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So I've been a bit on/off with lj stuff, so sue me (not you, JKR). Okay, fic, written for the challenge prompts on todieavirgin:

Title: Most Loved
Pairing: Sirius/Lucius, Sirius/Regulus
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Sirius is sixteen, and Regulus only fifteen, so a bit chan-ish. And incestuous, clearly.
Words: 8,000+
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Regulus hadn't realised what a near thing it was, hadn't realised that 'final straw' meant just that: final. If Lucius Malfoy's crash course in good pureblood behaviour doesn't work, then Regulus doesn't like to think about what will happen.
Notes: Prompt 64: Lucius/Sirius – Lucius has something Sirius wants or needs, perhaps a book that will help with the Animagi transformations. Lucius is willing to give him whatever this is on the stipulation that Sirius give him his virginity. Yeah, I definitely cheated a bit.
Thanks to wildestranger for reading this through. And I didn't have to bribe her at all. Ahem. Also, fake cut.

( When Regulus wanders down for breakfast the next day, a tall, forbidding-looking man is standing in their hallway )

Okay, again slipping this one in when there's no-one about, because argh for insane threesome pairings that torture me. God, it's been ages since I finished something.

Title: The Way We Live Now
Author: kabeyk
Pairing: Remus/Severus/Draco, though more of a triangular thing than a threesome. Sort-of.
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: For the pornish_pixies fantasy fest. damned_queen asked for: Draco/Remus/Severus, unexpected love-triangle while they are hiding during the war (with werewolf!Draco maybe?), all kinks allowed.
Thanks to wildestranger who probably read this through at some point. Mind the pathetically fake cut.
Summary: The Order decide that Draco Malfoy needs watched since being bitten, so Draco finds himself kidnapped and held prisoner by the two biggest freaks in Wizarding society. It isn't lying on a sunny beach somewhere, but he discovers the situation does have some advantages.

( Together, Snape and Lupin were like an old, married couple. Not so much in a comfortable, homely way, but more like a very old married couple, with nothing left to say to each other and no emotions save for an ever-present low-burning resentment built from years of tiny niggles. )

I should be doing the dishes, but instead I'm eating pizza and faffing on lj. Now I've never done this before, but then I always feel pretty shitty about how bad I am at commenting on other people's journals and I wanted to know which people I should be licking for being so lovely.

Not that I don't love everyone on my f-list equally, and I certainly won't be creating a special f-list hierachy based on this. Ahem.

( top commentersCollapse )

I'm watching Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters II, for fuck's sake. Better than that is the porn we posted earlier:

Title: Boys In Dark Corners
Authors: kabeyk and wildestranger
Pairings: Remus/Sirius, James/Regulus (will be James/Sirius, Remus/Regulus and Remus/Sirius/James/Regulus in future chapters)
Rating: NC-17
Kinks for this part: Voyeurism, fight-sex
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns these characters, we have no permission to use them and we are making no money from this. No infringement of copyright is intended.
Previous parts: one and two
Much love to pre_raphaelite1 for the beta.

Potter's fingers were everywhere, pinching his nipples between his thumbs, pressing into his hipbones, leaving bruises on his shivering flesh.

Finally thought up (stole lyrics from a Magic Numbers song) a wangstastic title! Warning: this fic contains missing-finger kink.

Title: When I See You
Pairing: Ron/Draco
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: Cough. Draco has a couple of fingers missing. Cough cough.
Notes: pornish_pixies fantasy fest piece for moshi who wanted Dom!Ron, takes pity on war-scarred (physically) Draco. Draco has very low self-esteem - needs looking after. Bondage, frottage, use of mirrors during sex to help Draco come to terms with his scars would be fabulous. Well, I nearly managed that. Fake cut. :P

( Ron contemplated his thin face, high cheekbones, squinting grey eyes and the flash of freckles across his nose. 'You look like a girl. Is that really what you're going for? I could get confused, you know.' )

Watching Green Wing -- yes, alone on a Friday night, with a glass of wine and a really good salad, but it's better than the other options -- and totally shipping Guy/FranCaroline. It's like shipping Ron/Lavendar, or something. I'm clearly sick in the head.

But I like it.

Fic! It's not perfect, but it's finished. Eek.

Title: Keeper
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC17
Word count: 6,000 or so.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: AU. Non-magical boarding school, lots of fighting and football and mud and scabby knees. And rum and dope and smoking behind the bike sheds and sex in the showers.
Notes: Written for the serpentinelion fantasy fest. Prompt from marksykins: 40. Ah, okay, fine. I'll take the shameful Alternate Reality route. I want...er, non-magical boarding school fic. I don't care if they're rugby rivals or whatever, just give me the messy British school system complete with messy British boy slashy love. Keep their personalities recognizable is all I ask. Rating doesn't matter to me!

Thank yous to wildestranger for reading this through and, madly, to Robin for answering the odd insane footbally question. Don't worry, I didn't let him read it or anything. Yes, the cut, it is fake.

( 'Get you later,' Malfoy said ominously, throwing his head back so his white blond hair swirled across and fell into his eyes. )

Edited to whinge:

1. WHERE THE FECK IS THE BLOKE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE FIXING THE TV?
2. If it's so warm outside, why is it so effing frozen in my flat?
3. I added to my userinfo yesterday, and now it's too long. Should I cut all the crap out of it? Hmm...

Today I bought a bag from H&M, and it's a nice bag (flat yellow shoulder-bag with checky bits and doodles and blue stitching and illegible french handwriting on) but I mainly bought it because on it there's a picture of a big black dog standing in front of a thatched cottage. I should get a life, but I really don't want to.

The hp_springsmut reveal tells me that stumbletongue wrote Warm Red in Grimmauld for me. Ron/Ginny! Makes me so happy! Thank you! I would do other springsmut recs, but let's face it; they'd be hideously biased towards pairings and people that I love.

And I still actually quite like the fic I wrote, though I don't know where to crosspost it to. Anyway, here it is:

Title: No Home Here
Pairing: Sirius/James
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: James visits Sirius at Grimmauld Place, hoping to steal him away for good.
Notes: Beta-ed by lovely lovely scoradh and read through the usual million or so times by lovely lovely wildestranger.

( Sirius mumbles 'James' and he bites upwards for a kissCollapse )


Edit: I really shouldn't find myself quite so amusing. But I do. Also, I had a yum-yum (twisty pastry/doughnut thing) and Robin didn't and he really wanted one, but he still wouldn't swap it for his willy. Damn.

Continuing my habit of posting fics when I'm pretty sure everyone else is busy reading other things…

Title: With Hindsight
Pairing: Remus/James
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Remus has a bit of an obsession with baths, while James has a bit of an obsession with Remus.
Warnings: Voyeurism. Sort-of. And UST.
Notes: It has been said that I have a fetish for writing bath and bathroom-related porn. That may be true, but I think it's more to do with the fact that my flat has only a shower cubicle and no bathtub, and I yearn pathetically for baths in the winter.

For the long-past birthday of cynicalpirate, another true Remus/James lover.

( The bathtub in the Black-Lupin household (if you could call it a household; 'dump' would have been more accurate, or maybe 'squat') is possibly filled with gravy or lime jelly, or rum and cola, or the dismembered remains of Severus Snape on ice.Collapse )

Title: Dirty Rascal
Pairing: Neville/Draco
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Words: 1,700-ish
Summary: Neville knows that only a complete sop would not only take in a runaway war-criminal, but also let himself be insulted by them day and night.
Notes: For the birthday of the eternally-lickable wildestranger. Apparently she chose to make me write this pairing because she's so fond of me. Mmm. I spent weeks saying "Argh, no way can I write Neville/Draco", then I suddenly wrote the whole thing in about an hour. And it feels very weird to be posting fic that she hasn't already read through at least once! (and at midnight, while drunk, oh dear) So happy birthday! :PPPP (excessive licking)

( The words 'Never thought you'd stoop so low' hang there in Neville's mind, though he knows he'll never say them aloudCollapse )

A quick poll, just to reassure the boyfriend.

And back to the remixredux. Curse wildestranger for giving me an even better idea.

Okay, I've been on lj for just over a year, and also may participate in the remixredux, so here be a list of all the HP fic I've written. (It's all in my memories too, but they're very badly organised and everything is in the wrong place.) Well, by no means everything I've written, this is just mainly stuff I like, or at least stuff that's quite long (all are 1,000 words or more). If you remember something long-ish and it ain't here, either I've forgotten it or I hate it. Either way, I'll be pleased if you remind me.

It is slightly upsetting to realise just how, well, daft all my fics are, especially when you can end every single summary with "And then they shag". Humph. Also I am reminded of all the things I need to finish and all the things I want to write. (Why is there no trio-smut here? Why haven't I finished that long AU?) Argh.

But now, without further ado, a list of all my HP fics, with notes and summaries:

( Long StuffCollapse )
( Remus/SiriusCollapse )
( Sirius/JamesCollapse )
( Remus/JamesCollapse )
( Other maraudery stuffCollapse )
( ThreesomesCollapse )
( Harry/DracoCollapse )
( Other PairingsCollapse )

And you know what would be really great? If anyone has a link to their own fic archive, or even someone else's archive, because then I could have them all linked in one place, ahh.

Last updated: 23/01/07

If you go here and scroll to the bottom of the page, you might notice where it says this:

Date created: 2005-01-21 04:10:45

Yes, it's my journal's first birthday today. There should be wine. But along with wine (or vodka), there should be porn, and lots of it. This should definitely be the most perverted entry out of all 263 I have apparently made in the last year.

So. A pervert meme is in order.

I'm taking drabble requests to prove how much I love you all, the more obscurely kinky the better (any fandom you think I could write, but mostly HP). And I'll do those perverted list things ("10 excuses Draco Malfoy tried to give them at St Mungos while they removed the Sneakoscope from his anal cavity" might be fun). Or you could write me comment porn, or lists of dirty words you like, or lists of people no-one should friend because they have nasty filthy minds. Or post pictures of your private parts. Or link me to some good fic. Anything, so long as it's a bit dirty.

EDIT: Still accepting requests, and they will all get written, promise.

Er, fic! It's been a while.

Title: Untitled
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: NC17-y
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word count: 4,700-ish
Summary: Sirius isn't coping well with Remus' new-found independence.

Notes: For wildestranger, who asked for Remus seducing Sirius. I did try to include many of her kinks, but didn't manage all of them, because I'm not some sort of pervert. Many thanks to liadlaith and, ahem, wildestranger for reading this through, and much love to minnow_53 for the good hard beta-ing this sorely needed. I have shamelessly obeyed almost every beta point, heh. Still don't have a title, though. Soon to be crossposted.

( Sirius frowns and tries to remember how long Remus has had actual visible cheekbones forCollapse )

Had to change my journal colours because the obsessive-compulsive inside me needs it to match my beloved default icon. Oh how I loves thrupenny for making it.

Title: Substitution
Pairing: James/Peter
Rating: PG-13 (or 12A, snigger)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: James is missing Sirius, but Peter's friendship can be comforting too.
Notes: Many thanks to wildestranger for the read-through and the title, thanks, sorry, thanks. Don't blame me for this, blame the people who didn't shout "No! Bad!" every time I said I wanted to write it. Fake cut!

( Peter sits too close, as always, one shoulder pushed tight against James', but for once James doesn't mind so much. )

More generic R/S porn, sigh.

Title: Loser
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Remus knows he's being used. The only problem is, he's starting to like it.
Notes: Started ages ago for jaxindi's birthday, though I haven't seen her on lj for months. Anyone else want it? Yeah, fake cut.

( And then there were warm fingers sliding over his bare hip, clammy from thick bedclothes, and Remus' calmly-drawn breath gasped back out again in one short, hoarse choke. )

Title: Can't Tell You Anything
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Sirius/James
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Much love to wildestranger for reading this through for me. Twice!
Written for spessartine's birthday (is massively late, soz).
I'm posting fic because I wish I was seeing GoF tonight, huh. Fake cut alert!

( James is just endlessly fascinating )

I think the washing machine is trying to take off. Can almost hear the countdown.

Fic spam of the day, written for liadlaith in honour of her now being layabout dole-scum. (Or for finishing her thesis, or whatever.) The request was Remus/Sirius with one of them wearing a skirt. Of course I cheated, so this only contains a hint of crossdressing-type knicker-wearing.

Title: Untitled
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Pants.

( daydreaming about Remus' slim body, bare apart from a wisp of silk and laceCollapse )

Spamming you with more fic. Started this one yonks ago, for beckaandzac's birthday, and it's finally got an ending. So, er, Happy Birthday! (three months ago...)

Title: Nothing Happens
Pairing: Sirius/James
Rating: R, I think, maybe more
Disclaimer: Not my characters.
Word count: Nearly 6,000
Summary: There's been too many of these moments recently, mixed in messily with the everyday things. If it was anyone else then Sirius would have given in and shagged them months ago. But this is James, and he can't, although he wants to so much more.

( Sirius rolls onto his side, facing James in the dull lamplight. 'Because we just could, and, and pretend we didn't, in the morning.'Collapse )

Happy birthday to foulbeggar! Ask me for something!

I'm sure I had something else to say, but meh, my brain is mush and I'm getting shouted at.

Title: Contact
Author: kabeyk
Rating: Adult-y. Mild porn.
Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: It's a purely business arrangement.
Notes: Cheque #21 - Harry to Draco: I promise to sleep on the wet patch. I was drunk when I claimed this, for which I blame scoradh. Much love to the gorgeous wildestranger for reading this through. The lj-cut is so fake.

( I think I do want you on your knees. )