portrait of the artist as a middle-aged dog

I never post anything on September 11 because I have nothing to say. I don't want to participate in jingoism because I don't want to feed into that "America Fuck Yeah" bullshit that has killed so many men, women and children. This American obsession with war as some noble adventure is a sickness within us that needs to be cut out like a tumor.

Those of you still left here may see me posting more often here. I am getting very weary of Facebook. Even though I have trimmed down who and what I see, it is still too crowded, insular and blatantly like an electronic billboard, something out of Blade Runner. I feel more and more like I am being hammered by a never-ending stream of bullshit infotainment and half-spoken, broken conversations yelled across a TV turned up far too loud.

Facebook is starting to rattle me and create a sort of overexposed, kid-who-ate-too-much-sugar vibrational hyperactivity whenever I get on there. I feel more and more that I am being manipulated into a consumerism that is disguised as social media (which I feel funny about anyway).

I went to a library recently to hear a presentation on Louisiana churches and graveyards, and it was wonderful to be there. The quietness of it was one thing, but the humanity of it was quite another. There were books in shelves, organized and placed there by humans according to a system that was working long before the Internet. (The Dewey Decimal System began to be used in 1876 and is still being used by most libraries in the United States.)

The smell of books also has something to do with it as well. It helps me return to a time and place in the 60s and 70s. To memories of the Gulfport Public Library and spending hours of time there, just walking the aisles and browsing books, one after the other. Sometimes checking something out, sometimes not, sometimes checking out the same book two or three times. (Or more; A Wrinkle In Time got re-read an awful lot.)

I think I am heading up to a point where I am going to disconnect from Facebook for a while, or at the very least, cut back on how often I look at it. I have this outlet, and I don't mind Google Hangouts, but this weird feeling I am getting from Facebook is getting too strong to ignore.

Today's 3 card draw:

The Chariot - Do not lose your focus or your motivation. Remember Krishna and Arjuna; this is relevant in context of the Bhagavad-Gita. Be confident, be assured. However, Victory is a beginning, not an end. The Charioteer holds no reigns, only a wand, signifying the Will that makes his two sphinxes draw the Chariot. "Cultivate the ability to withstand the rigors of what is required. The Chariot requires you to assert yourself and be bold. You may need to look after yourself at this time and be confident in expressing your needs and wants, otherwise you will not get your way." (Brigit Esselmont)

The Star - Hope and healing. Unexpected help. "One Star In Sight" (related to what is above; focus and concentration.) Look above, beyond. A time of healing and peace. Recovery."The Star offers peace and healing and a glimpse of the future. It is up to the querent to decide if they are willing to go after that future, no matter how long it may take them to get there." (Aeclectic Tarot)

"The Star Tarot card brings renewed hope and faith and a sense that you are truly blessed by the Universe at this time. Courage, fulfillment, and inspiration are in your life. You are entering a loving phase in your life, filled with calm energy, mental stability and deeper understanding of both yourself and others around you. This card is saying to you that, over the long-term, you should have faith and trust in the Universe. A better future is waiting for you but in order to reach it you must trust that it is indeed possible.

As it follows the Tower, the meaning of the Star Tarot card suggests that you have endured life’s challenges and have been through a difficult time but you are now open to healing and transformation. Your ability to let go of damaging memories has been strengthened by contact with your true self through these difficult times. Hatred, envy, bitterness, and revenge have burned themselves out and no longer shadow your life or get in the way of your potential for future happiness. You are now also able to forgive and forget so that you can embrace new opportunities.

The Star card is therefore an important card for personal transformation. When the Star appears in a Tarot reading, be open to new ideas and growth. Listen to the still small voice within. You have a strong desire now to find or rediscover a sense of meaning, inspiration, or purpose in your life. You are making some significant changes in your life, transforming yourself from the old you to the new you, and in doing this you are bringing about a fresh perspective on life. You may also be feeling that you are finally honoring the person who you truly are or want to be, rather than simply following a routine that has little meaning to you. There is a deeper spiritual journey that you are going through which is all about bringing greater meaning and purpose into your life and renewing your inner energy. You hope your future will be better than your past. This card is the call of destiny that motivates you or compels you to go on. Your desire is not in vain as you will ultimately find what you are yearning for." (Brigit Esselmont)

Page of Pentacles - Dreams, and making dreams real. Clear plans and actions are needed to manifest.

"The card does not indicate the fulfillment of dreams as much as the initial motivation and energy to begin the process of creating those dreams in reality. Therefore, this card encourages you to begin to put in place clear plans and actions that will ultimately lead you to achieve your dreams and goals. This is a time when you need to be able to apply careful planning in order to manifest your dreams and achieve your goals. You need to remain focused on the practical and tangible elements, keeping your feet firmly planted on the ground and not getting carried away with more ideas and concepts but rather being focused on what is realistic and achievable." (Brigit Esselmont)

The first two are Major Arcana cards; the last one is Minor Arcana. If we take the Past/Present/Future as an indicator, The Chariot could mean victory but a need for continued will to go forward firmly; the Star could indicate that the present is a time for healing and renewal, and keeping "One Star in Sight," knowing that it is up to us to believe in that possibility. The Page of Pentacles, if it is the future, means that dreams and visions are good but plans and practicalities must be made in order to move forward.

The ego is an amazing construct. That's all it is, though.

"I" does not exist. "I" is a construct, and we forget that "I" is a construct. It is a convenient fiction that we use to communicate with one another. It is sort of a place-marker as well, a milestone in the old sense of a stone that marked the distance between one mile and another.

Or maybe a better analogy is to say that our ego is a bookmark. Here is where we are in this story, in this place, at this time, but there is story before and story after, and this character is going to be different at the end of this story than they were at the beginning. Maybe not even the same.

Or if the story is a tragedy, or a comedy (which are often interchangeable) the person, that "I," does not change, does not learn, does not grow, and becomes a sad, stuck being. Or that "I" becomes a comical thing that is most useful as an object lesson, some"one" to be laughed at and not by any means imitated.

So when we become unstuck, and lose track of who we are, this is important, because it reminds us that the "I" who we thought we were is not "I" at all, is not even real in the remotest sense. Every day "I" is a reorganization or a recreation in response to what is happening in the world around us, for the most part. The true "I" is not the ego, is not the being named Harold Dlorah or Debra Sue Eusarbed.

Whatever the True "I" is, we are its expression at a certain point in space and time, in response to stimuli and circumstances. Whatever is experiencing this existence is the True "I" and most often what we feel to be ourselves is not our Self at all.

We apparently need reminders from time to time that we are not who we believe we are, that Harold Dlorah and Debra Sue Eusarbed are only characters in a tale that is still being written and played out on a stage far larger and more complex than we can imagine or behold. And behind every character is the same Author who is not One but Many, and who is not Many, but One and None.

It is wise to remember not to take the ego too seriously or believe in it implicitly, because when we lean in to take a look at it, it vanishes like the magician's assistant; there but not there. Somewhere? Perhaps? Behind the curtain, under the false floor or reflected in the mirror or, or, or? She was there, now she is not, now she returns again. Where was she?

By going away, she becomes someone else. The magician's assistant is not the same person who stepped into the magic box; she is changed because she underwent transformation, she was there and not-there at the same time. In a way she is more mysterious than the magician. Who is she? She is the one who was not there, and is there again now; One and None.

No, I haven’t lost my mind. Kim Davis’ actions are foolish and against the law, and as such she has rightly come under public censure. It’s her job to grant marriage licenses. She isn’t doing it because of her religious beliefs. That is against the law, and she was sworn to uphold the law. She has broken the law and she will get the sanctions provided under the law.

We have the right to say that her actions, as a public official, are not right.

The part that bothers me is that we now know that she has been married four times and has what could be called a colorful, or troublesome, relationship history. She has been divorced three times, which, as many people gleefully pointed out, goes against Jesus’ teachings on divorce. And it is also true that Jesus said not one word about homosexuality, even though homosexuality was no secret. Certainly the Greeks and Romans of Jesus' day were not quiet about it.

However, I have two questions. First, how did we, as a whole, find out about Kim Davis’ relationship history, and second, why are we so gleeful about it?

We found out about it because it’s a matter of public record, and public record is easy to search, especially online. Google provided the first clue, of course, and people followed up from there because a great many public records are online and easily accessible.

People laugh at Kim Davis’ “secrets” being revealed, but to paraphrase her favorite prophet, is there any one of us, really, who can presume to cast the first stone? I won’t ask for a raise of hands, but how many people reading this have been divorced? How many have had children “out of wedlock?” And how many people reading this, when it comes down to it, have had a relationship history that is spotless and contains no heartache or train wrecks?

Thing is, Kim Davis’ actions should be enough for us. She is supposed to do her job, and she’s not doing it because of her religion, which is against the law for her to do. Really, honestly, that is it.

That is enough to censure her and it will be enough for the state of Kentucky to eventually fire her from her job or otherwise make her do what she is being paid to do. That by itself is enough to get aggravated at Kim Davis for, right there.

She is in the way of progress and she is bigoted. That much she has made no secret of, and so we can judge her by those actions.

The fact that she has been married four times and has a history of bad decisions when it comes to relationships is honestly not our business.

This is the flaw with saying “The personal is political.” It takes only a little further to go before we start making politics personal, and doing the kind of dirty infighting that should not happen. Because, ladies and gentlemen and all in between, it IS dirty pool to use someone’s personal flaws to rag on them in public; you learned that in 2nd grade, I hope. That is bullying, pure and simple. And we are supposed to be above bullying. Aren’t we?

The plague of both the Right and the Left is self-righteousness. People feel that they have the right to pronounce judgment on other people’s lifestyles and personal choices, and going even further, they feel that they have the right to mock other people for those life choices and personal choices. If those of us on the liberal/progressive side of things don’t like it when the right does it to us, then what makes us justified for doing it to them?

Nobody needs to make fun of Kim Davis for being a religious fundamentalist and for making bad relationship choices. She needs to be censured for the fact that she is not doing what she is being paid to do, and because she is standing in the way of progress. Mocking her because she’s been married four times is not really part of the deal.

I would dare say that chances are, the average person reading this has been divorced at least once and has had long-term relationships that ended as total flaming ruins with heartache and anger all around, and quite possibly kids involved. Because as Americans, we are really not all that great at marriage, statistically speaking. It’s pretty well known that half of all marriages don’t make it.

So, before we talk about Kim Davis’ marriages, let’s check ourselves. You don’t have to be a church lady to be a hypocrite.

We also need to think about what gave anyone the right to know about Kim Davis’ former marriages. What actual need did we have for that information? What is it being used for? How did they get it?

Would you want someone to do the same thing to you?

No? Then why is it OK when it happens to people we don’t like?

Part of what is going on here is violation of people’s privacy.

Kim Davis is not right to do what she is doing. It's against the law.

That’s enough. We don’t need to know anything else. But we do. Why? And why are we happy about it?

I’m asking this. What if it was us? What if our secrets were revealed? What if our pasts were made public? Are we that clean and that free of drama, trouble and “sin” that we can pick up that first stone?

Just asking.

Let’s keep it civil, folks.

If anybody tells you that it's great to buy an old house and fix it up and live in it, my advice to you is to beat them to fucking death. Life in prison is better.

A shit day at work made me realize that I am not at all civilized when it comes down to it.

Two people at work infringe on others' rights and there is nothing I can do about it because of politics and hierarchy.

In my heart of hearts, I want to solve it Westeros-style. WITH A SWORD.

"Oh yeah, you want to laugh at people? I WILL CLEAVE YOUR HEAD IN TWAIN."  KaCHONK SQUIRT SQUIRT SQUIRT aagggghhh his breath leaves his body in a squishy last gurgle. Calling someone out is NOT as satisfying as putting a sword down the middle of their skull. I KNOW it is not. Even though I have never actually done that.

This is what Game of Thrones has demonstrated to me, is that I am not really civilized. I watch GoT and do what I call "death kibitzing," which means I talk to the characters and say things like -

"You know, if you had cut that son of a bitch's throat three episodes ago, you wouldn't be in this mess."

In combination with the incident today where I wanted to basically go all Westeros on real-life people, it reminded me that I am not actually all that civilized or good or nice on the inside.

That may be the reason that I watch Game of Thrones; to realize that I am not so enlightened after all and that there is a part of me that would be perfectly happy cleaving some people's heads in twain with a big, hard, sharp broadsword.

Either that, or it provides me vicariously with a reason to watch people's heads be cloven in twain with big, hard, sharp broadswords.
Or shot full of arrows.
Or beheaded.
Or burned alive.

Invasion of privacy? Or beauty uncovered?

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/frida_kahlos_love_letters_from_an_extramarital_affair_up_for_auction_and_t

I predict this particular rant will cost me friends in the Pagan community, at least online. So those of you who were inclined to before, should go ahead and unfriend me now. It’ll save time.

The Pantycon Incident happened when a satirical publication that came out at Pantheacon made fun of Covenant of the Goddess’s extremely lame response to “Black Lives Matter.” CoG decided that “All Lives Matter,” was the better slogan, in a show of astonishing whitey cluelessness. When told that they were being white and clueless, CoG reacted by censuring anyone who told them they were being white and clueless. Pantycon rightly satirized this blunder on the part of CoG.

When asked to explain, the objectors to Pantycon’s satire seemed to say that people might confuse the Pantycon satire for reality, and that people were overheard making racist comments and having racist discussions at Pantheacon, so therefore this was no subject to joke about.

Then, they added, the authors of the Pantycon satire needed to be personally, individually identified, dragged out in public, made to confess their sins in front of all of Salem, and then pressed to death underneath a door and a pile of rocks.

Wait, I mean, made to confess their sins, banished from Pantheacon for life, never allowed to publish anything ever again, and be excommunicated from all of Pagan society for ever and ever, world without end, amen.

In other words, a great many voices, including some leaders in the Pagan community, were willing to persecute the satirists for thoughtcrime. That's basically what it boiled down to. They wanted to ban the Pantycon writers from Pantheacon for committing thoughtcrime.

Does anybody besides me see exactly what kind of madness this is? Does anyone besides me see that this is the path to fundamentalism? Only this time it would be a fundamentalism of enforced inoffensiveness, a humorless, joyless, toothless Paganism that insists on a lockstep conformity to a list of narrow rules.

The rules are designed to reinforce conformity and silence dissent. They do not actually do anything about racism in Paganism, which is a real issue. They do not do anything about social injustice. They do not do anything about sexism. The rules are designed to make sure that everyone thinks the same, and that they shut up if they don’t think the same as everyone else. The rules endorse and enforce conformity and silence.

Censure is the end of discussion and the death of dissent. It ensures that only one way of thinking is the standard and that any variation from that standard is rejected and, as much as possible, destroyed. And censure does not at all address the problem of racism in Paganism.

Killing the messenger - censuring the people who are telling the truth - not letting the little boy who sees that the emperor has no clothes speak up - is thought policing, and creating truth as thoughtcrime.

Do Pagans really want to go in that direction?