Summary:

Request: Waverly decides his CEA needs a subtle lesson on the consequences of tomcatting behavior, so while Napoleon is on light duty recovering from a strained knee, Waverly tasks him with organizing and hosting an Easter egg hunt for the young children of the UNCLE support staff.

Work Text:

The agents and the staff in the hall moved out of the way of the tornado coming down the hall in the person of Napoleon Solo. He was slapping papers against his thigh and looking like someone who was about to explode.

“What did you say to the old man about myself and Denise?” he demanded of Illya when he stormed into his office.

Illya looked up from the chart he was working on and leaned back in his chair with a groan of pain, “I said nothing. But really Napoleon the fact we both came back injured and are now on desk duty for a month, might have had Waverly figuring out what happened. Remember he and the interrogating agent received a very x-rated story from Denise about what you two engaged in.”

Napoleon fell into his chair, also with a groan of pain. “She made up a lot of what she said.” Napoleon insisted

“Still Waverly could see what had happened between you two. Besides Napoleon, it is not the first time you have done something like this. What has you so upset?”

“The old man said as long as I’m on medical desk duty for the next month, I can organize and run the Easter Party for the employees children. Also, this might help me to learn to pay attention to my assignments and not use cases for hunting women.”

Illya smirked, “Well it will keep you out of trouble.”

“This isn’t funny,” Napoleon grumbled. “I had something planned for every evening this month. Between doing my CEA duties and this Party, I won’t have time.”

“You will have to cancel your dates and work on the party,” Illya pointed out.

Napoleon looked at his partner, “You’re always free. How about you organize this for me?” he asked dropping the papers on Illya's desk.

Looking it over, Illya smiled. “You didn’t read the top line did you?

Grabbing the papers, Napoleon looked them over. On the top line, Waverly had written, “ Mr. Solo, do not ask your partner to do this. I will be checking now. Now get to it. ”

To avoid laughing, Illya returned the case mumbling, “Maybe we wouldn’t have been hurt if you had followed his advice instead of bedding Denise.”

“What?” Napoleon yelled.

“Nothing,” Illya said ignoring him returning to the case.

Retrieving the papers that were from Smith, who had organized the party for the last ten years, Napoleon noticed the list used in the past.

1. Breakfast from the Cafeteria. Ask the chief to schedule the breakfast including eggs, bacon, sausage, juice, cereals, milk, and bakery. You may need to order some of the items yourself.
2. Decorate the hall and tables by purchasing: streamers, dishes, glasses, plastic silverware, table clothes, all with the Easter theme for children. Don’t forget table decorations and centerpieces.
3. Ten dozen eggs for the children to color. Get sets for coloring the eggs for the children.
4. An Easter basket for each child, including a chocolate bunny, jelly beans, and some other pieces of candy (don’t forget to get the Easter grass for the baskets.
5. Set up the Easter egg hunt=3 eggs per child.
6. Decorate the Easter Bunny chair.
7. AND DON’T FORGET TO GET A PERSON TO GET A PERSON TO PLAY THE EASTER BUNNY.

Holding his head, Napoleon whimpered, “I’m in so much trouble.”

“Start at the top of the list and go down. You are an excellent strategist,” Illya reminded him.

.

Napoleon picked up the papers and left head down, and the anger was replaced by surrendering.

Early the next morning, Napoleon stopped at the cafeteria and found the chief. He smiled at her, “That's a new haircut, isn’t it? It looks great on you.”

She turned facing him, hands on her hips, “Drop it, Napoleon, I know why you’re here. I'm swamped today and have no time for your nonsense. How many and what do you need?”

After she received the request, she asked how many people would be there and how many tables he needed to set up. “I’m not sure.”

“Then when you figure it out let me know. As for the ten dozen eggs, they come from a different supplier that needs yourself. Now I’m busy just call me with the information.”

Returning to his office, he called the employee's office to the number of people who had sign up for the party and called it to the chef's office. Then he called the egg supplier. After trying to give the order, he slammed down the phone after sputtering, “That idiot demanded a size and color. An egg is an egg, isn’t it?”

Smiling Illya informed him, “Eggs can be white or brown. Sizing includes small, medium, large, ex-large, or jumbo.” Then he went back to the case trying to complete it.”

“Get that smile off your face. I’m still your supervisor.”

“You keep reminding me,” Illya started to laugh.

Throwing his hands in the air, Napoleon began to leave in a huff, but Illya held up the list, “Do not forget this.”

Turning back scowling at his partner. Napoleon grabbed it and left.

+++++++++++++++

Driving around the shopping center, he looked over the stores available until he noticed the Party Shop as he was ready to give up.

He noticed the shelves of decorations but wondered where was what he needed. He glanced around before he observed a young woman working on the shelf.

“Hi sir, can I help you?” she turned around asking.

“I need decorations and supplies for an Easter party for children,” his smile became brighter.

“What exactly do you need?” she asked for clarification.

“Everything,” he replied. Then he said, " I love your outfit. It looks great on you.”

Ignoring Napoleon's advance, she asked. “Sir, how large is the party.”

“About forty children and one or two parents each,” he started to add the group total.

“120,” the girl said, “Will there be tables also?”

“Yes, the large white ones," he said moving closer with a suggestive smile. "The lights in here make your eyes glow."

“My boyfriend, who is a football player, “agrees. Those tables seat eight people per table so you'll need supplies for fifteen tables to be safe. What type of decorations would you like?"

Napoleon sighed and moved back.”Easter bunnies or something like that, please, and centerpieces for each one.”

The young lady smiled thinking to herself that this customer had no idea what he needed. She suggested a few centerpieces before he picked the ones with bunnies and eggs. They gathered the dishes, cups, and hall decorations that matched the centerpieces.

“Almost done,” she said handing him bags of plastic eggs.

Looking confused, Napoleon asked, “What do I do with these?”

“They’re for the Easter egg hunt.”

“Easter egg hunt? What’s that?”

She shook her head, “You fill them with small candy, coins, stickers, anything you wish, and hide them for the children to find.” The clerk saw the confusion on Napoleon's face. “Didn’t you ever participate in an Easter egg hunt as a child?”

“My grandfather was a diplomat and didn’t believe I should participate with the house staff,” Napoleon remembered sadly sitting in his room watching the other children have fun Shaking the thought away, “How many of these things do I need?”

“Usually two or three per child.” She helped him gather the eggs and candy.

Napoleon pulled out a UNCLE credit card Waverly had given him. “Do you have some Aspirin? I have a headache.”

Pulling a package of Aspirin from the shelf, the girl rang up everything, wished him luck, and helped him load his car.

++++++++++++++++

Arriving back at Headquarters, he found his partner in the cafeteria enjoying a cup of tea. “How is it going partner?”

Napoleon sat down heavily. “I have been runny ragged and would rather face Thrush than run this party.”

Feeling sorry for Napoleon, Illya asked, “What do you have left to do?”

“I have everything ordered or bought but need to decorate the hall and tables the day of the party. Also, gather supplies for the egg decorating. And have you ever hidden Easter eggs?”

“You need to remember where I grew up, my friend.”

“Sorry. I need to load the plastic eggs so they can be hidden,” Napoleon explained.

“May I make a suggestion?” Illya asked.

“Anything. I’m willing to take any idea you have,” a hopeful Napoleon uttered.

“The secretaries and women staff always like you. Why not ask a few secretaries for help? The way the women of UNCLE love to do things for you will likely have others wanting to help. I’m sure Mr. Waverly won’t consider that out of line. You have everything organized, you are just asking for help to carry it though.”

Napoleon smiled, “You do have a creative mind. I’ll use your suggestion.” After thanking his partner, he did just that and received many offers to help.

Later that week, the two agents were in their office reviewing the plans for the party. Suddenly Illya said, “Who going to be the Easter bunny for the party?”

Napoleon hit his head. “I forgot about that. Any idea?”

“How about George? He was Santa last year,” Illya suggested.

“Transfer to Paris last month.”

The two went down the list of men available. Many were on assignment, others said no. Just as Napoleon was ready to give up, Mark and April walked in.

Napoleon said excitedly,” Mark....”

“No, I’m not going to be the Easter Bunny,” Mark interrupted. “Besides I have a British accent.”

Defeated Napoleon covered his eyes.

“You know Napoleon there is only one person left,” Illya reminded him.

“Not fair,” Napoleon whined. “I organized the whole thing. I shouldn’t have to be the bunny.”

Mark and Illya stared at him. “Fine, but this is it.” Napoleon surrender.

++++++++++++++

On the day of the party, Napoleon had help from the staff and agents to decorate and run the Easter egg hunt and coloring. Breakfast was served, then it was time for the Easter Bunny.

In a room close to the cafeteria, Illya helped Napoleon into his costume. “This is hot,” Napoleon complained. “And having children sitting on my lap will wrinkle it.”

“You look great. Now, stop complaining, and go surprise the children. I hear them clapping and yelling for you.”

Napoleon headed in with a fake smile on his lips. However, as the kids sat on his lap, telling him what candy they hoped for his smile increased. Smiling at each child, laughing with them, and allowing them to take pictures of him with them, he began to enjoy himself.

As he looked around between the child on his lap, he noticed a sad-looking boy sitting all by himself. He waved Illya over whispering in his ear.

After the last child went to search for eggs, Napoleon (the bunny) walked over by the boy. Looking at him, he said, “Is it alright if I sit here?”

The boy nodded.

“My name is Easter Bunny. What’s your name?”

“Vinny.”

“Well Vinny did you color eggs or want a picture with me?”

“No thank you.”

“Are you sure?” Napoleon asked concerned about the boy.

“I just want to go back to my babysitter,” Vinny said with a voice filled with tears.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong, and maybe I can fix it?”

“You’re not the Easter bunny. It’s not real, and if he was, I could wish for him to make my daddy not be dead. So you can’t be real cause you can’t do that.”

Illya came up and headed Napoleon his communicator, “Solo here with Vinny.”

Distance but understandable, a voice said, ”Vinny?

The boy’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open.

“I think someone wants to talk to you,” Napoleon said.

“Daddy?” Vinny said with a choked voice.

“Yes it’s me,” came the answer.

Sobbing Vinny said, “Sammy told me you were killed by Thrush that's why you weren’t home.”

“I’m sorry he told you that. I was hurt and in a coma for a few days. But tomorrow they are sending me to medical there. I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you today. Who are you with?”

Vinny looked up at Napoleon, “The Easter Bunny Dad. He said I could get a picture with him for you.”

”LI can't wait to see the picture. See you tomorrow. Love you.”

Returning the communicator to Illya, Vinny asked. “Can I still get a picture for my dad?”

“You can get as many as you would like,” Napoleon said earning him a hug.

++++++++++++++++

Illya and Napoleon sat in his apartment a drink in his hand.

“The party went well,” Illya told him.

“It did,” Napoleon answered. After a sip of his Scotch, “And not possible without the help of many of the people of headquarters, especially yours.”

Illya smiled, “Did Waverly reach his aim by ordering you to do this?”

Napoleon thought for a minute, “I’m not going to promise never to do as I have done in the past, but I will promise to try to never, and I do mean never, put you in danger again.”

“You know Napoleon there will be times when your specialty will be necessary during an assignment.”

Smiling, Napoleon finished up his glass and poured another. “I assure you I won’t neglect my duty.”

Shaking his head, Illya grabbed the bottle of Vodka. “I think I will need the rest of this.”

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