creepy creepy
My mom's friend Gwen called at noon, mom was sleeping, so I asked if I could take a note, & did.
Gwen is someone she met at the Forum, a self help or self improvement course that does not describe itself as such. They do say right up front that they are a business, they make money, they are for-profit. They say right up front that this is not therapy, and in the application to take their classes they say IF YOUHAVE AN INCOMPLETE COURSE OF THERAPY YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE FORUM. You have to agree that you have not had an incomplete course of therapy.
Mother Dear does not mind technicalities, they are not for her. She just doesn't see how what they don't know won't hurt her. She must know she was not following the program, and that there is probably a reason why they say you shouldn't.
The reason I think is that they say it's a program for successful people, that they will be the ones to gain more from the program. It's not that you can never take the program if your course of therapy was incomplete, you just have to either be able to explain what happened, or go back and confront yourself, you need to look at your problems honestly and deal with them somehow.
Mom's second therapist, David, had told her that drinking was a very serious problem. He told her that very nicely. And I guess he left it up to her to deal with. She quit drinking. For a while, then her demons came back to haunt her. And she hid it. She didn't deal with her demons and they drove her to drink again.
The reason David knew about her drinking at ll, is that I brought it up. The reason I brought it up was that she dragged all her five kids in for David to tell us to move out of the house and appear successful. She had no plans for what to do when we moved out, I think she just wanted to order people around and let us know how we were hurting her. But I have no idea what the problem really was, if any.
She never got into rehab, AA or any other form of therapy other than the Forum. And the Forum says, they are not therapy.
I do get the feeling my mom lies to her friends and misrepresents what goes on. Gwen has given me arrows, just glared at me. I steal food, and live at home rent freet. All because my mom feels guilty for all the things she's done to me--or she wants to look like a saint--or I don't know what.
I don't have a hope in hell for her friends any more. I know they are nice middle class people who do things right not out of love or respect for themseves or a higher power primarily, but out of habit, for their own financial stability and comfort, etc. They are nice people, but I think they might be just as lacking in honesty as my mother.
Whatever, this isn't doing me much good, I'm just venting. There are two sides to every story, but I think my mother is never going to admit the things I remember her doing to me. She still believes in appearances, that you should get by on that.
And what does that make me? If my parents are so derelict, what kinds of things have I gotten from them that I dont' know about?
I don't know but I feel like I haven't given up, haven't allowed myself to become awash in materialism and just laying back.
My mom's friend by the way, Gwen, she has a big tapestry of the Last Supper in her dining room and it's tasteful art, not like blue collar families have. She's sensitive to the arts and probably has things she does to help other people. She favors tasteful handmade crafts, not crocheted afghans or crafts made from the Reader's Digest, paint-by-number kits or any modern equivalent of that. [I forgot to say that Gwen also has noticed that we women sometimes put our handbags down any old place, and only God and the angels know what has really collected on the bottom of our handbags. So she never lets anyone place their handbags on countertop or table at her house. My mom also went through a streak of not allowing handbags on the table--not a bad idea, but it's also just a piece of crap she goes through to pretend she is normal and cares about people].
She is furious at my mom's kids apparently. If you have 3 of your adult unmarried over 50 or almost there kids living at home, it is a sign that they are screwing her. Not that she is encouraging dependancy on her for the sake of control.
Sheesh. I know she'll never change but I keep thinking I'll get over it. I keep thinking I'll develop a tougher hide, but I don't. She still scares me. Have I given up?
Gwen is someone she met at the Forum, a self help or self improvement course that does not describe itself as such. They do say right up front that they are a business, they make money, they are for-profit. They say right up front that this is not therapy, and in the application to take their classes they say IF YOUHAVE AN INCOMPLETE COURSE OF THERAPY YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE FORUM. You have to agree that you have not had an incomplete course of therapy.
Mother Dear does not mind technicalities, they are not for her. She just doesn't see how what they don't know won't hurt her. She must know she was not following the program, and that there is probably a reason why they say you shouldn't.
The reason I think is that they say it's a program for successful people, that they will be the ones to gain more from the program. It's not that you can never take the program if your course of therapy was incomplete, you just have to either be able to explain what happened, or go back and confront yourself, you need to look at your problems honestly and deal with them somehow.
Mom's second therapist, David, had told her that drinking was a very serious problem. He told her that very nicely. And I guess he left it up to her to deal with. She quit drinking. For a while, then her demons came back to haunt her. And she hid it. She didn't deal with her demons and they drove her to drink again.
The reason David knew about her drinking at ll, is that I brought it up. The reason I brought it up was that she dragged all her five kids in for David to tell us to move out of the house and appear successful. She had no plans for what to do when we moved out, I think she just wanted to order people around and let us know how we were hurting her. But I have no idea what the problem really was, if any.
She never got into rehab, AA or any other form of therapy other than the Forum. And the Forum says, they are not therapy.
I do get the feeling my mom lies to her friends and misrepresents what goes on. Gwen has given me arrows, just glared at me. I steal food, and live at home rent freet. All because my mom feels guilty for all the things she's done to me--or she wants to look like a saint--or I don't know what.
I don't have a hope in hell for her friends any more. I know they are nice middle class people who do things right not out of love or respect for themseves or a higher power primarily, but out of habit, for their own financial stability and comfort, etc. They are nice people, but I think they might be just as lacking in honesty as my mother.
Whatever, this isn't doing me much good, I'm just venting. There are two sides to every story, but I think my mother is never going to admit the things I remember her doing to me. She still believes in appearances, that you should get by on that.
And what does that make me? If my parents are so derelict, what kinds of things have I gotten from them that I dont' know about?
I don't know but I feel like I haven't given up, haven't allowed myself to become awash in materialism and just laying back.
My mom's friend by the way, Gwen, she has a big tapestry of the Last Supper in her dining room and it's tasteful art, not like blue collar families have. She's sensitive to the arts and probably has things she does to help other people. She favors tasteful handmade crafts, not crocheted afghans or crafts made from the Reader's Digest, paint-by-number kits or any modern equivalent of that. [I forgot to say that Gwen also has noticed that we women sometimes put our handbags down any old place, and only God and the angels know what has really collected on the bottom of our handbags. So she never lets anyone place their handbags on countertop or table at her house. My mom also went through a streak of not allowing handbags on the table--not a bad idea, but it's also just a piece of crap she goes through to pretend she is normal and cares about people].
She is furious at my mom's kids apparently. If you have 3 of your adult unmarried over 50 or almost there kids living at home, it is a sign that they are screwing her. Not that she is encouraging dependancy on her for the sake of control.
Sheesh. I know she'll never change but I keep thinking I'll get over it. I keep thinking I'll develop a tougher hide, but I don't. She still scares me. Have I given up?