but we do know they brought over the Fourth Reich's scientist to beef up our space program and science forces in the government. Operation Paperclip, anybody? Werner Von Braun?

So I did what I sometimes do it that case, I SHUT DOWN. I just felt hurt, and didn't say anything. Since it was a person who could literally be a thirteen year old (possibly younger if they didn't mind breaking the rules), I just decided to clam up.

I thought it was obvious she wouldn't listen, she thought she had the right to talk to me that way, and thought she was right. I was feeling rather inferior, just because she yelled at me, but better to let it go.

But I remember thinking at the time, well, maybe I am a Flat Earther then. They might be right. I also hoped someday someone would give her some well deserved, accurate crap. To correct her. Not that I cared much for her after that. I'd already encountered another person like that on another subject at a Christian site. I still know I was right, but Lil Missy got extra snotty and abusive.

Again I didn't say anything, figuring she'd get corrected sooner or later.

So, how many years later, maybe two decades, and I have a new friend on my Facebook. Simone who went to Catholic school and was oppressed by Freemasons, like me. She's telling me to watch this video, and I'm going yeah, yeah, sure. Thinking I'd be bored to death. I tried to watch it, but she kept posting it at her wall, and sent it in Messenger.

She wasn't nagging, she was quiet about it, and patient. Finally I started watching. It was long, but I got hooked when they started talking about deception and the US space missions 🌖🌝. Specifically Apollo.

No way you could fake that. But they had other stuff, like whether the fellows, and ladies, were actually in a no gravity situation, or... virtual reality, CGI, harnesses like in Mission Impossible.

The ridiculous hairsprayed hair, the photographer without a spacesuit reflected in the astronaut's face plate, etc., etc.

Come to think of it, the ridicule of people who believe the Bible or their religion.

Mostly the CGI of the globe, showing North America taking up a small amount of space on the globe in one photo, decades later it's twice the size. I remember seeing the big one on the cover of National Geographic Magazine, and thinking... That sure changed, I guess they'll explain it's in better focus this time, or ... it's the time of year. Neither of those made sense, but I never heard an explanation of why it had grown in size all over the globe.

BTW, Stanley Kubrick confessed later he had faked the moon landing for NASA.!!!!!!!! That is a big confession.

Sorry for the big lead-in, but I decided to post the video. I'm concerned, just because you used to be able to find this and other videos away on YouTube, but on this subject they are burying them way down on the search results list, or they never appear on it.

https://youtu.be/2sLM4OMECPE