[The voice that comes in--and cuts out--isn't normal, perky, happy or bubbly. It's emo]

Great not ----[insert a great deal of static]--homesick and the ------ aren't exactly working.

Anyone up for sweet ------ pie? I can ----.

{It didn't take Lucy long to find the shops and within half an hour she had a bikini and flip flops. It was vamos to the pool after that and right now she's lying on her back on a floating raft in the middle of the pool. She's got a mint julep in one hand and a trashy romance novel in the other. Really, the day is fairly perfect but it's a bit quiet for Lucy so she fumbles until she finds the PDA system and flips it on]

So I've shopped, ate and now I'm tanning. What do ya'll do during the day time?

[Texting and walking isn't really advised for someone like Lucy but that never stops her from doing it anyway. It's only when she trips and falls that she realizes that she's not in LA anymore. She spills face first, hitting her chin so hard her teeth clack together and she can feel the impact in her head. She sits up, back against the elevator wall and rubs at her head first, then runs her fingers over her chin to make sure she's not bleeding. Her next reaction is to check her shoes. They're new Jimmy Choo's and she'd rather keep them new looking. Her clumsiness is hazardous to her health and her shoe wardrobe. She pushes up off the floor of the elevator, still rubbing her head. That's when the doors slid open and she steps into the main lobby. At the front desk she gets the standard welcome package and immediately starts fiddling with the PDA. Once she gets the video and voice working, she's wearing a bemused, confused expression.]

Hello? I'm pretty sure I didn't order a hotel...resort...thing...

[She pauses and glances out the windows, face scrunching up and nose crinkling]

Aaaaand I didn't get on a plane to the Caribbean but it's a good idea.


Wait...did my luggage come with?

[Acting Out]

Lorne is deformiwhats and used with love. Angel is still_brooding and he's mine so I can torment him however I want

She can hardly keep from laughing and that would ruin the entire thing so she bites her bottom lip hard enough to quell the urge. Even then she almost spits her latte out when he sits down at the table across from her. It’s funnier than even she anticipated.
“Homework?” he asks, gesturing to the books spread out in front of her.

She nods, stalling so that she can answer in a semi normal tone of voice; you know that one that doesn’t sound like she’s about to bust something from holding laughter in. Someone ought to give her an academy award. “Sort of like pre-homework. Spanish class starts next week and I muy suck at it.”

“That’s not-if you need help, Spanish is one of the languages I’m fluent in,” Angel offers.

That spawns a burst of giggles that have no context in the conversation but she can’t help it. A girl can only pwn Meryl Streep for so long. She takes a deep breath, forcing herself to get control of the seemingly spontaneous giggles. “I guess when you’re a really old guy—like a century or so—“

“Almost three,” Angel interrupts.

“Alright, I guess when you’re a really, really old guy, you’ve got lots of time to learn things. You should have gone for medical degree. Edward Cullen has three.” She takes a sip of her coffee, swallowing quickly to push more spontaneous giggles away.

That earns her a confused look. He’s lived with Lucy long enough to know who Edward Cullen is but he’s not certain why the fictional vampire is a subject of conversation right now. The confusion is followed by defensiveness—also a common leap when dealing with Lucy.

“I know eight different languages and I have rudimentary medical knowledge.”

“Rudimentary isn’t going to cut it with me. You know how accident prone I am. I think you need a medical degree or three. Maybe four,” Lucy declares, reaching across the table to pick up a Krispy Kreme donut and stuff half the pastry in her mouth. “Besides, you and Edward Cullen have so much in common.”

“What?” Confusion slash defense is back in full swing. Maybe he misheard her; her mouth was full.

“Angel, keep up,” Lucy insists, swallowing the last of the donut.

“I am not going to emulate or compete with a fictional character.”

The giggles bubble up in Lucy’s throat again because Angel has firmly affixed his bitch face and given his current condition, it’s hilarious. “You’re right. After all, Edward really should start emulating you.”
“Not to mention, I don’t sparkle,” Angel says dryly. He’d nearly had a fit when Lucy showed him the sparkling vampires. The hotel hadn’t been a fun place. Or at least it hadn’t been for Angel.
“Only in my eyes,” Lucy says as she hops up from the table, nearly choking on her laughter. Lorne pushes the kitchen door open and Lucy dodges, heading out toward the lobby.

“Lucikins…what ever-“

“Got to go, Lorne,” Lucy says, air kissing Lorne’s cheek as she brushes past him. Lorne turns his head, his gaze following her then he shrugs and turns his attention back to Angel, his jaw dropping a bit before he recovers.

“Angelcakes, loving the Liberace look.”

Lucy pauses in the lobby, waiting out the moment of silence. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near Angel in the next few moments but she has to stay for the end of the joke AKA Lorne enlightening Angel to the punchline.

Lucy was lucky Angel was a heavy sleeper but she’d been particularly careful anyway. It had taken an hour to achieve the proper coverage with the translucent glitter powder but when she was done, Angel hadn’t needed sunlight to sparkle.

“LUCY!!!!”

An hour well spent.

[Lucy In The Sky of Diamonds]

Even before the plane touches down, she thinks she can smell BBQ, humidity and sweet tea; all things integral to Alabama. Once she steps out into the airport, it all wraps around her like her favorite stadium blanket. Lucy always forgets how much a part of her this place is. She carries it with her in LA but somehow it’s buried deeper there. When she comes home, it all surfaces.

The taxi drops her off because Lucy’s favorite part of coming home is opening the door and being swept up in everything that makes this place home. She can smell the Sweet Potato Pie before she ever gets to the door and the soft twang of country music comes from the kitchen where she can see Christine working. All the windows are flung wide open and she knows without asking that Momma is out in the garden because she can hear her singing to the roses.

Lucy doesn’t say anything when she opens the door and steps inside because it’s almost like she never left. She sets her bag down and tiptoes across the foyer, reminiscent of all the times she’d snuck in after curfew. Instead of going directly to her room, she sneaks into the kitchen and nabs a piece of pie, right out of the tin.

“Miss Lucy that’s for dessert,” Christine shames, laughing and snapping a dish towel at her as she does.

“I’ll eat some for dessert too,” Lucy promises as she skips off, pie in hand—no plates needed—toward the veranda. As expected, Momma is out there singing to her roses. She waves with a pair of hedge shears and Lucy waves back with her pie filled hand. The other hand is reaching across her father for a drink of his sweet tea.

“Princess Lucy, wondered when you were gonna get ‘round to comin’ back to see us,” he says as he reaches up to embrace her in a tight hug.
“I’ll come back sooner if it means you’ll stop squishing me,” Lucy jokes but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She pops the last of her pie in her mouth, brushes a hand over her dad’s shoulder and beams up at him.

“Good trip, Lucy in the sky with diamonds?”

Because he never calls her just Lucy.

“The best,” she responds.

And it always is. She loves coming home to the only place on earth where she is always Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

Things/words/phrases I’ve taught Castiel



*Hook up: As in going out with the purpose of finding someone to have sex with.

*Awesome Sauce: My word. It means something is beyond awesome.

*Hells yeah: he doesn’t like this one. IDK why.

*IDK: Yup I say it out loud. I also say OMG as in the separate letters but that’s beside the point. He figured that one out for himself. Go Cassie!

*Pretty as opposed to fine. I ask how I look and he says fine. No. fine is not a word any girl ever wants to hear. He now says I’m pretty.

*Pop rocks and Dr. Pepper. He doesn’t like to eat or sleep but I yelled at him to stop being so damn creepy so now when I’m sleeping, he pretends to sleep. So the other day I used my super slayer stealth and snuck up on him and poured pop rocks in his mouth. (Yes he sleeps with his mouth open, I told him that’s what humans do. I tried to teach him how to snore. It didn’t take) Anyway, that was my fun for the day. He ‘woke’ up flailing and thinking I’d like put fireworks in his mouth or something.

*The words to ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’. Vintage Brit. Don’t hate she was awesome then.

*Holy Bear Bryant. Let’s be honest here, he needed like a whole lesson in the awesome sauce that is Bama football. He didn’t know who Bear Bryant was. I told him that’s because he ranked higher than him. I got angel glares. It was A-Door-Able.

*Bzzzt=angel rape. I think he just appeases me on this one because it’s easier than arguing with me.

*How to change clothes without flashing the world. You know that whole wiggle thing girls can do and like change under their shirts? He knows that now. He didn’t want to do it but I’ve learned over 21 years that if you annoy someone enough, they’ll either kill you or do what you want them to do. Obvi not dead.Seriously though, what if he ends up in the body of a girl some day? He needs to know these things.

*The Smile Thing. Okay so that’s a work in progress but like when we’re in the car or sitting in the motel with nothing to do. I sit on his bed and like pull the corners of his mouth up into a smile. I think the muscles are just atrophied so he can’t smile. I’m doing that thing physical therapists do to people who are bed ridden so that the muscle build up. I’m working his smile muscles.

[First Kiss]

Kiss meme response for learntofeel

He always looks at her a little amused and a lot confused when she talks about her sex life. It’s not that she talks about it more to him than she does to anyone else but he asks questions and Lucy feels it’s her civic duty to help Castiel understand humans better. After all, how can he save someone when he doesn’t understand them? At least that’s her train of thought on the subject. Whether God or Castiel or all the Heavenly Hosts like it or not, sex and physical attention is a huge part of the human race.

Right now, they’re in a hotel room near Dallas, Texas and Lucy is contemplating going out. She’s standing in front of the mirror in a mini skirt and a slinky top contemplating hair up or down. She makes a face at herself in the mirror, sighs dramatically and lets her hand fall, her hair tumbled down around her shoulders. She steps back toward the bed, flopping down on it on her back.

Castiel looks over at her curiously. “You look fine but I do not understand the trouble and the frustration you go through. You do not appear to be anxious or excited about the possibility of ‘hooking up’.” It’s one of the phrases Lucy taught him and insisted on him using.

Lucy shrugs in response. “It’s a lot of effort for something that takes fifteen to thirty minutes. I mean I could walk stark naked into the club but that’s generally frowned upon.”

“Then I do not understand why you persist on going out,” Castiel continues.

Lucy thinks about it a moment then stands up, slipping her feet into a pair of three inch, platform Loubs. Without warning she walks over to him, one arm going up to rest on Castiel’s shoulder, her hand at the back of his neck. He’s giving her that confused puppy look he does so well but he doesn’t shy away because she’s conditioned him to her whole ‘personal space is bullshit’ philosophy. He’s not that tall so she only has to tip toe a little bit to press her lips to his. She tugs him down deeper into the kiss and he’s strangely pliant—most likely in shock. She realizes this. The shock induced pliancy allows her to make it a really good kiss, deep and soft, her tongue just slipping between his lips to touch the tip of his tongue. She pulls away slightly, nipping at his bottom lip when she does.

“That’s why,” she whispers throatily before turning and walking out the door.

She’s got a hook up to find and now? She really wants to fuck someone who isn’t an angel because while Lucy Locke has no doubt she’s going to Hell, she wants the pent house suite, not the basement.

[How long do you continue to have romantic feelings about your former partner after a breakup?]

“Alright, Lucy, today we want to talk about some of your former relationships and how long you hang on to those relationships after they’re over.”

“We want to or you want to?” Lucy asked. “Because former relationships are never fun to discuss for anyone that used to be involved in them.”

Dr. Love gave her a patronizing smile and nodded agreement. “Alright, I want you to talk about some of your former relationships.”

Lucy made a face, sticking her tongue out at the doctor. “Fine.” In answer she pointed to her tee shirt. It said “Edward Cullen is My Boyfriend’. “I’m still carrying a torch,” she sighed, a pout forming on her lips.

“Lucy, I’d like for you to be serious. You’re not going to get any benefit from these sessions if you’re not more serious about them,” Dr Love pointed out.

“What about this face—“ she gestured with a round the clock gesture to her face “says I’m not serious? Edward and I had something beautiful and special. He bit me. I didn’t tell Carlisle. It was…orgasmic. And then the clumsy whore, Bella Swan came along.”

Dr Love was just staring blankly at her, jaw slightly gaping. “Lucy…you do realize Edward Cullen is a fictional character?”

“Yup,” Lucy chimed. “But the guy I screwed last night, threw up in the alley before he ever got his pants off and foreplay to him was drooling all over my neck. I like pretending Edward Cullen is my boyfriend. He doesn’t puke almost all over you and if he bites, not drools. I like my fictional life and I want to keep it.” She glanced down at her vibrating cell phone. “And that is Cappachino Man. I’m meeting him for lunch. He’s fine with fictional boyfriend. Of course that could be because he hasn’t gotten in my pants yet. Gotta run! Have fun,”

And she was out the door before Dr. Love could actually stop her. He only had one note to add to Lucy’s file for the day: Consider medication.

It was left unclear as to whether the medication was for him or for Lucy.