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"Surely you're joking, Dr. Wingnut!" Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Jos Dingjan" journal:
March 2nd, 2016
10:27 am

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REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF UNDERGROUND DELVINGS PLC FORMERLY OF MORIA WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED UNDER THE LONELY MOUNTAIN. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.

THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS; DURING HIS REIGN OF FIRE THE CURRENT INCUMBENT OF THE LONELY MOUNTIAN OLD SMAUG SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED HIMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES. THE UNDERGROUND DELVINGS PLC SET UP A CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL AND WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL CHAMBER OF THE LONELY MOUNTAIN READY FOR PROCUREMENT.

HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS MINERS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER TO ASSIST IN THE RETREIVAL OPERATION OF THE SUM OF GD$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND GONDORIAN DOLLARS). HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS; 7. 14% FOR THE FUNDS EXTRACTION OPERATIVE 19. 34% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) 3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES. IT IS FROM THE 70% THAT WE WISH TO RECOMMENCE THE MINING BUSINESS.

PLEASE,NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE ACQUISITION LATEST THREE (3) WORKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THE RECEIPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIOM BY LETTER; GREEN DRAGON INN, BYWATER, YOUR COMPANY'S SIGNED, AND STAMPED LETTERHEAD PAPER THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY'S NAME.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSATION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THE ABOVE ADDRESS. I WILL SEND YOU DETAILED INFORMATION OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.


YOURS FAITHFULLY,


THORIN OAKENSHIELD

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September 20th, 2012
11:20 pm

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Stephen Fry's mysterious letter
Tonight, Stephen Fry tweeted that he'd received a mysterious letter. I'm always intrigued by weird scripts & code, but couldn't identify this at all, nor did I see a starting point for decoding.

Another Twitter user identified it as Shavian, the phonetic/phonemic alphabet that G.B. Shaw inspired & funded.

So I had a fun evening decoding, and I'm fairly sure it says the following:
I enjoyed your series, especially last
thursday's program on the letter "X". Bearing
in mind that we speak a language with fortyfour
phonemes (twentyfour consonants, twelve
vowels and eight dipthongs) which we write with the
twentysix letter version of the roman
alphabet: we waste several letters. Mostly
"x" does the work of "k" and "s". It could be
used for a single sound. Ian Innes Burgess

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April 9th, 2008
09:51 pm

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Breaking the silence
As I was cycling to work this morning, I noticed a blue box parked outside the Royal Albert Hall. A blue box that looked an awful lot like a police box, and therefore a blue box that looked an awful lot like the TARDIS. Surrounding it were a host of photographers, some people from the Royal Albert Hall, and clouds of smoke from a smoke generator.

"Umm, excuse me, what's going on?" - "We're doing publicity for the BBC Proms."

Okay, let's see what's about to happen, then...

link to the video!Collapse )

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July 13th, 2004
10:00 pm

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Bah humbug. Friends-only entries... *mutter* :-)

Don't expect me to actually _write_ anything here, though.

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