The life of a horse
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Flare Starfire's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, October 26th, 2011 | | 6:07 pm |
All my listeners, please read this journal.
Hey folks, as promised, here it is. 100 MB is much too large for FA so I put it up on Shirerecords. http://www.shirerecords.com/BW.htmlhttp://www.shirerecords.com/BW.htmlhttp://www.shirerecords.com/BW.htmlThat link will take you to the page where you can download Black and White in its complete form, with all the ID3 tags and track listings corrected. You can also find the link there to the rest of my library from the last 7 years; in total, 102 tracks, 8 hours of listening. Thank you one and all for supporting me over the years; I hope you've enjoyed listening to this music as much as I've enjoyed creating it. Please spread it to your friends and family; it is meant to be listened to. I look forward to playing for you all again in the future! Regards, Flare | | Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011 | | 10:56 am |
Song of the moment
Exile, Vilify http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-Vg2YS-sFE[b]Exile[/b]. It takes your mind...again. [b]Exile[/b]. It takes your mind...again. You got sucker's luck... [b]Have you given up? Does it feel like a trial?[/b] Does it trouble your mind the way, you trouble mine. Exile. It takes your mind...again. Exile. It takes your mind...again. Oh, you meant so much... Have you given up? [u][b]Does it feel like a trial? Does it trouble your mind the way, you trouble mine.[/b][/u] Does it feel like a trial? Now, you're thinkin' too fast you're like, marbles on glass. [i] Vilify. Don't even try.[/i] Vilify. Don't even try. You got sucker's luck... Have you given up? Does it feel like a trial? Does it trouble your mind the way you trouble mine. Does it feel like a trial? Did you fall far for the same emptinesses again? Vilify. Don't even try. Vilify. Don't even try. Vilify. Don't even try. Vilify. Don't even try. Vilify.... ------------------- *shire sits quietly, staring off into the distance* | | Thursday, April 21st, 2011 | | 4:21 pm |
| | Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011 | | 11:48 pm |
Trials
Specifically, Trial by Fire it seems. Absolute immersion in less than desirable circumstances, spreading to all fronts. I am glad that I have gathered enough strength to not only survive, but press ahead in this environment. I am being pushed, mentally, spiritually, and physically. As I said to one of my housemates this evening, one solitary drop can make a ripple that turns into a growing wave, but not all at once. It takes time. There is so much pressure built up in this area, and I'm really at a disadvantage without my piano. I'm using the music on my computer to channel my energies, and my bracers are helping stabilize my own aura in most splendid fashion. I am being tested. I will past this test and many more for the sake of the ones I love, care for, and protect. You can count on that, for sure. I know, because I have all of you. Thank you for being here guys. The music will be back online soon. Much Maahs and Neighs, Flare | | Tuesday, March 1st, 2011 | | 12:51 pm |
Journey of the Acolyte of Water
(Written on the airplane yesterday, on the way to my new home here in the orlando area.) Enroute to Florida, this time to stay. Emotions are doing better than expected, to my suprise. Perhaps I've grown stronger, or perhaps knowing it was coming played into my ability to take the blow. Leaving Equus behind was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Equus and Triangles seeing me off the airport... I must save them. I have to save them. I must use this emotion to drive myself forward and shape the future. The cards are falling in our favor currently and we would be fools not to take every last advantedge we can get here. I have an interview tomorrow, and another general manager interested in meeting me. Not bad for having not landed over there yet, even if they are connections thanks to Takumori and Calafin. I think everyone is as nervous as I am, between my family and Equus. Having a job will be a soothing balm to ease everyone's fears, and give me something resembling providence. Looking down, I can see all the snow in the mountains that got dumped last weekend. Will be the last time I see snow for quite some time. Bringing my snowflake blanket along, though. *laughs* What an irony that will be, snowflakes keeping me warm at night smack in the middle of Florida. Equus would be proud, I think. Been keeping in touch with Nak, Cal and Taku as I fly over. Due to my late arrival unfortunately I probably won't get to see Naketa until tomorrow, but Cal says he's going to try and stay up to welcome me. I expect there will be may many hugs tomorrow and the following days, and hopefully cries of happiness when I land that Autozone job. On the birthday / pokemon front, I want to say thank you for the folks helping out with my birthday present this year, a full Pokemon Black and White gaming setup. Once I have it all together, I'll take a picture to show everyone! Twelve years and counting, this is a huge deal for me to be there first day on release as I have been for every major series release since Pokemon Red and Blue. Moving into the orlando area will give me a chance to start going to a league again, eventually. Being able to start participating in the community I've been so long a part of is a huge thrill for me. Job and stability first, though. Then, rekindling the ties that bind. On the collar front, it seems that will happen tomorrow, probably after my job interview. I can hear the questions now, so I want to address some of them. This collar that I have had crafted for myself is not a collar of possession in the classic BDSM sense. I was in charge of it's creation from beginning to end. I will determine when I put it on and when I take it off. It will show that I am part of the family, cherished and loved. I want the honor of the first to put it on me to belong to my big brother in spirit, Naketa. Beyond that, it will represent the bond that we share and have shared for years as equals, brothers to each other in our own eyes, supporting each other with all our hearts. I would not have it any other way. It is created to go with my light and dark bracers that I currently wear and enhance them. In no fashion is anyone establishing control over me or vice versa- I have no masters and no pets, and it will remain that way. With that said, I can't wait to try it on. Even holding it I could feel a surge of something inside me wanting to get out. I am hoping that with the resources available to me in Florida, I will be able to undertake some training to focus my minds eye and further attune myself to music and to my guiding element, water. As far as my physical being goes... totally need to go to the gym and get my strength going. Need to find out if there's one in the area I can get working at. Then comes either sword arts or martial arts training. This is a new start for Equus and I; I need to use this clean break in my life to fuel my momentum forward. On the music front: I owe work to 5 people at the moment. I am going to be looking into how I want to work my music setup at my new home; I have everything with me already except for the piano. I'm either going to be sending my old board over at a later date or, if the oppurtunity arises, simply getting something local that I can use. I will be returning to production as soon as possible. For tonight, I'm looking forward to checking out my "Sheep Cave", as Naketa and Cal have dubbed it. X) It should be pretty awesome. I've got some pimpin sheets and blankets to decorate with, and I'm bringing some of my favorite Pokemon gear to give myself some storage space. Totally taking a picture of that when it's done! I'll probably post it up on Shirerecords, since FA doesn't do the whole Photography thing anymore. Can it still be called a sheep cave once I'm destressed enough to be a shire again, I wonder? Hehehe. I look forward to having such a problem! I feel like I'm getting very close to having a handle on my dual aspects. | | Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011 | | 5:46 pm |
Scary
 |
Flare took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! ""Needs peaceful surroundings. Looking for relief ..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
| | | Sunday, December 5th, 2010 | | 6:50 pm |
In a jam- long time friends and fans, please read.
Hey folks. I'll cut to the chase- Equus was not able to get enough hours at work this past half a month, and we are going to miss our car payment entirely unless I do something about it. So, I've been thinking about this idea a while before now, and I'm going to give it a try. Equus and I need the help. We have roughly 450 dollars to make up to make this payment, and about 7 days to do it in. You've seen me all across the country this year, performing music from stages like Further Confusion, Rainfurrest, Anthrocon, Furfright, even Midwest Furfest. You've heard me live every Thursday night for over a year- I gave away my entire library to anyone who would write down the address to celebrate being Guest of Honor for Furfright. I sold the rest of my physical CDs at Furfright, leaving me with digital only. I am going to be starting an 8th album, codenamed "Ram Trance" thanks to some friends of mine. It's going to have the work you've come to know so well from me, but it is also going to be an experimental album, working in more modern sounds with the help of my software and my Kaossilator. I am giving here now a chance for you all to shape this concept- to be in it yourselves. What I'm offering: 1) Your own song, in either my old style or the new one I'm working into. You will be able to guide my creative process yourself to come up with something unique to you. 2) A signed and dedicated hard copy of this, -and every- further album I produce, FOR LIFE. I will print hard copies especially and only for these people. 3) Access to all songs I post at their highest quality, as soon as I post them. Notification to be sent via email. 4) For those who don't already have it, or are giving this slot as a gift, all previous albums to be delivered digitally. 5) Your name will be posted in the new shirerecords.com website under development as a major supporter and fan. ETA on the website is 2011. 6) .WAV files will be made available upon request to these people for those who want completely untouched audio. For this, I am asking 100 dollars. Additionally, I am offering my own services as a lounge musician in the following way: If you live within 6 hours of me (I live dead center of California, so the bay area is very well covered) I will come give a private concert for you and your friends, 1-2 hours in length, for 200 dollars. I'm very good at creating a soothing and relaxed atmosphere for people to enjoy, come together and chill, draw art, or just mellow out. All equipment provided, just give me a place to set up and play. If you do not live within 6 hours of me, I am offering the same service at any convention I am going to for room parties- please check with me in advance. Tentatively I am looking at going to any of the conventions previously listed, and if multiple people request the same one it becomes more easy for me to fill those particular requests. Regular music commissions are still 50 dollars, and can be done on any topic or person if you are not interested in the perks listed above for the next album. If any of this is of interest to you, or you have questions, please email me at flare@shirerecords.com or note me on FA at FlareStarfire. Regardless, thank you for being my fans, my listeners, my friends- I hope you will continue to enjoy the sounds I put out both now and into the future. If you could, please point other people to my journal hear if you know they listen to my music- I have a very short time in which to gather these funds to avoid defaulting the car loan. Also- if you wish to just lend a hand in your own way, my paypal is flarestarfire@yahoo.com . If you are wanting a slot for Ram Trance, there is no need to contact me in advance, and I will be in contact with you directly using the email provided from Paypal about further details. Regards, Flare Starfire Current Mood:  distressed | | Thursday, November 11th, 2010 | | 1:15 pm |
| | Tuesday, November 9th, 2010 | | 12:21 pm |
Strength in Sadness
Music: Roaming Sheep (FF3) All we like sheep have gone astray (Messiah) Belief (FFXI) Week 2 draws to a close, and another leg of my trip is over. Unfortunately, I spent 6 of the last 7 days fighting con crud. It's still barely hanging on but I'm mostly past it, just in time to get back on to the plane. I had much bigger plans for my stay at Berg's house, but they were foiled by severe headaches, running nose, and way too much koffing, er coughing. Toward the end of my stay though, I was well enough to enjoy one of Berg and I's favorite activities: Food~! I got to experience two new places this week. First was a place called Coco's- never heard of them, but they were a bakery style restaurant. Went in slightly skeptical but they totally came through. Wicked high quality food at standard mid-level prices. Definitely a place to visit in the future, the soup was excellent. ( I got to try a lot of soups this week due to being sick. XD) But the winner for the week has to be Saturday night's dinner at On the Border. First time there, and man did they hit it out of the park. I had a hard time believing this was a chain! Right from the moment I walked in the door, friendly greeting from the staff, all cheerful, like they enjoyed working there. Not forced at all; everyone seemed genuinely at least content, if not happy. Highly unusual for any restaurant I've been in, period. Great atmosphere. Then we actually got to the table, and I got to have cherry coke bar style- grenadine and cherries! Along with the chips they brought us at the start, which we ended up getting some "queso" for as the provided salsa actually had a ton of kick to it. Glad we did though, as the queso was amazing. Looking at the menu, I couldn't decide what to have because there were at least four different items on the menu that I'd never seen before that sounded good. The waitress helped me out with some recommendations and the night continued. I ended up going with bacon ranch chicken fajitas, and Berg and I shared a plate of steak quesadillas (billed as an appetizer, it would constitute a meal on its own anywhere else.). When my food arrived, I was shocked again- it was arranged and presented -beautifully-. Presentation? In a mexican restaurant?? A chef that actually cared and designed his plates? I was sold before I took a bite and it was heaven. One of those experiences where you make a point to leave a big tip and thank the crew. I'm totally bringing Equus here, because he needs to experience this too. Knocked it out of the park, grand slam. On the Border, Milpitas CA, my hat (sombrero?) is off to you. Very well done! My other order of business that almost didn't happen this week was to make a tail for my new rammyness. We were able to get to a Jo-anns on Saturday, and got some nice fluffy fabrics to use. I had put an email out to BAF and Fursuit looking for some crafting advice and help. I got a reply from Jovino of Bunnywarez Oakland (www.bunnywarez.com, go see their awesome hand made kigirumi!) and at the last minute, was able to arrange a visit with Berg to the Bunnywarez studio to see if I could manage to craft. Instead, I got to see something much, much more awesome- inspiration in action. I've said it elsewhere, but Jovino is a wizard with thread and cloth. We ended up abandoning my tail attempt that I had brought with me as I watched Jovino go from a sketch, to panel forms, to a 3D mockup in literally minutes. The man sketches finished objects in his head and just brings them to life freehand, it's like nothing I've ever seen. I felt privledged to be able to see his creative process up close. I started spinning up some of my own music to work by, and we just went. Jovino recalled having a prototype ram horn pattern that never went into production, so we decided to see what we could do with that, freestyling off Bunnywarez's existing hat pattern. You can see the results over at http://www.furaffinity.net/user/flarestarfire - in two hours, Jovino created a prototype Ram partial; horns, ears, and a tail, professionally done. The tail even squeaks, it's so cute! We couldn't get over it. ^^ It was such a relaxing experience trading stories and ideas, and I've already got the green light to return with my piano and do a live show from Bunnywarez. It's going to be fantastic, it's a really great environment to get creative in. Thanks again so much, Jovino! The prototypes will be going for their first convention test at MFF, later this month. Coming up in the immediate future though, is 11 days in Houston with the arcanine in my life, Cinder! Not sure what we'll be doing other than relaxing, having neat food, writing, musicing, arting, maybe even hitting a ren fair :) I'll be with Cinder though... the rest is minor details after how awesome things went at Anthrocon. This is one of the more wacky things I've done, but even as I'm totally nervous, I'm running forward full steam. Cinder and I have been kept apart by real life a lot lately (as real life tends to do) so being able to not have to "catch" each other online for a week and a half is going to be downright luxurious. After that, it's off to another really awesome friend of mine, Tiptoe the Rat and in the background, MFF. XD For those keeping track by the way, there will be one, probably two shows of Equine Musicianship from Cinder's place. :) I got to catch up with another of my closer friends that hadn't talked to yet since my transformation, and he had a couple interesting things to say. He felt that I was opening up, blooming perhaps like a flower, although he certainly likes me as the subby shire he always knew. X) *the ram snickers* That horse is still around, mind you. I know where he's coming from though. I feel so liberated living like this...like just starting to breathe again. I will absolutely continue my direction, and embrace it wholeheartedly. I could do no less to honor both myself and the people who have stood behind me so long and continue to do so. Thanks everyone! I'll see you at MFF! | | Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010 | | 3:53 pm |
A story and a report from the ram
What a week that was... words to describe it (as usual, of late) are hard to come by. Flight from SJC to BDL was uneventful- my thanks to Berg for getting me there from his house. You know you're headed to Furfright when the first order of business in CT is to purchase a new toilet seat! *laughs* Big brother Belic was his usual awesome self. I got to help by putting together the candy / cookie bags for the dealers. I hope they enjoyed all of them! I got to eat a couple myself, and they were great. ^^ Belic's reciepe was spot on. Mmmm, butterscotch ^^ I was really worried (heaven knows why, my brother loves me) about having to tell Belic about me turning into Zeryx. As it is, I got to tell the story to Belic, K'gra, Slide, and Tama. They were really supportive and genuinely interested about what all was going down. So to that end, let me explain to all of you, my fans, listeners and readers, just what's been going down for the last six months. Our story begins many years back, and some of you already know this part. During my junior year in high school, my mind started reacting strangely around 5 particular people. The thoughts were violent, much unlike my personality and I wanted no part in them. I went to my counselor who'd been helping me for the last 3 years, and instead of helping me control the thoughts and learn some mind techniques, I ended up being suspended and turned over to the police with 5 counts of intent to harm. The school tried to have me banned from all public schools, but their case held no water and I was released through an "alvid plea", which says if I'm good for 30 days, the case literally is removed from the system. For all purposes, it never happened and does not exist. It did however have the result of me being put in psych therapy (good) and put on drugs (bad). The drugs had the opposite of the intended effect, polarizing my thoughts instead of balancing them, and I repressed the "bad" side of myself. Later, I would be introduced to furry, and the first time the repressed side of me would see light would be as an unknown figure named "Demon Flare", never given a true name or form. Its first appearance on paper was as a fanged horse, done at one of my first Furfrights I attended. Still a frightening picture to look at. One person, one of my former boyfriends by the name of TOS, tried to get me to embrace this side of myself rather than hide it. I tried, but inwardly, I still resisted it. I wanted people to only see the "good" parts of me, the innocent happy chocolate-flavored horse. I never saw, or perhaps refused to see how this was really emasculating myself from the inside out from the fear that if I changed, people would be upset with me after I was so big on finding what ones true self is. Earlier this year, on a whim I decided to enter Lapseph's "VOCT", which amounts to a competition made out of art trades. I wanted to make myself write, and I chose to use the competition to explore my own mind again as well as giving others a chance to look at what makes the vore fetish work for them. My first round was unspectacular, and I didn't really make anything out of it. The second round though, I was forced to create a villian... what better source than the side of me I had repressed? It became the black cloud creature inspired from Marauder's comics. It didn't have a name or a form, but a feel. The third round, it was time to give this side of me a name, and a form. That was the beginning of Zeryx, the ram. Really, the beginning of me. In the end, I made it all the way to the top 8 of the competition, and my opponent, Arrin, integrated my story into his own. I will be writing the conclusion to my own story since his went on all the way to the finals, bringing everything together. The point of all that is that giving this darkness within that I had repressed a name and a face, it became easier to embrace it rather than fear it. All my self confidence, my pride, my courage... things I had stripped myself of for so long, it felt absolutely foreign to me, and to an extent, it still does. Once I set hoof down this path.. I started to bring the ram out more and more, and little did I realize, I started to change. My mentality changed, my shyness dropping away. My family in Florida came to a consensus, and made a startling remark to me- that it felt to them that Zeryx wasn't so much my darkness emerging so much as it was the real me. Equus, my husband, agreed with them, saying I was a ram wearing a horse costume. *chuckles* That really tipped the scales. At Belic's house, Bear offered to do a reading for me from his animal spirits deck. At first I was a bit hesitant, but I ended up asking for the reading later that night. I've only just found how to channel my own light, combining my aspects into a brilliant blue beacon, but I am glad I did. I asked for guidance for my current situation, and it took quite a bit of shuffling to get the cards to feel right. The 3 cards I layed out were Weasel, Rabbit, Swan in that order. When I first saw the cards, I thought (petty, now that I recall it) "these don't look like anything. No deer, no horse, no ram..." but when Bear started to read from the book what I had placed, the hammer came down really hard. Weasel was the card of intellegence and observation, the keen eye. The underestimated one. Rabbit however, was the card of fear. Rabbit calls down everything we fear most to destroy ourselves. Those who pull the rabbit card are advised to push past your fears, to stop letting fear ruin your life. Swan, the card of Grace and transformation. The guidance from these cards was the most unsubtle reading I've ever had. "You are intelligent. Stop being afraid and embrace your transformation." *laughs* Or, in the more heavy voice, "Stop fucking around and go for it!!!" It was another giant step forward. This weekend I really wanted to get a badge for the ram side of me. Dain was really, really kind in helping me get a couple of them. But the first one we got, was from Jim Groat. It's funny how different people look when I'm not inwardly submitting to them in my own mind, afraid of them. It's like a power swells inside of me and banishes the feelings of doubt and insufficiency. Zeryx at work! Anyhow, the phrase for the badge became the phrase of the convention: "Not a goat!!" We chose this since a few of my friends have been calling this sheep a goat for some reason. >_> We eventually at the end of the weekend ended up with badges from Susan Van Camp, RedCoatCat, Dalia, Jim Groat, and Brendan Roo. But I couldn't stop staring at the badge Jim had made for me. I had hurt my neck earlier that evening and I had some baileys in me, and I was just laying in bed, holding my bracer that represented the ram aspect. My mind couldn't take it any more, and it let go.... I broke down, hard. I wasn't able to breathe for crying so much. The weight of the world seemed to fly off my shoulders, attachments of years finally losing their hold on me. Avon and Dain were both there for me, and I was so very grateful to my herdbuck and windbrother for seeing me through. The rest of the convention I would spend filled with new light, new life. The ram had arrived, and not a moment too soon. Instead of standing in the background, passive, I was active. I was making my own way forward, not afraid, not constrained by "what will the others think?". You will find on FA I've uploaded most of the art I have recieved, and you will note that a couple of them say Zeryx, a couple say Flare, but all of them are of a certain sexy black ram in development. This is intentional. I'll be keeping my name... but I will answer to Zeryx. You haven't seen the last of the shire, either. My stage presence is still going to be decidedly horse... this is what I aspire to be. Back to the convention itself... I was able to raise around 160 dollars between my two charity events, to add to the conventions amazing total of 12,500! I was well recieved at the con, and I didn't injure myself at the fursuit games this time. For the third year in a row, our team won 1st place! I hope next year to participate in my ram suit :) Best moment of the con was Bear handing me the Royal Equine Scepter (tm) and saying "damn you for changing species!" XD Everyone got a laugh out of it. Worst moment was during the masquerade, which my parents decided to attend (and liked!) where Wag did his comedy skit with a horse condom. XD XD Oh man, I died up there next to the stage and several blackmail pictures have been taken. XD Being surrounded by my friends and furry family, I was so at ease. I can't wait for next year! Maybe I'll even get to help more directly :) Back at Belics after the con, my rammyness inspired a couple more artists to draw, which I was flattered by :) It seems that one thing from Florida is still true- I am an instrument of change. Ever since I have embraced that, things have gone very well for this water ram. I picked up a couple of pride braces to go with my water ones, but one of them is one link longer than the other. Going to see if I can have that fixed. I'm returning back to being the "rainbow kid" my mom always called me. Speaking of mom, the treatment for mother's cancer has gone spectacularly. The doctors are of the opinion that her recovery can't get much better than perfect, and she's going to have a clean bill of health for sure. That makes mom a two-time cancer survivor. You keep it up mom, I love you! This is another weight off my shoulders. Being able to share drinks and stories with everyone, my family and my furry family coming together... you really impressed them guys, and showed them just what a family we all are. Heck, maybe next con they'll show up with ears on, who knows? :) So now, ram's on a plane heading back to San Jose for part 2 of my trip, 6 days with a polar bear and finishing up FC business while I'm there. It should provide a nice cooldown period, and the finished pieces from Susan and RedCoatCat should arrive in the meantime. Also... totally making a ram tail while I'm there, hopefully. One last thing. As it turns out, the lettering for the directory I sent everyone to for the Furfright music gift (also known as my entire library in digital form) is case sensitive. So, everyone who read my report can also get in on this- the correct address is http://www.shirerecords.com/Furfright . I'm not leaving it up forever, so step in and get it while you can. Emails are being sent to everyone who signed up on my sheet at the dealer cashier as well. That's all for now! I'll see you folks later. :) | | Friday, October 1st, 2010 | | 9:50 pm |
Who is Zeryx Starfire?
I'm so lost right now, I don't know what to think. I'm so scared to act on my own, it's paralyzing. I need help, but I don't know what help to ask for. Everything has been leading up to this, and I'm scared. I'm so very, very scared..... Scared I won't be accepted. Petrified to choose wrong. Unsure if I have to decide to begin with. I've never given much credit to shifting, but this is tantamount to admission of bipolar, and this is all messing with my head no matter what it is. I need to talk this out, and I don't know where to start or where to go. Just please.... help me.... | | Sunday, September 26th, 2010 | | 2:39 pm |
Rainfurrest, reporting in!
Hello from Seattle folks! I'm posting from my hotel room here at RF, and I must say the weekend has been nothing short of amazing. I want to once more thank the people who helped me save this weekend from the fire, you know who you are at this point. The Guest of Honor dinner on Friday was quite possibly the most classy event I've ever had the privledge of playing for. Tuxes and evening gowns were worn by all staff (I felt very underdressed in my best black jeans and long sleeve black shirt!) but best of all, I got the grand piano in the corner all to myself to entertain folks with for an hour while they ate! The food provided by the hotel was quite good, and the atmosphere of the event was just really smooth. Totally want to do it again. Hotel staff loved my music, and as the waitresses passed by the piano on their rounds I repeatedly got complimented, it was very humbling. *big shire blush* Next event on the list was the variety show on Saturday. The show itself ran on time and ended half an hour ahead of schedule, which is always amazing for the stage crew to pull off so fast. Almost -all- the acts this time around were music based, which was astonishing for me. I think we had all of one comedy skit. My thanks to Bucktown for lending me his piano for the event! Wish ya could've performed with us, tiggy. My song was cut short somewhat due to my eyes fogging up and rendering me blind while I was on stage, but the song I think was solid enough. One of the other performers approached me after I got off stage and told me how she had felt the music... I was very humbled. It's been a recurring theme all weekend, whenever I'm playing something it seems one or two people stop and listen. From a professional standpoint, I have two things to say- Staff looked sharp and for the most part were totally on the ball. Rented uniforms make all staff stand out and look good. I'll be recommending a similar setup to Berg when I talk to him next. Also, assuming things stay and or improve for next year, I want to come. This is west coast's Furfright, and if you like the smaller con feel, this is for you. Bucktown and I's panel got something like 30 people, just to hear us talk about furry music. :) It was really awesome. I very much want to get involved on the staff side of things. I'll be headed directly home on Monday with a semi-local fur that's up here selling badges. Learned a few things here this weekend that I'll keep with me for a while. Also, expect to hear from a certain ram soon. :) Baa..... *the horse grins* | | Thursday, September 23rd, 2010 | | 5:38 am |
Thoughts
On the bus, heading for RF. Equus saw me off at the Merced train station. Waved to me this time, and the gay guys that were in the train with me got a total kick out of it. Listened to them tell stories all the way to Stockton. One of them was a guy in a relationship of 17 years, trying to give his nephew advice on getting into a relationship with another guy. It put a lot of perspective on my own relationship. It's odd... does love become diminished by loving too many people? I fall in love so easily, I have to wonder if I'm truly in love at all, as weird as that is to say. Does it cease to be special if I give it so freely? Does it need to be special to be love? I love many, and am loved in turn by many more than I dare to count. I give everything I have to give and it seems I'm given so much more in return. Is this a bad thing? My mother seems upset by the amount of support I have recieved from my friends, my brothers, my listeners... I see where she is coming from, though. In giving everything, I have left nothing for myself. If everything came to a halt tomorrow, I would be utterly destroyed. I cannot support myself in the slightest in my current position. This is exceedingly dangerous, from a logical standpoint. Listening to Nujabes lately has been very inspirational for me. I want to share it with Bucktown.. maybe I could convince him to do something in a similar style with me as a tribute. "Add a soundtrack to your life and perfect it, wherever you are, feel the groove, keep walking and we can get far".... I don't know why, but this has the same quality as Ave Maria to me. It seems infused with something that I can't put my hand on... just raw beauty. Nothing too fancy about it and yet, there's a lot to it. Mom and Dad want me to move back in with them. The thought scares me, but I can't deny the logic of the offer. My support is nearly 100% east coast based. If I had access to a car it would add even more weight to their argument. But, I lose Equus, and unlike moving to Orlando, I'm seperated from my furry family. A cage, most certainly. My parents are wonderful people, but they are very well removed from modern culture. I would be at their mercy, to be sure. Once I made the move over there, I lose a lot of options that I have over here. But, in the same token, I could create better options working out of my parents basement simply because I know businesses in MA that would love to hire me. I know the new england furs wouldn't let anything bad happen to me, and that's what makes me even consider this in the first place. *laughs* Once I had a car, poor big brother Belic would probably get sick of seeing me! XD The hiring season for retail in new england is right now- but after Furfright I have one more trip to make, and then I have to work Further Confusion once more. This will probably be my last year as lead unless there's a way I can guarantee I'll make it in 2012. Who knows what will change between here and there? Speaking of cultures... I feel very stranded at the moment. I'm not young, and I'm not old either. The culture I left behind 5 years seems to have returned the favor. Everything's social networking now and I'm potentially worse at it than I was in high school. It's a "known problem", as it were. It's probably what puts me on the autistic spectrum if I had to guess at it. I don't know how to fit in with the older set, and well, I'm too old for the younger set now. *laughs* What a strange problem to be having at 27! I can only imagine this is how Equus has been feeling for a while now. The problem is made more interesting by the fact that I can't discern age unless it's really obvious, and I automatically tend to assume people are older / more mature than myself. I just naturally find myself looking up to people half a decade younger than me lately, and not that that's bad, but the thought of it makes me feel a bit silly for some reason. It just goes to show that age may as well be irrelevant, but that puts me back to square one of trying to find the people I fit in with. I've been isolated for so long, I have no idea what my "generation" ended up doing, I suppose! Back to the earlier subject.... I don't want Equus and I to be in the red for ther rest of our lives. But I hate that the only solution that seems viable is for us to split geographically because of the nature of the central valley. We both want out of California, but if things continue the way they are right now, that's not even in the cards. We'll be pinned down pretty much forever. No magic lottery ticket is going to drop into our laps and throw twenty grand at us. We've got another 3 years to pay off the car and then we'd be able to breathe just fine. 400 dollars a month back in our budget a month would be freaking huge, but we can't get out from under it. The car is worth 4000 less than we owe on it. Funny how that works, the value always sinking faster than we can pay it off. I'm sure it'll be worth negative dollars in 3 years. *chuckles* 3 years ago... we should've fixed the Neon. The transmission came out of it in 5 hours. ( The differential literally exploded on it. Ripped a massive hole in the case that has to be seen to be believed, knowing that somehow the car still ran when it went boom. ) Now we just have to pick up a replacement from pick/pull, and we'll have our commute car back and I'll get to learn to drive manual. Ah, music... driving force of my life. Music flows through me like water from a spring. People seem entranced by it, including myself. I hear things that others don't seem to pick on, which is both special, and maddeningly frustrating. It really is like casting a spell. The right tones will wisk the listerner away if they are sensitive to it. I shudder to think what I could do with the orchestra in my head if there were a way to broadcast it. Sound is universal.... you can craft it into a blade to cut deep into the soul, and at the same time, create a salve that can sooth the most shattered of hearts... it all depends on your intent, I suppose. Last note for this journal.... I've been contemplating Zeryx for a while. I think you'll see him again, soon enough. Someone has to lift the sword. Love you all, and hope to see many of you soon, either at RF or as I take the stage as Guest of Honor at Furfright next month. Be well. :) | | Thursday, September 16th, 2010 | | 2:00 pm |
Tonight's Show night! 5 PM Pacific
Hey folks! Tune in for the latest news about the attempt to get to Rainfurrest, and some giveaways and of course, the usual relaxing music! www.shirerecords.com/ustream From 5-6 PM Pacific, every thursday! Hope to see you there! | | Wednesday, September 15th, 2010 | | 10:56 am |
Back home: Rainfurrest situation, and Car Update
Hey folks! Just taking a small break from recovering the house here to update folks. Rainfurrest's performance is in jeopardy- unless I can get a ride up and back, my gig for the GoH dinner is going up in smoke. Xodiac is already in the know, and of course he isn't happy but what can I do? The person saying they were coming from Central Cali and was looking for passengers isn't replying to any attempts at contact. Car wise- we have a new direction. It would cost a couple thousand to put a new engine in Pony, and it's now stuck in Oregon at the moment. However... we have an "out" of sorts. Several years ago in 2007, Equus blew up his Neon. Not so much as blew up as blew out- something caused a hole in the transmission case making all the oil fly out. But... the car runs as if nothing else was out of the ordinary. However, it is a manual. There seem to be a lot of 95-99 Neons in the pick-n-pull sites around us, which my internet research tells me holds the manual transmission we'd be looking for. Picking up a complete transmission, assuming we could find one, would be 130 dollars. Then the car would need to be re-registered, and put on the insurance. However, this would produce a running car for what we expect will be under 500. Taking me (and Pony) off the insurance reduced it to the tune of 100/month, so we will have the resources to undertake this in a short period of time. Then, I would just have to learn to drive manual without blowing up the new trans! *laughs* So that's where we're at. If anyone has a lead on someone going from California to Rainfurrest that wants to split driving duties, please let me know as soon as possible. Thanks! | | Thursday, September 9th, 2010 | | 3:56 pm |
| | Monday, August 30th, 2010 | | 6:35 pm |
Car update: It's beyond gone. First car = no more.
Mech shop did compression checks: Somewhere in the 4.2 miles from the time I started it up, the gasket massively failed. There is no compression at all. Repairs would cost 2-3 times the cars entire worth. Nyte and Hooves will let us store the car at their place (plenty of room) as we figure out what to do. Odds are very high I will be able to return the radiator back to the company, and we were able to return the coil so we are out about 100 dollars on the thing in items we can't return (gas, antifreeze, hoses) The thing is I don't know what to do next. No car- I've been offered a ride home from Rainfurrest but currently I can't get to Rainfurrest. (RF's gig is already paid, thankfully.) This will kill the Antheria gig for me- not a big loss since (unlike RF) they haven't been in contact with me, at all. I should still make Furfright. *chuckles* But now I am carless, and in Oregon. This is rather absurd and scary at the same time. What should I do? What can I do? I'd like to say we can just buy another 1-2k dollar car, but uh, we have no money at all aside from the money we'll be getting back from the radiator. For the next 3 weeks though I guess I'll be free to focus on my music, for better or worse. I really liked Pony though. I'll miss my car. :( *the shire sighs softly* It was a nice half a year. > | | Sunday, August 29th, 2010 | | 8:55 pm |
Car is dead. Need help.
As you know, last week my listeners most graciously bestowed upon me a new radiator for my car. I spent the last week putting it in and trying to bleed the air out of the system- we ended up having to remove the thermostat since it wasn't opening. Everything looked peachy until suddenly the temp gage spiked again right as I was turning onto route 20. I opened the hood, but no steam or anything came out. I put more water in, and it immediately spilled onto the ground- the lower radiator hose blew a seam right down the middle. Now, the place with the hoses, Auto Zone, was 4 miles away. I started walking, but didn't get far before someone offered me a ride down the road to the shop. Good karma! I bought the parts with the leftover money. The shop employee even offered me a ride back since he lived in that direction. More good karma! I set to repairs, and someone stopped again that happened to enjoy working on cars (no joke! He said so himself!) and helped me install the hoses! More good karma! I drove the 4 miles to the Autozone to say thank you to the folks, and everything was running great as I parked the car. Went in, came back out, and so begins part two to our saga: It turned over, but would not start. Since then, it has drained the last of the repair money I was given, with a fuel filter, an ignition coil, a gas can among other things. It turns over great, it appears to have spark, it appears to have fuel, but it will not fire. Being that it was in the parking lot of a car shop, we've had the entire crew looking at it over the last 48 hours and collectively, we are out of ideas and money. I don't know what to do other than have it towed to the dealership and see if they can tell why it won't start. Everything that can be done from the consumer side of things I think has been checked and rechecked. Parents may re-loan me the money I just payed back to them, but it's not a definite. I'm looking for any way to raise funds possible as my back is further up against the wall when I thought we'd be out of this mess as of yesterday. So, still stranded in oregon- I'm going to have to take commissions again just to get out of here. Whatever it takes. Several people had offered to help with the radiator- I can still use your aid. Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. I'd ask for luck, but I'm fairly certain I'm out of that commodity right now. >< Shire out. | | Monday, August 16th, 2010 | | 10:07 am |
| | Saturday, August 14th, 2010 | | 2:32 pm |
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