The Hidden Message

I took a train to Rhode Island this weekend (but they made me put it back – bada-BING!) While there, no fewer than two locals told me, in the space of a number of hours, that Rhode Islanders ranked dead last among the states in terms of drivers’ knowledge of traffic laws. Given that Rhode Islanders’ driving in general may be charitably described as “freeform”, that seemed likely. I got home and looked it up online, and, sure enough, the intarnets delivered…but of course, there were apparently madmen who had influence on the test results. Not that Maryland ranked 44th, in a tie with the District; I get along fine in traffic around here, but have also driven here in rain and especially snow, and the ability of my fellow Murlinders to figure out what in the name of Jee-zuss they are doing with their vehicles under those circumstances leads me to believe that the average performance might have been brought down by those days, or by the Beltway (either) in general. No, the truly mad part was that the Philistine, unibrowed, sloped-forehead “drivers” of Virginia ranked 15th. Did they test this ability from orbit? The entire state is composed of people who think they are too good to drive but aren’t, or people who are actually too bad to drive and do. I fully expect to see crates of ripped-open Cracker Jack boxes by the sides of the unmarked and no-U-turns-allowed roads in Virginia as evidence of where the latest crop of unguided missiles called Virginia drivers received their licenses. Continue reading →

Filed under: various musings | Tagged: beltway, cars, massachusetts, rant, rhode island, traffic, virginia | 3 Comments »