|
|
|
September 12th, 2006
12:56 am - look! a place for me to hide!
ok so time for me to be emo yet again. but i gotta get it out somewhere right?
its like my third week at butler. im loving college. and couldnt ask for a better place to be. except for maybe...downtown chicago. and i know how determined he is to meet new people, and make a new life, and so am i. im doing it quite well. but i just have those moments when i stop, and think, and remember how amazing this summer was. and how he was everything i could ever asked for and more...and i wonder what the hell i ever did to deserve him, and why i had to lose it. yes, everyone says we could always get back together. but i get frustrated in myself for holding onto that hope, when odds are that won't happen. and im probably just prolonging my sadness. im simply terrified of never finding something that special again. i know thats a little extreme, and i probably just need time. but at this point, all i can do is remember how he made me smile, laugh, and generally happy. those three months are probably one of the few periods of time i was truly and completely happy. everything was perfect. we were perfect together. his family liked me. i liked his family. my family liked him (a feat in itself). every time we were together it was...fun. comfortable. real.
i also fear the classic situation of coming home, him with some amazing new girlfriend, and me alone.
maybe i just need to come to grips with reality
maybe i still need time
maybe im a lovesick idealist
maybe...i should just go to bed...i have a class in 8 hours...
Current Music: jacks mannequin--mixed tape
|
June 13th, 2006
11:07 am - yay im going to hell! lol
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
|
April 28th, 2006
10:11 am - sooo bored
sooo im bored
opening night of brigadoon was pretty good. caitlin's costumes rock
i feel really stupid cuz i didnt have money to buy my shirt last night, and now there's a sea of brigadoon shirts today, and im sittin here in my fiddler shirt, checking to see if pietrie's in the aud every other hour lol.
stupid solos for cte show have yet to be posted. first they said it would be posted later today, and now it just says basically...we dont know, just keep checking back until its up. arrghhh. its not even like i care about it very much, i just want to know
mmm so my cell started ringing this morning, i wake up and answer, and its jimbo telling me hes at my house. im still in bed. so i got ready in 10 min flat. so ive still got leftover stage makeup on my face...and i probably smell...but oh well lol
13 minutes til i get to eat lunch....soooo hungry....
this is such a pointless update
i always say that...
ok hope this interested you slightly...bye
|
February 10th, 2006
10:13 am - i dunno
hey guys...sooo this has seemed like the longest week of my life...and i wasnt even in school on monday....and came late today lol. its just really hard to find the determination to do any work when we've only got like 4 months left....extremely hard....
sooo i have been trying to contact U of I for the past week. called this guy like a dozen times, sent emails, etcetera...basically stalking the music department lol trying to get my audition set up. their last days for auditions are today and tomorrow....so they FINALLY called me back last night, and i got my audition set up for tomorrow. wish i would have known that a little earlier tho cuz i was supposed to go shopping tonight for my villa verone dress, but now i have to make the drive to U of I. hmmm. ahh well. give me 15 minutes in forever 21 and i can find something. that store is my lifesaver lol.
on the upside, i got accepted into depauw and drake's music schools. so lauren will be going to college. and studying what she wants to. always a plus. yay. lol
what else is there to talk about? i have a government test in like three hours that im not ready for. rock on. also went to the gym yesterday and realized ive gained ten pounds since last year. awesome...
speaking of which, almost time for me to go eat lunch lol. i hope you've enjoyed this completely pointless update :)
|
January 24th, 2006
10:17 am - hallelujah!
well even if i cant get to myspace from the school computers, at least i can get on livejournal. soooo im in the first half of my SENIOR LUNCH!!! booyah! except no one has lunch the first half of the hour...so i guess im just gonna hang out in the library every day. aaand give my lj more attention?
so, not suprisingly (just look at my last post), im single again. yay? kinda nice and kinda....not. i mean i do have a tendency to flirt so it makes me feel less guilty about it lol. but it was nice having someone. and he was so sweet....in the beginning. ahh well...life goes on
my stomach's growling....why cant my friends have lunch 4a? lol. im glad tom and i are still friends. i hate those ackward breakups when you never talk to the person again...and avoid eye contact in the hallways and such....eek.
so, damn, graduation is like 4 months away. it seems like the closer it gets, the less excited i am. which is weird cuz its usually the opposite. maybe because senior year is so much more enjoyable lol and makes me question why i want to leave so much. ah well more later cya
|
January 12th, 2006
09:36 pm
damnit. why do i feel the need to torture myself? im driving home from my voice lesson today...listenin to this song....and start crying. why? i dont know. i just....get so...scared. god and i hate it.
so he doesnt say hi like he used to
should that matter?
so he doesnt text anymore
silly i know
so i feel unworthy of his attention
and yet i just...try to forget. and try not to think about it. i mean, come on, im probably overanylzing, and being paranoid...or selfish. who knows
obviously not me
but i keep thinking things will be different after his season's over and finals are over and everyone...gets their life back. or am i just prolonging something, making it hurt more later? DAMNIT!! im so stupid....theres probably nothing wrong at all. theres nothing wrong.
just me. being crazy as always...
|
December 3rd, 2005
09:46 pm
i love days with my sister....quotes of the day:
me: i mean...he slipped in the L word
amanda: if u said something other than 'L word' that would sound wrong
me: ok, he popped in the L word
amanda: that doesnt work either
me: hahaha...he brought up the L word....ooooohhhh no!!
::hysterical laughter::
amanda: ...and i was just like....i have asthma you dick!!
yeah, seeing rent for the third time was just as enjoyable and amazing as the first two times. still cried like a baby. well time for me to go...i dunno...surf myspace. cuz im that cool and have that much to do...lol
|
November 27th, 2005
06:27 pm
ahhh supercool new icon!!! too bad i like never use lj anymore...
oh well....
i still love it!! lol
|
November 18th, 2005
09:25 am - lauren updates???
oh eljay....how i have neglected thee...forgive thy neglectful tendencies, and thy lacketh for attention where it is due...eth....
hey, i didnt sleep last night
so im crazy
im in study hall...except, in the choir room, gettin addresses on the comp for transcript request forms
::gags::
um all my apps are supposed to be sent in by dec 1st. i only have one letter of rec back from the 5 teachers i requested them from....and have only written bout half my essays. you know what that means? my thanksgiving break=app hell. yessss
so the reason for me getting no sleep is goin to see HP last night at midnight!! holla!!! umm...cept i havent read anything bast the third book, and had no idea what was goin on. well, i did from the last movies, but i couldnt take part in those conversations, you know, 'omfg i cant believe they cut that part from the book! what were they thinking??' but it was still awesome. went to dave's house afterwards, hung out, and then went to breakfast at ihop at 5. and had a dance party in the parking lot. to michael jackson. cuz thats how we roll. aaand, yeah, note to self: coffee is the caffinee to go with. red bull=major stomachache
imea district tomorrow. yay! cant wait to sing some of the songs. last year was amazing...so i have high standards lol...
time for me to go get the rest of these address...and text tom...lol
|
October 30th, 2005
06:53 pm
dear mom and dad,
stop bitching at my sister, the most amazing person in the world. shove your psychology up your ass. you're the ones that are fucked up. for thinking that there is anything wrong with her, or that she needs to change anything about who she is. in closing, go fuck yourselves.
im outta here. im gonna go defend my sister against those assholes
*most swearing in a post ever*
|
|
|
