cheers to the new year (and new decade)
We seem to find ourselves here once again, at another turn around the sun. I guess that’s what they mean when they say time is linear, right? I remember someone once told me that time speeds up as we grow older. I’m scared because time already feels as if it’s moving so fast that I can’t keep up.
2019 was definitely a year. When I was asked to describe the year in three words, I said “challenging, growth, and home.” The first half of the year was definitely the most challenging part, as I struggled to find work that did not exhaust my body and mind. The second half of the year was challenging in different ways. I had found what I thought would be a perfect job on paper, but actually turned out to be mind-numbing admin work that bored me to tears. But, I learned how to exist in a new city where I knew very few people and was not fulfilled by my job. I started to figure out how to create a fulfilling life—the ingredients that when combined, would bring me the life that I would be most satisfied with. I know that this will be a lifelong process, but currently, my ideal life has a certain balance of work, travel, friends, food, books, learning, and adventure. I know that while my life needs to have some semblance of routine, I don’t want it to become boring or staid. I know that living in New York makes me the happiest that I could be right now. All the parts of the city that I hate, the crowds, the subway rats, the heat in the summer, I can bear because of all the parts of the city that I love—the view of Manhattan in the morning from the M train crossing the Williamsburg bridge, the museums filled to the brim with history and art and beauty, the endless amounts of new food that I can try, the way that there’s always something new to be experienced, both in New York, or very close by, to name just a few.
Although I still don’t have my life all figured out, in terms of the day-to-day that will bring me the most satisfaction and joy, I do know that it’s okay to be where I am. I am learning to not only embrace this liminal space, but to truly revel in it—to love the weird, scary, terrifying place where anything is possible. I know that I want to write. I want to write stories; I want to write about my life; I want to write about others’ lives. I want to share my words and my sentences. I’ve always been scared to say that so definitively, as if doing so will scare away the ghost of my success. As if admitting that I want to write is as good as admitting that I want to fail, since who makes it as a writer? I’ve realized that being a writer looks different for everyone. I’ve considered an MFA in creative writing, and know that I will be pondering this for a while. I am a creative soul and I want to do creative things.
2019 was definitely a year. When I was asked to describe the year in three words, I said “challenging, growth, and home.” The first half of the year was definitely the most challenging part, as I struggled to find work that did not exhaust my body and mind. The second half of the year was challenging in different ways. I had found what I thought would be a perfect job on paper, but actually turned out to be mind-numbing admin work that bored me to tears. But, I learned how to exist in a new city where I knew very few people and was not fulfilled by my job. I started to figure out how to create a fulfilling life—the ingredients that when combined, would bring me the life that I would be most satisfied with. I know that this will be a lifelong process, but currently, my ideal life has a certain balance of work, travel, friends, food, books, learning, and adventure. I know that while my life needs to have some semblance of routine, I don’t want it to become boring or staid. I know that living in New York makes me the happiest that I could be right now. All the parts of the city that I hate, the crowds, the subway rats, the heat in the summer, I can bear because of all the parts of the city that I love—the view of Manhattan in the morning from the M train crossing the Williamsburg bridge, the museums filled to the brim with history and art and beauty, the endless amounts of new food that I can try, the way that there’s always something new to be experienced, both in New York, or very close by, to name just a few.
Although I still don’t have my life all figured out, in terms of the day-to-day that will bring me the most satisfaction and joy, I do know that it’s okay to be where I am. I am learning to not only embrace this liminal space, but to truly revel in it—to love the weird, scary, terrifying place where anything is possible. I know that I want to write. I want to write stories; I want to write about my life; I want to write about others’ lives. I want to share my words and my sentences. I’ve always been scared to say that so definitively, as if doing so will scare away the ghost of my success. As if admitting that I want to write is as good as admitting that I want to fail, since who makes it as a writer? I’ve realized that being a writer looks different for everyone. I’ve considered an MFA in creative writing, and know that I will be pondering this for a while. I am a creative soul and I want to do creative things.
For the past year, I made some resolutions that I kept and some that I did not. I did a good job with visiting museums and incorporating exercise into my daily routine. I read more published works, gave serious thought to what I wanted to do with my life, practiced my Spanish, worked on developing my personal style, and tracked my expenses. My goals related to creativity, of both the fandom and non-fandom related variety, did not work out as much. In making room for reading published works, I sort of drifted away from fandom.
I started dating, which has been an adventure in and of itself. I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s been interesting to meet new people, but I’m not sure what I want out of it, or what my intentions are, but I’m going to keep trying. I’m going into 2020 with an open mind. I actually wrote a piece that will (fingers-crossed) be published soon in an online publication.
For 2020, the new year and new decade, I’m not going to make a list with 20 resolutions, because 20 is a lot and I’m lazy. Instead, I’m going to write a bit about the things that I am looking to do in 2020:
- A big one that I’m hoping to do more of this year is be creative. For me, this has meant many things over the years, but for 2020, I want it to be incorporating creativity into my routine as much as possible. I want to get back into writing regularly, both journaling as well as more structured types of writing. Sometimes, I think that I create this barrier in my mind that everything that I have to write has to be perfect and articulate and important and earth-shattering, and that’s just not reality. I just want to get words on a page, so I’m going to try to lower my expectations about what I want to write. I am going to do Get Your Words Out again, and I think that I want to try the 240 days again. I originally pledged 120 days because I didn't even come close to 240 in 2019, but I’m ready to try again. If an MFA is the route I choose to go, then writing regularly will be a good thing to aspire to do. I also want to get back into photography, to possibly get a film camera and learn a bit about the dark room. I want to create a blog about my love of New York Subway Stations and songs about New York Subway Stations. I want to get a keyboard and play more.
- Although New York feels more like my home than some places I’ve lived, I am hoping to make it feel even more so. I want to make the space that I’m living in even more homey, to put decorations up, clean up common spaces, and make it my space. I’ve treated so many places I’ve lived as transient places, because that’s what they were, but I think that I’m going to be in New York for a little while.
- As I did in 2019, with visiting as many museums as I can, I am hoping to continue to discover new neighborhoods and parts of New York. I’ve been to a lot of places both near and far, but I want to see even more. I want to go to the Bronx, and to actually make it up to the Cloisters, to name a few. I also don’t want to stop visiting museums. I’ve also enjoyed exploring more of the Northeast, and hope to keep doing it!
- I’ve cultivated many new friendships in the city, and in the new year, I hope to continue to grow those relationships. I also hope to make new friends, to build my network of support. Having meaningful friendships is something that I need to have a life that I am happy with. I am also excited to maintain the friendships that I have and to hopefully send at least some snail mail.
- In terms of politics, I still need to find the best way to keep up with news without feeling constantly overwhelmed. I want to talk with other people to see what they do, and see if they have any advice for the best way to stay informed. Going hand-in-hand with wanting to maintain my Spanish, I think that reading BBC News Mundo could be a good place to start. I also want to find some podcasts that have a good mix of both international and domestic news.
- I am interested in cooking more diverse food, in expanding my repertoire and trying new and challenging dishes. First order of business will be getting more spices, and then figuring out what I want to try.
- In terms of money and finances, I managed to track them in 2019, but I want to do a better job of budgeting in the new year.
- I also want to find a volunteering project that is meaningful to the community and to me.
- I want to read 30 books in 2020! I want to read as many of them by diverse authors. I loved the Asian-American lit I read this past year, and hope to continue to do this in the future. I also want to read more graphic novels—I love the combination of visual art and words.
I can’t believe how fast this year has flown by. I’m tentatively hopeful about what the next one will bring— I feel like my “adult” life is settling down into what it is going to be and I’m excited about the kind of life that I’m going to create. Happy New Year to everyone! Hope your year is filled with joy, inspiration, and lots of laughter :)