El Jefe's Mind

What do women want?

Don’t worry I’m not planning on forsaking my sanity on the altar of some insane quest to unearth something that only God himself knows.

The females of our species are the most complex things known to…well, man. And any and I do mean ANY attempt to understand them and their inner workings will invariably be met with fierce resistance.

And will result in instant insanity.

This is why the few amongst us who have managed to gather any smidgen of insight into the female psyche are regarded by peers with quiet admiration and reverence. And men such as these often keep these secrets closely guarded. Which is just as well because these men fought tooth and nail and spilt blood, shed sweat and  cried tears to get this information.

I have always been intrigued by the “good girls like bad guys” maxim, I have never quite understood it, but maybe that why it intrigues me.

I have had cause to give it some thought sha and now I still do not fully understand it but I don’t think its quite as baffling as I thought.

This is how I perceive it to be.

Nice girl is going about her everyday business when outta nowhere….the bad guy appears. She immediately puts her defenses up.

But only for so long. After a while she starts to think about how, under all that “badness” lies a perfectly good heart…noble even.

She then sets about changing this dick into a nice guy. Predictably, this will fail. The bad guy plays along for a bit and after the Bad Guy has erm…“hit that” and has no reason to pretend to be nice anymore, he will revert to his original state.

She will not leave him cos…, uhhhnnmmm…that’s just how they are.

She gets upset, cries and goes to her good friend…a guy…a nice guy to complain about the Bad Guy.

They honestly will not realize that the nice guy has always been there with them all along.  Or that he has been in love with them since they met. He has never had to pretend to be a nice guy to get girls because he is in fact a NICE GUY. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another.

Even though the nice guy was trying to “hit” the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. The more he listens, the closer they get. The closer they get, the more attached she gets to him…only in a non-sexual sense. Girls love attention. And soon you achieve the unenviable rank of …. “FRIEND”!!!

Yes, FRIEND. Never again will you be referred to as “hot”, never again can you “get it”, you become as sexually relevant as her other gay friends. All they want from you is the same emotional support that you have been giving.

By combining the Nice Guy and the Bad Guy, the Girl has the perfect boyfriend. The racy, risqué demon love that the Bad guy affords her, and the necessary emotional counter balance provided by Mr. Nice Guy.

The Nice Guy gets the earfuls and tears and gets to sit with her at Millenium park and sip Hollandia while the Bad Guy takes her clubbing, flirts with all the other girls, gets drunk, takes her home and ravishes her till they can both barely breathe…then she makes him breakfast.

While the Bad Guy is at the club flirting with everything in a skirt and ignoring the girl they are with, the other women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to just me?” And then they also attempt to figure it out by exploration. They let him take their phone numbers or BB PINS and start sending him messages like “So, tell me about yourself”. Mr. Bad Guy will string it along for a while and when he’s ready he will invariably … ahem…“hit it”.

The instant a guy starts out as Nice Guy, his goose is cooked. There is almost no turning back. Women will always go after the Bad Guys because there are always Nice Guys there to listen and provide emotional balance.

Once you realize that you are a “listener”, take a deep breath and pack it up and close shop.

There is no way in this lifetime you will ever get with her pants… ever.

And you can just go ahead and forget all those romantic comedies in which the girl “comes to her senses” and realizes what an asshole her boyfriend is and then falls for the nice nerd neighbor.

There will always be another Bad Guy and she will go for him next.

She might even sleep with a few Bad Guys without dating them (thus throwing your pining heart into Hades) just because she can. And after all is said and done she will discuss it with you. This will continue to be your lot until you stop being such a pussy!

I am always hearing women complain that there are no nice guys in the world.

Really?

They are obviously not looking for them at all there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!

Women go about talking about how there aren’t any nice guys anymore. But they aren’t looking for nice guys. They want the ultimate, perfect Bad Guy. Sadly there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect Bad Guy.

So, to all my Nice Guys out there…Man Up!

And to every lady out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you…look next to you. That guy that has been there at every disaster, who holds you when you cry, who hates your boyfriend because he knows how badly you are being treated. He has been by your side all through it all and he’s still there.

That there is your man.

The biggest trip is that he knows you better than anyone…because he has listened to it all.

Cheers!