I'm sure that this will come as a shock to few of you as I have undoubtedly posted about it before or bored you to death with it in person but I'm a lady who likes to trim the hedge. Burn the bush, sport a Brazillian or for those of you who don't dabble in subtelties I like to remove my pubes.

All this changed when I went for my first trip to the waxist in the UK. I'm sure if I was living in London I would have had better luck but in my local town I had some difficulty finding a salon who offered this service. Only one place listed it and well the price was prohibitive so it was that I went in and enquired in a small Vietnamese nail/wax bar. The enthusiastic woman assured me that she was a master of scorching lady's earths so I assumed position only to discover that clearly she had never performed such a procedure in her life.

I will not torture you with each intimate detail but pick a way that could go wrong and it did. She stuck bits of wax on certain female bits that need no waxing/sprout no hairs and then attempted to remove them. She burnt Mrs V-jay-jay so seriously that I couldn't pee without agony for a number of days. At one stage I was cutting hairs that had wax stuck on them with a blunt waxy pair of scissors on her instruction.

Now I am traumatised. I've been growing it out to keep her warm in Jolly Ole but now I'm back in Aus and its summer I at least have to deal with a bikini line. I remain unprepared to get back in the chair and have purchased those wee mini cold wax strips. Has anyone tried them? Will I regret this purchase. I'm just doing the edges and I'm not a particularly hirsute woman- should I enlist a friend?

I'm in the UK.

Its crazy and exciting and scary and wierd. Its a big deal moving countries. It aint no motherfucking ride on a slide. Its a whole bunch of hard work and high emotion. I havent slept a full night in at least two weeks now. It really doesnt help that it doesnt get dark till 10 pm here. Its like the sun drops out of the sky for 20 minutes and pops its arse right back up again.

These crazy fucking Brits too think its the height of heat and summer and I'm getting about in a jumper. Today someone advised me to enjoy the sun.. its god damned overcast. These poor pasty arsed bastards. On the tube the other day we were advised to keep up our fluids on account of the heat. I assure you its NOT HOT.

Anyway enough with the complaining, I'm having an adventure. The UK is cool, especially London. They just pack maximum cool into the city blocks. There is no pause for breath. I really enjoy it. Its so fucking interesting.

I'm now in Portsmouth. Its a trip. Its steeped in naval history and tradition. The navy continues to be the lifeblood of the town as best as I can ascertain and its interesting to be a part of that all be it through association. The HMS Victory is here and the Mary Rose. I need more time though to check it out.

My life is hyper-strange. One second I think I'm taking a bit of a punt following love and having a European adventure -next second I'm sitting in the Australia high commision in London being told my allowance for household cleaners. I have fallen down the rabbit hole.

Its not all government allowances and fucking unicorns however. The money we needed to raise to get me to art school has fallen through and its looking like I'm going to have to turn down my place. I am eligible for the masters program however and they suggested to me they'd accept me but I'll have to bust a hump to raise the cash and it looks highly unlikely I'll study until late 2007. Please cross your fingers for me. I need to obtain a Maltese passport, a high paying job and a place hopefully with some scholarship money.

For now though its all about house hunting and international removals and general getting set up and working out how they do things here. Its intense but I'm proud of myself in those odd moments I get a chance to reflect on giving it a whack. My heads spinning to be truthful and I miss Australia and even more the people I'm missing out on. But I pray they're all having a great time and I'm being a big sook.

Congratulations to those of you who have read this far. Its the scattered ramblings of the sleep deprived. Stay tuned for a better rested and adjusted me next update (i hope..)