I Wonder

My grandmother has been gone now for over 40 years. Everyone in the family told me from the time I was small that I was very much like her. Even though I was young, I felt honored to be compared to her. Now that I’m older, I see clearly how very much alike we really were.

I think of my grandmother often, and I wonder.

I wonder if she had any idea that she would be thought of so often after she passed. That I would have pictures of her displayed in my home. That I would miss her.

I wonder if she considered, as she prepared meals for her family, that one day I would be using the same recipes, pots, dishes, and utensils that she used, and think of her. And miss her more.

I wonder if she knew how important every minute she spent with me was. If she realized the impact of her words. If she knew that I would think of her no-nonsense wisdom and encouragement and value each word even more today than when she spoke them to me. That as life went on and became more confusing and difficult and painful, that my memories of her would bring me comfort.

I wonder, now that I’m a grandmother, if time spent with my own grandchildren will impact them in years to come the way my grandmother’s impacted me.

I wonder.