to a new year and a new(ish) me

As 2018 comes to a close, it seems that the thing to do is write some sort of wrap-up/New Year’s Resolutions post. Sometimes I still feel like we’re closer to 2010 instead of 2020, which I know emphatically is not true, but it still feels true to me. I can’t believe both how fast and slow this past year has gone—I can honestly say that it was simultaneously the most challenging and most rewarding year of my life. I traveled more than I ever have with a group of friends who are like family, and I worked at one the hardest jobs of my life where I would spend 30 minutes lying in bed each morning convincing myself that I had to go to work. Against the beautiful backdrop of some of Eastern Europe’s most stunning cities, from Krakow to Budapest to Prague, I struggled with isolation, and sadness. I know that I grew so much as a person, became more comfortable being me, but it came on the heels of an intensely challenging experience.

At the moment, 2019 still holds all the hope of a fresh year—a place where the possibilities feel endless. I just moved to a new city, which I am ecstatic to be in. Unfortunately, I don’t have a job yet. I have a group of truly wonderful roommates, and am hopeful to make more friends. Despite all the uncertainty of the moment, I feel that this is the right place for me to be. I feel comfortable in a way that I haven’t felt before, even in the town I grew up in. I feel like there is a place for me here, and I know that things will work out.

So, to start out this new year, I’m going to think about the various aspects of my life that I truly want to focus on. Since it’s 2019, I’m going to try to list 19 of them (but that’s a lot so idk if I’ll get there). They may feel like resolutions, and I guess that’s more or less what they are, but I am going to give myself the space and grace to fuck up. They’re not going to be goals with numbers attached, but rather more general efforts that I want to make. I can get very obsessed with number-oriented goals, so usually find more success with a different kind of focus. Without further ado, here they are! (Also, these are in no particular order.)

1. Make creativity a habit - I recently pledged 240 days for Get Your Words Out.
2. Work on pieces of original work - I currently have a short story collection that I want to write about my time abroad in the Czech Republic and a possible novel idea
3. Write fic that is unrelated to fests - although I’ve not written a ton in fandom, what little I have done has been entirely for fests. I want to create more fannish works that aren’t for fests
4. Work on incorporating diverse characters into the stories that I tell - This is such an important one for me, and it’s something that I can talk about until I’m blue in the face (representation matters!), but I’ve yet to actually put my money where my mouth is, as the saying goes. So in 2019, I’m going to work on both my fic and original work telling stories about people who aren’t straight, white, men because there’s enough of that in the world.
5. Find a creative partner or group that can hold me accountable for my creative pursuits
6. Visit as many museums as I can (and as cheaply as I can) - the city I moved to was New York, and there are so so so many museums that I cannot wait to see!
7. Incorporate exercise into my daily routine, whether it be yoga in the morning or going to the gym, or doing pilates
8. Read more published works - after reading strictly fanfic for two years, I started reading published works, but I want to read more! I feel like there’s so many good books that I’ve yet to read. I also want to read more short stories, poems, and non-fiction works.
9. Find a way to stay abreast of politics without feeling overwhelmed, whether it be articles, podcasts, etc. - I’ve struggled with not being completely devastated any time I read the news, and so have (unfortunately) stopped engaging almost entirely. So I’m hoping to find a way to stay informed about politics without feeling like I’m drowning. If anyone has advice, I’d love to hear it!
10. Give serious thought to what I want to do with my life - I know this sort of sounds absurd as a resolution, but I’ve been floating in this weird liminal space where I have a degree, but I don’t know if/how to use it. I also don’t know what kind of work I want to do, like research, grad school, or what. So I’m hoping to, if not figure it out (I probably won’t lol), at least think about it.
11. Make more friends in fandom! - Fandom has been part of my life for a few years, but because of my lurker status, I haven’t made many friends. So I’m hoping 2019 will be a year of new friends <3
12. Find a spiritual community - I was raised Protestant Christian, but I don’t know how much I still ascribe to those beliefs. I do, however, feel a craving to find a place where my spirit feels fed, whether that be through a church or a mosque or a synagogue, or something else entirely.
13. Practice my Spanish - I took Spanish all throughout middle school, high school, and college, but I haven’t maintained it as much as I’d like. I’m hoping to find a buddy who forces me to speak only in Spanish.
14. Get back into photography
15. Reintroduce myself to the joy that is playing piano - I took lessons until I was 18, but haven't played in many years and I miss it so.
16. Develop my personal style - this transitional period has made me question my entire wardrobe, and I’m interested in curating a capsule wardrobe (once I find a job lol).
17. Actually manage and track my expenses - this feels like the most adult thing on this list. Prior to this year, I’ve been spending money willy-nilly, hoping that I have enough. I’m going to make an effort to keep track of my spending and hopefully even manage to save some.
18. Send more snail mail! - There is no joy like sending or receiving mail the old-fashioned way, so please do let me know if you’d like to be pen pals :)
19. Pick up a new creative habit - maybe try arting? maybe knitting?? I just want to learn something new!

So there it is, my 2019 list of resolutions! I can’t believe I thought of 19, but these feel right. I’m excited to see what this new year brings. Happy New Year to y’all <3 May your year be filled with happiness and creative inspiration :)