AN APROPOS CHRISTMAS SONG FOR 2021
(A Parody of the song “Santa Baby” by Philip Springer—apologies Mr. Springer)
SANTA BABY
Santa baby, just slip some SANENESS under the tree for me
I’ve been a crazy nut-job, I fear
So Santa bring me CALMNESS tonight
Santa baby, some PEACE ON EARTH I’d really love too, so true
I want to really make my point clear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney My Dear
Look at all the crazy shits
Tryin’ to get on your Xmas list
This year you should be aware
That they have caused Earth one giant-ass scare
Santa baby, I want some HOPE and really that’s not a lot
For me to ask of you this year
Santa baby, so calm my heart with Christmas cheer
Santa honey, one little thing I really do need
The hope: That TRUE LOVE really surely prevails
Santa baby, so hurry down and hug me tonight
Santa cutie, fill my stocking with WHITE RESPECT, for Black lives
All GUNS DESTROYED is what I ask for
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some UNITY for masks and shots for free
I really do believe in you
Let’s see if you believe in me
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing
MORE LOVE, for mankind who is suffering
Santa baby, bring my Xmas wishes tonight…
Just hurry down the chimney tonight
HURRY—TONIGHT!
ELEANOR’S SELAH ABOUT THE HOPE OF CHRISTMAS
There hasn’t been a time since the evolution of mankind where Earth hasn’t been a scary place to dwell. There has never been a time in Earth’s history when there wasn’t poverty, wars and rumors of wars, intolerance, crooked leaders, slavery, murder, rape, genocide, plagues, disease, premature deaths, refugees, racism, monumental floods, ravaging fires, drought, hurricanes, tornadoes, and tsunamis—somewhere on the globe.
And yet, we are supposed to believe that a baby born in a manger thousands of years ago was/is the hope against all that mayhem. The reason to live. The courage to keep going. It’s almost impossible, and yet, I believe…
There was a time when my life was completely hopeless due to poverty, racism, and abuse—so much so, that I wished every day I had never been born. But somewhere on my journey, the birth of a baby born in a manger gave me hope and vision that saved me from myself and the people who tried to misname me. I was not the loveless prodigy of their concerted evil. I was (and still am) the Eleanor who was not a mistake. The Eleanor who was born to be a warrior, an overcomer, a leader, and a balm of grace through my talents—an addition to the Earth, not a subtraction.
I don’t believe in Santa Claus, but I do believe in the Christmas hope of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
HAVE A HOPEFUL, JOY-FILLED CHRISTMAS, MY FELLOW SEEKERS.
Eleanor Tomczyk is an author and a satirist who is an award-winning voice-over performer. In 2011, she created the blog, “How the Hell Did I End Up Here” which features mostly satirical posts that have thousands of readers around the world—although she was recently banned in Pakistan (for real!). Tomczyk’s three books were featured in a recent book festival: “Monsters’ Throwdown,” “Fleeing Oz,” and “The Fetus Chronicles—Podcasts to my Miseducated Self.” Currently in her 70s and living life like it is freakin’ golden, she is a consummate storyteller and much sought-after motivational speaker. If you don’t believe me, just ask her!
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how the hell did i end up here? 