I am very frustrated with myself and feeling overwhelmed. There is only so often I can tell myself just keep swimming.
I am afraid to come out of the goo, though at least now I realize that. I have also realized that I am afraid to write, that sitting down and writing is making my heart pound. But I need to suck it up and just do it, which is easier said than done.

I have finally reached a point when I can tell if my Field Editor is asking for something odd.

Project Scope: Media Card for special pricing to include eText (not previously included) in order to compete with another publisher's offer.

FE sends this request today, "Can we not include the eText in the card the book store doesn't want us to"

My response, "Please double check this as I was under the impression the reason for this project was to offer special pricing that included the eText so as to compete with competitor's offer"

Now we wait to see how they respond.

In other news, while this is no way near the dream job I hate it a hell of a lot less then I used to, and am getting kind of good at it. We have two new members on my team and my team lead is asking me to help train them, which is cool and is also helping me learn.

The teaching is going better too, and I am already signed up for next semester, so we will see if my reviews make that a go or not.

Cute work guy with dreamy Irish accent just winked at me after talking about the project we are working on. I however, don't know him well enough to know if that is flirting or if he is just generally cheeky. The highly insecure part of me (which generally is in charge of such matters) says office cheek, the part of me that wants to overcome insecurity rulling argues why do you always this that.

Granted I haven't looked to see if he has a ring, perhaps next time I will.

Job crankies.

We have a new project type here at work that is a killer. On top of it being a lot of work it's new so info on things keeps changing.

I follwed the instructions I was given to the letter and it of course pissed off my field rep (which I knew it would and which my team leads also were aware it would) and of course the head of coordinating these project just stopped by my office to basically say I shouldn't have done what I did even though yesterday he was the one who told our group to take this action. Why did he stop by becasue my pissed off field editor escalted the issue over his head and the information on the spreadsheet I have been told to use is incomplete.

a)  Don't tell me if the ISBN isn't located on this speadsheet we can't use the book, and then come and tell me that we can use those books even if they aren't on the spreadsheet!

b) Don't tell us to only use a spreadsheet to gather data if there is a remote chance that spreadsheet is not complete

c) Don't come back to me when an action you told me to take has consequences that you should have been well aware would happen.

d) Stick to your guns and push the issues up the chain not down!

My head is in a bad a place today and I know that it is hormones and exhaustion, but that doesn't make dealing with it any better.

I'm hoping typing this out will at least let me vent about it.

I know I can't trust my feelings right now, but they are there and instant and making me feel miserable.

I wish I could just go home and crawl under the covers.

Mostly I feel tired of working towards something and constantly falling short and having settle.

So I did not get into the University of Edinburgh and it doesn't look like I'll be getting the research gig in Papa New Guinea. I very dissapointed about UE, not at all about PNG. At least UE gave me a reason, one I totally get - they couldn't find someone to supervise my research. I get that, while my topic can fall under some larger Anthropology categories the topic is highly specific and if they don't feel they have the subject expertise I understand that and respect that.

So what does that mean?

1. I am fully commited to the 2nd masters I am now taking at Purdue University. This is an online program for a M.Ed in Learning Design and technology.
2. I really need to hunker down on the book so I can get it out by 2013
3. I am staying at the dreaded job, becasue it is slightly less dreadful now and the pay will be good once I become a regualr employee. This is contingent on the pay being more than I am making now as a temp and benefits. Their may even be a chance of them paying for a semster of school as the fields are related.
4. Appy to more PhD programs, namely: MIT (HASTA), Brown, BU, Chicago and UMA

I'm thinking it will be nice to be making the monies again, possibly even more than I was making at WGBH at the hight. I can pay down some debt and get some cash into savings. We will see what they are paying. I am of course still looking for other jobs and have a few irons in the fire I am waiting on. One at the Peabody Museum at Harvard which is a lng shot but would be fantastic so vibes would be welcome towards that.

So it's been a while sense I last posted.

I have a job finally, but I don't like it and it doesn't pay near enough. So I am still living paycheck to paycheck and barely making ends meet. And it wears on me.

I have applied to a PhD program at the University of Edinburgh and plan to apply for a program in New Zealand as well. In the meantime I am starting a 2nd masters in instructional design. This will give me a practical skill in a growing field and means I don't have to pay my student loans yet, which I can't afford. I am also working on turning my zombie thesis into a book.
 
The clan lists for Twilight were announced, and I really want to attend (assuming I am still in the country), but I can not afford it. My mom offered to pay for it, if I pay her back, but we need a new washing machine more than I want to go to Twilight. So, as much as I hate it, hate asking for financial help from anyone I have contacted them about any scholarships or financial help they can offer. We will see. If I do go my list is looking like this in I think this order: Bottlenose Dolphin, Chrysalis, Spider, and either Ibis, Luna Moth or Seal.

So yup, some good stuff, some bad and I just keep swimming.

I had a fantastic dream last night, I'm going to try and put it down here, what I can remember at least. Keep in mind I often dream in 3rd person and jumping from character to character

Setting: Current day but an aggressive aline species is invading the earth

Location: A park in the center of a small city

A young man is very attracted to a young woman and she in turn is very attracted to him. But there is something strange about her, something not quite right. Questions surround her. Where did she come from? How does she know so much about the alines? Why does she seem so different.

Suddenly the alines are attacking the couple along with other people in the area, they seem to be targeting the strange young woman. Everyone is running trying to find shelter. The woman leads them to a building nearby and they run into the basement, which is cavernous like a underground car park. The people demand to know what is going on. The woman confesses that the aliens are after her. She is in fact an alien herself, a princess/queen of another alien species that is at war with the aggressive one. She was sent to help the people of Earth, but the aliens want to stop her before she can.

That is about all that I remember besides some images of space ships and blue crystal like strictures.

Taking a page from songtyger here are shows (plays, musicals, dance review, etc...) that I have either seen or taken part in in some manner.

Shows I have seen:

• Shrek the Musical - PPAC - 2011/2012 season
• Cirque Dreams - PPAC - 2011/2012 season
• Les Miserables - PPAC - 2011/2012 season, as well as other tours
• Rock of Ages - PPAC - 2011/2012 season, & Nat tour in Boston with orig cast
• Radio City Rockettes Christmas Spectacular - PPAC 2010/2011 season
• Spamalot - PPAC - 2010/2011 season, PPAC 2008
• Jersey Boys - PPAC - 2009/2010 season
• South Pacific - PPAC - 2010/2011 season
• West Side Story - PPAC - 2010/2011 season
• In the Heights - PPAC - 2010/2011 season
• The Lion King - PPAC - multiple tours

( Read more...Collapse )

So my thesis is done, and I got my grade back today. My adviser gave me an A!!!!

After all that worry and stress and time and stress and axniety and work and did I stay stress I am done!! Well mostly done, I still have to wait for my format corrections so I can send it to the publisher, but no more drafts to wirte!!!!

Now, I get to start the application process for PhD programs. On the definite list: Harvard, Brown, and NYU. On the maybe list: Temple University, Boston University, Stanford, Yale, and U.Con.


I am now considering going to: the Mid-Atlantic Popular/American Culture Association's Annual Conference

But, I'm not sure if I will be able to afford it. Maybe if I can find a job, or pick up some pet sitting gigs.

I also need to pick up the job hunt, once I get back from vacation I will contact the staffing agiences. Does anyone know of a good one in RI? I have a few I have used in the past but they concentrate in the Boston area.