I'm tired of being tired
(I caught yet another virus, just as I was very nearly over the last one. Clearly I need to learn how to take care of myself better, or something. Because fuck this.)
I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of deadlines which can only shift so much (sometimes not at all) even though I'm ill. I'm tired of having a tired brain (I have what feel like the beginnings of interesting -- and possibly self-insightful -- thoughts about identity and disability and culture and norms, and my brain is too sluggish to finish thinking the thoughts to myself, let alone try to formulate them into a state that I can run them past someone else.). I'm tired of the fact that I slept the weekend away (including a good chunk of the time that I was visiting with friends. To be honest, the fact that I could 'accidentally' fall asleep on the couch was a good chunk of why I was persuaded to go out in the first place). I'm tired of being too tired to easily maintain my normal good cheer (evidently it takes energy to be hyperactive, who knew?). I'm tired of the fact that I want to curl up on the sofa and drowse off and yet I've got too much to get done right now to afford that (that I can have a nap later isn't a useful carrot when I'm tired right now). I'm tired of the list looming off in the murk, containing all the things which can be put off until I have more energy, sitting there and getting longer and longer and I can't do anything about it (because lately it seems whenever I try I end up spending more of that coin I don't have and then I end up right back where I started but more exhausted and how is that useful (answer: it's not)).
Faaaaaaaah. I'm going to go see if there's anything on the list I can kick 'till later and then I'm going to do whatever can't be put off and then I'm going to motherfucking take a nap. It'll be the best nap which ever did nap. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!
This entry was originally posted at http://fish-echo.dreamwidth.org/70700.html.
I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of deadlines which can only shift so much (sometimes not at all) even though I'm ill. I'm tired of having a tired brain (I have what feel like the beginnings of interesting -- and possibly self-insightful -- thoughts about identity and disability and culture and norms, and my brain is too sluggish to finish thinking the thoughts to myself, let alone try to formulate them into a state that I can run them past someone else.). I'm tired of the fact that I slept the weekend away (including a good chunk of the time that I was visiting with friends. To be honest, the fact that I could 'accidentally' fall asleep on the couch was a good chunk of why I was persuaded to go out in the first place). I'm tired of being too tired to easily maintain my normal good cheer (evidently it takes energy to be hyperactive, who knew?). I'm tired of the fact that I want to curl up on the sofa and drowse off and yet I've got too much to get done right now to afford that (that I can have a nap later isn't a useful carrot when I'm tired right now). I'm tired of the list looming off in the murk, containing all the things which can be put off until I have more energy, sitting there and getting longer and longer and I can't do anything about it (because lately it seems whenever I try I end up spending more of that coin I don't have and then I end up right back where I started but more exhausted and how is that useful (answer: it's not)).
Faaaaaaaah. I'm going to go see if there's anything on the list I can kick 'till later and then I'm going to do whatever can't be put off and then I'm going to motherfucking take a nap. It'll be the best nap which ever did nap. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!
This entry was originally posted at http://fish-echo.dreamwidth.org/70700.html.